Gut reaction knew he cheated last night

well, I did something I should not have done... all because I needed validation that he DID have his kids this weekend. I drove 50 miles to his house to see if there was another vehicle parked in his driveway, there was... and the house was in darkness. (I had no intention of going to his door with or without the kids being there) I assume he was out at dinner, the 'other' car was parked to the side so he could get his car out from the garage, as I used to do this when I would visit. I turned around and left and drove 50 miles home immediatley. I just felt NUMB. He never has friends visit. The bumper sticker on the car was from a local school in that area. I know in my heart it was a womans vehicle and he was with her some place, likely dinner. It was 8.45pm......OMG, Crap Im too old for this lark..LOL

I know your all going to say this is no indication of a cheating man, but gut reaction and the fact I had called him at 7pm and got voicemail, then after the fateful sighting I text him to call me, I was hoping he would....he never did, nor this morning. I will of course NEVER tell him I drove to his house..(He will think Im a stalker...
LOL... Im not, I've never stalked anyone in my life) it was purely spur of the moment because of my fears of him lying about always having his kids for the last several weekends. NOTHING in his manner said I shouldnt trust him when he sees me, and btw for the last several times HE has driven to my house. I would wonder, why— is he afraid a GF would see my car parked outside his home.. those thoughts entered my head. I know we never spoke about being exclusive, or having feelings for one another, but I thought we had an unspoken knowledge of caring for one another and actions speak louder than words with us and how we were together.(8mos) Also with him being a Cappy, he takes his sweet time with revelations of love...LOL. All Im asking is for advice on what to do with this knowledge and if and when he calls me what to say/ask/.... HELP 😢

🙂 Your right I wasnt stalking him.... Im hoping its innocent but the odds aer not in my favor as I have nort heard from him yesterday or today yet... and I think thats why I havent shed any tears yet, IM just numb and the treality hasnt set in yet from the thought of what he is doing and if he has been for a while, then Im worried about STDs and such....I dont know how to approach everything

soulfull -- If your gut tells you he is cheating, he probably is! I had the same experience with my ex CAP. I had the gut feeling, but nothing to proof. One night I went to his house. Waited in my car and prayed to see whatever I needed to see. Turned out he was cheating on me.

In my opinion, if one has doubts, then all is fair be it waiting outside his house among other things until you get your proof, or else there are those who continue playing games and you lose your trust on your intuition. Don't feel guilt. I know the crazy feeling once you do have your doubts. Nothing could stop me. I even researched online how to catch a cheater without hiring a detective. Sure not worth the penny you spent on such guy.

oh by the way, do not make even the slightest comment on your doubt, because he will start covering up well behind himself. Be completely nonchalant until you find out. Otherwise if you were in wrong, that's not a good situation to be in either.

Later certain scenarios started making sense to me when I remembered he had picked up a piece of my hair from his couch. I thought he acted that way because he is a clean freak. I even made a joke about it. Later I figured he was cleaning up evidence.

Thanks FRFT... I need friends when something like this happens, My very soul is hurting. Its never nice when you are the one hurting and all they might do, is say sorry, i never meant to hurt you. I thought Cappies were not into cheating or flings, (he is in his 50s btw) I dont even know if I will hear of him. I had sent a text late last night just to say, "I guess by you not calling me back, you have moved on, Im confused, hurt.." perhaps I should not have done that he will know I know something?? Like I said he may never call me? Would anyone be so cruel not to bring closure or to at leaset explain his behaviour of yesterday That was the first day in 8 mos I have not spoken to him on the phone?

Soulfuleyes, Let me say as a WOMAN first I know what you are going through. I really don't think this has to do with a sign. MEN will cheat no matter the sign. I am sorry you had to go through this. I been there before so I know what it feels like. Hurting is natural and anyone who says they wouldn't be hurt is LYING to themself and others. The thing that bothers me is the unspoken relationship. Unrequieted love is NEVER easy and often a bitter pill to swallow. Being WITH someone for 8months is more than "just friends" especially if you have been intimate with him and it sounds like you have by your admission of worry about STD's. Girlfriend, it's ok, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and know that you didn't do ANYTHING wrong. IF this GUY or any guy can't treat you the way you want to be treated then it's HIS LOSS. I don't play that BULL about suddenly disappearing for a day and No communication. THAT in itself is very inconsiderate whether or not he has his kids or he doesn't. My grandmother use to say "A phone call ain't never hurt a soul" so if he can't do that then No need to dilly dally around as she would tell me. I'm a sickler about this because I am ALWAYS considerate in relationships and friendships. I don't disappear and not communicate some kind of way so why should someone do it to me?

Oh and BELIEVE me he is GOING to call you. Now being women we probably would be angry and wanna ask him why he couldn't return the call. The Answer is he didn't want to. which leads me to my next point. When he calls and he will Look at his number and don't answer. Give him some time, let him pursue you then maybe a day or two later answer and don't bring anything up just act normal. When he asks you why you didn't answer tell him you thought maybe he needed some time so you gave him just that. If you haven't purchased Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" then I suggest you run to the store and pick one up. There is a chapter that specifically talks about this. In the book a woman described this same scenario about how her and the guy were "together" for a year but hadn't acknowledged a relationship. She felt hurt by the guy's action one weekend he turned off all his phones and didn't respond to emails either. She was frantic and thought something had happened to him so she drove to his house and saw a car in teh driveway with a personalized license plate. She went home and cried. She said it was the longest most painful weekend she endured. The next week she said the guy called and she did not answer her phone to him for 3 days so he came over to her house saying he was worried. She explained to him that how his unavailability that weekend hurt her and that she felt she should allow him some time to determine if they were an item and what she meant to him. The lady stated the guy acted shocked and was like "oh we are friends". She said she asked him to leave and she never contacted him again and learned from that experience. Cheer Up Soulful, go buy the book, sit on your couch and read it. I know you are older than me but we all have our experiences. if you need to talk you can hit me on Y-a-ho-o cuteblaqqprincess is my screenname!

Hi capprincess, thank you for your insight. Im sorry you had to go thru this before, I will get that book you reccommend. I came out of a 22 yr marriage 5 yrs ago and he is the second longest relationship since that. Im not able to face the reality of this yet as I dont know the story of why he is cheating on me and why his feelings are so guarded. He still has not called me back. Im a Cancer so I can be guarded to, but was waiting for him to talk to me, really talk to me over the last several months. I need to earn a mans trust b4 I can let my guard down too. Sometimes I thought in conversation he was going to then he would change the subject. He was always so affectionate. Maybe he was simply waiting for me to open up to him first, I thought about that often, but was afraid to. Now Im thinking that he was holding off for my Birthday to pass (its my big 50th next month) I think now, in hindsight he did not want to break it off before then. Mutual friends were planning a party for me at my house, and I was just to turn up.

I hurt so much, but why cant I cry, is it becuz I dont know the full story yet. He has only one clue I think something is up and that is my text message of last night. I will not call him, and he should be man ebough to call me and tell me why he never called me yesterday or today so far, that is my proof he knows I suspect something. Yesterday was the first day in 8 mos we have never spoken on the phone. Just ONE day he never calls, and Im suspious and my suspicions were confirmed. Why is someone in their mid 50s still trying to play the field.....LOL. He is successful, has two kids to help raise and I thought we had a good thing going. We talked daily, so with the miles and our kid juggling we saw each other mid week and every other weekend and and it was progressing nicely, albeit slowly..... but nicely. I guess my thoughts are, can we EVER trust a man with our hearts. It makes me want to stop dating altogether, just for the hurt factor.... i catnt grieve just yet, but I cant eat or sleep either, it hurts they think so little of us. I hope he calls, i want to put this behind me, but need closure.

Soulful, wow 22yrs of marriage! I can understand why you are hesitant about things and fully opening up. Noone likes rejection and again I mention unrequieted love. I'm only 32 but have dated older men most of my life so I know all to well the GAME these men play. There is a movie I watched called "Games men Play" which is the sequel to "Games Women Play" and I tell you BOTH movies are a MUST watch. They are Nigerian movies(which I am Nigerian) but in English. They are based off of the movie played by Vivica Foxx called "Two Can Play that Game". If you watched these movies you'd walk away with your eyes WIDE OPEN about the games men play. Just because your friend is in his 50's doesn't pre-empt him from playing GAMES. As I said No matter the AGE or SIGN all MEN CHEAT. You are a Cancer which is our opposite sign and Cancers are known to be a bit emotional so it's ok that you feel the way you do. I think you need some things clearly defined from him: 1. What you mean to him 2. The relationship and how he sees it. 3. Where he wants it to go or IF he wants it to develop or if not CLOSURE. In his mind he probably doesn't see anything wrong with him NOT calling or responding to you. Girlfriend get that book! It's a great look into the male mind and how it works. In one chapter Steve Harvey talkas about how women have to demand accountablity and stop allowing MEN to play games with us. Set parameters and define what it is you expect and want from him and the relationship and if he's not willing to meet those then He probably isn't the ONE for you. harvey says the longer women keep allowing and accepting any old treatment and HALF Affection from MEN just to soothe and satisfy them while we walk away hurt and in pain they will CONTINUE.

Capprincess, thanks again for the insightful info. Yes I AM an emotional person being the Cancer sun sign, but I can hold back on the flow of emotions just as easy, so I guess I messed up by not communicating my feelings to my Cap guy. I know now they need to hear it, feel it, consume it, even if they are a closed up shop most of the time.... this too shall pass and I hope it does quickly as I need to eat....LOL. I loathe the dating scene and met him online. He is a sincere person and he is fun, witty, goal orientated (as you know cappies are) exciting and we were very touchy feely, his actions would speak for the words he couldnt find.....lol. So for him to do a 360 on me dosent make any sense. Im gutted and will read, read, read all I can to help me heal and see the signs for future... I jsut dont thik I will go 10 yards near a Cap man again..sorry, too much hard work, or maybe this has opend my eyes for the next Cap man I may meet on HOW to read them and figure them out.

Posted by soulfulleyes
Capprincess, thanks again for the insightful info. Yes I AM an emotional person being the Cancer sun sign, but I can hold back on the flow of emotions just as easy, so I guess I messed up by not communicating my feelings to my Cap guy. I know now they need to hear it, feel it, consume it, even if they are a closed up shop most of the time.... this too shall pass and I hope it does quickly as I need to eat....LOL. I loathe the dating scene and met him online. He is a sincere person and he is fun, witty, goal orientated (as you know cappies are) exciting and we were very touchy feely, his actions would speak for the words he couldnt find.....lol. So for him to do a 360 on me dosent make any sense. Im gutted and will read, read, read all I can to help me heal and see the signs for future... I jsut dont thik I will go 10 yards near a Cap man again..sorry, too much hard work, or maybe this has opend my eyes for the next Cap man I may meet on HOW to read them and figure them out.

Soulful, I know how you must be feeling. I use to date a Cancer and you know you are our opposite so it's supposed to work but after him I VOWED to NEVER date another Cancer. However I decided that may not be realistic. Afterall, what if I met the guy of my dreams and he turns out to be a Cancer? Would I miss out because his sign and judge him from the verbally abusive Cancer I once dated? No WAY! So be open but cautious you never can tell it may be a Capricorn man who will sweep you off your feet. This too shall pass, things will get better. I will say a prayer for you tonight during my devotion. I believe in prayer and it WORKS!

technically he's not cheating, he has to be in an exclusive committed monogomous relationship and you both have to verbally agree that this is the kind of relationship you both want with one another, if you never did this then there was never a real relationship, your assumptions are going to break your heart.

Thanks Capprincess for the prayer, I also believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking, its just hard to think positive when you have a black cloud over your head and its raining down on you.. and you cant see the end result in sight. I did have a cry today and the floodgates opened so-to-speak....lol. It helped a little but not a lot. Like I said I will move forward but want some kind of clousure from him...answers would be helpful.

... Why are Cap men so afaid to share feelings, and if and when you were to share, they hed for the hills. That is what I read a lot about them and maybe I should not have paid too much attentionto the 'Typical" Capricorn man, took my chance and let him know how I really felt.... but it works both ways, it takes two to tango in a relationship.. Right?

Posted by soulfulleyes
Tiki... I hear what you are saying and as I said it was an unspoken knowledge we had,. He would hold me and look deep into my eys for so long and we just knew, i felt no pretence.... we didnt have to say "are we exclusive". We travelled, skiied cooked, and did what all happy couples do together. I would call that a relationship. Maybe the mistake was not verbally communicating enough with one another. I would not cheat on him as I am considerate of other peoples feelings and I cared for him a great deal, I know he did for me, he would say he liked me in his life,I made him feel good. He was hurt by a previous GF and was moving on, she moved State. She comes back a lot with her work and wanted him back in her life, he tells her no, she asks often. I know this isnt her as she has BAD drama issues and he dosent want her around his kids. This all came out of left field and its confusing. So to not call me, is this his way of wriggling his way out of the situation and hoping I will just dissapear eventually?

Um yeah you do have to confirm your exclusivity with a man, you can feel what you feel but it doesn't mean it's mutual, confirmation is needed or your just imagining something that isn't real, to not get confirmation is to invite mistreatment, misunderstanding and miscommunication as in your situation. This is something women have struggled with through out time and it's broken many of hearts, men can do plenty with any one woman yet unless he actually confirms, ask you to be exclusive with him you are not in a real relationship, more like a fwb situation. He's done nothing wrong for the exception of NOT letting you know his intentions, that he intends to continue dating other women if that is what he's doing. He's not wriggling his way out but your about to open up a can of worms and possibly end this connection. Until he says your exclusive well then your not which he's free to do his thing, I know that is not what you want to hear because your feelings are saying something else.

I wont open up a can of worms as I cant mention I drove past his house, so as far as he is concerned, I know nothing. I know he is suspicious that I know something wiht no communicating today... but I will approach it as camly as possible and ask him what Capprincess told me to ask him. 1. What do I mean to him....etc etc This is where i hope to get the answer and I wont go further. Im noty one to hang around and wait for the phone to ring and I cant play games, its not my character. IM just really hurting bad, its always the same, its the why, whatif, what did I miss.... I cant turn back the clock, but I'll be sure to let you all know what happens when he calls... to be continued


Capprincess: I will try and down load those movies, they sound like just what the doctor ordered...lol

If it were me I wouldn't ask him anything, considering I have plenty experience with a cap, there is no need to ask him, men typically will let you know when he's ready to have more with you, if he's not letting you know then he's not interested in anything beyond friendship with benefits, he's happy the way things are, cap men typically get cold feet and become huge commitment phobes when women seem relationship needy and yes you will appear needy if you ask, yet if you must ask then do so but don't be suprised if he becomes ambivalent or even brutally honest and give you the cold shoulder afterwards. If the way things are is not suitable for you then leave because asking will only secure his exit out of your life. Why aren't you dating other men? You may want to shift focus off of him and go live your life (like he's doing)

lots and lots of patience

Hey soulful, I just answered your other thread.


Wow, now you think he's cheating? Why?

Soulful each person has their OWN experiences. I find something a bit contradictory that if you need confirmation about the relationship that's Needing to know, so Not asking is a bit Dumb and a contradiction in itself. On the oen hand a person can't GUESS and ASSUME and then on the other say Oh I won't ask typically Men will tell you what they want you to know. UHH HELLO, that's the problem, too many women ALLOW such behavior. There is Nothing wrong with you ASKING. Some people are foolish and decieving themselves. Nevertheless, they are entitled to their opinion just as I am. it's so funny to me when I read all the katrillion threads about Capricorn Men and so much "Experience" apparently somewhere, someone ain't as experienced as they claim or someone ain't getting it. Otherwise there wouldn't be this many threads on capricorn men with the same cases presented or there would be few and these so called EXPERTS would have offered the KEY answers along with their Book Dates and City by City tour. Sheesh, so glad I don't profess to have such "experience". Do WHAT you feel in your heart. In fact don't even listen to my advice, it could lead you wrong. I merely offered it having went through the same but in the end and final analysis YOU know how you want to be treated and what you WANT from the relationship so do what fits YOU and YOU only. I have a cliche of my own that says "Doing Nothing Won't solve the problem, Doing something works toward Resolving the problem. So are you going to do anything or nothing?"

Posted by soulfulleyes
... Why are Cap men so afaid to share feelings, and if and when you were to share, they hed for the hills. That is what I read a lot about them and maybe I should not have paid too much attentionto the 'Typical" Capricorn man, took my chance and let him know how I really felt.... but it works both ways, it takes two to tango in a relationship.. Right?

As I stated I don't think this is just Capricorn men, because I am friends with a Virgo and he exhibits the same type of behavior. You know men are not emotional beings. go get the book, it's discussed in it. Now is everything in it 100% right? No but coming from a MAN and about MEN, I'd say he hit the nail on the head!

She can ask yet realistically she doesn't have to, his actions has said what needs to be said, fact is no matter how much time he spent with her, no matter how much intimacy was exchanged between them unless he's said something in tune of I don't want anyone else, let's try and make this work, let's not date other people, something to that effect, they are not exclusive, if he's not once confirmed her place in his life then she can't possibly believe he's hers yet were he is wrong is that he encouraged her to believe what she wants so he could get what he wanted, yet many men allow women to imagine that they are exclusive only to find out later that it was never the case, thus far he's consciously went out of his way to ignore her calls and text which doesn't suprise me, emotional displays will get a woman ignored fast with a cap man.

Now if she needs to ask because she needs to hear him say were just friends well by all means do so if that's what she needs to do. For future reference, the responsible thing to do is establishing meaning day 1 or at the most establish something after several dates as to not put ourselves into these hard hurtful situations, once you have allowed him to lead which direction the relationship is going you are eseentially OPTING OUT of having a voice in the relationship, your going where ever he takes you. Of course ask him but asking pretty much says it's over unless your prepared to continue doing it his way.

I guess depending on past realtionships we all have had a reason or not to act or not to act, and each one is different so both your answers are suitable accordingly. However, Tiki I thought back to the first 6 weeks of dating and we BOTH decided to take ourselves OFF the online dating scene as we didnt want to date anyone else. We dont go to bars to look for others, so online is really the only way to meet professional people and connect. Whether its Match.com or Facebook or whatever...... I did receive a call last night I have not responeded to that yet. He left a message to say he got my message and my text and we should talk..... he said his kids lost his phone and it was found under a towel by the pool...... he emailed me at noon yesterday, but i didnt get it as it was sent to my work email address. He wrote there he cant find his phone the kids where playing with the applications and he will call me when he finds it......— Still insisting he had his kids all weekend. I want to talk to him but at this point he must know something is really up to be ignoring him, so Im a little apprehensive on the opening conversation when I do call and dont know how to approach it. I cant simply pretend nothing is wrong and "Hi, how was your weekend, hope you had fun with the kids etc" this is painful and maybe I dont want to know anything. but i have to, to feel better.

Either way the trust is gone and I dont think I could want to move to the next level with him if he asked me. I would have liked to it was a journey and it was fun and I feel like Im losing my best friend. We talked about anything and everything (Except us..lol, so in hindsight that speaks volumes) BUT I never once considered myself as FWB... the gut feeling just wasnt there that told me so. I have to call him today and talk and that will be painful.... as much as it will be I will miss him around. He will either fess up or lie to me but I cant tell him about the drive...Arrrgh

So it is confirmed that he cheated?

I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship where you have to do what you did, in attempt to feel comfortable. You obviously don't trust him and for that reason alone, you shouldn't be in that relationship. Reading the original post, I don't see a proof of cheating, maybe it is and maybe it's not but you don't trust him for some reason and that is the issue that needs to be addressed.

Soulful check your messages I sent you a message

Ok So he called as to be Expected. So because his kids LOST his phone he couldn't go to another phone, say the house phone and call you? or lemme guess, he doesn't rem your number cause it is programmed in his phone right? UHH Yeah whatever. Not trying to sound cynical but as I stated there is ALWAYS a way to pick up the phone and say "hey just letting you know what's up". Phones even work while you are in the middle of the ocean on a cruise ship so the phone thing, it's convincing but not a good excuse. I think you have every right to be upset because whether it was unspoken or unrequieted you had a CONNECTION. Cheer up things will work out in the end and you will look back at it and be glad you made the decisions you made. Always TRUST and follow your Heart. Your heart is the most important organ because it tells your body how you feel. It sends the signal to your brain to indicate if something is wrong. That is why we feel a sensation in our chest when we get that not so good feeling.

Whatever happens you will be fine, keep it together and be confident...you have plenty of support here d:

I know and its only the third day, its going to be a long week. Yeh I know about the cell phone but he dosent have my # in his brain, (remember his brain is between his legs...lol). I guess once you start with the lies you just cant stop it. I never would have guessed with this man... But then again the writing was always on the wall when you think back at certain times, where was he that day or night or—? Trivial thoughts but.... Anyhoo he did email yesterday but sent it to my work email, I cant retreive those at home..... Im gonna keep busy at work today and let the motions run their course... until I talk to him. I did however send him a reply to that email of yesterday, and said i will call later today.

Thanks everyone for the support, its great therapy whatever the outcome.... I WILL SURVIVE right? The hardest thing I find in men/relationships is TRUST. Nothing else comes close. They are all BS'rs, covering their tracks and feed us what we want to hear, but some of us are onto them more than others. I feel what goes around comes around. Bad karma follows you..... 🙂

Its getting close to end of work day and I have to make that call, I feel like I want to throw up....

Cappygolightly.... hi again, I really need closure if thats whats to happen. He called me last night and I didnt take his call, so he wants to talk and thats what we must do. If my suspisions are correct, yes face to face is better but I might want to harm him....LOL. If I were to wait for a cappy to call me back when he has done wrong, I could wait for eternity...

Posted by soulfulleyes
I wont open up a can of worms as I cant mention I drove past his house, so as far as he is concerned, I know nothing. I know he is suspicious that I know something wiht no communicating today... but I will approach it as camly as possible and ask him what Capprincess told me to ask him. 1. What do I mean to him....etc etc This is where i hope to get the answer and I wont go further. Im noty one to hang around and wait for the phone to ring and I cant play games, its not my character. IM just really hurting bad, its always the same, its the why, whatif, what did I miss.... I cant turn back the clock, but I'll be sure to let you all know what happens when he calls... to be continued


Capprincess: I will try and down load those movies, they sound like just what the doctor ordered...lol

I would like to know what you meant by: "IM just really hurting bad, its always the same, its the why, whatif, what did I miss".




You make this sound like this is a place you continue to find yourself.

Maybe that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is the only thing you really need to ponder.

You could get the closure you need .. however, if you don't look at why you keep finding yourself at a place where you are always left in the dark, wondering what the fuck is going on because of this assumption that a man feels like a woman in the aspect that emotions are mutual ... then closure for a broken heart is all you will ever be seeking.



It doesn't matter what he did, or why, if at all .... if you find yourself in this place, then if you put all responsibility onto another to nurture your heart, to mend your heart ... then you are at this other persons mercy to heal. Meaning, what if he doesn't care? Are you going to let yourself hurt even more then?

That's crazy .. you have the power over your own heart, in whether you are going to pain or not. It's not his choice as to whether your heart is weak or strong, whether it's happy or sad .. because it's your fucking heart to feel, not his .. so, why give him the power over what your heart is suppose to feel?


Hence: You find yourself at this place again. Always the same, what did you miss.


I'm telling you what you missed.

You are leaving your personal power on another's doorstep, so this other person can make the decision of what you are going to feel. You remain silent in your emotions and just assume he is going to feel as you want him to feel, and then mold your heart around this, so that it will be kept safe for you, via him. And that's your mistake. It is what you are missing.

Past is past, the deed is done.


Now .... you don't wait for him to call, you don't tell him you need to talk to him about the relationship. That's absurd. The only thing you really want to talk about is for you to tell him how much you care about him, and then you'll hope and pray like all holy hell that he will return the sentiments, so you can feel good about yourself. If he doesn't return the sentiment then you leave yourself wide open to be crushed.

What the fuck? You know damn well, and so does every women in here telling you to talk to him ... that it isn't closure you want from him .. it's acceptance, approval, love.

If you do that ... you kid yourself, because then you approach him under false pretense, you lie to yourself and your heart .. thing is, you can't lie to your heart because it only fucking feels, it can't be decieved by your forked tongue that attempts to lie to it.

If you talk to him .... you are seeking acceptance ... NOT FUCKING CLOSURE.

If you do that .......




.......... then again, you leave yourself wide open to find yourself at this place again.






What you should do = text him and tell him that you enjoyed the experienced, as long as it lasted .. adios, have a great life, cya.


And let him pass.

Don't then wait for a response, don't even send this message looking for a response .... close your fucking self. Why the hell are you looking for another person to close you, for you?

Close yourself .... take your personal power back to yourself, where it belongs, where it has always belonged.

Let him go .. because it's your choice for yourself to do so.


And then the next time, do right by yourself ... don't find yourself in this place ever again, where you are in your late 40's and still missing the signs.

Here's your sign ========== you hand over your choices for your own heart and emotional well being to another person to approve of you, for you.

Stop it .. own yourself.

P-Angel.... I'll get back to you on this thread later today when I have some time..... I understand completely now and I have much to tell..

SFE, I am sorry if this comes out as blunt, but what you did comes across as dishonest. First off as a guy if my GF suspected that I was cheating I would want her to tell me right off the bat. When people communicate misunderstandings are eliminated. You drove 50 miles to see if he was cheating on you and you didn't confront him about it. Instead you drove back home, and assummed he was cheating on you. Thus what you got was not a shred of proof but emotional distress. ouch.

The way I see it you are insecure about the relationship. And the biggest reason for that insecurity is that you and him never officially declared that you guys were in a relationship. So yes of course you are going to worry about him leaving you all the time. When people are intimate overtime some one gets emotionally involve. Hence it is so important to make it official.

If the guy was sleeping around I am hesitant to call it cheating as it isn't clear that you guys were actually in a bf gf type relationship.

These are my two cents. 🙂