Tell me I didn't blow it..

Hi,
I would like your perspective on a cap guy I have know a while but was not close . this includes a bit of a sensitive subject. I was just too interested on a cancer guy that turned out to have been cheating to see that this cap was interested in me. After he suggested we go out to dinner, I saw him in a new light. We were on the same page in regards to lots of things. We no longer chit chatted. On that very same night, he told me about the shaky relationship with his half brother. From that date
he was always texting me, calling and we emailed back and forth.

He's extremely busy and incredibly successful at his job. He's adventurous, impulsive and affectionate in public. I was not prepared to discover that such a personality hid such dark emotions. On the second date he ended up telling about his bad relationship with his parents.
After weeks of getting to know each other and meeting 3 times a week, he comes over to mine and yup, we slept together. It was not planned. On that night, I noticed that he seemed a bit quiet in bed.

I asked what was wrong and he said that he was trying to let go. Let go of what, I asked. He told me that he was not very in touch with his emotions and this was due to being sexually abused by people in authority as a kid. We talked it out. He then let me know that he coulnd't fall asleep I a new person's bed... He would stay awake the whole night but that it would be different the next time. One thing that wouldn't change was the fact that he did not like being touched at all in bed. Or held.

I found it strange but let it go. We all have our hang-ups.

Then it got stranger. In the morning, he gets up really early claiming that he hadn't slept a wink( he says that he felt this overwhelming need to make sure that I was safe) got dressed , gave me a kiss on my forehead and was out the door in less than five minutes.

I felt used and that maybe he realized he'd made a big mistake the following morning. sent him a message saying so. He stated that that was not the case and he had already told me what the deal was. He knew that I was a touchy geeky kind of gal in bed and told me that maybe we are just mismatched that way but did tell me that he'd like to see me later in the week.

Everything seemed fine until the next morning, I sent him a message telling him a missed his kisses.

That is where things went pear shaped. He told me that He wouldn't be comfortable with that ad the worst thing that I could ha

Have told him and maybe we should just be friends. He, before things turned pear shaped told me that he could not just let me see his inner self and then just walk out of his life. If I wanted to get to know him, I'd have to stick around because that's what friends do. This was before he had told me about his abuse in bed. He still texts me in a normal friendly tone as he is in hospital at the moment and will be at home for two weeks while recovering but according to him that he'd really like to see me once he is back on his feet.

I do like him and would like to help him deal with his demons. Just not sure how to go about it. Am I really just his friend now?

Thanks

By the way, he is a moon mercury and Venus in Aquarius with mars in Sagittarius if that helps!

SMH@By the way, he is a moon mercury and Venus in Aquarius with mars in Sagittarius if that helps!....He's a piece of work, he doesn't need you to help him with him his demons, he needs a therapist.

He's put up so many boundaries and barriers because of his so called shaky past something you have no way of confirming (appears manipulative) as in using these stories to push you out which is exactly what he did, you will never ever get close to this man not even as a friend....He's too busy holding himself.

Hmm, thank you so much tiki33! I would agree with you on that one. Why do men have to be so manipulative? If all you want is to be "fed", be upfront and let me know, who knows I might want to eat too but to lie your way through? What gives?!

Let's be friends is equivalent to I'm just not that into you. It's not the end of the world and basically he's just being a man using his male instincts, if he don't feel it then you get friend zoned...It is what it is

I'm almost sure he's strong enough to stand on his own 2 feet and carry his own demons especially since he has the capacity to be successful so he's not exactly helpless. IMO if he told you upfront that he just wanted to be "FED" then the odds are slimmer that he wouldn't get what he wanted...basically some men lie, twist manipulate, elicit empathy, tell half truths, pretend to be perfect friend potential boyfriend...It's easier than telling the truth.

If you felt used then don't ignore it explore it...There's a message that your ignoring and probably need to pay attention to.

Posted by CapGal
CancerFront, you certainly have a LOT on your hands here. It's your choice.......be his therapist or get out now. That must be some emotional shit, ie, you really caring for a guy and not being able to touch him in bed. If there is such a physical blockade, imagine the emotional one? Damn, its hard even thinking about it.

agree...if it's this hard now, I can't imagine how it's going to be later down the line being with a man that clearly has intimacy problems, history of sexual abuse that he uses as a defense mechanism, boundaries set up around touching behind closed doors, sounds like a Narcissist of some kind or a low level sociopath, they usually put on a great front in public but behind closed doors it's like dating the devil, they suck in one on one relationships and behind closed doors it's awkward, it's uncomfortable, all your insecurities surface at some point b/c he has 1001 defense mechanisms...COLD COLD COLD world you will be living in.

Make sure you know exactly what your getting yourself into...

Thanks guys, I'm going to steer clear. I can see how it's going to end and not with me happy, that's for sure. It just took me by surprise because you'd never guess anything like this on someone like him. He says that he looks for empathy in a person... I think I know why now...! I bet he's one of those people that sucks a person's energy and when regained himself he scampers off into the sunset. A physical and emotional vampire...

Posted by CancerFront
Thanks guys, I'm going to steer clear. I can see how it's going to end and not with me happy, that's for sure. It just took me by surprise because you'd never guess anything like this on someone like him. He says that he looks for empathy in a person... I think I know why now...! I bet he's one of those people that sucks a person's energy and when regained himself he scampers off into the sunset. A physical and emotional vampire...

He says he looks for empathy in a person...

That says it all

Can I ask what exactly is wrong with Venus in aqua? I will def explore the feeling of being used. This stems from my need to make the world a better place and if I notice that someone needs help in any way, I will help. Shirt off my back and all that. I'm not 100% attracted to the guy, it's more that. That and intruigue as to how someone can portray themselves as one thing and be so closed up indoors. Or how he can talk about such a personal thing that quickly... I analyze a lot and always have a feeling of having to know all the answers. It's what was driving me. I'm going to stop though. You guys are correct. He's old enough to sort out his demons himself!

VENUS IN AQUARIUS = CHEATERS AND HOES ! LOL

VENUS IN AQUARIUS = CHEATERS AND HOES ! LOL

Venus IN AQUARIUS = CHEATERS AND HOES !! but sometimes they other 11 houses can cut it out or alter that ... anddd u didnt blow it girlyy = )