Has he got no feelings left?

Been really good friends with this guy for six years plus. He always liked me..never made it a secret. Would flirt, want to see me all the time, would compliment me, say I was special to him, went as far as saying he could see us together in the future told me to think about it..wanted to get married. We would talk on the hpone for hours and hours he would tell me all his deepest secrets and he really opened up more than he did with anyone else. he always said he missed me when i wasnt around and would b really down about it. Basically he had all these strong feelings for me and i barely reciprocated..at times things would come out here n there. Truth was I kept it all inside but it was all mutual. Looking back i wish Id done more and said more.

A year and a half ago now so last march, he called me up one day and said he wanted to say goodbye as things are no longer going to work out and i was really surrpised. Obviously we had been in contact for years throughout. He just said he is going to be honest he really likes me but we are from two different worlds and its not going to work, he asked me if i had anything to say I was too speechless to say anything at the time and also too upset to speak so i didnt even ask why now and why he wanted to leave it all behind. Next day I tried to call but his number was disconnected. I couldnt get through.

The last whole year I tried and tried to get on with my life but he was always at the back of my mind. I knew I had to get a hold of him. Some how i blamed myself maybe thought he had enough of me not giving him what he gave me and not gettin what he wants, so maybe he decided to move on. But I just wanted to tell him everything that I was just the type of person to keep things inside but didnt mean I didnt care and pretty much tht i wanted to move forwards with him. What i did was i wrote a very personal six page letter detailing what he meant, exactly a year ago. But i got no response whatsoever. In the leter I even said I could see us married I only felt tht wat about him no one else. His sister later told me she read it to him on the phone.

This year in June it was a long process but I finally found out he was in prison the whole time.. Which explained his sudden disappearance and no responses to my letter. He finally called me and i spoke to him after such a long time. He couldnt talk for long just said I should visit him in prison and he then got his sister to contact me and we could pass messages through her.

I visited him last week..it was weird...overwhelming..depressing..surprising. He was nice to me and treated me ok, told me why he was in there. He was consumed with anger though and frustration at being inside didnt think he should b in there and its like he was a different person. With me not seeing him for so long I expected maybe he would tell me what he feels about me or something, but I barely got two words out of him with regards to how he feels.

He asked me general question

**** CONTINUATION

He asked me general questions at first..and then went in to if ive found anyone..i said no..he said are your parents or friends introducing you to anyone? I said yea they are tryin but realyl iv not had any interest in anyone. He then asked what is my type of guy (as if he never liked me or something).and what my requirements are with regards to marriage...I said i dont have any. requirements..he then said i should think about it as time goes by so quickly..the whole time i was thinking I just want it to be him who im with and get married to no one else..so why is he talking about me and other people..

and then he said I should find someone who will take care of me and who will talk about their feelings...and again i was thinking why is he not tallking about himself like he used to. or even tel me he missed me like he used to..

and then at the end I just generally asked him how he feels..i meant generally not even about me and he said..he feels upset and happy tht i came..and angry..so mixed emotions..and then I said why are you upset and he then just changed the subject. so it was hard to get anythin out of him.

he asked my why i went to all the effort to contact him and as per usual like all my life no words came oiut...all i said was i wanted to find out what happened to him and he said and tht is it? is aid yes..ane he said now I know what do i want to do..do i want ot be friends..and i just in ym head obviously thought a lot mroe than friends but i thought i would go along with what hes saying

right at the end he said he would contact me next year when he comes out but he said also what if im married surely my husband or my partner to want him to contact me and all i was thinking is omg why does he keep pushing me away and talking about other people..does he not feel the same anymore?

just befre the time was up for the visit..he asked me if he could hug me..and i said ok..lol.and he put his arm around my waist for about a minute n then let go.he then said hes really happy i came and to let his sister know when i get home safely.

i walked off then realised i might not see him again for a long time so i turned around to see what he was doing and he was sitting in his chair looking up at me in my direction .. so he was already watching me i assume...

and that was it.

All I know is tht when i went for this visit i wasnted him to pour out his feelings about me but he didnt it was all just about me moving on with other people and him asking me so many questions as to why i got in contact...i dont know what he is thinking ..and mybe i would have told him eVerything to his face if he was open.

You are an obsessive lunatic.

Kept coming on this board year after year after year with the same Cap story.

No one will get through to you, so hopefully Cap posters will read your posts history before indulging you further.

It's a futile quest to enlighten the mentally retarded.

I remember her. I don't think there's anything new to tell her.

Posted by champranger
I think you should focus on yourself and the core problem of this story (see bolded), OP.

Posted by candy10
Been really good friends with this guy for six years plus. He always liked me..never made it a secret. Would flirt, want to see me all the time, would compliment me, say I was special to him, went as far as saying he could see us together in the future told me to think about it..wanted to get married. We would talk on the hpone for hours and hours he would tell me all his deepest secrets and he really opened up more than he did with anyone else. he always said he missed me when i wasnt around and would b really down about it. Basically he had all these strong feelings for me and i barely reciprocated..at times things would come out here n there. Truth was I kept it all inside but it was all mutual. Looking back i wish Id done more and said more.

Plus the fact that you doubted his interest for a long time. I understand the guardedness, but don't always carry your microscope.

IMO 🙂

click to expand

so shal i not go back to visit him and tell him anything?

He's in prison. Isn't that a red flag for you?

Posted by truecap
He's in prison. Isn't that a red flag for you?

iv knwon him an awfully long time and stuck by him as a friend at least for all those years, we used to have conversations on the phone for hours and hours and i really knew him inside out and how much of a good heart he has/had.. its not like he was a terrible person..this prison thing it was him being at the wrong place at the wrong time..trying to help his family relative out who was being beaten up on some escalators by this random dude...and he came in to save his relative..and he told me it was gonna be either him or this guy who is going to get hurt and he decided it was not going to be him

Posted by champranger

Posted by candy10

Posted by champranger
I think you should focus on yourself and the core problem of this story (see bolded), OP.

Posted by candy10
Been really good friends with this guy for six years plus. He always liked me..never made it a secret. Would flirt, want to see me all the time, would compliment me, say I was special to him, went as far as saying he could see us together in the future told me to think about it..wanted to get married. We would talk on the hpone for hours and hours he would tell me all his deepest secrets and he really opened up more than he did with anyone else. he always said he missed me when i wasnt around and would b really down about it. Basically he had all these strong feelings for me and i barely reciprocated..at times things would come out here n there. Truth was I kept it all inside but it was all mutual. Looking back i wish Id done more and said more.

Plus the fact that you doubted his interest for a long time. I understand the guardedness, but don't always carry your microscope.

IMO 🙂

so shal i not go back to visit him and tell him anything?

I don't think he would be at place in life where he wants a relationship and settle down. He probably would want to get his life together first.

Also, I think if you repeat the same process and taking the same route, your outcome is bounded to be repeated again. So unless that process is different, the next guy is probably going to get the same joy ride again.

IMO 🙂

click to expand

i understand tht he wants to get his life togethet etc etc...but its not like im going in needing a ring or needing a commitment but I just miss my friend and i would want to keep in contact with him.. for some reason he does not seeem to want it..i dunno

You're at a dead end unless you learn how to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

Ok, here's what I have gathered based on the big picture of your conversation and my own experiences. He questioned you to try and get you to come clean about your feelings for him. Even him pushing you away is an undertone of reverse psychology and self protection. Neither one of you wants to admit feelings and yet you both are beating around the bush about it and giving off mixed messages. I have been in this scenario with a guy friend that lasted 7 years until recently we decided just not meant to be. Now I absolutely do think he has feelings for you, but at this juncture in his life he is not in a position to have a relationship. So you can either wait it out and in the meantime tell him your true feelings or move on.

I dont want a commitment - u r lying to urself my dear

Posted by truecap
You're at a dead end unless you learn how to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

I kno you're right I jst find it easier by message or letter..lol. hence the six page letter..also it is do hard to convey or describe what I feel as I can't do it justice..because there is so much depth to it I cnt even put it into words.

Posted by Moonbutter
Ok, here's what I have gathered based on the big picture of your conversation and my own experiences. He questioned you to try and get you to come clean about your feelings for him. Even him pushing you away is an undertone of reverse psychology and self protection. Neither one of you wants to admit feelings and yet you both are beating around the bush about it and giving off mixed messages. I have been in this scenario with a guy friend that lasted 7 years until recently we decided just not meant to be. Now I absolutely do think he has feelings for you, but at this juncture in his life he is not in a position to have a relationship. So you can either wait it out and in the meantime tell him your true feelings or move on.

I thought exactly the same as u to be honest as the opposite to tht would b he has nothing left and how can that be when he has been consistent for eight years..since we met as teenagers lol. Lik how can it go away so quickly his feelings. I thnk I am going to tel him on the next visit which is in two weeks time... I'll start by asking him why he thinks I went to all that effort for him. n see what he comes up with and go from there

Posted by candy10

Posted by truecap
You're at a dead end unless you learn how to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

I kno you're right I jst find it easier by message or letter..lol. hence the six page letter..also it is do hard to convey or describe what I feel as I can't do it justice..because there is so much depth to it I cnt even put it into words.

click to expand

You're not going to have a successful relationship with ANYONE unless you can learn to express yourself.
Otherwise you're going to be alone for life.

I think we've told you this over and over and over and over.

*done*

Posted by truecap

Posted by candy10

Posted by truecap
You're at a dead end unless you learn how to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

I kno you're right I jst find it easier by message or letter..lol. hence the six page letter..also it is do hard to convey or describe what I feel as I can't do it justice..because there is so much depth to it I cnt even put it into words.

You're not going to have a successful relationship with ANYONE unless you can learn to express yourself.
Otherwise you're going to be alone for life.

I think we've told you this over and over and over and over.

*done*

click to expand

I know and I wil try when I go to visit.him in two weeks

Posted by candy10

Posted by truecap

Posted by candy10

Posted by truecap
You're at a dead end unless you learn how to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

I kno you're right I jst find it easier by message or letter..lol. hence the six page letter..also it is do hard to convey or describe what I feel as I can't do it justice..because there is so much depth to it I cnt even put it into words.

You're not going to have a successful relationship with ANYONE unless you can learn to express yourself.
Otherwise you're going to be alone for life.

I think we've told you this over and over and over and over.

*done*

I know and I wil try when I go to visit.him in two weeks

click to expand

Sounds great! Then he can treat u like shit again..yay