Dealing with conflicts with Capricorns

Asking for advice for how to deal/ approach a Capricorn with a conflict. I have read they do not do well with conflict. I know for sure they do not appreciate criticism. My one experience with a female, she took it very well, but later I heard she was crying to her friend about it (totally different than how she acted with me.) A capricorn I'm dating has been a bit wishy washy with plans and I feel it's been yanking me around. I don't like it. Doesn't work for me. I may need to a) express this or b) walk away at some point. I can tell he cares about my feelings, and is always really careful when he senses i'm getting upset. So if something a Cap is doing, is upsetting you/damaging the wellbeing of your connection, what is the best way to approach them regarding this?

I'm a straight shooter, but it can be too harsh for many.....
Sadly we may have just hit something that is such a strong difference in character it may not even be workable, but I want to know how to deal with it if I feel that's best.


Thank you.

I will add it is NOT his Cap placements that are making him flakey. He's got a lot of AQUA and some Libra. It comes off as indecisiveness, usually regarding the influence of another friend.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Direct, but not confrontational. Put him in your shoes, but don't guilt him. How do you talk to him about everything else? Take that tone you know he responds to and say what's on your mind. But be quick about it. Don't draw it out. Dead horse and all that.

Agreed! I can take(and even want) critizism as long as it's constructive, not condescending and with good intentions in mind.

Posted by underwaterthing
I will add it is NOT his Cap placements that are making him flakey. He's got a lot of AQUA and some Libra. It comes off as indecisiveness, usually regarding the influence of another friend.

I'm a cap with a heavy aqua placement.

If it has to do with his friend, tread carefully. He's known this friend a lot longer than you and for some reason he may be extremely loyal to this friend. You don't know the ins and outs of their friendship and what they've been through together. He probably knows the friend is a bad influence, but the amount of influence the friend has is the variable. He may know all you're telling him, but he's allowing it to happen OR he knows his own heart and believe me, he has boundaries. He may be trying to be the good influence in the friend's life. Loyal people put up with a lot and try in their own way to redirect their friends. Just tread carefully since you don't know all the details.

It is fine to express your concerns. Be direct, factual, nonemotional, non-accusatory, non-threatening, genuine and honest. Speak in a calm, non-irritated voice. One way to begin the conversation is to say "I'm curious about something"....then ask/explain what you're curious about. That's non-threatening. It opens the door to a conversation instead of you being critical.

As far as him being indecisive. That indecisiveness is just an appearance. Caps weigh all the options and consider all the angles. He may not be completely through his thought process yet. I am accused of being indecisive by my fire sign friends. They go in guns ablazin' and are impulsive and usually regret some of their decisions. Just because I don't make impulsive decisions does not mean I'm indecisive.

Caps know what they're willing to put up, what they're not willing to put up with and they have boundaries that we won't allow others to cross.

As far as you feeling jerked around by plans.....well, there is no reason why you can't call him out on that. He may not realize he's doing that. I'd need examples to provide more input on that, though.

Then, again, the wishy washiness with plans could be that he's waiting for something better to come up. It could be a sign he's not that into you. Like if nothing else is going on, then he'll do something with you. If the guys have a better option, he'll hang out with them. He may not want to commit to plans with you because he's not sure that's what he wants to do.

If this is the case, it's a warning sign.

However, calling him out on it would be my advice.

Directed to TRUECAP:
Very good stuff.
Regarding his friend, I have absolutely considered that. I'm very sensitive bc my ex (taurus) was very flakey and it was hurtful. That being said, he IS very close with this friend. Kind of a soulmate/bro friend etc. Who is also a Taurus. I don't love his friend bc he reminds me of his ex. Typical Taurus: charming, stubborn, driving forward, but with no idea towards what. That being said I RESPECT their friendship and try to be careful with that. They have been through a lot together and MY cap respects him as one of his 'teachers'. I can tell the friendship is essential. I don't think the dude is a bad influence, per say, he has good intentions, but I can tell he gets very territorial with the Cap. The last few times the cap has been wishy washy with plans, actually the only times, they have had to do with this guy. I put that together recently. I do realize I'm very new in the picture, and their friendship has spanned some years.

That being said, do what you say regardless. I did call him on it. And he wasn't waiting for something better to come up. He wasn't canceling, but he's out of town with this guy and asked me to be his 'New Years date' and promised to come back on NYE. Then he flips around last minute and suggestions maybe (in a vague way) that i drive there...where I was just in Alabama and just drove back from there (bc of family). So I felt that was annoying/rude. Then I found out it was the guy's suggestion. The same guy (friend) that asked him not to bring me in the first place so he could 'focus' on his music. LOL So I was like, "Wait, you invited me there. Disinvited me. Now you're asking me to drive back there after I just drove back there from seeing family!?" And he was flustered like, "I hope that's not what you think I meant etc. I just called him, got the facts, said how I felt and then got off the phone. Later he texted me some kisses and said "going to run to git rid of the funk." I was feeling the funk too. I think you make a valid point TRUCAP. The decision process is slower and sometimes a fire sign can be like TELL ME NOW! But he's got some libra in there, me too...and we both get confused. Anyways, I may have overreacted but I don't appreciate the yank. His friend yanks, but I think he just excepts it as one of his flaws and loves him anyways. IDK. He will be back tomorrow. When I look in his eyes I can see what's what.

Thank you Cheeky Faerie, I read through your comments as well. It's very hard to not be confrontational. I'm working on it.

i will also add, he comes off pretty serious about me. he does try to include me in everything, but we've been apart for 7 days and it's frustrating me. he mentioned me to his mom, showed her the hand made gift i made him....he also made me one of the most thoughtful gifts i've ever received and went to a lot of trouble to do so. he built me an indoor teepee LOL. I mentioned once, it was a dream to have one. then he posted a picture of us kissing in it online. it got a big response. i'd say he's pretty into me at this point, but time will truly tell. i have concerns about him having no direction, being indecisive, etc. he's very much an artist and his whole life is unstable. it doesn't look very capricorn if you ask me. but we will see. i'm head over heels at this point...he looks at me like he loves me. he makes a lot of forward plans like, "i got this from the place we will go canoeing in spring." etc. all good signs, but I'm not convinced he knows how to maintain a relationship. he needs to grow up a bit still. my virgo cusp wants it all organized!

Be patient. Don't rush. Slow down and let the foundation develop.

Posted by truecap
Be patient. Don't rush. Slow down and let the foundation develop.

Thank you. Working on it. I think he rushed in a bit...into my space, then his mom is trying to add me on Facebook. I'm a bit overwhelmed lol. I do see he's trying to integrate me into all his social circles. Which is sweet, but that overwhelms me too. I'm way more introverted....

🙂

Posted by truecap

Posted by underwaterthing
I will add it is NOT his Cap placements that are making him flakey. He's got a lot of AQUA and some Libra. It comes off as indecisiveness, usually regarding the influence of another friend.

I'm a cap with a heavy aqua placement.

If it has to do with his friend, tread carefully. He's known this friend a lot longer than you and for some reason he may be extremely loyal to this friend. You don't know the ins and outs of their friendship and what they've been through together. He probably knows the friend is a bad influence, but the amount of influence the friend has is the variable. He may know all you're telling him, but he's allowing it to happen OR he knows his own heart and believe me, he has boundaries. He may be trying to be the good influence in the friend's life. Loyal people put up with a lot and try in their own way to redirect their friends. Just tread carefully since you don't know all the details.

It is fine to express your concerns. Be direct, factual, nonemotional, non-accusatory, non-threatening, genuine and honest. Speak in a calm, non-irritated voice. One way to begin the conversation is to say "I'm curious about something"....then ask/explain what you're curious about. That's non-threatening. It opens the door to a conversation instead of you being critical.

As far as him being indecisive. That indecisiveness is just an appearance. Caps weigh all the options and consider all the angles. He may not be completely through his thought process yet. I am accused of being indecisive by my fire sign friends. They go in guns ablazin' and are impulsive and usually regret some of their decisions. Just because I don't make impulsive decisions does not mean I'm indecisive.

Caps know what they're willing to put up, what they're not willing to put up with and they have boundaries that we won't allow others to cross.

As far as you feeling jerked around by plans.....well, there is no reason why you can't call him out on that. He may not realize he's doing that. I'd need examples to provide more input on that, though.

click to expand

I agree, make sure you have facts. We won't just go off of emotions alone. Everyone has them but also everyone has priorities to take care of, and it could've been I just had those priorities to get out of the way, and didn't mean to be "flakey" on you.

Be calm, but assertive when you speak with him. No accusations, because there might have been something really important he had to take time with.

^^to OP

Posted by Greentea
^^to OP

Thank you

Posted by Gobshite
It must be his Libra placements... 😆

Gawd. Only mars in libra. But he gets so librian sometimes. It's like he puts it out there to see how I'll react so I will decide for him. SMH

Here we go again guys. Help me out here....So I feel like he is confusing, or confused, or misleading. So when I confronted him, i called and was just direct. I was like you said you would be back here on such date, and I was hoping you would keep your word. I can't drive there. He was concerned and was like okay I understand. I just want to be with you so i will do that. Then he was texting me saying how much he missed me, and wanted to 'catch up on missed time with me and just 'roll around' spend time together.' So that led me to think we would spend some quality time, and spend the night together and kinda bounce around/play by ear. He texted me yesterday saying 'I will just follow your lead and go where you want since you didn't like where i took you last time so much."

CONT'D
He took me to a sweat lodge where they were chanting to some god I didn't know and didnt inform me of it..so yea I didn't like that....lol // I was like ok, lets go to this party with some new dance friends. He said ok, still making me believe it was all us. And he missed me. Then today he writes, "Can i invite some friends or is this a private event. I have some favorites that wanna sync up." I was like sure invite a few friends. Then he texts me letting me know he'd be back in town in three hours. Then he says, picking up steve. Steve is his friend who is cool, but lost his license (and has a car). My guys car transmission is kaput. So his car is out. My car is fine. So i was like Oh, you're driving steve? He was like 'Thats the plan." So much for having alone time then.....................I feel like that was inconsiderate/confusing on his part. It really put me in a bad spin. I adore his friend steve, but I haven't seen him in a week. I don't like being the last one to know 'the plan' i mean are they picking me up? Do i even want to be driven by him if he's drinking (NO) . Then we won't exactly get to come straight home. We will have to get his friend home. He was definitely misleading. I think to someone who doesn't care as much/is more social it wouldn't matter. I'm type A and pretty antisocial. It bugs me. What are your thoughts? I feel like this is a major incompatibility. 😢 I realize it's not his other friend (cause this is a different one) It's just my guy. he's either not a good communicator, or manipulative. Or just down right indecisive. Or a combo of all three. reminds me of my ex :/ Was so excited. Now I'm so bummed. Not to mention him and this guy were planing to do a tradition tomorrow and go jump into the cold water. SO when will he and I get time alone ? 😢 I wish I wasn't the only one that felt that way.

A) He yanked me around when he first left town. I left town before him. He was supposed to leave town a day later, but ended up having to leave early. So we missed each other. It wasn't in his control, his friend drove him.

B) He originally invited me with him. His friend then suggested (they were at his place, and he was doing my dude a favor by recording him) i not come.

C) I feel yanked again bc instead of just coming back like he said, he mentions I should maybe come there (upon his friends suggestion). i was like no i cannot drive 3 hours to the middle of nowhere to place I was disinvited.

D) After saying he misses me and wants to spend alone time, he then lets me know he's basically his friends designated driver and is having the friend who is driving him back to town, drop him at the other friends (so he can drive him. also just so he can drive....CONTROL? I think so)


Annoyed.
IDK if he's like the last guy (ex) he is just trying to please everyone. And usually the gf gets the shxt end of that from what I recall. I'm not really a sidekick type of girl. I'm an us against the world, or loner type.
I like his friend steve, and it was his birthday yesterday, but I haven't seen him all week, and he led me to believe a) he'd follow my lead (his words) and b) we
'd have some alone time.

Now I just feel like he was saying whatever to placate/disarm me.

If you wanted alone time, you should have said so. You can't get upset because you didn't express yourself.

You know what, I understand better how Capricorn works. I took you guys advice and did handle this one well. I was nice in text. I decided to have friends over too. Then I told him to tell his friend Happy birthday for me, but the last thing I said was, 'will we get some alone time together?' He ended up not bringing his friend based on that text. I guess he picked up on that being important/ or it reminded me him. He later explained he was trying to find a way to include everyone (often the case) last minute. We went and picked his friend up the next day to attempt to do so. He also invited a bunch of his friends to the party we were at and we got plenty of alone time. He's been with me the past few days so it was a good balance. I just need to speak up, not freak out, and remain calm. Not to assume out of fear. He is really into me and just cares a lot about his friends which is admirable. His ability to plan and not last minute could use some work. But my Virgo cusp is more than happy to help him with that. I also mentioned that he can feel free to share these details with me in the future and I can help him figure out a way to make that all work 🙂


Happy New Year everyone.

I also found out if you get him drunk his inner freak comes out (lol)

Posted by underwaterthing
You know what, I understand better how Capricorn works. I took you guys advice and did handle this one well. I was nice in text. I decided to have friends over too. Then I told him to tell his friend Happy birthday for me, but the last thing I said was, 'will we get some alone time together?' He ended up not bringing his friend based on that text. I guess he picked up on that being important/ or it reminded me him. He later explained he was trying to find a way to include everyone (often the case) last minute. We went and picked his friend up the next day to attempt to do so. He also invited a bunch of his friends to the party we were at and we got plenty of alone time. He's been with me the past few days so it was a good balance. I just need to speak up, not freak out, and remain calm. Not to assume out of fear. He is really into me and just cares a lot about his friends which is admirable. His ability to plan and not last minute could use some work. But my Virgo cusp is more than happy to help him with that. I also mentioned that he can feel free to share these details with me in the future and I can help him figure out a way to make that all work 🙂


Happy New Year everyone.

I used to try to make everyone happy. Go out of my way to include everyone, make plans that the majority would like, bend over backwards to find a common activity, etc. What happened was everyone ended up unhappy because no one really wanted to do that plan. I finally learned to speak up and do what I wanted - and be honest about my thoughts. After that I'm happier and so is everyone else because now they know exactly where I stand. My friends seem to respect me more.

i think this was what he was trying to do.

I'm glad you spoke up and he heard you and made the effort because now he knows what it is YOU want and he can work with that.

🙂

Yes! It went much better. Sometimes I just genuinely misunderstand him. The combo of him not fully explaining and me being suspicious. I cant believe it was as simple as me just saying what I wanted, but you guys really helped, bc i was able to voice it in a kind way. Normally I'd withhold, get frustrated, and bark it in a sassy way.

He introduced me to his family at a family dinner. They are very very very sweet people. 🙂 He's coming with me on a road trip to see my mom/friends in Fl. And we are going to perform at our first show together I booked for us there. As long as we always work through communication styles I think he and I can do amazing things together.

I read recently Capricorn is the 2nd most detailed sign. 2nd only to Virgo (my cusp). I have never met anyone as detailed as me but him. I really love it. We are able to discuss and notice things that others do not. Plus he just might see that one thing that I don't and point it out to me, but usually we both see, and exchange a look and a secret giggle amongst the crowd.

hmmmm ^