Cap Men PLEASE HELP!!

I'm 43, last day of Libra have more Scorpio attributes. Used to hang out with a cap in high school. 25 years later I move back to my home town and we see each other at a reunion he was married, immediately you could feel the vibe between us but we never did anything because he was married. Periodically we would see each other and he would say things like " Man what a women you grew up to be ". This went on for 5 years until his wife told him it was over and apparently she has done this multiply times, this is the first time he moved out. So he finds a way to contact me and we talk for hours on end, we go on a few dates, he's crazy over me with the whole "we" and "us" and building a life together. A month later where supposed to hook up one night, he blows me off so I go out don't get home till 5A and now I'm not responding to his texts. Finally when I do he get's into " so what you wanna just be freinds" , Me, "okay, really, not a problem, it was fun". 2 days later I get a call, can we talk okie dokie, says I scare the sh*** out of him, just like when we where in school, that I had always made an impression on him. I wants to be with me but he wants to go slow. And man is he goin slow, does all the right things but sometimes I can feel him emotionally disconnect, it's like hot cold, in out. I'm either hot or cold and he's tryin to do luke warm with me. He throws out comments about us building a relationship and a life together but if I make any little comments he gets all distant or blows it off. CAP GUYS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. IM CRAZY IN LOVE WITH MAN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE WITH HIM SO THAT I DON'T SCARE HIM OFF.

Perfectly normal.

Sit back and relax.

Be yourself --- and no crazy.

Sit back and relax, I wish, I could pour this man in a cup and drink him. I just wish I knew what is up with the sloooooooow craw from 400 miles an hour. Am I a hot spot when he wants to get his rocks off or is he really like into me. Very confusing and lots of mixed signals.

Keep in mind that until he's actually divorced he's still married. He's on the rebound and does not want to be in a side relationship while he's married especially if he's attempting to work things out with his wife.

Why are you in love with him so quickly? What has he done to warrant that kind of affection so soon?

I forgot we been seeing each other a little over 2 months.

Honestly been in love with him for years we just never went there as adults, I never told him, he still doesn't know. He was very open with me in the beginning, told me it wasn't a rebound, he wanted me, I was always in the back of his head all these years. He just seems to disconnect every couple of weeks, I see almost everyday, talk to him every day. I don't initiate to many texts with him, I let him take the lead in in the relationship for the most part and he helps me with everything I ask as far as fixing stuff what ever, I just moved into a new place, which he also totally helped with. All I'm saying is he stormed into my life swept me off my feet and then slowed way down.

Even when he's emotionally disconnected he still text's

Even when he's emotionally disconnected he still text's

He's got a lot on his plate right now. Divorce is emotional, mental, nostalgic, angry, regretful, happy, sad, and a whole lot of other feelings. We think we're ready to move on, but we're not. It generally takes about one month for every year we were married to move on and be truly ready for another relationship. Sometimes sooner, sometimes longer depending on the situation.

He needs time to process through all the turmoil and emotion. It takes a while to get back on your feet.

Be patient. Be his friend, but don't be in such a hurry for a relationship. You may be ready, but he may not be.

I don't doubt he has feelings for you, just beware of the emotional journey he's embarking on and give him time and space to process through it.

Posted by truecap
He's got a lot on his plate right now. Divorce is emotional, mental, nostalgic, angry, regretful, happy, sad, and a whole lot of other feelings. We think we're ready to move on, but we're not. It generally takes about one month for every year we were married to move on and be truly ready for another relationship. Sometimes sooner, sometimes longer depending on the situation.

He needs time to process through all the turmoil and emotion. It takes a while to get back on your feet.

Be patient. Be his friend, but don't be in such a hurry for a relationship. You may be ready, but he may not be.

I don't doubt he has feelings for you, just beware of the emotional journey he's embarking on and give him time and space to process through it.

Way better answer than mine ^^^^^.

Maybe I should start putting thought into these things again?

I used to, but no one ever seems to give a damn.

That, and the pool is shallow around here. If you can't beat'em, join'em......ifyaknowwhutimean

I agree with both true cap and cap tenn, I tried to tell him this in the very beginning but he absolutely did not want to hear it, I fought like hell to hold back my feelings but now there just boiling over and ready to explode. I can't bring my self to tell him how I feel cause I just think it's to soon and he's not ready and when he gets distant I get scared he's not coming back emotionally so I put my walls up and I try not to let him see it but I think he sees right through me. I mention this to him last week, somehow we got on the conversation and he said " I'm coming back ". He seems at times almost to good to be true and I just wonder if he really means the things he says to me. I feel like if he was just there for a peice he wouldn't be sleeping at my house taking me out to eat , texting me every morning. I don't wanna loose him, scare him or chase him away. Just not sure why the mixed signals, sometimes I wonder if he just gives me enough of him to keep me around until he makes up his mind about where he wants to be.

He's not there just for a piece. I don't think so anyway.

I understand your fear when he distances. It's natural to feel the way you're feeling. Remember not to take it personally. You'll see eventually that he does keep coming back and you'll learn not to let it bother you. His pattern/actions will be consistent.

Just don't play wifey. He is likely to fall into that if you let him. You're the girlfriend. Don't do his laundry, don't cook all the meals, don't run his errands. Recently divorced men can easily slip back into those roles, so keep it sexy. Keep HIM guessing every now and then. Keep your girlfriends, go out with them often. Let him clean his own house. lol! Oh, my man's needs dusting something fierce, BUT I don't have the ring, so I don't have the responsibility. I'm sure I'll have my fair share of cleaning up behind him one of these days, just not right now. lol! 😉

Sorry, I got off the subject. I tend to ramble sometimes. lol!

Do some research on dating divorced men. That might help you, too, to see the patterns and know what to expect.

If you play it cool, and give it time he will eventually be ready.

If he's not divorced you it's rebound...You do know that right?

Men are not women, they (some of them) are very much capable of leading a woman on, they will and can definitely sleep with you, initiate a relationship, initiate 90% of the communication and check out on a woman emotionally especially if his heart is with someone else, they are fully capable of leading a woman into the abyss of nothingness when they are not fully available and ready for a real relationship.

He's married and it's like you are just completely over looking the fact that his wife left him and all the emotional turmoil that comes with a break up.

He's most likely still deeply in love with his wife no matter how strained the marriage is.

I'm sure he's going back and forth with her mentally and emotionally, attempting to stop the failure, communicating with her, you said yourself this is not the first time she's left him and yet they managed to always get back together, so now they've broken up again they most likely are doing the same song and dance--hating one another, loving one another, fixing the relationship while he rebounds with you.

Be careful! Don't allow how you feel to blur the facts that's staring you right in the face.

I hate when women date married men because it's just emotionally messy, someone is going to be hurt and it's probably you.

If he's not divorced you are his rebound...You do know that right? It's common sense! It doesn't matter that he's says you're not his rebound--if he's not divorced and checking out on you=rebound.

If he's not divorced you are his rebound...You do know that right? It's common sense! It doesn't matter that he's says you're not his rebound--if he's not divorced and checking out on you=rebound.

So what happens if I tell him I'm not into it that he needs to get his affairs in order and maybe down the road if I'm still available we can reconnect. Will I loose him forever, what happens to caps when you do that? My head is saying run girl run, get the fuck outta there, My heart is saying just let your self love him, do it. So it's only for short periods were I'm actually able to let my guard down and let him see me. He has initiated this whole thing from the start and continues to do so, why would he bother with all the in a relationship stuff if it wasn't like that. Why would'nt he just say all I want is FWB, in fact he is the one who declared us together and to be monogamous. What's up with that?

Posted by lovecap
So what happens if I tell him I'm not into it that he needs to get his affairs in order and maybe down the road if I'm still available we can reconnect. Will I loose him forever, what happens to caps when you do that? My head is saying run girl run, get the fuck outta there, My heart is saying just let your self love him, do it. So it's only for short periods were I'm actually able to let my guard down and let him see me. He has initiated this whole thing from the start and continues to do so, why would he bother with all the in a relationship stuff if it wasn't like that. Why would'nt he just say all I want is FWB, in fact he is the one who declared us together and to be monogamous. What's up with that?

It's very likely, as trucap stated earlier, that he has no idea what he wants at this moment.

He is, and will be running the gamut of emotions for a while, and rationally won't know shit from shinola.

If you are patient and understanding of his current circumstances, he will pull his head from his ass in due time. Divorce is tough....even if you want it more than anything.

So what happens if I tell him I'm not into it that he needs to get his affairs in order and maybe down the road if I'm still available we can reconnect.

Posted by tiki33
If he's not divorced you are his rebound...You do know that right? It's common sense! It doesn't matter that he's says you're not his rebound--if he's not divorced and checking out on you=rebound.

TRUE!

I dated someone before my divorce was final (took us almost two years to finalize it) and I insisted he was not the rebound. He was. Looking back now, he was. Luckily, I was his as well, so we were able to stay friends and have no hard feelings, which usually isn't the case for couples.

Posted by lovecap
So what happens if I tell him I'm not into it that he needs to get his affairs in order and maybe down the road if I'm still available we can reconnect.

I don't know lovecap. It's a crap shoot. There are a lot of variables including how he really deep down feels about the wife, whether children are involved, how long they were married, whether he harbors feelings for you, do they have a lot of assets or debts, how long did they separate before, did he date other people when they previously seperated, was the get back togethers just as bandaid for a broken marriage, or were the get back togethers sincere, what their relationship was like, was trust an issue, who wanted out most .... too many unknowns.

I probably wouldn't have this conversation you mentioned because he might not comprehend it and might deny like he denied the rebound (and that's up in the air as well).

Just be careful. Maybe distance yourself a bit, or shield up.

Be dominate and direct, and tell him what you want and expect from him and the relationship. We love power, respect and honesty. Believe me, if he truly wants you, he will bend anything he believes in to get you.

Regardless of anything, the truth shall set you free.

After all this conversation it really just seems like I have to invest a lot emotionally and be patient to see if he's gonna invest at all. Not sure I'm willing to put my self out there like that on a crap shoot. Probably a better idea for me to walk away right now clean rather then later devastated. This is the kinda man I could love with everything I have in my soul. Haven't told him how I feel other than that I have feelings for him and I think it's best I leave it that way. No clue how I will tell him or what will happen. I just can't sit here and take what ever he's serving. He has to serve it like I want it or keep it movin.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
He's got a lot on his plate right now. Divorce is emotional, mental, nostalgic, angry, regretful, happy, sad, and a whole lot of other feelings. We think we're ready to move on, but we're not. It generally takes about one month for every year we were married to move on and be truly ready for another relationship. Sometimes sooner, sometimes longer depending on the situation.

He needs time to process through all the turmoil and emotion. It takes a while to get back on your feet.

Be patient. Be his friend, but don't be in such a hurry for a relationship. You may be ready, but he may not be.

I don't doubt he has feelings for you, just beware of the emotional journey he's embarking on and give him time and space to process through it.

Way better answer than mine ^^^^^.

Maybe I should start putting thought into these things again?

I used to, but no one ever seems to give a damn.

That, and the pool is shallow around here. If you can't beat'em, join'em......ifyaknowwhutimean

click to expand

hey, hey, I give a damn :??)

Reading this gave me a headache, which is a reflection of how you probably act irl/.

@ gv, no not really how I act. I initiate contact with him very little, he has been the initiator since the beginning.