Strike 1....now try this again!

Ok, I guess I'm writing this on the cap board cuz that's where most of the discussion has been. I pretty much, just want to end things with current so I can meet Cap without the baggage, and start fresh.

hmmmmmm, HOW the FFFFFFFFFFFFff do I do this? Last night, we pissed me off, nothing HUGE, but same old, and I has liquid courage. He wouldn't take it. Deflected my points, argued about, threw a few things. Then pleaded, then begged. I went to sleep on couch, with my stubborn bullness.

He goes to bed, wakes up, pleads with me more. My head is pounding, I close my eyes (not feeling good, from my liquid courage) wake up, and he is passed out on me snuggling.

All I can think, is, this is not going to work like this. I need a plan. fffffffffffff there is NO WAY to exit gracefully with a scorp. This is gonna take a MUCH bigger plan.

Yes, I defintaly figured out that sober was the way to go! lol ughhhh he's sleeping beside me right now. I'm going to have to devise an exit plan as well, didn't really think that one through. Just want to move on, without this bs, and I know that it's not possible without the mess. I

Completely! Yes it does. This scorp has a raging, sometimes violent temper though. Do I do it face to face sober where is freaks out and breaks my things. Move out while he is on the road. Have people around the corner to step in if needed.

This is just going to be a nighmare. It really is. My friends told me, I've been a crutch for him for all these years. He's like my dependant. They said I have to stop allowing that. But yesterday when he was all upset I just wanted to cry and hold him and tell him I'm sorry. I've made things better for him, done anything I can. But he's abused it, taken it for granted, and hardly returned.

I'm seeing what an unhealthy relationship this has been, which makes this sooo f'in hard.

I've never been in these shoes, or this type of relationship. I've never left this situation before. I don't know how.

This is just another reason why I got to deal with this before Cap. I really need some recovery time too, inbetween. If I care about cap, I need to get myself together first.

good plan of action, captain e. over.

anyway tg, just be as logical about things as you can. don't engage in emotional back and forth, say your piece honestly and fairly...

The way I see it is that this man (the Scorp) cares about you deeply. You are at a point where you just want to throw it all away. I find this very sad. I get the feeling that the Scorp wants this to work. You won't tell the Cap this as he is going out of his way and you are seeking a way out and, despite what you say, wanting to run into the arms of someone else right away. This, too, is very saddening. I think that you realize the Cap is not going to want you to part ways with a man who thinks the world of you as he never would himself. Be honest with the Cap and, most importantly, be honest with yourself!

planned reboud!

^that too

I don't like the idea of throwing 5 years away either, but I would be getting rid of someone that has eaten so much of my soul. I've allowed myself to lose myself in this. 5 years gone? It definately beat the rest of my life.

Whatever happens with anyone in the futre, will have to be taken slow. I realize that.

You sure capricorn would want to be with you then? ..

Capricorns are very loyal and they want someone who are the same ... I dont think he would appreciate the fact that you dumped your 5 years boyfriend at the drop of a hat

It wouldn't be a drop of the hat. I've talked to cap for the whole 5 years as friends. He knows what I've been through & I know what he's been through. We have an understanding.

Hence why I brought it up to him that I don't want to do anything stupid. If we decide to start this, we would start it right. I mean, yes we're talking, but if you call that cheating, then so be it. I brought it up, and he said he was sooo happy to hear that, and that was totally on his mind. He said, take your time, whatever you need to do, you know where I stand and how I feel about you.

My time with scorp is just killing me, my heart is just not there. We bring out the worst in each other, we both deserve to be happier. I just don't know how to do this. I've never lived with anyone before, what a f'in mistake.

Yes, I understand. Trust me, I'm ready to walk away without anything as well. But I just don`t want to carry on. He`s happy with things, partying, treating me bad with extreme scorpio ups and downs, in and out of jobs, owing me shtload of $ for years...I`m ready to walk away without it.

Because it`s not worth it. Not worth living an unhappy life. Not worth asking for things that don`t matter. He can keep the shit that`s mine. But if he`s only going to start caring when I pull away, that tells me, he only wants what he can`t have.

He`s had years to try a little harder. It sucks when it`s too late. It really does, because I would really have done anything for him. But the hurt of being disloyal to me, and everything, you just can`t take back. 😢

Yes, don`t want to end or start anything quick. Cloudy heads don`t love or heal well.

Good night, fellow humans, good night.