The first step

Hey, i just came back from another thread. And what i read there got me thinking.

I am a shy Capricorn. I am not shy when i am with my friends or close circle, but i definitely have a lot harder time to relax when i just meet new people. Usually my method to deal with this is pretending that i already know the other. Sounds silly, but it helps. I can totally clam up in big groups. It is a fact, and i am working on changing it, because i would feel a lot better if i could just relax immediately.

So, after the long intro....

Have you ever done the first step, asking a guy out etc? Or guys, what do you think of woman who are breave enough to do that?
When the relatiinship is initiated by the woman isn't it last shorter? Do men really want a woman who makes the first step? Isn't it that they treasure more for what they fight/chase/court?

Personally i rarely did the first step. But i also realised that when i am giving off the "i am so very cool vibe" nobody dares to ask me out. I was told by more man in my life that they were actually scared to ask me out. (I think i don't need to tell you, how terrible i felt when they told this.)
I can easily flirt with those guys who i don't take seriously, but whenever a possible "right" guy show up, i immediately clam up and get scared.
If i make the first step it seems those are my relationships with shorter life span. I feel how can i trust that a man will take care of me And our future family if he is not man enough to make the first step. Isn't it wrong kind of thinking on my part?

If you every made the first step, how did you do it? Only indicated that you would be interested or just simply asked the man out? Guys wouldn't you be turn off by that?

In your experience which is the sign of woman/man who like to take the first step?

I am interested in all answers, so please throw in your 2 cents even if you are anot a Cappy. (And please state your Sun/Moon/Venus and Ascendant sign, if it is not too much of a bother.)

Thank you!

I've gotten bursts of sassiness and hit on men that I liked. It can be really exhilarating. I think men like it, unless of course you come across as a beast about it.


I don't think men should have to do all the work. If the two of you are equally interested, its fun to go back and fourth with the chase. Keep em on their toes! 😉

Oh Pisces Sun/Scorp Moon/Aries Venus and Mars/Cancer rising.

Well ..

"I am not shy when i am with my friends or close circle, but i definitely have a lot harder time to relax when i just meet new people."

This applies to me, but it also depends on the other person, if they are friendly and start the talking then I am talking to them like I've known them for a while, if they are acting awkward and all ... then I become self-concious, processing all the talk in my head first and then concluding that I probably should keep it there instead of opening my mouth lol ... which even makes it more awakard

"Have you ever done the first step, asking a guy out etc?"

Well, not asking him out ... but after being friends with a guy (mr.capi) for a while ... I admitted that I like him ...

"when i am giving off the "i am so very cool vibe" nobody dares to ask me out. I was told by more man in my life that they were actually scared to ask me out."

Same here

"I can easily flirt with those guys who i don't take seriously, but whenever a possible "right" guy show up, i immediately clam up and get scared."

and this too ... I actually start avoiding them all together ... and whenever they are around everything is awkward, that exact same feeling of meeting someone new who doesnt make you feel comfortable around them ... I dont like chasing, I am happy living single, so it usually someone showing interest, most of the time it gets put on 'ignore', but if he seems like he is an intersting somebody, I tag along, being my normal self, until I start liking them, and thats when things start getting stupid ... with me avoiding them

Aries Sun, Aries Moon, Aries Venus, Capricorn Rising

Thank you, all of you! 🙂

MsPisces: "I don't think men should have to do all the work."
Definitely not, but if we look at animals, for example birds or lions, the male animal are the more pretty always, and they still fight for the female. I don't think it's because of societal reasons. I think maybe males appreciate more what they fight for. I am not sure of this, but that's my idea, and that's why i started this thread.

Of course in a relationship both persons should be active, and show their love. I was only tak about the first step.

One more very important question: How to keep men on their toes? 😉 Please share! I know Pisces woman are good in this.

Tooseriouslol:

Yes, i understand where you came from. How did you change? Step by step, or one experience made you to change yourself? When you meet a man now, can you be completely open? Do you often initiate?

BelovedAssata:

No, i don't think it counts as game playing. 😄 It's just the process of courting. I also like to be courted. Thank you for your answer!

Oxlostxo:

I was really surprised when i read your answer, because you have so MANY Aries Fire oin your chart. And that would make you super initiative and fast. Yet, i could relate to your every word, and i felt a similarity between us.

May i ask, when you told Mr. Cap that you like him, how did you felt? Was it natural for you, or it was hard to say it out loud, being the first who open up?

I hope you are doing great together! Good luck to you! 😉

Tooseriouslol:

Why? Don't you want to meet any new man?

Posted by FlorasSecret
Oxlostxo:

I was really surprised when i read your answer, because you have so MANY Aries Fire oin your chart. And that would make you super initiative and fast. Yet, i could relate to your every word, and i felt a similarity between us.

May i ask, when you told Mr. Cap that you like him, how did you felt? Was it natural for you, or it was hard to say it out loud, being the first who open up?

I hope you are doing great together! Good luck to you! 😉

Yeah I never understood why I am not the chasing type, even with all this Aries in my chart ... Could be the pisces cusp? ... grrr ... I've never approved of the fish ... but maybe when I am in love the fish takes over ... lol ... not sure

For me love has always been something serious, my heart is a precious thing and I wasn't just gonna hand over to just about anyone. I would need to be sure that they have some feeling for me, and that they won't be shoving my heart back into my face .. so if I was ever to fall in love, it would have to be through friendship, because that's the only way I get to know them and they get to know me, and if they are really geniune with their feelings for me, they would stick around for as long as I need, while fake ones just give up. And it is only when a geniune person sticks arond, is when I actually start feeling something for them and then it hits me, and all of a sudden I go quite around them, I tell lame jokes, run out of things to say and suddenly I feel like the most boring person on earth ... strange how that realisation changes things ... and boy, it takes me forever to get back to my normal self around that person, they would need to trust that the girl they fell for will return one day ... and hopefully that day is soon enough ..

Well as for Mr.Cap, I was treating him like a friend all the time, for 5 months, and then it hit me, it hit me that I was actually starting to like this guy, and then I crawled into my shell, and starting all that awkard dilemma, but he still sticked around, so 3 months of awkardness after my realisation, I was out with Mr.Cap and he seemed really sad, and he kept dropping hints on how he wants me to travel with him and how he showed my pic to his mum and so on, but I didn't say anything. So after a couple of days I was reflecting back on it, and I saw the sadness in him that I failed to see on that day, and I was worried

that he might think that I didnt like him. And I had to text him saying what I felt, and it was terrible, I mean I hate letting my emotion be out there, but I had to, because this was the guy I cared for like no other, and I hated to see him sad, so just wanted to make sure, he knew what I felt.

Well, Mr.Cap is still around, just moving slowly like a turtle lol

xolostxo:

Thank you for your reply. I only once in my life confessed my feelings to another person. Though i admit many times when i was infatuated by my own fantasy related to a person ( = i stared a relationship because of stupid reasons, hoping he can fulfill the emptyness in me) i said "iloveyou"-s many many times. It's just even when i forced myself to say them, they remained meaningless and empty.

(btw i still have doubt if unconditional LOVE (with capital letters) exis for me or not. I am not sure if i am able do feel it, and if there will be a man who will practice it with me. Oh, i am Off-topic my own thread. 😄)

Cappies like turles LOL! Yes! If it makes you a bit inspired i personally love Aries people and are inspired by them day by day. I hope i can also fill my own life and personality with enthusiasm and joy for living.

Can you tell my how not to be a turtle? I would be a willing student. I am serious.
I know i am just simply afraid to open, and when i am open, i am afraid what if the other is changing his mind. Am i good enough? Are we good? Also how can i balance my life/carrie with his?

Can i ask? I read in many places that Aries is always in action, always going somewhere etc. Start things and gets bored easily. Is is true for you, or your Capricorn Ascendant changes this as well?

Can you describe me your ideal partner and a good relationship? How much time would you spend with your partner? Does too much closeness bother you? Do you need your own place? How can one makes the relationships unique and interesting so the Aries person will enjoy it the fullest?

Have nice days! And i wish your turtle will transform into a tiger! 😉

Posted by tooseriouslol
FlorasSecret, i see you like to do surveys. you sound very cute (and polite). i bet this is not the first time you hear this.

Oh, first to your previous post. I didn't know you found your other half. So lucky! 🙂

And thank you for your compliment. When i first read it i had a gloomy day, and suddenly i forgot everything and it changed my bad mood. Thank you for this.

Yes, i was told that i am cute, but actually don't really get it. I am very serious looking Cappy with Cappy asc. So it's a mystery for me, but because i view myself like this, that's why it's good to hear that i am not that scary. 🙂

I don't really like surveys in the classical, but i have so many questions to ask, and i am really interested in what others think. At one point in my life i realised that even if i imagine what they think and how they view the world, it's so different from my views. I learn the most when i listen to others, and when i face my own self. I believe we learn the most when we interact with others. (Moon in Libra for me.)

Oh, if we are already here: do you believe in unconditional love?

Haha! I need to learn this from both of you.
Many times if something is not right, i start to think: Am i good enough? What do i do wrong? How can i change this?
And some other times i go with the self-centered way: i don't need you, i deserve better, and simply leave without looking back, if something is not right.

Probabaly i brought these patterns from earlier in my life. Time to change it. I'd like to mix the two behaviour in a good way, so i can make myself happy, and the other too. 😄

CappyyLuv30: Just realised you changed your userpic. You are very pretty!

CappyyLuv30:

Yes, we have same moon! Thank you for your advice! 😉
Bad ass rep?! LOL So true!
These past weeks when unwanted thoughs come i try to switch them by listening to music (or just simply dancing in my room LOL), doing some facial mask thing, or going for a walk.

Posted by FlorasSecret

Can you tell my how not to be a turtle? I would be a willing student. I am serious.

lol .. I think the best way to stop being a turtle is to close your mind for a bit and listen to what your heart is telling you .. I mean if you like someone and you know that they like you back, why play it cool? .. I never understand, it is like you guys tend to deny your feelings just simply because it doesn't flow with your grounding logic .. my caps mind always seem to be running a thousand miles per hour ... wish it would slow down for a bit and let the heart take over lol

I know i am just simply afraid to open, and when i am open, i am afraid what if the other is changing his mind. Am i good enough? Are we good? Also how can i balance my life/carrie with his?

Yeah my cap is afraid of opening to ... but since the start of this year, I decided that I am just gonna sit back and do no more, because I got tired of being the one who is holding on ... I just had to tell myself to wake up because apparently this is going no where ... so past 2 weeks not giving him much attention, and I guess he was starting to feel like you said that I am changing my mind ... so he started talking to me online like the time when we first met when we had no feelings involved, he was being opened again, talking about himself, something he didn't do for over a year. And I do get that feeling from him, that he always wonder if he is good enough, that maybe when he opens up and his true colors come out I would flee ... you just got to get that idea out of your head, if the other person love you, they will accept you the way you are ... believe me better know that you've taken a chance and failed rather than not tried at all and never will know what it might have been .. try and leave no room for regrets ..

Can i ask? I read in many places that Aries is always in action, always going somewhere etc. Start things and gets bored easily. Is is true for you, or your Capricorn Ascendant changes this as well?

click to expand

Yeah, it is usually exciting to start new things, but I do get bored along the way, sometimes leaving things unfinished because something else caught my eye, or just because that thing is no longer exciting ... I do like to go places, the idea of not having anything fixed is the best ... nothing to hold you back ...

you can do anything you want anytime you like .. but you see loving someone is a fixed thing ... because it puts limits on these things ... like for example if i decided to move to another country I can't because the person I like is here ... and that's why I wasn't willing to hand over my heart easily, because I know once I do that, I am paying the cost with my freedom ... I also hate dead end careers, the ones that you stuck doing the same thing even when you get promoted you still doing the same thing ... I like variety ... so when I am in one place i try and learn all aspects of it, not just stick to my role, that will keep me interested ... I love changes, but I think as I grow older I am starting to appreciate the idea of stability a little bit more ... just as long as it's mixed with interesting things I suppose it isn't that bad 🙂

Can you describe me your ideal partner and a good relationship? How much time would you spend with your partner? Does too much closeness bother you? Do you need your own place? How can one makes the relationships unique and interesting so the Aries person will enjoy it the fullest?

He would have to be fun with a great sense of humour, loyal, caring, ambitious, adventurous, and spontaneous willing to try new things every now and then. I'd like to see him 2 or 3 times a week, travel together sometimes. Too much closeness is usually suffocating, I like my freedom, but then it would depend on how close is their closeness, it should be balanced, not too much but not too distant either ... remember we Aries like attention :p ... to make a relationship work for us, you'd have to be honest, straight to the point, spontaneous, we like it when we suggest something that you get all excited about it and jump into it with us, we really dislike it when people turn off the spark of a spontaneous idea. We don't like doing the same things over and over, it would be perfect if you could come up with some adventurous ideas to do together ... don't be clingy and don't be jealous, because we usually attract attention and we might be friendly with everyone and it could be mistaken for flirting ..

and yes I agree with tooserious ... you are cute lol 🙂

oxlostxo:

Thank you for your reply again!

"you just got to get that idea out of your head, if the other person love you, they will accept you the way you are ... believe me better know that you've taken a chance and failed rather than not tried at all and never will know what it might have been .. try and leave no room for regrets"

So very true, i need to remind myself to that. I think that's why i like to be in a company of Aries people. I admire this quality!

"Yeah, it is usually exciting to start new things, but I do get bored along the way, sometimes leaving things unfinished because something else caught my eye, or just because that thing is no longer exciting."

Same here! Actually it's not always the best to get bored easily. I blame it on my strong Aquarius influence. (But other times i like to spend times with creating things what needs attention and patience.)

"like for example if i decided to move to another country I can't because the person I like is here ... and that's why I wasn't willing to hand over my heart easily, because I know once I do that, I am paying the cost with my freedom"

Sorry for quoting your words non-stop but i just said the exact same sentence to my best friend some weeks ago, when he asked if i am feeling alone without a relationship.

"don't be clingy and don't be jealous"

How much is clingy? For example, i am not the person who would spend 24/7 every minute with my partner. I like to send short text messages here and there (3-6 times a week, definitely not 40 times/day) when i just feel like it. Like "have a nice day" or "show the other what you've got" or a simple "i want to hug you right now". Maybe it sounds bad? LOL
You know it's not that i am sitting next to the phone, but if i suddenly got an idea i just write a few encouraging words. Is it clingy for an Aries? But i prefer personal meetings, phone is good when we are far away, but nothing can beat personal closeness.

Usually i am not a jealous person, if i feel jealous it most of the time means i have a reason to feel like it, so i openly talk it out or simply break off. I have absolutely no problem say it out loud "you made me jelaous". I know probably it's not the smartest move from a woman(!!!!!!!! - if you know better way, enlighten me please), but since i don't like to feeling i want to deal with it immediately. But i realised not every man open to this kind of confrontation. The funny thing is that a Pisces ex-boyfriend (who

Posted by oxlostxo


and yes I agree with tooserious ... you are cute lol 🙂

LOL Thank you! I don't udnerstand how am i cute, but actually it's very good to hear! 😉

Oh, my comment got cut!

cont.

The funny thing is that a Pisces ex-boyfriend (who because of his sign, should hate confrontation) was the most open on this. He flat out told me that i have no reason, and the issue never again surfaced.

I know from experience that there are many guys with who we don't feel jealous at all, simply because there is trust. I also think the energy one would spend on jelousy, we can transform that to improve ourselves, raise our sel-worth. I was not this smart, i learnt it the hard way.

Go back to clingyness. And the opposite of clingy, (don't remember the word in English, sorry LOL). Many times i just need to spend too much time alone. Is it ok with an Aries? These comes for me in periods. It's not like i forget the other person, they are still in my mind and heart everyday. It's just sometimes i feel like hiding, want to figure out things. Later most of the time i tell my partner what i was thinking about, ask his opinion and that's it. Sometimes i am moody without reason. Or those are self-pity days! (They are good too. Their function is that i realise that i still love myself enough to pity myself. Because there were times when i was so hard on me that couldn't even pity mself.)

I don't know why your Cappy feels sometimes, or afraid that others will leave him. I know in my case i have a reason to that from my childhood. So i brought a not very good pattern with me, but you know. I am an adult now. And my future is too important to let the pas t rule over it. I am not saying i don't have any fears now. I have, but i try to go and face them one by one. I only realised the last year that many time my actions and thinking are determined by my past experiences. I already know that since i had this realisation my life changed so much, i am happier, and feel better, and have more life-power!

Oh, i feel like i am ranting now! Today i am all alone, and feel like talking and talking!

It'd depend on my mood and the mental chemistry that draw me toward the other person. I like the chase and I like being chased.

im a shy guy. very friendly but...hard to ask a girl i dont know out. i dont take rejection well.

HappyCappy you seem so sweet...any smart girl would see that and not reject 😉

lol...not many smart girls then. hehe. jking of course. she will come when the time comes. im not searching for many...im just longing for the one binded to me before this life. if she is in this life anyway. i dont know why im so eager for a partnership...lol.