Cap Girls Are Confusing

Quick background, I've known this girl for about 2.5 years now, she worked at a place I was always at, sent me a facebook friend request the same day she broke up with her old BF, but unfortunately for her I had just started talking to someone I thought was going to be "the one"...that turned out well.

After that relationship ended, I did try to get to know her, we had a date one night, went back to my place, hooked up, then she disappeared for weeks. She seemed very in to me. Had another one after that, but it was very awkward and ended with her just leaving. After that, I tried to talk, but she ignored me for the most part. After a while, she would always say she wanted to hang out, but then when the time would come she'd play dead. This happened on and off for a while.

About a year ago, we had another date, I had finally called her out on the fact that she always blew me off, so we went out again. Went very well, hooked up again at the end for a very long time. After that, same thing. Disappeared, barely talked to me, when I was at her place of business while she was there she treated me very awkwardly. Very strange.

Eventually, she stopped talking to me altogether, and I had another short relationship in the spring. Well, after that ended, I was determined to just focus on work, but the Cap and I started talking again. She seemed excited to see me for a trip I was making back to the town where I used to live, where she works, but about a week before I got there and leading up to the day/night I was there, she ignored me again. And has ever since. This was back in July.

The strange part is, she continues to like things of mine on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Will not respond to a single message but always is there in the background. I can't figure it out. I like her a lot, and do regret that things have always not worked out in the past. But, honestly, I have always killed myself to try to make it work, and she has always kind of blown me off. Any thoughts on this? I am very confused by this type of behavior, as it is the polar opposite of what I would do. Thanks!

Shes using you. Move on...

StillWater, not sure. She came over, we hung out, but the "connection" wasn't there, it's hard to describe. Perhaps I over-stated it...it wasn't that it ended badly, just awkwardly. No physical contact, she didn't seem comfortable most of the time. That was more what I meant.

Yeah I'm thinking she might be...but at this point I don't even want anything serious, she was fun to hang out with regardless, and shares a lot of similar interests. I'd hate to lose her as a friend, and as a Sag, I just worry that it was something I did. If not though, you can't win them all, right?

You sags make me sick... Never looking for anything serious. ( Sorry i have a gay friend that was majorly hurt by this attitude by a sag). Ok now that im done venting, you get what you give, if youre not serious why ask her or wish to be more predictable.

I do get it JustASag. I wouldn't know what she is thinking but I do recognize a very Sag thing to do: Getting close with someone on the first date and then expecting to still be friends if it doesn't work out.
Some (read: Most) people cannot work like that.

Chances are she is trying to go cold turkey on you and that's why she is shutting you out.

Alternatively; she is using you.

StillWater, I have thought of that. Although, I feel pretty put-off by this, and really don't know if she's worth my time at this point. Your last sentence, that seems right. And, I guess I get that. I just wish she would have said so. I don't mind having fun with somebody occasionally. So long as she makes that clear. One thing I didn't mention is that many, many times when we agreed to go out/hang out, she would literally tell me she was coming down the road towards my place, and then 45 minutes would go by, I'd say "where are you" and she'd say "oh I'm with my friends" or something like that. Usually after one of those, I don't bother trying to stay in contact. But, I guess, stupidly, each time she comes back into my life I assume she won't do that again. I tend to be that way. Stupid, I know. My last text, sent yesterday, was an apology for anything I might have done, and just asked if there was anything that was happening that was making her do this. No answer at all. Have to say I expected that.

TigerCap, you're right. Unfortunately, that does happen a lot. I don't see it as a negative always, but I know many do. However, I must say at this point in my life, I have restrained that quite a bit. I do pride myself in being able to tell with a fair degree of certainty if someone is at least worth getting close to within an hour of meeting them. I'm usually right, although this isn't one of those times. We were friends long before anything more serious happened, and so I'd say maybe we both made the mistake. Somehow I find myself magnetically (and lately, fatefully) attracted to earth signs, and they all seem to be quick to act, but then pull back as if they've made a mistake. I feel like, as you said, it's as if she comes back after a long time, because she can't help it, then realizes it was a mistake and disappears again. But then why the continued "flags" as to her existence through social media? Wouldn't you want to not get that person's attention? Also, yes the second possibility is definitely true. And hence why I sent that message to her yesterday asking what was happening between us. If I get no answer, I guess I have my answer.

Lucriu - not sure what you mean? I was open to a more serious relationship, she simply disappeared every time I made an effort. If anyone has been the "hit it and quit it" type her, it was her, no doubt. But many Sags do suffer from that for sure.

Posted by Lucriu
Shes using you. Move on...

+1

Also you sound clingy. Let her chase you...

Posted by JustaSag
Quick background, I've known this girl for about 2.5 years now, she worked at a place I was always at, sent me a facebook friend request the same day she broke up with her old BF, but unfortunately for her I had just started talking to someone I thought was going to be "the one"...that turned out well.

After that relationship ended, I did try to get to know her, we had a date one night, went back to my place, hooked up, then she disappeared for weeks. She seemed very in to me. Had another one after that, but it was very awkward and ended with her just leaving. After that, I tried to talk, but she ignored me for the most part. After a while, she would always say she wanted to hang out, but then when the time would come she'd play dead. This happened on and off for a while.

About a year ago, we had another date, I had finally called her out on the fact that she always blew me off, so we went out again. Went very well, hooked up again at the end for a very long time. After that, same thing. Disappeared, barely talked to me, when I was at her place of business while she was there she treated me very awkwardly. Very strange.

Eventually, she stopped talking to me altogether, and I had another short relationship in the spring. Well, after that ended, I was determined to just focus on work, but the Cap and I started talking again. She seemed excited to see me for a trip I was making back to the town where I used to live, where she works, but about a week before I got there and leading up to the day/night I was there, she ignored me again. And has ever since. This was back in July.

The strange part is, she continues to like things of mine on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Will not respond to a single message but always is there in the background. I can't figure it out. I like her a lot, and do regret that things have always not worked out in the past. But, honestly, I have always killed myself to try to make it work, and she has always kind of blown me off. Any thoughts on this? I am very confused by this type of behavior, as it is the polar opposite of what I would do. Thanks!

You "hooked up" too fast probably. Could be one of several things:
1. Either she thinks you're a player and not serious, so she backed off. Way off.
2. You're a player and she was using you to serve her needs.
3. She is embarrassed yall hooked up t

too fast and felt vulnerable, thus withdrawing.
4. When things go too fast, caps get suspicious.
5. Do you have your act together? I mean job, bills paid, etc? Caps like guys that have their ducks in a roll.

You seem like a nice guy and I wasn't trying to insult you. Just questions to ask yourself.

You can only try so much and if the other party isn't into it, then its just not going to work no matter what you do. Maybe don't try as hard next time. Build the friendship, establish trust and hopefully you'll have more luck for the long term.

truecap,

No I understand it's all good. I mean, at the time we were both college students. The few times we hung out/went on dates, I paid for everything, as I always do. Women aren't allowed to pay when they're with me. I know all about how Caps need financial security, and that more or less fits me. Currently, I'm in between jobs but about to start one that will potentially pay very very well, so I don't think that's it. She's certainly not wealthy herself, as a student she's probably about the average you would expect.

A lot of girls, especially Virgos (go figure) have accused me of being a "player", and I do have many female friends. I also tend to attract many female friends. I've been told I'm attractive, talented, and all the rest...however I have never cheated in my life, and never will. I'm not that guy that will go out with his friends and talk to other girls, quite the opposite (if I'm with someone). I will say that she is kind of like the mirror image of me...lots of guy friends, guys want to be with her, girls want to be her sort of thing, very flirty. Not trying to brag at all just trying to give you a picture of what she's like. So, it would be ironic that she would think I was the one at risk of hurting her, but seeing as that has been the case in every relationship I've ever been in (without it ever actually happening), I can see that being the case. Without an answer from her still, I don't really know.

SureShotCap, I can see what you're saying. Honestly, she's always the one that "comes back" in a manner of speaking, I just play along to see how it goes. However, I've never really chased her. This is the first time I've ever even delved into this side of things with her, as before honestly I didn't consider it worth my time considering the way she's acted in the past. But, as a Sag, I have that sickness where I need to know. I want to just make sure I didn't screw anything up. And if I did...well...I already apologized. But I don't think I did. So, it's really at this point just a matter of trying to figure it out.

Lets try that again.

I see what you're saying. Maybe the girls you're meeting just aren't very secure and confident— Probably just their age. Anyway, it was an idea that popped in my head as I was reading this. Sags are very outgoing and friendly, free-spirited, the life-of-the-party types. I can see how the earth signs are cautious even if you're not doing anything wrong. I have a lot of Sag female friends, but I don't know any Sag men so I'm only guessing on this.

I'm out of ideas on the cap, though. Maybe she just doesn't want anything serious.

truecap,

Yeah that's possible. Wish she'd say one way or another though. I guess I expect too much of people. At some point its just a maturity thing and not an astrology thing. I'm also a little disappointed she didn't answer my apology/inquiry text in any capacity, seems a little strange. Oh well.

What you're saying about sags is true, and it goes for men too. I think it's one sign where the women and men are very similar. Of course, sags can be introverted or extroverted, usually extroverted but sometimes we just like to be alone. But the guys I know all have a similar reputation...as players. Some are, but its funny that when you ask people why they think that, they don't actually cite any of the reasons they should, they generally just say things like "He likes to party" or "he has lots of female friends" or "he's talking to a new girl every week" that doesn't mean you won't be faithful, but I can see why some would have that idea. Gets us sags in trouble a lot :p

cheekyfaerie,

I'm starting to think that. Is surprising to me though, as I didn't know Caps were like that, at all.

Yeah makes sense. That's why it doesn't really bother me, I just like people to be honest about what they want...that's the sag in me I guess hah

Just thought I would drop an update here quickly.

Right when I wrote the first post here was the last time I tried to talk to her, the last time we actually communicated was still back in July. That's still true.

However, just a couple days ago she did the same thing as before, liking my stuff on social media sites. It was strange, because I had just been thinking about her and if I should try reaching out again. I have't done anything yet, but I feel it strange that she's willing to draw attention to herself while there's still this unresolved situation (in my opinion) between us. I mean, still the last thing I ever said to her was asking if there was something I did wrong, why she pretty much ignored me for the previous month, and apologizing in advance if it was anything I did. I know that I personally could not ignore that kind of thing, at least if I planned on communicating with that person ever again. But, I'm a sag so obviously I'm different.

Should I try to reach out? Or not? There's a small chance that I might be moving back into her town. I really would love a chance to make things work, but I also am not interested in forcing anything, because that's just not right. She's a really great person, and we get along great...when we're actually communicating. So, I feel it would be a waste to at least not try to figure out where we stand. Thoughts?

I don't see how "liking" someone's stuff on social media means anything other than she liked what you posted. I don't see that as drawing attention to one's self. I "like" a lot of stuff on social media, it doesn't mean I want to get together with that person.

Yet, if you feel you must, send her a PM on social media and tell her you just wanted to catch up, ask how she's been and what's new with her life. IF she responds, then you can tell her you're possibly moving back but don't be flirty and don't hit on her. Play it by ear based on her reaction.

1. If it doesn't go anywhere, you're just being friendly with an old friend.
2. If it doesn't go anywhere, no harm, no foul, no embarrassing awkardness.
3. If it does go somewhere, chicka chicka bow wow! 😉

Posted by StillWater

Posted by JustaSag
Just thought I would drop an update here quickly.

...So, I feel it would be a waste to at least not try to figure out where we stand. Thoughts?

IMO if someone disappears then they like bunch of your stuff o nsocial media, in an indreict way they are trying to remind you of them. I do this...especially when I have felt out of touch with someone. I'll try to come up more in their "social stuff" as a door opener. (i hope they'll say hi first)so that when I do say hi , it won't feel that I am out of no where and it will seem more natural.

It's manipulative but doesn't have to be if the intentions are good and if you know how to handle it. That is really poor behavior towards emotional people though. THAT is why I use my own discretion and I don't do that to everybody. I know exactly which people that if I like their stuff and make myself more visible to them, they will fall head over heels again. I don't do that...not because I don't want to... but because I don't want to mislead them if they are that type of personality who gets swayed by that kind of stuff. Inside I know my intentions are not to stick around so I don't me

click to expand

That's basically what I'm getting at. I do the same thing, honestly. Its like the "first step" towards making yourself visible again. If this was a first time thing, then I would dismiss it as just normal interaction but this is usually the patter with her, kind of like you said for yourself. Every time she wants to be in my life again, this is how it starts. So, clearly something she's thinking about me or something. I'm just wondering how I should react. I'm still not sure she'd text me back if I sent one, although I guess the only way to know is to try. I guess, when you go through this whole routine, and you do that to someone, are you expecting them to reach out to you? Or will you ignore them until your'e ready to make the move?

Posted by truecap
I don't see how "liking" someone's stuff on social media means anything other than she liked what you posted. I don't see that as drawing attention to one's self. I "like" a lot of stuff on social media, it doesn't mean I want to get together with that person.

Yet, if you feel you must, send her a PM on social media and tell her you just wanted to catch up, ask how she's been and what's new with her life. IF she responds, then you can tell her you're possibly moving back but don't be flirty and don't hit on her. Play it by ear based on her reaction.

1. If it doesn't go anywhere, you're just being friendly with an old friend.
2. If it doesn't go anywhere, no harm, no foul, no embarrassing awkardness.
3. If it does go somewhere, chicka chicka bow wow! 😉

I think Stillwater was kind of getting at what I was meaning, read that to get a better idea of what I'm saying. Sorry if it wasn't clear. I was also trying to do like 3 other things when I wrote my post (typical), so that might be the case. Basically, I'm not really trying to derive any interpretation of feelings or anything like that from what she did. However, this is a set pattern that has always played out in the past. After disappearing for a while, she'll start off like this, and then usually I'll reach out to her to see how she's doing. This usually leads to more conversation, and then usually a date or two. And then she disappears until the next time it happens. Although I've never called her out on it before like I did the last time I tried to talk to her, so I'm not really sure what she's thinking right now. That's why I'm debating whether or not to reach out. I'm thinking I should maybe, just to be polite. I'm just trying to avoid more frustration.