When a cap returns from his alone time

As cap guys take their alone time to process their thoughts and come back to you as nothing happened ...

should you

A)welcome them back with open arms
B) have the talk about why they haven't been around
C) act like it doesn't matter
D) make up for time apart

Depends on the length of time it took him and the quality of the relationship.

Too long and you're long gone.
A short time, a little understanding and open arms.

A, C, and D.

Thanks for replying - it's for a relationship situation.. Sorry for not being clear in my inital request.

If it was me I'd prob start with B and then D but I can see that most caps wouldn't be receptive to it.

Hit him with a broom stick on his head till he forgets the thoughts he processed.

Especially these: "Do I continue stringing this Cancer along, or better go fishing again...? *scratches head*

If someone disappeared on me for any length of time, say two weeks, I would not be welcoming them back with open arms. I might welcome them, but I would be leery and on guard. (A)
I would not ask them to explain their absence (B)
It would not be so willing to make up for time apart 🍹
I might act like it never happened (C), BUT, I wouldn't take them seriously any longer.

I would have moved on mentally and emotionally as best as I could. If I did try at the relationship again, the momentum would have changed, something would have died, and the relationship would never be the same as it was before.

Now if they discussed it before hand and I knew what they were doing and I was secure they weren't with anyone else and truly wanted to think things over, I'd be more willing to try again. But, still, something would have changed for me and I don't know if I would feel the same for them again. Because, really, if they have to take time to figure things out, then something wasn't right in the first place.

Fari? Yes, no, maybe? Doesn't matter. That scorpio venus is a bitch sometimes. 🙂

The drink was supposed to be a reference to the point D.

lol! Oh well, a drink with the gals would be appropriate, I reckon. lol!

🍹 🍹 🍹

If it were me that needed space to think things over, I probably would be honest about it and tell them beforehand. I'd want them to welcome me back, but I'd understand if things had to back up before they went forward again. Trust would have to be rebuilt. And if I had to ask for space, I'd have to take a good hard look and ask why I needed the space, meaning something was wrong in the relationship since I had doubts causing me to distance a bit.

It's not a good sign.

Posted by truecap
The drink was supposed to be a reference to the point D.

lol! Oh well, a drink with the gals would be appropriate, I reckon. lol!

🍹 🍹 🍹

Truecap - Drinks with the girls sounds great- ready for your top up 🍹
I know why he's been away (first he had an accident which was pretty serious n then whn he was able to return to work he had a lot to catch up on n my work was intensely busy literally didn't have time for myself - it's feels like a long time and we are going to catch up soon but like you said something has changed for me it's been too long. I'm not sure how to handle the situation. He said last week work was due to calm down so he's let me know and asked about mine too so we are due a catch up.

Posted by Undine
Hit him with a broom stick on his head till he forgets the thoughts he processed.

Especially these: "Do I continue stringing this Cancer along, or better go fishing again...? *scratches head*

Lol I like this response -off to find my broom hehehe made me smile thank you

Sorry if I missed this SCG, but how long has it been exactly?

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Sorry if I missed this SCG, but how long has it been exactly?

I didn't say but it's been over a month

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Sorry if I missed this SCG, but how long has it been exactly?

I didn't say but it's been over a month

click to expand

That changes my answers significantly.

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Sorry if I missed this SCG, but how long has it been exactly?

I didn't say but it's been over a month

click to expand

Me, personally, I'd start talking to and dating other people. A month is way too long.

He'd hurt his leg so he couldn't walk on it n couldn't drive or get to wrk. While he was recovering I tried to keep it light hearted n check in with him. Then my wrk became intensely busy n I scaled back contact.
It felt like he was feeling sorry for himself n wanted to be on his own until he felt better n was back to work. I don't think there were other ppl involved n I trust that he was honest.

Posted by SamCancerGirl
He'd hurt his leg so he couldn't walk on it n couldn't drive or get to wrk. While he was recovering I tried to keep it light hearted n check in with him. Then my wrk became intensely busy n I scaled back contact.
It felt like he was feeling sorry for himself n wanted to be on his own until he felt better n was back to work. I don't think there were other ppl involved n I trust that he was honest.

Again, this changes my answer.

Now, I'm back to my original choices.

So last week he said his work would be less busy n I said the same for mine- will see him this week but it has been a while.. Work n injuries got in the way.

I think il just go with the flow n b a bit guarded.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by SamCancerGirl
He'd hurt his leg so he couldn't walk on it n couldn't drive or get to wrk. While he was recovering I tried to keep it light hearted n check in with him. Then my wrk became intensely busy n I scaled back contact.
It felt like he was feeling sorry for himself n wanted to be on his own until he felt better n was back to work. I don't think there were other ppl involved n I trust that he was honest.

Again, this changes my answer.

Now, I'm back to my original choices.

click to expand

thanks captenn there's a part of me that wants to nag him for hidding away while he was hurt but I don't think it would go down too well. I'm hurt that it's been ages since I last saw him but not much I can do apart from A and D

Posted by SamCancerGirl
So last week he said his work would be less busy n I said the same for mine- will see him this week but it has been a while.. Work n injuries got in the way.

I think il just go with the flow n b a bit guarded.

There's a high probability that there is no need to be guarded.

If he was injured and helpless, the fact that he was in little to no contact is not surprising to me in the least.

In fact, most likely biological. Men's brains are funny like that. We don't want to be viewed in vulnerable, compromising, and dependent physical states.

I destroyed my lower right leg about 5 years ago, and didn't walk for 4 months. I wanted no visitors, and I cut off most all contact from the outside world.

I re-emerged to the world after I had learned to walk again........

This scenario you find yourself in seems normal to me --- now that I have the full circumstances.

CapTenn - thank u that helps heaps.
Apologies for not sharing the full circumstances earlier on.

You are right men don't like to look vulnerable

Will be back to normal now - I'm a lot happier

Thanks Twirling Strawberry

Posted by SamCancerGirl
He'd hurt his leg so he couldn't walk on it n couldn't drive or get to wrk. While he was recovering I tried to keep it light hearted n check in with him. Then my wrk became intensely busy n I scaled back contact.
It felt like he was feeling sorry for himself n wanted to be on his own until he felt better n was back to work. I don't think there were other ppl involved n I trust that he was honest.

Still. If I had hurt my leg, I wouldn't ask for space from my relationship. If you came to take care of me, I'd even be more sure of what we had.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by SamCancerGirl
So last week he said his work would be less busy n I said the same for mine- will see him this week but it has been a while.. Work n injuries got in the way.

I think il just go with the flow n b a bit guarded.

There's a high probability that there is no need to be guarded.

If he was injured and helpless, the fact that he was in little to no contact is not surprising to me in the least.

In fact, most likely biological. Men's brains are funny like that. We don't want to be viewed in vulnerable, compromising, and dependent physical states.

I destroyed my lower right leg about 5 years ago, and didn't walk for 4 months. I wanted no visitors, and I cut off most all contact from the outside world.

I re-emerged to the world after I had learned to walk again........

This scenario you find yourself in seems normal to me --- now that I have the full circumstances.

click to expand

But, did he explain that to her? Or did he just shut her out? There's a big difference.

^^^^^

It's highly likely he didn't know what he was feeling at the time, other than shame.

I didn't realize what I went through (emotionally) until it was all over with and I had the benefit of hindsight.

Not saying this guy was exactly the same, but it was a dark time for me, and the negative feelings were flowing freely. Lots of painkillers, some depression, and total physical dependency --- rough combo.

Just exploring some excuses for the chap. 🙂

I hear ya capTenn and understand and I think what you're saying. This: You're so miserable in that situation, you push people away. All people. You sit and stew in your misery and go into that dark place.

Posted by truecap
I hear ya capTenn and understand and I think what you're saying. This: You're so miserable in that situation, you push people away. All people. You sit and stew in your misery and go into that dark place.

Yes, basically.

But specifically your lady love interest, IF a very strong bond has NOT been established.

It is a weak position for a man to be in. You don't want your romantic interest to picture you in a helpless state. Biologically, we are supposed to protect, and you don't want the image of an invalid burned into her mind.

Like crying in front of women. Emotionally sweet (*eyeroll*), but biologically weak.

Biology will always be king, and we act upon it, even when we are unaware we are doing so.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
I hear ya capTenn and understand and I think what you're saying. This: You're so miserable in that situation, you push people away. All people. You sit and stew in your misery and go into that dark place.

Yes, basically.

But specifically your lady love interest, IF a very strong bond has NOT been established.

It is a weak position for a man to be in. You don't want your romantic interest to picture you in a helpless state. Biologically, we are supposed to protect, and you don't want the image of an invalid burned into her mind.

Like crying in front of women. Emotionally sweet (*eyeroll*), but biologically weak.

Biology will always be king, and we act upon it, even when we are unaware we are doing so.

click to expand

But, remember this. It's not weak at all to be injured. It's romantic for a woman to feel like she's nursing her man back to health, taking care of him for a change. She doesn't see him as weak. She likes the chance to nurture (as long as he's not a whiny bag, lol!). I think it plays into that Florence Nitingale fantasy.

Update

Capi has been sending msgs all day looks like he's got his mojo back.

We talked things thru he knows that he should have kept in touch more and I said that I've been really worried about him.

He said he's only just returned to wrk and isn't fully better also has back pain as well.

CapTenn/Truecap - He knows I can play nurse with stilettos so it must have been a really dark place for him not to say or be in touch. Also said that he wasn't getting all of my msgs ( I duno if that's true or if he was saving face). Anyway he suggested plans for nxt week aswell

Good deal!

Great!

I knew it all along.........😉

Thank you all for keeping me sane!!