*Sigh* Well guys, it's back on between Cap and I

It's not the apology

Its the fact that she allows ALL her time to be taken, she does it typical Aqua fashion, move way to fast, we honeymoon within hours and there is NOTHING left for him to do but run away.

6 hours should have really been 6 minutes of talk time, 10 minutes or less

1 hour of personal time should really be 30 minutes or less of personal time

It's about prolonging the honeymoon which gives him time to bond with you, if you give him YOU in one full swoop he has no choice but to ignore and neglect because things get stagnant and familiar

You apologized, THATS ENOUGH, allow him to pick up and chase and pursue you, don't honeymoon for hours and hours, split up that time, use it wisely, be mysterious and ladies KEEP YOU TO YOURSELF, stop telling men all your dayum business, keep your emotions you yourself, if you love him, let him figure it out, if you want more of him, let him chase you, BE hard to get, one of the reasons men lose interest is because women don't know how attraction works for a man, we only know what works for us as women.

Giving a man too much of you, too much of your heart will be working against YOU not working for you.

I would suggest being less available, to show you have a life outside of him and this will make him feel safe enough to keep coming to you, men run and ignore, neglect etc because women are too focused on GETTING the man, too focused on the relationship, it scares a man to death when a woman only wants to be with him and only him.

keep conversations short, simple and sweet, allow him to talk about HIm and you listen without talking about YOU, there is time for that, establish the relationship before giving him YOU. Keep your heart to yourself, its precious but be open to receive what he chooses to give with respect and appreciation.

No offense bluelilac, but you're pretty off. I apologized to him because he put so much effort in wanting to talk, even leaving me a message in wanting to speak to me but I ignored them all. I guess you'd have to be in my shoes to fully understand. And I didn't really make any efforts to teach him a lesson. I just went about my own business as if he didn't exist and I easily sensed he was distraught.

Honestly, there's always two sides and I believe it's extremely selfish that we blame the other half and fail to analyze our behaviors as well.

And tiki, you're right again. I'm doing everything you just said but I should have not spent talking to him for so long.

As a matter of fact, it's like the roles have been switched. I'm starting to see my old self in him and his old self in me. I don't even care as much as I used to. I have come to the conclusion that I'm just going to experiment with him for awhile. That "butterflies in your stomach" feeling isn't there anymore. But I do enjoy his company. I'm young so it's not as important to me.

"I would suggest being less available, to show you have a life outside of him and this will make him feel safe enough to keep coming to you, men run and ignore, neglect etc because women are too focused on GETTING the man, too focused on the relationship, it scares a man to death when a woman only wants to be with him and only him."

This works. I've actually been busy with school for the past month and he even mentioned the fact. He says it's like I can't make time for him and wonders where I am, what I'm doing since I'm so hard to get in touch with. I don't even have the desire to call him. It just doesn't phase me anymore.

I actually feel a whole lot better about the situation now. If it takes time, that's fine by me. If it ends, I'm fine with that too. I think it's some sort of a renewed confidence that I have. I feel good. 🙂

"if you are mentally stimulating for him; is he more interested in someone who is really experienced sexually?"

that couldn't be farther from the truth. i think we capricorns bring out the insecurities in people because we're not open books. you have to read us page by page, chapter by chapter. you don't get the whole thing all at once. if you can handle a slow, beautiful, unfolding, riveting story, then this is the man for you. if you need it all out in the open all the time, go get a gemini or cancer or virgo.

capricorns are logical people. they will put aside superficial qualities of a person if they are intellectually stimulating and have a very full life of their own. this will inspire much sexual desire in fact if they meet someone who can hold a torch to their own intelligence. we love teaching and learning, so if you can help in either one of those departments, you're in for a wild ride in the sack because are brains are wired to our you-know-what, and not in the lewd way of most men.

*our*

omg..here i go again with my cap!!..i dunno what to do with him..i am on teh verge of giving up..i would really like some advise on this please..tiki.. everything u say is soo right and yet i keep makign mistakes..
well ill update on what recently happened just incase if u dont recollect my past situation ..its under "capricorn men?" thread..2nd last page: $ ..
as for now..
tiki..i think what you said was right..because i just contacted him once and then totally forgot about it..he messaged me a week ago!!!..just casually on msn to see how i was doing..and we had a casual 10 minute convo before he went to sleep..even 5days ago he messaged me..just casually and still kept it short for 10 minutes and then left..i just don't know what these short convos mean..like he will message but keep it casual..he mentioned how he is looking for job ..so im guessing thats why he was worked up..i just dunno what to do with him...when i decided i am gonna close his chapter completely, he starts messaging out of nowhere..sometime i dont't know what he wants..i am trying to be sweet, nice and caring..but i dont wanna over do it..as he seems so casual and cold..ive seen he doesnt play around much like i do but gets offended easily sometimes..like comes out serious sometimes..

i just don't know how to handle it any more..like why did he randomly star messaging and why does he keep it short and casual :S..
so as he had messaged me twice..and it had been 5 day to it..i messaged him yest to see how his job search was going..he didnt reply!!..bt hi have feelgin he must have been drunk( as he drinks alot)..one of my friends and one of his friends told me that..so when i messaged him last night i had a feeling that he returned from a party..as he was onlin really late and wasnt online at all before that..and im guessing he might have been drunk..also everytime i talk to him all he says that he can't think coz he is soo tired..it coudl also be coz he could be studying..buhalso may be he drink lot..esp coz he lives all by himself..so now im wondering even if i wanan be with a guy that drinks soo much..coz i know habits like these don't change..guys never change!..
BUT i coudl be wrong too..i DONT KNOW..he keeps coming online now since then but doesnt message..i am iving up on him..i dont want to..buh if he was interested he wouldnt play games liek hit and run texting..thats what i hear from every 1!!

piscesgal, don't over text, if you text a guy once (and this goes for every woman) please don't text again, he KNOW you texted him, give him time to invite you into his space, if he doesn't text back then it means he's not interested in connecting with you at the moment, this is why I just don't put myself in lower positions with men, during the dating stage, I don't call,text,IM, email first, I allow the man to initiate contact first, it makes it easier for everyone, especially ME and I don't have to guess if he's interested in me or not interested because he's leading the relationship.

Just for those who don't know, when you text/call/email/IM a guy once and he doesn't reply back don't do it again, don't give him another chance to IGNORE YOU, when you keep calling/texting etc it feels like your nagging a man, so don't do it, be patient and allow him the time to call back and if he takes weeks to call back then its up to you to question if he's worth investing in.

I don't know if he's drinking and you don't either, please don't assume the worse because he's chosen not to communicate, his lack of respnse means he doesn't want to communicate with YOU right now.

Its not so much as games being played, it feels like games because you don't understand MEN, understanding men and how they view dating and women will help you calm down and stop thinking the worse, right now he's saying I'm not interested in having a full out relationship RIGHT NOW (which is why he gives you small fractions of time) yet your a great person and I will keep in touch due to the potential of having one in the future but he also is saying he needs to go at his own pace, he needs his space to figure it all out for himself, he has to do things his way, be in control of every aspect of the friendship which may turn into a relationship, he's pacing himself, if he's not working then of course his priority isn't having a relationship, its finding a job but once he finds that job things may pick up.

Patience...be patient and back off and allow him the space to come to you

Strong hijacking. Anyway, Tiki, I would like your advice on something. You said to let him do all of the chasing but wouldn't this also work against me? It may give him the idea that I'm not that interested and may possibly give up since I'm not reciprocating. I called him ONCE in the past two weeks and that was the first call I made the him to apologize.

It's only been two weeks so I'm not stressing over it but it's the tiny fear that my lack of reciprocation will crumble whatever we have. There ARE other things to look into. He knows I'm busy with school during the week and he works at the same time. The only time he did call me during the week was when he knew I was off those days. I'm pretty sure I gave him the impression that I'm busy ALL the time. Anyway, I'll wait until this weekend to see if the calls to hang out. Meh. Maybe I'm just stressing over nothing.

Ok let me clarify something....chase and pursue a man all you want but chasing a man doesn't BENEFIT a woman especially if she has low self esteem, it makes her doubt herself, it f*cks with her self esteem, it makes her feel insecure. Women are too stuck on this feminist BS which works in the boardroom but not in love relationships. A woman can call, email, text, aim all she wants but it will not get her ANYWHERE with a man, she will always feel she's doing most of the work, she will struggle, she will over give, over function, give her heart, give her soul, give her time, money, energy and he will not have given her half as much because there will be no urgent need to do so if she's pulling his weight, it is better to keep things balance by going by the natural process of dating, not the normal but the natural.

A man never forgets the woman he professes to love and like so he will call when he's ready, its easier when a man pursues a woman because she's not feeling as though she's wasting her time, she doesn't have to guess if he's serious because all his actions will say I'm serious, I'm emotionally availabe, I'm ready for you and thus he will do most of the calling, texting etc during the dating process.

Too many women want a man so bad that they will chase a man and create and live in these imaginary relationships, if he wants to bond and connect with you, he will COME TO YOU, if he's not coming to you then he's either lazy, not interested, dating so many women he can't remember you, emotionally unavailable or all of the above. You can't force a man to love you and be into you by pursuing him, if he's not in pursuit then he's not interested PERIOD...if women would accept this and stop fawning and falling all over men that aren't ready for relationships, men that are emotionally immature this would save themselves a huge amount of heartache.

Date men that really are into you, date men that pursue you, its not always about love blah blah blah, its about feeling desirable, its about building your self image up on the inside and part of the way you do that is by accepting adoration by the men that are attracted to you, and not giving all of yourself to this one silly little guy that can't get his life together.

If a man is broken, leave him broken, your not there to fix his shit, if he's not good at living his life then he's not good in relationships, leave him alone.

Most women date these man-boys, the ones that allow you to pursue and do all the work, the ones that will let you hold his hand and nurture him on every little thing going wrong his life, the men that take and never give anything back, dump his ass ok, he's not worth the effort. A real man don't want you to manage his life, he doesn't want you listen to all his dayum problems, men who shed all his problems onto you doesn't view you as a girlfriend, your his diary, your his buddy, his friend...a real man deals with his life, is good at living his life, fix his own problems and helps himself and would never allow a woman to baby him when he's down, he's independent and self sufficient, he's about making you happy and giving you what you need to be happy with him.

Most women enable men to be emotionally lazy by doing all the work, then they run here and say why this and why that. The NATURAL notice I said NATURAL not NORMAL, the natural order of things, that still have validity to date is that a man that is interested, wants more, wants to connect, wants to build a bridge from friendship to relationship will PURSUE the woman, he will do majority of calling, he will ask you out on dates, he will treat you like a Queen/Princess, he will tell you what you need to know without you guessing, thats what being or moving into a relationship looks and feels like.

If you have to come here because a guy has shut down, it means he's UNSURE and if he's unsure then he's not going to give you what you need and want which is a relationship, if he doesn't know what he wants then he doesn't want what he already have.

maybe I should shut up, I guess I have been on the ass end of relationships most of my life, I just want women to wake the hell up and stop making excuses, love themselves more and ditch these man-boys.

i dunno i don't like guys who pursue.

i've been hit & run, as i call it, more times than i can remember. chasers like to run and they run after you & then run away.

i'm more a fan of reciprocation. you call, he calls, you call, he calls, in no particular order. nowdays i want to take it slow & take time to get to know guys & anyone that's in a hurry or seems all excited about me i put off.

it's the guys that stay around over time, don't particularly chase, aren't in any hurry, don't ask for a r-ship with me & are my friends too that are the ones that i want in my life.

Its not about chasing, its about showing interest which allows a woman to know were he is emotionally inregards to her, again its about making things easier not harder but to each her own, do what works for you and if its working then do it, if its not, try something new.

:showing interest:

i love that way of looking at it!

that can be my new metric for interacting with guys.

is he showing interest?

that's so simple & avoids the roller-coaster or feeling the need to play hard to get.

Exactly, I don't advocate playing games or playing hard to get, for me its about building self esteem, its about BEING hard to get because your life is full of the things you love to do, its about having and creating a great life for oneself so she doesn't feel the need to cling to a man for validation, its about understanding the natural process of dating and what that looks like.

I want women to understand on a much deeper level what men are saying through there actions, I'm not saying I'm always right, hell no, I make mistakes too but I can honestly say that I have avoided many pitfalls by understanding men, I think a lot of us are so busy focusing on the behavior instead of really understanding and knowing what the behavior means for a man.

Yeah, gennamoon, I get impatient quickly. Two weeks in and I'm already starting to shift. I'm a control freak and will hit the door before anything blossoms. I don't know. I'm complicated.

Tiki, so you're saying I should just flat-out not reciprocate? No offense but it doesn't make sense to me. I've been on a male-dominated relationship forum and going by what the guys have said, playing hard to get isn't always the bright idea. In no way am I going to chase. I don't know if you're confusing chasing and showing interest or maybe I misunderstood. I don't want him to think he's doing all this work and is getting nothing in return, no "Hi" or "How have you been?". And that applies for both male and female. It sounds nice the way you've put it but it sounds so one-sided. I don't know, I just like being fair :/

You are reciprocating, your allowing him to initiate and you reciprocate, simple as that, it doesn't make sense not to respond to an email/text/call...its how you respond that matters

I'm tired LOL!! I love helping but man it wears me out..

To clarify if he's not calling you then he's not interested in connecting with you, you can call him but he will give you this half ass welcome or seem super excited and act as if he's going to keep in touch and not call you again for another couple weeks. If she's patient and allow him to pace himself, it will be a better result but if she pushes and calls and text etc at her leisure, he will just throw her into the she annoy me box, desperate, clingy, no life box and get to her when he chooses...

if a woman pursues a man he will feel like she's of no value because no man is chasing her and thats why she's calling him LOL...women who have men around don't sit around waiting and wondering about a guy, they are dating and living a full life and if he comes around cool but if he doesn't so what, who cares, his lost and focus her attention on men that choose to stick around.

Again to each her own, I can sit her and explain why its best to do XYZ but the only way your going to know for yourself is to do what feels right and see what results from that, tweak what works and throw away what doesn't work for you, I know an easier way but does it make it better probably not, it all depends on the persons level of commitment to understand and apply it.

Look aquasun what do you want from this guy? You seem to care about him cos u have been talking about him for a year but you froze him out completely now you are talking to him but moaning at the same time. The guy obviously values you deeply and you need to ask yourself whether you feel the same and can reciprocate that. If not, then put the guy out oof his misery and cease all contact with him tell that to all your friends and family too.

Ok guys, time to get honest here. I don't think I want a relationship. I've just realized that I enjoy being intimate with him and that's it. It's been hard for me to admit this because I'm a female and yada yada. That's pretty much the only reason I want to initiate contact. There I said it. I was in denial before and now it has come to the forefront. BUT I keep coming back here because he has been giving off subtle romantic gestures and it has me baffled sometimes. I want to get "it" over with. But now all he wants to do is make conversation. He's tried to get affectionate with me but I'm not moved by it. I just can't. He's tried to hug me but I gave him a "Don't come near me look" and replied with, "I'll take that as a no." I feel like the man now. I just want to vent, ok guys? lol I'm an Aqua. I'm complicated and I'm fickle. Alright I'm done. I came to this realization last night when he contacted me. *Sigh* I feel better now.

I admire your honesty aquasun. You need to tell that to him.

Why did you create a new threat on the Cap. board devoted to this guy IF you don't want anything serious with him? I think you're either torturing him for sport, or were trying to evoke a reaction from him because you do want more.

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