Cap Men: FORGIVE & FORGET—

To all you cap expert women who have been following my story

I need more advice from you. This is going to be the longest post EVER but I really really appreciate your two-cents in this. I?m having my highs and lows since I let this cap guy go. Since yesterday, I have been an emotional wreck. You guys must have read the ?letting go? e-mail that I sent him. I think leowithcapandannoyed was right in her analysis. He?s too afraid to ever respond because he thinks of me as something that complicated. I?m going to reiterate my story really briefly so you can get a better idea of my situation. (most of you who already have been following my story may skip the next paragraph)

Things were going really great between us (great connection, I knew he really liked me).. till the last night we talked on the phone, which was amazing (he sent me pics of his house, family, even talked about how he wanted his kids raised). Then he disappeared for a week. I?m not used to people just disappearing like this (this was the first of his disappearing acts, and I hadn?t stumbled across this msg board at the time so I didn?t know that this is just a routine for them), so I panicked and out of my insecurity, sent him an emotionally charged e-mail. Now I had met this guy on a website (not a dating website, mind u, but a matrimonial website). I said in that e-mail.. how other men I?ve met on that website have been genuinely interested in me, but I ?love? talking to him (was this a death threat?) but I?m repeatedly feeling that I?m the one who has to initiate contact all the time. It feels like each time we talk, he pulls me a step closer to him and then pushes me back with the same intensity (was this a death threat again?). Then I said, we can only understand and appreciate one another in time, but only if both of us are willing to make an effort. I wanted to know if he is willing (a commitment death threat—) I never got a response to that letter. A week went by, and being a leo, I grew impatient and restless. So I composed and sent him another short e-mail. This was a funny/aggressive e-mail in which I said that I had found a ?friend? in him and there was no way on earth I was giving up on him. He responded to this one. He was extremely COLD (like he had gone thru a personality transplant overnight), told me he was busy with finals, and his priorities were in order and I was basically feeling the effects of that. Oh and he also asked me not to call him that night (b/c I had mentioned in that email that I would) b/c he would be too tired. I sent him a short email acknowledging his situation, and reassuring him that he could reach me whenever he was ready b/c I wasn?t going anywhere. Two weeks and nothing from him. Until I checked his profile and saw that he had updated his partner preferences during this time (which means that he was looking around). This is what got me furious and I sent him that ?letting go? email in return.

Now here?s my dilemma. It was my first email to him that basically freaked him out. It came off sounding tooo strong, with that whole ?expectations? thing. Which is why when he got back to me on my second email, he mentioned this whole ?priorities in order?. Which means, that basically between the lines, he was trying to tell me not to expect anything from him. And he was right, it was my fault. That email was all wrong. I?m a leo and do a lot of things on impulse, which I regret like crazy afterwards. He probably thinks I?m some emotional freak, which is not true at all. I just couldn?t contain myself at the time. Now the problem is, I?m not ready to give up on him. For that, I need to do damage control. Leowithcapandannoyed u said in one of your posts:

"""""Because you've sent him that long email, back off entirely for a long while with nothing and come back, acknowledge that you understand he's been under a lot of stress, you hope he's doing well, etc.""

I agree with TB. No more serious emails now or in July. Your best strategy is to do nothing now, and if you haven't heard anything and still feel the same even in like mid-JUNE or JUNE, then just call and be lighthearted and see how he's doing and ask him to do something. Forget all of this intense talk, bc. you all are too early on into this and it's gotten very complicated/baggage-y very quickly. That email he sent back was actually a "good sign" - that he responded- hell, he was still processing and thinking about your FIRST email so for him to acknowledge that next one was a sign that he was not opposed to or writing you off on what you'd said in the first one. You get what I'm saying? You've overloaded this guy for the time being.... If you do anything more in a month or two, it can't be yet another lecturing or relationship type talk- He'll see it as more trouble than any "investment"/benefit there to him.

What is a "matrimonial site"—? Sounds like the dude is definitely serious about women? 😉

oh - reread it and I agree to wait till whenever those finals/classes are over, to stand the best chance of getting a positive respone. makes no sense to me either why any person could not communicate/have fun/go out while in school but that's the deal w/ these dudes it seems some of the time. darn that profile updating- i can see why that threw a 'glitch' into everything for you and why you had to send that last email or why you did, but now you can't do any thing further. is this the law student Cap.?

CapGirl:

Yes, this guy is a law student and takes it really really seriously. His bar exam is in mid-July. He finishes his finals next week, graduates, and then is supposed to be taking full time classes for his bar in July. He told me he CONSTANTLY has that exam on his mind. Yes I met him on a 'matrimonial' site, so he's pretty serious about marriage. So am I. We marry young in my culture. He's 27 and I'm 23 which is seemingly perfect. But being a Cap of course, he took things slow. But I always let him take the lead. We started off with e-mails, until he suggested that we start talking on the phone. Then he was the one who was interested in seeing my pics and my family's, and sent me pics of his home and family (which I think is pretty serious). He even said to me, he finds me so attractive, why wasn't I married yet? I told him I was waiting for the right guy. After that we got even more serious, (spent the whole night talking, thats when he mentioned how he wanted his kids raised, and I agreed with him). We were amazed at how we both have the exact same thoughts about everything. And then he disappeared and I messed things up.

Now, for I all I know, I've lost him. My glitch was when I realized that he's actually started looking around. I really doubt that he's going to meet anyone at all to replace me because he's so preoccupied with his stuff, and because of that connection we had(but then with men, you never know) July is really far (I think that should give him enough space, and he should be more relaxed by then, considering he'll be done school). I'm afraid to call him, even then, in fear of rejection. He's totally annoyed at me. But I still want to send him that e-mail I suggested. It's not emotional at all. It's about me acknowledging my mistake, and us starting over as friends, with undue expectations upon one another. Are two and half months a long time for these guys?

Leowithcapandannoyed I would appreciate your two-cents on my situation too. Thanks!!!

Hi,

I was wondering if you have an e-mail address? If you do, could you send a PM to me with the e-mail address?

Mystical

Leo-girl-with-cap,

Yes, it was you I was referring to. I see in my post I only wrote Hi. I'm sorry. Glad you saw what I meant. I will be writing to you very shortly at the e-mail address you wrote. Thanks for writing to me.

Mystical

Leo-girl-with-cap,

I just sent you an e-mail.

Mystical

Mystical,
Just e-mailed you back.
Leo-girl-with-cap

Leo-girl-with-cap,

Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I've sent you back another e-mail.

Mystical