advice especially from cap men

Just curious how cap man would react to this scenario. We started off as friends then he was the one who took to a more romantic level. Eventually we went back to being friends although at that point I had fallen in love with him. At some point I did playfully tell him that I had deeper feelings than friendship, at first he seemed open to the idea but then said it made more sense for me to find someone closer (yes, distance is a factor). Because I care about him so much I accepted that we would just be friends. However, as time goes on and my feelings do not seem to fade it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to forget. And perhaps I need some space. So cap men, men in general and those of you with lots of experience dealing with cap men...if I told my "friend" that I need some space and will not be contacting him for awhile...would it be possible to rekindle a frienship later in the future? Or will he never want to talk to me again? I am at a loss as to what to do.

UK... I think the foremost advice from the women on here would be that you should not focus on the labels and just go with the flow, since experience has shown that these guys are sloooooow to give any relationship any thing but the friends label.

If you can't do that though (as I could not myself) then I'd just make darn sure that you're doing this for the stated reason, and not to get him to react/chase you/change him mind bc. they will not work. These guys do not act under pressure and it will get you nowhere.

So, if you really do need your space to get over him, then I would see no harm in verbalizing that intention/wish. You might find that ignoring his calls/contact could work better for you though... you're getting your space but also making him wonder and believe that you're not that caught up in him. That's hard to do though and I prefer being direct. I'd done the same myself recently, and said I'd talk to him in '07 sometime, and you can bet there is no way I'm reaching out any time soon before then. 😉

I agree with CapGirl, but if you make the decision to not contact him them make sure you don't under any circumstance.

My only suggestion is to not allow yourself to get caught up any further with your feelings if you are not mentally ready for what he could possibly take you through, I would also take everything comment with a grain of salt and choose the best action for you, that you will be able to handle in the long run.

LC~ I would not worry about the dating site stuff. I used to get so threatened that the Cap. guy or someone else I met/dated off there was still on there or active, but now that I've actually done the whole online dating thing w/ a profile, I have a different perspective: (1) Just because it says you're "active" or online, doesn't mean much... you can log on for a brief moment and you're kept active; (2) I would just keep my profile up alot of the time for another "fun website" to check for activity/ email, etc.; and (3) most important, I find that actually making a connection and finding longterm potential off those sites is rare; that's why you see so many people still on there. I think maybe you met your Cap. off there? Well, if you've had any number of dates or longterm contact, that's better than most.

SL~ Have you confirmed anything more on the marriage? I have gotten conflicting info. on this "move in" and some info. that points to him still being in his same apt.! I will maybe never know for sure... which I'll live with... he was trying to push me away, whether it's the truth OR a lie.

Naw gals no news, you know that funnest thing is that this man lives like 3-5 min from me and I had all the opportunity to go see if he moved like he said but I feel no need to. There is one mutual friend of ours that I have not seen in a while the one that told me he heard the Cap was in the hospital and I called and he said that was a lie. So when I see him I will ask him did he hear he got married.

The last thing I want to know is that he did not because knowing that he said such an out right lie will probably piss me off, but if it does I can't call him because I made a point to erase is number. I would rather be SHOCKED again if he ever calls, but as for a relationship I don't think I would be in one with him.

I don't believe a relationship should be to much work on one individual, and I feel if I had one with him I would have to make it work and I can't do that.

Amen on the amount of work on one individual. It's just insane. Let me respect your space but then coddle you so you know you're still loved. Let's forget about my needs and focus on your yours. You're hurt about something insignificant I said to you 2 years ago but I should be over your disappearing act of [insert number here] weeks you pulled recently. *eyes rolling towards the heavens* 😉

I like that LWC....LOL

oh don't forget about "you know I work a lot you should be used to it"

Hey CapGal~ Good to hear from you! How did you find out he was stringing several others along at the same time w/ the same approach?? I think that this could be likely in some cases, including mine. I wasn't "putting out" though and was demanding and wanting a commitment, so I got little of his time. I think that he may have decided just to "come clean" and brag about this other girl bc. he;s not getting what he wants from me so no loss in cutting me lose. Also, fits with his new cell number/phone that could be for his secondaries whom he's still dabbling with.

Oh, hey LC, I don't know about that whole deal of the move-in... It ruined any potential future btw. us, so that's what I live with regardless.

Yep, that charm, and innocence at times, I've seen it! Yet I think I myself give off those same appearances, and it is likely the youthful capricorn trait? I've been getting more comments lately that I look like drew barrymore, & I'm thirty-six!

Ooooo, good!! I was worried that it could be taken as you seriously "calling him out" or busting him. 😉

BT~ I do so love your optimism/sketicism/(and bitterness too)! I can't do the mutual friends thing as we have none remaining between us. Detective...haha...I'm pretty good myself, but I refuse to throw any money away on this fool. Out of the few times I've "run a check" on the status of his apt. being available... only once was I told that it was avail. and that was only by specifically asking about apt. number -- . The other times when they've listed off the various units, nope, never mentioned. Weird! LOL I love a good mystery/challenge/game I guess but have to put a limit on what I will do concerning this BS. 😉 Yea... I will go off the radar and just see what happens... He's never been able to let more than 2 mos. go by w/o some contact in either direction. What a joke though; we're 'further apart' than ever.

CapGal... Could be the case. I definitely don't see this guy "falling in love" w/ someone who's not an equal and where he's basically describing her as a "rich daddy's girl", and also can't see him giving up his independence/freedom/bachelor pad when he makes good money to cohabitate if he's getting the basic benefits anyway. Who knows!

Yep, I've seen/heard the same, but kind of in the reverse direction maybe... Using his charms/flirtation with female clients to get their company's business and if desirable, use the business connection as a way to get "in" other places as well, if you know what I mean. lol

So funny... we have 4 cap chicks currently posting about cap dudes, and 2 are on the cap. and 2 are off. LOL There's a song here somewhere...

" Four calm contained Cap. chicks..."
" Three raging but patient (yet one bitter) Bulls..." (there had to have been another around here at some point... WTML, yes)
" Two annoyed Fire signs..." (LWCA, SagAngel)
" And a Scorpio with a nasty sting!" (SL)


LOL 😉

Need RLC and LadyVie's signs, oh and UKSpacey too (Aqua?)... and I can revise or add-on! hahaha

Ladyvie is a rather quirky aquarius (with libra moon and a capricorn ascendant).

"Just a tip for SL and capgirl
How about spreading the word around amongst ur mutual frens that u have accepted the situation. Someting tells me that this will freak him out and he will be the one getting in touch with u for being so heartless."

Well bittertaurus, the thing is when our mutual friends found out I was dating him they were upset with me, to the point where one of our friends, (his ex-best friend) was on the verge of ending my friendship with him....but I convinced him that that was not fair and to let me handle my business I went as far as letting (his ex-best friend)listen to him on the phone calling me and wondering when I was going to come to his house, because the Cap knew that I was at a party with alot of our friends that he choosed not to associated with anymore but I was still hanging with them. When his ex-friend heard him say "when are you coming hurry up" and his ex friend was like "damn girl you got him like that" so that proved to him that I could handle my busines..

And when I broke it off no one knew that I stop seeing him until 6 months later we was at a cook-out and his same ex-friend asked me about him and I told him that I stop seeing him 6 months ago because of his lack of communication, and his ex friend was like yea he always did have a problem communicating to women. I never said anything bad about him and to this day I will never say anything bad.

I am not with him because I choose not to be with him because of his lack of communication, need for conrrol, his moments of depression, how he downs himself all the time. I can't be with a man that I have to continue to left his spirits and make him feel good about himself.

I am a women that is full of pride inside and out and to be in a relationship with someone like that is totally a turn off to me. I need a man that is sure of himself one that will let me be me, and not control me as much because I like to have control also, notto mention a man that is not afraid to express his feelings, and although I find that hard to find I am willing to bend a little.

I could not go asking our friends if he got married..I will find out when the time is right. I don't believe in searching for information because I might find out somthing I won't like or can't handle.

Oooo, I rather feel the same too, SL, on your last paragraph. Something is keeping it uncertain or from being confirmed for me and so I should just let it be and not think about it too much and move on.

Ladies, thanks for the advice. Capgirl...I am a Leo which if you know anything about us it would be difficult to deal with a cap man. Rejection of any kind is difficult and we like/need to be made feel loved, special, secure. So I will do as some of your ladies have suggested and either not contact him or simply not get hung up on the labels of friends, more than friends, etc. What is about these guys?

capgirl

" And a Scorpio with a nasty sting!" (SL)

LOL that's funny....

You think I am stinging him?

I don't think he had my stinger full fledge yet, but if he comes around again changes from marriage to divorce then I'm really gonna get him...LOL

*SL lays low for the next stage of the game*

CapGirl - I'm a Libra :-)