Advice anyone?

There's a cap in my life that for the last 2 years has had me on a rollercoaster of emotions...

We're friends and I have wholly accepted this, however there has been mixed signals all over the place for over a year including me telling my feelings and them not being reciprocated.
He's now been living away the last while and we have been in touch a lot through phonecalls every now & again, he's confided in me lot over stuff that has happened, one being that another girl broke his heart. I've been a solid friend by being there for him, although it wasnt easy to hear.

Before he left, we had a great night together, I felt very close to him and we kissed.
He sends me messages every now & again saying he misses me.

He's coming home next month and I would like some advice.
I have strong feelings for him but I dont want to sit there and talk about dating when I see him. Its going to be hard for me to listen to but also if there is any feelings on his part, he will back off... but yet I need to be a friend to him.

I know he has told me in the past he just wants to be friends but when we are together, I just know he feels different, the way he is with me and the way he looks at me. Its very confusing...
I don't understand that, if he knows I feel more than that for him, why he confuses the issue and crosses the line so much.

Is it just fun for him?
Is it really game over for us to be anything else do you reckon?

Posted by LibCap
he has told me in the past he just wants to be friends

This ^^^^.

When a man tells you what he does and doesn't want, you should listen.

Yea I suppose the truth hurts.

I cant help but get annoyed then when he always seems to cross that line into flirtation and even kissing me when that's all he wants?

Is he just feeding off the fact that he knows I have feeling for him?

That's makes me mad! When i know a friend has feelings for me, the last thing I do is lead them to think otherwise!

Posted by busyeyes88
@OP. You have not 'wholly' accepted your status as just a friend. You are kidding yourself. You want more than friendship and he doesn't seem prepared or want to offer you more than this. Perhaps he is not attracted to you in this way but sees you as someone to have a conversation and the odd flirtation with. Find yourself a man who will appreciate you. That cap is not the only man on the planet?!!

+1

lots of wisdom from busyeyes and truecap.

Posted by truecap

Posted by LibCap
he has told me in the past he just wants to be friends

This ^^^^.

When a man tells you what he does and doesn't want, you should listen.

click to expand

Absolutely. For some reason or the other, he just wants to be friends with you. That could change, ofc, but if it would, then I'm sure he'll inform you. Do not wait for him. Move on, live your life and be happy. Imo.

Is it just fun for him? Yes it could very well be. I've said before that Caps don't waste any resources and this includes people. If you're available and willing to let him "use" you. He will.

Is it really game over for us to be anything else do you reckon? I wouldn't count on it, sorry. Be careful with a Cap, you can give lots and not have much to show for it. My Cap has had women do a lot for him (move countries, help with finances, put up with a lot, etc.) and he didn't fall in love.

You have to stand your ground and always remember what you want/need. Communicate that clearly and be strong. Never let a man make you forget yourself.

Thanks for the advice! 🙂

I've been dating other people and I have falling for somebody else but I suppose im just a little nervous to see him again in case I get caught up in my feelings again. Its taken me all this time to finally stop thinking about him 😢

The confusion lies in the fact that when we meet we were dating, we broke up after 5 weeks because I was out of a 9 year relationship and wasnt ready to catch feelings, he wasnt looking for anything serious but I unexpectedly fell for him...It was pretty explosive (mainly me being angry because I couldnt trust him) but after it all we decided to remain friends. My other friends didnt believe he would actually want to stay in my life, considering the way I was with him, It was a tough time for me.
After, I would try and forget him but he would always stay in touch.

Over the course of us staying in touch, we went through a phase of being really close, but one night (when my ex hubby was due to return after a year to collect his stuff) I had a few too many to drink and I got upset with him, spewing out my feelings and when they werent reciprocated I kicked him out of my apartment.. I apologised the next day and we said we would forget about it.
However suprisingly, he came to a party couple of weeks after, met all my friends, followed me around all night and later when we were sitting together on the couch with my friends there, I fell asleep next to him and he put his jacket around me and carried me to bed, in front of a few of my friends.

I suppose it stuck with me because it was so sweet, no ones ever done that for me before. I have a close male friend and I know if he did this for me I would question his feelings... but maybe thats just me.

Anyways, I know what I need to do. If I have feelings for him when I see him, I need to cut the chord... Its going to be very difficult for me but Its as simple as that really! 🙂
Also he's going to wonder why I'm not talking to him when he's done nothing wrong and in some way I feel bad about that..

Why did you feel you couldn't trust him, if I may ask?

Well we meet online and I was new to the whole thing. I was only single a couple of months and was looking for a short term thing but when I caught feelings for him, I think in a way I freaked out ....I kept seeing him online on the dating site, on the phone apps...befriending new girls on facebook.
I was out of the dating pool for over 9 years so this whole thing was new to me, and I pushed him after only a few weeks!!

I know now how ridiculous it sounded but I guess I was still a little broken. There was that and his pull back distance thing resulted in me presuming he was dating other people and It used to escalate into arguments! :/

One of the last ones me telling him I couldnt trust him... because in a way i didnt know him, he was so hard to figure out!! I realise now though thats just
his way! It takes a while for the ice to melt! 🙂
I think that's where the friends thing came into it. It still broke my heart though when he said those words to me!

Well, we're just humans, aren't we. 🙂

Thank you for clarifying and good luck with the dating and everything else! 🙂

I'm a Cap woman and well, for me yes, it takes time to warm up to people, observe them, get to know if the relationship is worth going into ... but I say what I mean. I don't play with words, or do mindgames or any 'read between the lines' nonsense. I say clearly what I mean. I've known 2 other Cap men in my life ... pretty much similar to me, but just more aggressive in their manner - like when they want you, they really want you (and sometimes don't take no for an answer) and when they just want friendship, again very clear and when they're not sure ... they still won't play games with you. Well, least the Caps I've known.