Capricorn Male and Cancer Female?

Does anyone know if this pair has a chance of working?

I've been friends with a capricorn male for 2 years, and we're both currently going through a divorce. He leaned on me during his separation and I was always there to listen to him. We went on a couple of dates and he was honestly moving too fast. I even warned him in the beginning that we needed to be careful. Everything was great for about a month.

All of a sudden he seemed distant. I can't help my crazy intuition from telling me something is wrong, so I asked him. He completely ignored me for 2 days. So I sent him a text telling him I was hurt that I trusted him as a friend and that I was sorry it had to end this way. I was angry that I had finally let myself have feelings for him. I basically said goodbye. Instantly, he responds begging me not to leave, saying he doesn't want to lose me, he just wants to slow things down. I said that's fine, but why didn't you just tell me that instead of ignoring me?

Two nights ago I really wanted to talk to him because I'm obviously going through a stressful time too. Nothing. No response. So I deleted him from my phone and haven't heard from him. I don't plan on contacting him, but I don't know what's going on in his head? I have a feeling he'll come back, but I'd appreciate some input from you all....

Thanks for the reply, I can totally see the cap's point of view a little better. But, I probably didn't put enough information in. He is the one who was needy at first. I mean, really needy. Calling me every evening and talking for hours about the drama with his ex (we were all friends, we went out as couples and were neighbors). He texted me non-stop over Christmas and if I didn't reply within 5 minutes, he was asking what I was doing and where did I go? It was his idea to date, as we've always been attracted to each other. I've never, ever, EVER depended on him to support me emotionally. He'd tell me he was a romantic and wanted to do all these things for me.... I told him not to put all his chips on me, maybe he should date around, and he said no. So what happened, did he just get scared?

I just want to add, I've been burned twice in the last year so I haven't been the typical cancer around him. I'm supportive, but not clingy. Funny, that backfired on me too.

Honestly, I do need to stay away from men right now. It's like they find me and slowly reel me in, and I'm the one who ends up getting hurt. Mr. Cappy is not the first to do it... two virgos did the EXACT same thing. They have not returned. But, with this guy, I have a feeling he will because we've been close friends. Not sure if he will though. 😢

When he said he wanted to take it slow, he added that he wanted to stay "friends" and I said I don't know what that means.... that you still sleep with me and we talk every couple of weeks? We had a long, great conversation that night and then he disappeared again. He wasn't the friend he was before. How do you even go back to being "friends" once you've crossed that line? I don't know.

Thank you for the great talk tonight. You've really made me feel better. You've been dead on about everything. 🙂

Posted by andmilestogo
Does anyone know if this pair has a chance of working?

I've been friends with a capricorn male for 2 years, and we're both currently going through a divorce. ... he was honestly moving too fast. I even warned him in the beginning that we needed to be careful. Everything was great for about a month.

All of a sudden he seemed distant. ...He completely ignored me for 2 days. So I sent him a text ....he responds begging me not to leave, saying he doesn't want to lose me, he just wants to slow things down. I said that's fine, but why didn't you just tell me that instead of ignoring me?

You say you and your husband were friends with him and his wife. You are both going through divorces. He was calling you ALL the time. Then it stopped and you had to start calling him. Not only do have to start calling him, but he even IGNORED you? The pure nerve.

Andmiles, you are entering the FWB zone. You ask how can you be "friends" after imtimacy with him? To his way of thinking, easy. Weren't you friends before intimacy? Only this time, he may have a stronger hold.

Ask yourself this: Was he acting "distant" before you slept with him? How long after you slept with him did he get "distant"? I don't know, maybe he achieved a certain goal he was trying to reach with you and now that he has, he has to think of another "goal" to reach with you. Like: Where does he want this "friendship" to go now that he has slept with you because he knows you will prolly start feeling "entitled" to something from him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you gotta look at this in sequence.

Posted by andmilestogo
When he said he wanted to take it slow, he added that he wanted to stay "friends" and I said I don't know what that means.... that you still sleep with me and we talk every couple of weeks? We had a long, great conversation that night and then he disappeared again. He wasn't the friend he was before. How do you even go back to being "friends" once you've crossed that line? I don't know.

If you are going to follow CL's advice, then don't have anything else to do with him intimately. Yes, he will prolly return, but he will also try to see if you will sleep with him again. You need to ask yourself the question: is FWB what you want. If so, fine, go for it. But I don't believe that's what you want based on the title of this thread and your initial question. He senses that and has let you know he wants to be "friends" and "take it slow".

You wanted to be friends in the beginning too, remember? You wanted to take it slow, too, remember? Are you guys still not taking it slow? What is "taking it slow" and what has sped it up? Aren't you guys still taking it slow?

Sleeping together changed things. Now, all of the sudden things are going to fast for him. Bullshit. What's going fast is that now you are pursuing him and demanding more of his time than he wants to give you. What's more is that you feel "entitled" to it.

Now you realize that "taking it slow" to you meant something very different than what it meant to him.

Men aren't thinking straight before sex, women are. Thus, your view of taking it slow.

Remember this. It will help you.

Men think straight after sex, women don't. Thus, his view of taking it slow.

The views can become very different, can't they?

Remember this. It will empower you.

Posted by M

Posted by andmilestogo
Thank you for the great talk tonight. You've really made me feel better. You've been dead on about everything. 🙂

CL gives wonderful feedback. You'll have to give updates. I'm curious as to the outcome. Goodluck 🙂

click to expand

Oh yes, I will DEFINITELY update you!

Pathfinder, thank you for your replies! Yes, the point of view has definitely changed for him. I even asked him, why is it that it's okay for you to be obsessed with me, but when I start to like you back, you freak? This summer we were FWB and I never had an issue with it. Yeah, I was attracted to him, but I was always able to distance myself from him. It was after we started really dating that I fell for him. I don't want to do FWB again. Friends, fine. But I'm not stupid enough to believe that FWB can work, ever. And that's just selfish on his part... only wanting me around when he wants to get laid. I'm not a call girl. :-P

We had an amazing weekend together and then he flew out of state for a conference. I didn't hear from him the entire time he was gone, which is not like him at all. I thought maybe there was another girl. He swears he just wants to take time to work on himself and his children. Honestly, he is a really great father and I've always loved that about him. I just miss the friend I had in him. Blah.

Posted by andmilestogo
Does anyone know if this pair has a chance of working?

It does, but it takes patience and security on your part. CL is right, the last thing that cappy's want is to have the clingy cancer wanting attention and constant reassurance.

My cappy and I have been together for over a year now and we had the same start that you mentioned. We were both married and hung around as couples, then the divorces came and we started dating. My cappy was very dependent on me for his emotional support but couldn't be there for mine...he had moods (cancer moon) that changed all the time. Sometimes he wanted to be around all the time and then he would stay away for a week then come back again. BELIEVE me, its most frustrating, but deep down its because they are so cautious and scared of putting themselves out there and getting hurt.

I just flat out told him that I don't want a FWB situation and that if we weren't headed for something more then I would have to cut him loose. He didn't talk to me for a week then came to me and said he appreciated the kick in the ass....that he would do better. He has improved, still moody, but no more disappearing and he calls me his girlfriend, which is apparently a big deal (to him). It's always a challenge with him, so its up to you how much you want to give in, because they can be very stubborn.

My suggestion is to keep living and go out with friends and let him contact you and ask you out...they don't like to be chased and they definitely don't like lots of texts or phone calls. If you have a life beyond them, it's a turn-on (strange) but they like to know that they have an independent woman....just my experience.

Cancerita --

How interesting that you came from a situation so similar to mine... thank you for replying! I've definitely decided I won't be chasing him. You're right, it's totally frustrating and I used to experience it with both of my virgos in the past too. I'm beginning to think that the "disappearing act" is more a male thing, not just related to signs. I don't know...

@Miles...Yep when I read your post, I was like wow, how interesting. Girl, the thing I always keep in mind is that he chose to ask me out and chose to keep coming back and chooses to be in this relationship, its a control thing for him. So, why not let him have it. I'm happy to reap the benefits. Afterall, he is goodlooking, sexy as hell, smart (friggin genious), and will work hard to keep you satisfied in all ways *wink* *wink* Just DON'T be a doormat, he'll lose respect for ya! Oh, and remember, since you guys hung out as couples, he probably already had you in his mind to pursue...let him do it.

@CL...funny that you say that, cause my cappy told me that he liked that I was aggressive, but only with getting what I want at work, not when it comes to him...lol

That's funny!

Yeah, I save my tears for when I'm with my girls...cause Cappy
gets REALLY uncomfortable around a weepy gal.

LOL ya'll are too funny, thanks for all of the replies...

Yep...I cried ONE time in front of him...he got the deer in headlights
look and I got the 'friend' shoulder rub! Oh well, not everyone can
be like us cancers, we hug and absorb all emotions 😉

CL is dead on.

Caps are great match for us when its balanced.

My problem is when they disappear, my own insecurities get the best of me. But seriously you shouldn't even be in a relationship with anyone. (I am cancer btw)

I got with my cappy after my divorce instantly. We were 2gether for 4yrs but all the shit that happened in my marriage came out in our relationship. I was was mostly responsible for the demise of that relationship.


He was the best guy i ever been with and I wish I was who I am now. I am sure we would be together.

Take CL advice no matter how hard it is. DO YOU! I am struggling with that now too, I been married and in relationships since 18 now I am 27 & struggling to find happiness being by myself and that is true happiness. WITHIN U!

Oh yes, all of my insecurities are coming out now. It's not so much the loss of a "relationship" but a friendship. He claims I'm everything he looks for in a girl and wants me to be a part of his life... yet I don't really think he misses me at all. Not a word from him, he just goes on with his life like I never existed.

Posted by andmilestogo
He is the one who was needy at first. I mean, really needy. Calling me every evening and talking for hours about the drama with his ex (we were all friends, we went out as couples and were neighbors). He texted me non-stop over Christmas and if I didn't reply within 5 minutes, he was asking what I was doing and where did I go? So what happened, did he just get scared?

You were basically his rebound.

Listen, you were right in the first place when you told him that he was going way too fecking fast.

That was your intuition telling you REBOUND, REBOUND, REBOUND.

Do NOT be a damn rebound to this guy.

You are a human being capable of deep, emotionally sensitive thoughts, and if you are having thoughts about this going too fast, then you are most likely right.

Anyone who wants to jump out of a divorce and straight into a serious relationship has some serious mental problems, and I highly encourage you to be his friend.

Don't allow him to manipulate or use guilt against you to essentially coerce you into being his rebound while he is fighting his ex.

How long was this guy married?

Cancers need someone who is on their level mentally and emotionally.

Suggest you find yourself a Pisces or Scorpio man.

Posted by CanceritaBonita

Posted by andmilestogo
Does anyone know if this pair has a chance of working?

My suggestion is to keep living and go out with friends and let him contact you and ask you out...they don't like to be chased and they definitely don't like lots of texts or phone calls. If you have a life beyond them, it's a turn-on (strange) but they like to know that they have an independent woman....just my experience.

click to expand

That's bad advice, and here is why.

If this guy was married for several years, then it's going to take him at least 1-2 years to get over the mental-emotional fallout of his divorce.

"Letting him call her" is only setting this lady up to be his rebound woman while he sorts out all his emotional baggage from the divorce, the ex and the kids.

That will take at least 1-2 agonizing years, and it will be pure hell for any rebound woman to contend with.

My suggestion is that she keep away from him for 1-2 or possibly 3 years, and only then consider something.

Waaaaaaay too much baggage with this guy to "let him call her" and then go out with him.

Stupid, horrific idea.

Posted by CappyyLuv30


When I got divorced, I stayed FAAARRRR away from men because I knew that anything that came my way was going to end bad. I'd be using the person for my own selfish reasons and in turn hurting them plus I wasn't emotionally ready (sometimes I still feel that way) to handle something new.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Scubafish

Posted by andmilestogo
He is the one who was needy at first. I mean, really needy. Calling me every evening and talking for hours about the drama with his ex (we were all friends, we went out as couples and were neighbors). He texted me non-stop over Christmas and if I didn't reply within 5 minutes, he was asking what I was doing and where did I go? So what happened, did he just get scared?

You were basically his rebound.

Listen, you were right in the first place when you told him that he was going way too fecking fast.

That was your intuition telling you REBOUND, REBOUND, REBOUND.

Do NOT be a damn rebound to this guy.

You are a human being capable of deep, emotionally sensitive thoughts, and if you are having thoughts about this going too fast, then you are most likely right.

Anyone who wants to jump out of a divorce and straight into a serious relationship has some serious mental problems, and I highly encourage you to be his friend.

Don't allow him to manipulate or use guilt against you to essentially coerce you into being his rebound while he is fighting his ex.

How long was this guy married? Cancers need someone who is on their level mentally and emotionally. Suggest you find yourself a Pisces or Scorpio man.

click to expand

@ scubafish, definitely another perspective as she would like more than FWB with her cappy. During a divorce, people reach out for support. Like the idea could be: who better to offer support than someone going through the same thing? Maybe that works in illness, but not all things. I don't know if it's necessarily "using" one another all the time for both parties, but it certainly is something to think about. I've heard of women falling in love with their lawyer while going through a divorce because he is so supportive and the woman may get the wrong idea.

Posted by Scubafish

Posted by andmilestogo
He is the one who was needy at first. I mean, really needy. Calling me every evening and talking for hours about the drama with his ex (we were all friends, we went out as couples and were neighbors). He texted me non-stop over Christmas and if I didn't reply within 5 minutes, he was asking what I was doing and where did I go? So what happened, did he just get scared?

You were basically his rebound.

Listen, you were right in the first place when you told him that he was going way too fecking fast.

That was your intuition telling you REBOUND, REBOUND, REBOUND.

Do NOT be a damn rebound to this guy.

You are a human being capable of deep, emotionally sensitive thoughts, and if you are having thoughts about this going too fast, then you are most likely right.

Anyone who wants to jump out of a divorce and straight into a serious relationship has some serious mental problems, and I highly encourage you to be his friend.

Don't allow him to manipulate or use guilt against you to essentially coerce you into being his rebound while he is fighting his ex.

How long was this guy married?

Cancers need someone who is on their level mentally and emotionally.

Suggest you find yourself a Pisces or Scorpio man.

click to expand

YES. I absolutely think I was his rebound. The second date we went on I even told him I didn't want this to be a rebound. He took my face in my hands and said, "I promise, you are NOT a rebound." Psh, whatever. He was married 10 years, I was married 9. And get this: their wedding anniversary is my birthday. Barf.

The problem I always face in these situations (since it's obviously the 3rd time it's happened), is that I never gain closure. They disappear without a word and never return. And every time they tell me that I didn't do anything wrong, I was good to them, but the circumstances are wrong. How can a girl believe she DIDN'T do something wrong after something like this happening three times?

Part of me wants so badly to contact him, but I know I shouldn't. This just hurts so much and makes me so angry.

Posted by QuietSt0rm
So I think this is the third case where I've heard of capricorns turning around and dating women that used to be friends with their wives or women that used to be married to the friends of the cap. Is this typical for capricorns?

Aren't there some lines being crossed, or am I just being a typical scorpio? LOL I just can't imagine dating someone if I used to be friends with their wife, and I can't imagine dating someone that was a friend of my ex. And I'd be MAD AS HELL if an ex boyfriend/husband of mine ever dated a 'friend' of mine.

Yeah, it kinda makes you wonder if the cap has been secretly lusting after these women all along...

From my experience with a Cap, he will play the "friend" card for years until he believes the time is right to approach asking for something more.

With marriages and friendships, Caps also prefer things, situations, people that are familiar, which explains them liking to ease into relationships from friendships.

But yeah, the thing that really bothers me is picking people that were/are so close them. Such as their friend, or ex-friend, wife. I don't get that at all..

YES. I absolutely think I was his rebound. The second date we went on I even told him I didn't want this to be a rebound. He took my face in my hands and said, "I promise, you are NOT a rebound." Psh, whatever. He was married 10 years, I was married 9. And get this: their wedding anniversary is my birthday. Barf.


This is coercive reinforcement, and it's basically a bully tactic.

He clearly has no control over his emotions right now, and he is trying to force you to believe something that you know in your heart is not true.

Highly, HIGHLY suggest that you keep away from this guy.

He's an emotional time bomb, and I don't think you need his lies and coercion right now given the horrible events that your own divorce inspire.

Highly recommend that you chill out with some female friends like on "Laverne and Shirley" or something.

Posted by Scubafish

Posted by CanceritaBonita

Posted by andmilestogo
Does anyone know if this pair has a chance of working?

My suggestion is to keep living and go out with friends and let him contact you and ask you out...they don't like to be chased and they definitely don't like lots of texts or phone calls. If you have a life beyond them, it's a turn-on (strange) but they like to know that they have an independent woman....just my experience.

That's bad advice, and here is why.

If this guy was married for several years, then it's going to take him at least 1-2 years to get over the mental-emotional fallout of his divorce.

"Letting him call her" is only setting this lady up to be his rebound woman while he sorts out all his emotional baggage from the divorce, the ex and the kids.

That will take at least 1-2 agonizing years, and it will be pure hell for any rebound woman to contend with.

My suggestion is that she keep away from him for 1-2 or possibly 3 years, and only then consider something.

Waaaaaaay too much baggage with this guy to "let him call her" and then go out with him.

Stupid, horrific idea.

click to expand

It was based on my experience...depends on situation. My cappy and I were divorced for two years prior to dating, so yes I agree. But she shouldn't write him off either.

Posted by lnana04
From my experience with a Cap, he will play the "friend" card for years until he believes the time is right to approach asking for something more.

With marriages and friendships, Caps also prefer things, situations, people that are familiar, which explains them liking to ease into relationships from friendships.

But yeah, the thing that really bothers me is picking people that were/are so close them. Such as their friend, or ex-friend, wife. I don't get that at all..

This is why I think that mikes shouldn't write him off. Familiarity and comfort can be a good foundation.

Just for the record, I was not friends with his wife. We were ex neighbors that would hang out in groups on occasions...friends of friends type thing.

Posted by M
Nuts to that, I hope you have someplace to get out all those emotions :/

No I haven't actually done it... I'm trying to stay rational and I think I will write the letter (and keep it) just to get some of that frustration out....

Whew, so much good information to absorb and think about. I never thought I'd get this kind of response. He and I are both to blame in this, equally. Some are telling me to stay away, some are saying not to write him off. Since I'm a crab, I rarely write people off, even when I know I should. Hmmm what will the next week bring?? I'll let ya'll know if I hear from him....

andmiles, what a great attitude you have! Little wonder he finds you so attractive. 🙂

Stay in control.

It was based on my experience...depends on situation. My cappy and I were divorced for two years prior to dating, so yes I agree. But she shouldn't write him off either.



Not write him off?

Are you crazy—

He grabbed her by the face and told her a lie!!!

That's coerced bully tactics, and it's just a sign of things to come.

"This is not a rebound."

Are you fecking kidding me!?

Homeboy is in a marriage for 10 years, gets out of it and now wants something serious with miles?

This guy has more baggage than a Boeing 747 flying to Paris.

For God's sakes, stay the hell away from this guy for at least 2-3 years.

By then, all his baggage should be relatively sorted out.

For now, he's just nuts and you are nuts too if you jump into anything with him.

Miles should run faster than The Flash himself to get away from this guy.



Grabbing her by the face? And you are suggesting she keep him in her life?

What drugs are you on—

Ha! No drugs necessary. I don't believe in writing people off. Sorry, I can't agree on you with that one.

Dang..should read can't agree WITH you on that one...hate when I transpose words.

Posted by CanceritaBonita
Dang..should read can't agree WITH you on that one...hate when I transpose words.

Don't worry about it, as I am not a grammar nazi.

Sorry for accusing you of being on drugs, but I take issue with @ssholes who bully women.

I have seen that crap too many times, and it pisses me off.

It's all good. I can certainly understand where you're coming from...
Your passion definitely comes across when you give advice...I like
that!

Just be nice to us sensitive cancers 😉

Posted by CanceritaBonita
It's all good. I can certainly understand where you're coming from...
Your passion definitely comes across when you give advice...I like
that!

Just be nice to us sensitive cancers 😉

Okay, I am sorry for hurting your feelings.

But emotional/physical/psychological abuse seems to be on Miles' horizon if she sticks with this guy.

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who grabs someone by the face to reinforce a lie is waving a very dangerous red flag.

And THAT kind of behavior is what pisses me off.

🙂