help: in love with my childhood cappy friend

hi everyone,

This is going to be an incredibly long post because there is so much to write about. Please bear with me and advise me because i dont want to lose her.

I am an aqua guy, 26 years of age in love with my childhood friend who is a cap 20 years of age. we have known each other since we were 11 and 6 respectively. She lives in London and i in India. We met each other when i was visiting london for a holiday and stayed over with her family. However we lost touch for around 8-9 years and didn't speak or see each other during that period. We met up again after all that time when i was visiting London for another holiday and was invited over to her house by her older sister. I saw her and thought she was very pretty and well spoken and had a huge crush on her. But i completely turned down the idea of taking it any forward because she lived in london and i in India and both of us having been raised in different cultures. Before i left london to go back, i did add her on facebook.

When i came back i casually started talking to my childhood friend on facebook to just catch up and we got talking very frequently. The more i spoke to her the more i realised i was falling for her. She however told me she was in a long distance relationship with someone living in my city. I respected her choice and her relationship and completely backed off. But we kept talking almost every other day for over a year or so, oddly she would refer to me as buddy. Then she came down to India to visit her relatives and said she wanted to meet up. But then cancelled abruptly when i called to ask where she wanted to meet up. I found that to be very absurd especially since she had initiated it. She went back to london after that and we continued talking over faceboook.

Later she told me her plan of coming to India for a year to do an internship in my city. Two months before she was to come down, she found out her bf was cheating on her with 3-4 other girls. She was devastated and told me about it. During those two months before she came to India, we spoke everyday on facebook and i would stop myself from telling her that i had feelings for her because i felt it was wrong. SHe also told me that her bf had stopped her from meeting me the previous time when she was in India. I did my best to cheer her up and divert her mind away from the whole thing. Then one day she sent me a message saying she was very confused about what to do with her bf as her friends back home in lon

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When she came down to india, we met up and kept in touch regularly over 2-3 weeks. After which she complete disappeared, stopped taking my calls and answering my messages. A few weeks later I saw pics of her clubbing with her bf on fbk and knew that she had gone back to him and he had again asked her to stay away from me. I then made up my mind to never have anything do with her and decided to move on. She did however try and meet up with me before she left for UK but I completely ignored her and excused myself saying I was busy. She tried on 3-4 occasions to meet up but I completely ignored her.
I had been planning to go to UK for my masters and when I reached London the following month. She saw a pic of me on facebook posted by my friends and immediately messaged me asking if I was in London and why I hadn't bothered to tell her. I ignored the message. Later that day she again messaged asking me if everything was fine between her and me and I ignored that too. She kept pressing me and then I told her how she had messed things up and how her selfish and self-centred attitude had pushed me away. She initially denied it, but when I hinted that I knew it was her bf who had made her push me away. She realised I knew more than she thought. The following months she kept messaging me trying to initiate conversation which I kept ignoring. Like every 2-3 days I would get a message from her. I would just ignore her. Then 3 weeks before her bday it all stopped. I was glad it had because I didn't want to speak to her, her fake attitude was a major turn-off. On the day of her bday she sent me a message saying — what day is it?...i was taken aback by this because I thought she had finally got the message. I replied to her saying — is this what things have come to?

I decided to meet up with her one last time and tell her everything about how I felt. Put things in black and white. We met up and I told her whatever I wanted to tell her, told her I had liked her since the day I saw her and how she had taken me for granted. She was quiet and I pressed her to say something. She said she wanted to cry after which I turned to face her and she grabbed me around my neck and hugged me really hard. I held her hand and took her to the subway before she left for home. The following 3-4 months, she messaged regularly and we met up almost every week. I initiated kissing her goodbye on her cheek and she reciprocated by doing the same. She invited me over to her place on

. She invited me over to her place on a number of occasions. We would lie on her bed and watch movies and just chill out. However I never initiated anything and neither did she. She even took me to meet her friends.
3-4 months after that, she got busy with her university and I got busy writing my thesis. We kept in touch but it wasn't as much as before. We planned to meet up once I got done with my research. 3 days before we were scheduled to meet I sent her a message saying I missed her and she responded by saying buddy I miss you too. She said she wanted to watch a movie, I told her that after 3 months of not seeing her I didn't want to waste time watching a movie, but spend it with her hugging her and telling her I loved her. A few hours later she wrote back saying she wanted to discuss things about my feelings for her and her feelings for me. She said she didn't want to ruin the friendship. I told her she had ruined everything the day she turned her back on me in India. I told her I loved her and that meant more to me than her. I told her I was willing to risk losing her and never see her again but not disregard my feelings towards her anymore. I also told her that I couldn't bear to see her with anyone else and that I would much rather walk away from her than see her with anyone else. She said I was a coward for running away because she wanted to be just friends.
She sounded desperate and scared when I said I didn't want to have anything do with her anymore and. She kept saying how she didn't want to lose me as a friend and how she had done nothing to lead me on. Almost sounding scared and embarrassed at being found out. She denied she led me on, when I confronted her about the times we held hands and the times she invited me to her bedroom. She retorted to that saying — did I do anything, did I kiss you, did I make out with you and did YOU do any of that which sounded like she was accusing me of not doing anything when I had the chance. She told me she only liked me as a friend and nothing more, and was never confused about me. it felt like she was trying to dust herself off any accusations. She completely denied ever leading me on which really upset me. We haven't spoken since then, and this is where things stand now.
I don't want to lose her but I feel I will have no choice but to move on if she doesn't feel anything for me.

guys please advise. i am getting desperate!!!!

I wonder if she has a scorpio venus.

I think you should move on, especially if she doesn't feel she's doing anything wrong. As long as she feels she is innocent, she will not change.

I can't speak for all Caps, but both my friend and I are Caps with scorpio venuses. I've been accused of leading someone on, and like your friend I felt I was innocent. I was not touching or kissing the person, and I told him multiple times we couldn't date, so to me that was enough to cover my behind. I didn't take into account the nonphysical and nonverbal things I engaged in. I think she feels the same way, covered, so if her actions are confusing and the current "friendship" isn't working for you, then it might be best for you to move on. She don't understand she is in a way emotionally cheating with you, or using you emotionally.

You will stay in this position for a long time, if not forever, especially since she has a boyfriend. Cut her off for good, or school her on the ways a normal person would confuse her signals, before you cut her off.

she broke up with her bf 10 days after I told her I liked her after we met up during her bday

Posted by flatpace
she broke up with her bf 10 days after I told her I liked her after we met up during her bday

And you are thinking/hoping it is because of you?

Sigh, Aquas and Caps. I had something similar happening with an Aqua girl I met once. At some point she just started completely ignoring me and to this day I have no clue what or why.
To me she was just a friend I hung out with every once in a while whenever I came to visit the city in another country she lived in.

If you have feelings for her but she can't reciprocate them please move on. You are not being an honest friend with her if you try to be friends while you still have feelings. Give her a final message explaining this and then completely block her and unfriend her on facebook.

Posted by lnana04
You will stay in this position for a long time, if not forever, especially since she has a boyfriend. Cut her off for good, or school her on the ways a normal person would confuse her signals, before you cut her off.

click to expand

Unfortunately, this.

well, i guess then it is time to move on!

Posted by crimsonxsoleil
Because there is a word limit.

Just type the other half

Lol

Move on.

People like this have no clue what they are doing. We will not judge them and simply chalk it up to immaturity.


If she doesn't think holding hands and things of that nature crosses the line of just being a damp buddy than drop that ass. Go heal and move on..


Been in a similar situation and it hurts when they walk off and blame you for being in you're feelings as if you're a robot or something. So just take the good times for what they were and keep it pushing. It'll be hard but worth it.


It will probably hit her like a ton of bricks later the bond you had but for whatever reason now she can't see pass you being a buddy that she holds hand with and watches movies with . Smh!

Good luck.