Dating on the surface whilst gem man is making plans to move on with his life :(

Hi all,

I'm 25 female (taurus sun, aquarius moon, aries venus, leo mars), he is 33 male (gemini sun, sagittarius moon, venus sag and mars scorpio), we met online and he pursued me very over the top since the start and he's about 2 hrs drive away so it was always long distance from the start.. waited 4 months to get "intimate" he was my first ever and he knows it... I could sense he was a massive commitment phobe in that he had moved around a lot from place to place, job to job (staying in each job 1-2 yrs at most usually) and girlfriend to girlfriend, doesn't own any house/flat and doesn't even own a car (uses his work company car) and he has gemini sun and sag moon - both very flighty and not settling down signs typically!

Anyway, as I am a bit a commitment phobe too (not to his extent but I don't have the desire to get married or babies, etc. or even to move in together) as I like my space a lot and like to be away from the person enough that I actually miss them (not be with them 24/7) but I do value stable long term relationships and not a fan of dating multiple people at a time or cheating... so his commitment phobia wasn't off-putting to me as he certainly pursued me hugely and gave me more than enough attention and took great effort to come and visit me, buy me treats, phone me, initiates text convos etc...

After about 6 months, we had a bit of an issue which led to us breaking up for 4 days before he came back initiating conversation again and basically wanting me back.. thing is he works crazy hours (sometimes 16+ hours per day, 6 days a week!) so this affects his mood negatively and when we meet up for a date etc. he'll often pick me up after being at work for 8 hours so is a bit grumpy and once he had a fever and it was the hottest day of the year which all compounded into extra stress for him... which is fine but issue is sometimes in the moment, he somehow thinks it's me upsetting him but after a few days, he realises it was just work stress/him being ill (it's like going to a nice restaurant with a stomach bug, no matter how good the food is, you won't appreciate it if you're sick!)

At first he was full-on talking about marriage, babies, etc. without me prompting these things as he's very charming, flirty (I know, typical player traits) but I didn't take it seriously as it's all just talk isn't it.. after 6 months, this suddenly stopped and he wouldn't initiate contact etc. and that was when the week long break up occurred.. then, when we got back together, he kept begging to see me and eventually weeks later, we did meet up, had a great few hours together, got intimate and he was very pleased and said he'd def find a time soon to spend proper time with me.. and even last week, he'd phone me and ask why I hadn't texted him all day etc. because weirdly he's very very possessive and constantly afraid that someone will come along and take me from him (he gets annoyed/upset if I don't pick up the phone when he rings, or reply to texts quickly enough - event though he's sent me more than 11,000 texts so far and I've replied to them all so far and now, he full on hints about having babies etc.

Now, he's from Ireland and I know he only moved to London for a job a year before he met me but the job makes him miserable and he hasn't got any family here in London but says I always make him happy and I'm the only bearable thing in this whole country..

A month ago, he did mention, during the time when he stopped inititiating 6 months ago, he did interview for a job in ireland and didn't get it and everything happens for a reason so it's fine (which explains why he wasn't attentive to me at the time).. I felt awkward about the fact he hid this from me (he told me at the time he was going to ireland to visit a mate.. which is also true he says)... he could tell I was a bit upset and this was when he was dropping me off and I started to say, I've got to be getting home etc. and he tried to comfort me and said no no, I'm happy how things have turned out, I'll see ya soon etc.

I felt upset but also glad he didn't get that job so at least that issue is done with..

Now, the other day when we met up after he said he was soo keen to see me again, he tells me he's looking at buying a house over there (as it's cheaper than in london which is fine as he was going to rent it out to others anyway) and is speaking to a boss of a company over there regarding the possibility of a job over there....! That made my stomach lurch especially after how increasingly possessive he has been getting and constantly questioning me if I'm chatting to other guys and pursuing me hard in recent days..

Last time he was looking at jobs in Ireland 4 months ago secretly, he showed me less attention leading to us breaking up, which is why, this time I'm so confused as to why he's behaving the total opposite and making me feel like he wants me more, questioning me if I don't respond in time, phoning me after work, yet plodding on with secret plans.. 😢

He could tell I was shocked and upset and kept telling me that it's not like he has a job offer and reminded me that he didn't get the ireland job 4 months ago after the interview, so whose to say he'd get this one.. but that's him saying he def wants to leave but it's on the hands of the other side to whether it happens or not.. i.e. his intention is to go..

I said to him that it's his life and his choice to make and of course, no one should stay if they're unhappy in a pace and he thought I meant it rudely and tried to comfort me but I didn't (but I can't help be upset after speaking to someone for 10 months every day (by him intitiating) and him being the first person I've been intimate one..

I know you'll all say he's a life long traveller and won't want to settle down and I've over-invested my feelings towards someone who just doesn't care but he goes through mood swings where one minute, he says he won't drink ever again, wants a baby, to settle down and the next minute, he's ready to dump me and carry on travelling and he cycles through this over and over.



Our physical attraction and intimacy has been very strong right from day 1 until now but there's more to a relationship than that....

I feel if he's happy to throw away 10 months with a girl who's 8 years younger than him, a size 8, with double D chest, two degrees, a highly respected job and was a virgin, kind and faithful whereas he's quite a heavy drinker, hasn't got much stability and looks older than his age and has quite an average job, why shouldn't i be ok to move on as well? (of course, I'm just trying to justify this all to myself, not saying his job should indicate his worth or anything as I hugely care for him and wanted him)

Any insight? I just hate being someone's backup 😢 I know things will end sooner rather than later but I'm dreading it.. Maybe one day I'll look back and be glad but no guarantees in life 😢 what if I always regret what's happened...

Gemini likes more then just a pretty face... do you provide lots of mental stimulation for him? What are your placements?

Posted by Moonbutter
Gemini likes more then just a pretty face... do you provide lots of mental stimulation for him? What are your placements?

Thank you for replying moon butter. He has actually used the phrase that I'm "not just a pretty face" several times during our conversations (I know maybe he was just saying it to be nice) but we always have lots of banter, innuendos, flirty puns, etc. which he's commented has always kept him entertained.

First of all,he cant have venus in sag And if hes a gemini he would have venus in aries.taurus..gemini or cancer

as for his behavior maybe you two have different priorities at the moment for him its his job and as i can see u need more attention and commitment from him than what he can give

the D cups and degrees dont hold the attention of geminis but understanding and flexbility does.The degrees u got them for yourself not to impress a guy nor is physical apparence gonna help u with him .we are turned on by inteligence and uniquness.a woman who have her own.who goes with the flow

and believe me when i say maybe u think that if u show him that u are miserable is gonna work guess what,it wont.why?because we ll feel guilty and if we suffocate we ll leave.

Posted by aj123

Posted by Moonbutter
Gemini likes more then just a pretty face... do you provide lots of mental stimulation for him? What are your placements?

Thank you for replying moon butter. He has actually used the phrase that I'm "not just a pretty face" several times during our conversations (I know maybe he was just saying it to be nice) but we always have lots of banter, innuendos, flirty puns, etc. which he's commented has always kept him entertained.

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No problem, I love Gems 💎 one of my good guy friends has Sag Moon and lets just say not a great placement for a Gem to have when comes to commitment.... that being said I feel like for a Gem to be with someone that person needs Gem in their chart and/or strong air influence. Have to be adaptable and compromise but he has to want to please you as well. This seems like not a priority for him so maybe put him on the back burner for now and in time if meant to be then it will be.

Posted by Koniuchaa
I only read the first sentence. Stay away from men that are over the top in the beginning

Yup! Sooo many guys that do this it’s crazy!