gemcancer
@gemcancer
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 44 · Topics: 7
Where is this going talk?
Don't ask him straight out "what are we" or "where is this going". It will put him on the spot and automatically make him feel defensive or cornered. He probably hasn't thought about it as he is still getting to know you. He won't know the answer off the top of your head.
You are better off just calmly stating what you want. It comes across less needy and more confident. Just tell him you're not interested in seeing anyone else. Then sit back and wait for him to catch up. See what he does with the information. His reaction will tell you what you want to know. Be patient because he will have to process and decide. it is likely he will only show you via actions so don't discount that. Dont rush him.
You are better off just calmly stating what you want. It comes across less needy and more confident. Just tell him you're not interested in seeing anyone else. Then sit back and wait for him to catch up. See what he does with the information. His reaction will tell you what you want to know. Be patient because he will have to process and decide. it is likely he will only show you via actions so don't discount that. Dont rush him.
Truecap - thanks for the words of advice. Something came up today where a friend notified me they saw him on a dating site and I actually brought it up to him in a way where I wasn't angry about it, but rather concerned because I didn't feel it was conducive to us building anything. I asked his perspective on what "this" is between us. He notified me simply that he can't figure out how to delete the profile, which I believe to be a lie and him saving face, but also that he is not sleeping with anyone else, he likes me, he likes the pace. He left it at that, which is still vague but I suppose for a Cap with Venus Aqua, its something.
Wow Gemshimmies - what a whirlwind! He proposed quickly! I am not looking for a proposal, but to be in a relationship sooner than later would be preferable to casual dating. I can see where the gem/cap combo has its shortcomings but with enough understanding its completely workable. I'm hoping that this brief convo we had last night at least opens the door to let him know its ok to proceed w/ me. He had told me before we started dating that girls typically don't want anything serious and he decided that from now on he wasn't going to have any expectations, and he's also told me he doesn't think he ever wants to get married because he's seen so many people discuss how unhappy they are in marriages in his line of work. I am starting to think he may not have ever really had a super close bonded relationship in the past and that's something I thrive on. If he'd just open up a crack I'd be able to bond with him more. Right now its just constant texting/phone calls about surface level topics and in person, we just have fun and cook/clean together etc. There's just been no discussion of any depth, so its hard to start that real bonding.
I really don't feel like a booty call with him - I've dated guys where I feel like a booty call and this is quite different. He texts me throughout his whole morning and evening daily and when he's not traveling and is home for the weekend he has me over with him. He brings me around his friends and work and is quite interactive. It's just the seemingly inability or hesitance to discuss how he feels that's been wearing on me for 3 months. I haven't brought it up at all because I wanted him to have the time to get there on his own, but seeing him on that dating site made me address the issue sooner. I'm not sure if you read the comment earlier, but he did tell me last night that he's not sleeping with anyone else, he likes me and he likes the pace. To me, a gemini, the pace is slow as molasses, but to him, it may be moving smoothly. I wouldn't know since he NEVER TALKS ABOUT HOW HE FEELS! lol
For his line of work he is a hair stylist so he listens to miserly women and men bitch all day about how unhappy they are. His parents are still together and have a wonderful marriage, so I think between his work and his past negative relationship situations, he has become jaded. He is quite successful in his career and a teacher as well so he has to travel most weekends to go teach around the country. This makes it hard to spend much time together as we live an hour apart and during the week cannot see each other. This has contributed to the slow pace.
For his line of work he is a hair stylist so he listens to miserly women and men bitch all day about how unhappy they are. His parents are still together and have a wonderful marriage, so I think between his work and his past negative relationship situations, he has become jaded. He is quite successful in his career and a teacher as well so he has to travel most weekends to go teach around the country. This makes it hard to spend much time together as we live an hour apart and during the week cannot see each other. This has contributed to the slow pace.
Posted by gemcancer
Truecap - thanks for the words of advice. Something came up today where a friend notified me they saw him on a dating site and I actually brought it up to him in a way where I wasn't angry about it, but rather concerned because I didn't feel it was conducive to us building anything. I asked his perspective on what "this" is between us. He notified me simply that he can't figure out how to delete the profile, which I believe to be a lie and him saving face, but also that he is not sleeping with anyone else, he likes me, he likes the pace. He left it at that, which is still vague but I suppose for a Cap with Venus Aqua, its something.
Sigh.
You put him on the spot. I told you not to. Therefore you didn't get the results you wanted. He isn't ready to define it yet. Be patient. Let him process.
Maybe he wasn't lying about deleting the profile. Some of those sites are hard to find the place to delete because they don't want people deleting.
But what he did say sounds positive. Just don't push him. Caps won't be pushed, especially with that aqua placement. Push him and he will close off to you.
Remember gem, caps are more into showing with actions instead of using words. Learn how to read the actions.
Remember gem, caps are more into showing with actions instead of using words. Learn how to read the actions.
True - you always give really good advice and I'm appreciative of it. The reason I know he is lying is because it had said he was active 1 day before and the profile had been edited since we had found each other on it. So that means he edited it between when we started dating and now. He added a section saying what he's attracted to physically, and it was the opposite of me.
I sent him the message by text so he could process it and it took him a few hours to reply. I won't push it anymore I just needed to know there was something.
The frustrating thing I experience from reading these forums and in the dating world is constantly hearing that Caps like things a certain way - I certainly understand that they lead by action and not words, but the flip side of that is that he, a Cap, is dating me, a Gemini. Gemini's need things a certain way too. He already knows I'm extremely analytical and teases me about it, so it should be no surprise that I got analytical on this manner, and honestly, it's impressive I waited 3 months to say anything at all. To me, that is some element of compromise on my part to not question things sooner. I don't understand why there's no wiggle room for a Capricorn to have to compromise too and open up just a bit. Most everything I read focuses on solely accommodating them.
It's unfair to me to put my time and energy into this relationship if I don't even hear him say "I like you." - him responding with that was the first time I heard that. I've been hurt greatly in the past and I try not to let it affect me, but naturally, I don't want to be used. So, is it not fair to inquire in a non-aggressive way?
I also, was happy with what he said and I understand he fibbed because it obviously wouldn't look good if he told the truth. I'm not mad about that, I understand it. I just wanted to now his perspective on the situation. His actions show he cares, but him being active on a dating site indicated otherwise - that was me reading his actions. Does that make sense? I didn't need him to define the relationship - I just needed the I like you. It may sound stupid, but I needed it.
I sent him the message by text so he could process it and it took him a few hours to reply. I won't push it anymore I just needed to know there was something.
The frustrating thing I experience from reading these forums and in the dating world is constantly hearing that Caps like things a certain way - I certainly understand that they lead by action and not words, but the flip side of that is that he, a Cap, is dating me, a Gemini. Gemini's need things a certain way too. He already knows I'm extremely analytical and teases me about it, so it should be no surprise that I got analytical on this manner, and honestly, it's impressive I waited 3 months to say anything at all. To me, that is some element of compromise on my part to not question things sooner. I don't understand why there's no wiggle room for a Capricorn to have to compromise too and open up just a bit. Most everything I read focuses on solely accommodating them.
It's unfair to me to put my time and energy into this relationship if I don't even hear him say "I like you." - him responding with that was the first time I heard that. I've been hurt greatly in the past and I try not to let it affect me, but naturally, I don't want to be used. So, is it not fair to inquire in a non-aggressive way?
I also, was happy with what he said and I understand he fibbed because it obviously wouldn't look good if he told the truth. I'm not mad about that, I understand it. I just wanted to now his perspective on the situation. His actions show he cares, but him being active on a dating site indicated otherwise - that was me reading his actions. Does that make sense? I didn't need him to define the relationship - I just needed the I like you. It may sound stupid, but I needed it.
I dated my aqua for five months before I took down my on-line dating profile, if that makes you feel better.
*shrugs*
*shrugs*
Was there a defining moment in your relationship when you decided to take it down and invest whole-heartedly? How does a Capricorn brain process when THEY are comfortable with defining the relationship.
I don't think caps are ever comfortable defining the relationship. lol!
I mean, we do in our heads, but it is really difficult to put in words what we're feeling. Almost impossible. Caps don't like dealing with emotions and putting them into words is even something we like less.
As far as determining when we would actually do it? Well, we're all different. But for me it is a long, cautious, observant and slow process. If you told me you loved me at 3 months in, I would run for the hills because you don't even know my dark side yet, you haven't seen the whole me, so I would question the validity of the statement. We reveal ourselves little by little, like slowly unpeeling an onion. We will gradually let you in if we feel comfortable. Rush it and it doesn't even get a chance to grow.
For me, I have to observe you for a while in different scenarios and around different people to determine the answers to these questions.
Are you loyal to your friends and family?
Are you basically an honest person?
Are you stable?
Too pushy?
Are you respected in your circle and with you community and coworkers?
Do you make me laugh?
Do you treat strangers well?
Do you manage your money well?
Are you full of drama?
Are you consistent?
Will you follow through on what you say you're going to do?
Are you ambitious or have drive or a good work ethic?
Are you an ass?
Are you arrogant?
How do you handle a crisis?
Are you overly emotional?
Have you ever embarrassed me in public?
Are you going to be there when I need you?
Are you classy or trashy?
How do you handle arguments and confrontation?
And so many, many more. It's a long process, but doesn't have to be. The main thing is before I decide whether you are the one for me, I need to know the answers to those questions. If you ask me before I'm ready, I will be very vague with you and possibly drift away for a little bit while I decide.
If you are patient, and the answers are favorable for you, you get the reward of an extremely loyal and loving partner who will move mountains for you.
Push and I will run because it is too pushy. If you are pushy, out of spite I will give you the answer you don't want to hear.
I mean, we do in our heads, but it is really difficult to put in words what we're feeling. Almost impossible. Caps don't like dealing with emotions and putting them into words is even something we like less.
As far as determining when we would actually do it? Well, we're all different. But for me it is a long, cautious, observant and slow process. If you told me you loved me at 3 months in, I would run for the hills because you don't even know my dark side yet, you haven't seen the whole me, so I would question the validity of the statement. We reveal ourselves little by little, like slowly unpeeling an onion. We will gradually let you in if we feel comfortable. Rush it and it doesn't even get a chance to grow.
For me, I have to observe you for a while in different scenarios and around different people to determine the answers to these questions.
Are you loyal to your friends and family?
Are you basically an honest person?
Are you stable?
Too pushy?
Are you respected in your circle and with you community and coworkers?
Do you make me laugh?
Do you treat strangers well?
Do you manage your money well?
Are you full of drama?
Are you consistent?
Will you follow through on what you say you're going to do?
Are you ambitious or have drive or a good work ethic?
Are you an ass?
Are you arrogant?
How do you handle a crisis?
Are you overly emotional?
Have you ever embarrassed me in public?
Are you going to be there when I need you?
Are you classy or trashy?
How do you handle arguments and confrontation?
And so many, many more. It's a long process, but doesn't have to be. The main thing is before I decide whether you are the one for me, I need to know the answers to those questions. If you ask me before I'm ready, I will be very vague with you and possibly drift away for a little bit while I decide.
If you are patient, and the answers are favorable for you, you get the reward of an extremely loyal and loving partner who will move mountains for you.
Push and I will run because it is too pushy. If you are pushy, out of spite I will give you the answer you don't want to hear.
That last sentence comes from my aquarius mars, I think.
I think its fascinating to me because I am the type who wears her heart on her sleeve. Experience and age has taught me to hold this back but its still there. I can't hide what I'm feeling - it shows in my expressions. So, to come across someone who is so reserved in this manner is definitely curious to me.
We are both in our early 30s and we are both seemingly successful, stable and kind people. The funny thing is when we first started talking I wasn't interested so we talked about our dating lives and the similarities between what we've been through was uncanny. We've been hurt the same ways and want the same things, yet we go about it in completely different ways.
He used to open up about a lot of that, but once a romantic interest sparked in me and we went on a date, that all stopped and the mystery began. Makes me regret not probing more before indicating a mutual romantic interest haha.
I actually don't push at all - this incident was the first time I even indicated that I had stronger feelings than friendship or FWB for him. I haven't told him my feelings yet because I wanted him to open that door first, so in a way I'm glad it happened because it allowed for him to see that I cared for him.
He wasn't weird with me today, in fact, he was his happy normal self and I'm glad he was able to let it slide, although I did break the ice last night by getting off the subject and asking about his day. It was my way of saying that we do not need to discuss this further. I certainly am not looking to express love at this point. Love is a hard subject for me, I'm not sure I even know what it means anymore. Those butterflies were for my 20s.
In regards to your list of questions - I think he already knows the answers. He surprises me sometimes with comments about who I am - and it always surprises me that he's gathered that opinion. It just shows me he's analyzing me.. always analyzing. I'm up for the challenge - I am who I am. An analytical Gemini.
We are both in our early 30s and we are both seemingly successful, stable and kind people. The funny thing is when we first started talking I wasn't interested so we talked about our dating lives and the similarities between what we've been through was uncanny. We've been hurt the same ways and want the same things, yet we go about it in completely different ways.
He used to open up about a lot of that, but once a romantic interest sparked in me and we went on a date, that all stopped and the mystery began. Makes me regret not probing more before indicating a mutual romantic interest haha.
I actually don't push at all - this incident was the first time I even indicated that I had stronger feelings than friendship or FWB for him. I haven't told him my feelings yet because I wanted him to open that door first, so in a way I'm glad it happened because it allowed for him to see that I cared for him.
He wasn't weird with me today, in fact, he was his happy normal self and I'm glad he was able to let it slide, although I did break the ice last night by getting off the subject and asking about his day. It was my way of saying that we do not need to discuss this further. I certainly am not looking to express love at this point. Love is a hard subject for me, I'm not sure I even know what it means anymore. Those butterflies were for my 20s.
In regards to your list of questions - I think he already knows the answers. He surprises me sometimes with comments about who I am - and it always surprises me that he's gathered that opinion. It just shows me he's analyzing me.. always analyzing. I'm up for the challenge - I am who I am. An analytical Gemini.
The questions - doesn't really matter what the answers are. Though, some are deal breakers (depends on the depth of the truth), most are not. We just need to know what we're getting into. Some are deal breakers, some are not.
When a cap stiffens or pulls back a little, they are either hurt or have revealed too much and are afraid of what you'll do with the info. Best thing to do is notice, understand the reason, let them know you're not going to humiliate them for sharing a piece of themselves (sharing is scary for us - the more we care about you, the scarier it is). So, you did the right thing by changing the subject and getting off to a more relaxed topic.
Sounds like you're reading him well, and he's reading you well.
The hardest things for gems and caps are the huge differences in approach, style of communication and life philosophies (like how to spend free time, money, etc). It's not an easy match because it's very hard to understand someone who is so different. Takes a lot of compromise and putting yourselves into each other's shoes.
We did it for 15 years and it worked. Not easily, but it did work. Now the last three years were a bear because all the compromise eats at you after a time. I'm not saying that won't happen to you. For example, there's another nice, sweet gem on here who is frustrated at all the compromises with her cap. Just pointing that out. Not to say that's what you two will face, really depends on all the other planets, I think.
You're on the right pathway to understanding, though. Gaining insight helps a lot!! How do you think I lasted with the aqua this long? lol! I would have given up early on, if it weren't for the aquas on here helping understand. So glad I listened and got the insight!
🙂
When a cap stiffens or pulls back a little, they are either hurt or have revealed too much and are afraid of what you'll do with the info. Best thing to do is notice, understand the reason, let them know you're not going to humiliate them for sharing a piece of themselves (sharing is scary for us - the more we care about you, the scarier it is). So, you did the right thing by changing the subject and getting off to a more relaxed topic.
Sounds like you're reading him well, and he's reading you well.
The hardest things for gems and caps are the huge differences in approach, style of communication and life philosophies (like how to spend free time, money, etc). It's not an easy match because it's very hard to understand someone who is so different. Takes a lot of compromise and putting yourselves into each other's shoes.
We did it for 15 years and it worked. Not easily, but it did work. Now the last three years were a bear because all the compromise eats at you after a time. I'm not saying that won't happen to you. For example, there's another nice, sweet gem on here who is frustrated at all the compromises with her cap. Just pointing that out. Not to say that's what you two will face, really depends on all the other planets, I think.
You're on the right pathway to understanding, though. Gaining insight helps a lot!! How do you think I lasted with the aqua this long? lol! I would have given up early on, if it weren't for the aquas on here helping understand. So glad I listened and got the insight!
🙂
The major relationship of my life was with a bi-polar Scorpio - this lasted on and off 10 years, so my Cap is sent from heaven compared to that match up. I developed so much patience and understanding over that decade and I'm grateful for it because it allows me to be able to understand "the darker side" as you mentioned earlier.
My Cap opened up last night and this morning about two separate things going on his life that are causing stress and I just listened. I figured opening up to me is a good sign. It also made me feel bad for bringing us up at a time he's dealing with other things, but to be fair, I wasn't aware.
It's funny because I read a lot about Gemini and I don't think I'm a true Gemini. I definitely feel like a Gemini/Cancer but then others say that there's no such thing as a cusp, you're one or the other. I feel like my mind is Gemini and my heart is Cancer, but then there's a professional business side of me that's great with money and resources. The chart between Cap and me has more than half the planets the same, but the major ones are different. Someone looked at it once and said we would not be compatible, and as much as I love astrology, I can't use that as a basis to make a decision to try it out with someone or not.
As far as life approaches - he teases me a lot said I'm indecisive. I didn't understand why he said that as I take care of my own things and always make my own decisions, but after probing more I think he meant more that I have a tendency to go with the flow and that I don't make the decisions in how to spend my free time when I'm with him. He's so dominate with what he has planned, wants to do. Everything is on an itinerary, and frankly, his itinerary is always perfect so I just say sure that sounds awesome, lets do that. What do you want to eat? I was thinking steak and asparagus - yup that sounds delicious. I don't agree with everything because I'm passive, but it honestly sounds like a good plan so why try to come up with a different one?
In my own life without him I don't ask anyone to help me with decisions - everything is taken care of by myself. I have my shyt in order.
You're so right about the insight of this board. If it weren't for all my reading I don't think I'd be here with Cap. I try to take note of his actions and compare it to what I've read and use the suggestions to alter my responses. I don't crowd him and I let him come to me. I just COULD NOT stay quiet when I felt he was actively
My Cap opened up last night and this morning about two separate things going on his life that are causing stress and I just listened. I figured opening up to me is a good sign. It also made me feel bad for bringing us up at a time he's dealing with other things, but to be fair, I wasn't aware.
It's funny because I read a lot about Gemini and I don't think I'm a true Gemini. I definitely feel like a Gemini/Cancer but then others say that there's no such thing as a cusp, you're one or the other. I feel like my mind is Gemini and my heart is Cancer, but then there's a professional business side of me that's great with money and resources. The chart between Cap and me has more than half the planets the same, but the major ones are different. Someone looked at it once and said we would not be compatible, and as much as I love astrology, I can't use that as a basis to make a decision to try it out with someone or not.
As far as life approaches - he teases me a lot said I'm indecisive. I didn't understand why he said that as I take care of my own things and always make my own decisions, but after probing more I think he meant more that I have a tendency to go with the flow and that I don't make the decisions in how to spend my free time when I'm with him. He's so dominate with what he has planned, wants to do. Everything is on an itinerary, and frankly, his itinerary is always perfect so I just say sure that sounds awesome, lets do that. What do you want to eat? I was thinking steak and asparagus - yup that sounds delicious. I don't agree with everything because I'm passive, but it honestly sounds like a good plan so why try to come up with a different one?
In my own life without him I don't ask anyone to help me with decisions - everything is taken care of by myself. I have my shyt in order.
You're so right about the insight of this board. If it weren't for all my reading I don't think I'd be here with Cap. I try to take note of his actions and compare it to what I've read and use the suggestions to alter my responses. I don't crowd him and I let him come to me. I just COULD NOT stay quiet when I felt he was actively
I just COULD NOT stay quiet when I felt he was actively pursuing other options. So, my apologies for not listening :p
I don't know how you were with a Gemini man for 15 years - I've dated 3 and they were the most crazy out of anyone I've dated.
I don't know how you were with a Gemini man for 15 years - I've dated 3 and they were the most crazy out of anyone I've dated.
Ha! I just found his birth time on a photo and he IS indeed a Taurus moon. At least I read that right! His materialistic and methodical ways were the giveaway.
- inner wheel me, outer wheel him. I don't know how to read this or a good resource to have it looked at.FVME - I'd love your feedback 🙂
Not just a Scorp, a diagnosed bi-polar Scorp! It was one of those break up every other day get back together relationships intense highs intense lows. Never ever again.
I wouldn't doubt that, and this is coming from two Gemini's. In reality, I don't think I've ever dated a sign that I'm supposed to be compatible with. I'm always drawn to the challenges.
Posted by gemcancer
Truecap - thanks for the words of advice. Something came up today where a friend notified me they saw him on a dating site and I actually brought it up to him in a way where I wasn't angry about it, but rather concerned because I didn't feel it was conducive to us building anything. I asked his perspective on what "this" is between us. He notified me simply that he can't figure out how to delete the profile, which I believe to be a lie and him saving face, but also that he is not sleeping with anyone else, he likes me, he likes the pace. He left it at that, which is still vague but I suppose for a Cap with Venus Aqua, its something.
I'm just wagging my finger reading this one. Uh-uh-uh. lol. No way. I'd be pissed.
Let's see...
3 months
sleeping together
every day contact on the phone
If you want something more than FWB, I would say so. I have done this before and it did not work in my favor, but you know what? At least I knew where I stood and I could move on before I got seriously hurt.
You could get a million more of that kind of friend if that's all it is. Dime a dozen. Why waste your time and risk getting seriously attached to someone?
Capgirl - I needed to know where I stood as well. I've had this situation before where I thought it was more and when we had a real talk I found out it wasn't. I was ok with that because at least I knew and I could choose to continue it or not at a FWB level.
Like you said, its not hard to find a FWB set up and I really don't want another one. That's why I said something. Unfortunately, his response was vague but it wasn't stating yes FWB and it wasn't stating yes we can potentially date. I just hope it planted a seed to have the real conversation soon.
I see him in two weekends, so I need to see how things go then. Whatever is currently bugging him in his life has caused him to start brooding and he's pulled back some, but not because of me - its because of the other issues. He even told me the issues cause him to shut down - they are family related issues.
I've pulled back investing my emotions for now. Until he steps up to the plate to make it worth investing again. What I hate about my personality is I get scared that by me pulling back my emotions, he will think I'm the one becoming cold and see it as a sign of rejection. I don't want him to think that. I just need to self-preserve.
Like you said, its not hard to find a FWB set up and I really don't want another one. That's why I said something. Unfortunately, his response was vague but it wasn't stating yes FWB and it wasn't stating yes we can potentially date. I just hope it planted a seed to have the real conversation soon.
I see him in two weekends, so I need to see how things go then. Whatever is currently bugging him in his life has caused him to start brooding and he's pulled back some, but not because of me - its because of the other issues. He even told me the issues cause him to shut down - they are family related issues.
I've pulled back investing my emotions for now. Until he steps up to the plate to make it worth investing again. What I hate about my personality is I get scared that by me pulling back my emotions, he will think I'm the one becoming cold and see it as a sign of rejection. I don't want him to think that. I just need to self-preserve.
It's not a matter of not trusting him - he has rights to be on there if we aren't in a relationship, but I feel by him being on there I have rights to ask if this is something more serious or not, or at least has potential to be. If it is just FWB, then by all means, have fun on dating sites. If you want it to be more, then why be on dating sites?
Me stating he is lying is because I know he is. I understand why he lied though.
I believe him that he is not sleeping with anyone else, but I do not believe him that he couldn't figure out how to delete the profile. That very same night my friend notified me that his profile was not there any longer. He got called on it and corrected it, but saved face by fibbing. That wasn't my issue, though. I needed to know if he cared or not beyond FWB. I'm not sure if I got my answer though.
Me stating he is lying is because I know he is. I understand why he lied though.
I believe him that he is not sleeping with anyone else, but I do not believe him that he couldn't figure out how to delete the profile. That very same night my friend notified me that his profile was not there any longer. He got called on it and corrected it, but saved face by fibbing. That wasn't my issue, though. I needed to know if he cared or not beyond FWB. I'm not sure if I got my answer though.
Well, when you asked about it, he took it down. That says something doesn't it?
Posted by GemShimmiesPosted by truecapPosted by gemcancer
Truecap - thanks for the words of advice. Something came up today where a friend notified me they saw him on a dating site and I actually brought it up to him in a way where I wasn't angry about it, but rather concerned because I didn't feel it was conducive to us building anything. I asked his perspective on what "this" is between us. He notified me simply that he can't figure out how to delete the profile, which I believe to be a lie and him saving face, but also that he is not sleeping with anyone else, he likes me, he likes the pace. He left it at that, which is still vague but I suppose for a Cap with Venus Aqua, its something.
Sigh.
You put him on the spot. I told you not to. Therefore you didn't get the results you wanted. He isn't ready to define it yet. Be patient. Let him process.
Maybe he wasn't lying about deleting the profile. Some of those sites are hard to find the place to delete because they don't want people deleting.
I don't understand what else she was supposed to do. She shouldn't have to tip toe around his reactions....if she's feeling a certain way she needs to deal with it.
i agree about the profile though, i mean I would have been mad too lol.click to expand
I told her how to address it and find out without putting him on the spot. I never said don't address it. It's all about the approach in a non-threatening way.
My text to him didn't ask him to define us, I actually feel like it was very fair and non-threatening. I brought up the profile and told him he had full rights to be on there but it was concerning to me. I said I understand building up to a relationship takes time, but actively pursuing others is non-conducive to us building something. I also said that considering we have a history prior to dating, I hope he'd respect that enough to consider my feelings and time I'm investing in this and ultimately I just need to know his perspective so that I am not left confused thinking its something it is not. That is a paraphrase, but once he told me he likes me and the pace and is not sleeping with others, I responded letting him know my perspective is that I like him as well and that I just want to make sure that I'm not investing my emotions into someone who isn't on the same page. There was a break in time before we spoke again and I asked him how his day was and we moved on. It hasn't been awkward since, we have resumed the normal slow pace but at least now I know he's aware of my boundaries. I would think that if I put him on the spot and did it in a threatening way he would have changed his behavior toward me, no?
I could have let it go and brought it up in an evasive way, but I felt that considering the fact he may be dating others, I rather bring it up directly and let him take the time to reply.
Tiziani - I think with any new relationship that hasn't been discussed there's an element of distrust on both sides. Even if I go out and post photos but do not show who I'm with he will text me and ask me nonchalantly if I went alone, even though someone obviously took my photo. He's curious too if I'm going out with anyone else. He just doesn't ask directly. When you haven't taken the time to say what it is, you can't help but not trust the situation completely. Also, my friend is not watching his profile night and day. She saw it once, notified me and checked again that night it was gone. That is not stalking his profile in my opinion. The first one was an accident, and the second was curiosity.
I could have let it go and brought it up in an evasive way, but I felt that considering the fact he may be dating others, I rather bring it up directly and let him take the time to reply.
Tiziani - I think with any new relationship that hasn't been discussed there's an element of distrust on both sides. Even if I go out and post photos but do not show who I'm with he will text me and ask me nonchalantly if I went alone, even though someone obviously took my photo. He's curious too if I'm going out with anyone else. He just doesn't ask directly. When you haven't taken the time to say what it is, you can't help but not trust the situation completely. Also, my friend is not watching his profile night and day. She saw it once, notified me and checked again that night it was gone. That is not stalking his profile in my opinion. The first one was an accident, and the second was curiosity.
I think you did fine with what you said and how you said it.
I just wanted to give an update. I'm still seeing my capricorn and things have been going well although there were a few moments where I thought he was losing interest. I told him that I felt that the interest level wasn't there on his end and he told me to "chill" and that he was just busy. A couple days later he mentioned that there were some family issues going on in his life and that may be the vibe I've been sensing. I was empathetic to the situation.
Fast forward to the present and I don't know what happened but he randomly became super attentive, wants to spend a lot more time and even invited me over this coming Friday through Tuesday since he is off work for the Holidays. He also wanted to ensure I get to his home early enough on Friday so that I can meet his parents who will be spending the night.
I have read so much about Capricorn men and have played my cards according to those readings aside from two blips of insecurity that I did not drag on. I suppose we're reaching that point where he gives in and lets himself enjoy the fact that this may be a real relationship. Meeting the parents is a great sign, right.. especially for a Capricorn.
Thanks for all of the advice given and for all the forum posts that get me through this :p
Fast forward to the present and I don't know what happened but he randomly became super attentive, wants to spend a lot more time and even invited me over this coming Friday through Tuesday since he is off work for the Holidays. He also wanted to ensure I get to his home early enough on Friday so that I can meet his parents who will be spending the night.
I have read so much about Capricorn men and have played my cards according to those readings aside from two blips of insecurity that I did not drag on. I suppose we're reaching that point where he gives in and lets himself enjoy the fact that this may be a real relationship. Meeting the parents is a great sign, right.. especially for a Capricorn.
Thanks for all of the advice given and for all the forum posts that get me through this :p
So, for all those gals who aren't sure where things are going with their Cap guy I wanted to give an update. My Cap has done a 180 and is full fledged in a relationship with me. He loves it and LOVES using the word girlfriend. I hear it many times a day. I stay with him about 5 days a week and he's even hinted at me living with him. He doesn't want me to leave - ever - and is even flying me out on business trips with him just so we can travel and spend time together. It's like a completely different guy.
Interestingly enough, he brought up the fuzziness of the first 4 months of the relationship and said he was battling himself and his fear of being in a relationship due to bad past experiences and realized he was mucking it up with me and that he made the conscious decision to jump in and stop being dumb (his words).
It's a wonderful relationship and we laugh so much - to the point of tears.
One theory we have is that although Gemini and Capricorn generally aren't supposed to be great together, the Gemican may be a different story, and perhaps my Taurus venus helps. Prince William and Kate are a Gemican and Cap mix (he has the same birthday as me) as well as 3 other couples we know with the same mix-up. Maybe there's something to this combo. I know a lot of astrologists don't think cusps matter, but I truly feel they do.
Interestingly enough, he brought up the fuzziness of the first 4 months of the relationship and said he was battling himself and his fear of being in a relationship due to bad past experiences and realized he was mucking it up with me and that he made the conscious decision to jump in and stop being dumb (his words).
It's a wonderful relationship and we laugh so much - to the point of tears.
One theory we have is that although Gemini and Capricorn generally aren't supposed to be great together, the Gemican may be a different story, and perhaps my Taurus venus helps. Prince William and Kate are a Gemican and Cap mix (he has the same birthday as me) as well as 3 other couples we know with the same mix-up. Maybe there's something to this combo. I know a lot of astrologists don't think cusps matter, but I truly feel they do.
Glad to hear it's working out so well! 🙂
Yay happy for you!! It gives me hope I'm a cancer/gem cuspa with a capi man too
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