Insignificant flirting? or something serious?

about me:
aquarius, moon taurus, rising: libra

Im in a relationship with a gemini male. I adore him to death..however i accidentally went into his inbox thinking it was mine. While i was in there i saw the a message he sent a girl "your profile picture is outrageously gorgeous makes me reminisce" She then responds "thank you, i think about it sometimes too" but she is in a relationship.

The other time was when he sent a message to an ex way before we were in a relationship and he said in this case "You looked very pretty last night...makes me reminisce 😢"

A week after he made me fondue romantic night giving me his full attention then all of a sudden his ex comes to the window of his balcony "chris chris!" he looks at me..pauses "ok my ex is here but its not what it seems like"

He tells me that he is so into me. It has been a bit wild, spontaneous, surprising, fun, deep conversations. That was like a month a half ago. HE writes a long email...telling me everything that happened with his ex. Very Very honest..had a lot of things that was hard to swallow. Taken back but yet refreshing.

So i thought to myself " okay everyone has a dark past..even i do perhaps worse. I should take him as an individual and see from his shoes" i continued dating him, having a blast, but got even better. He asked me to be his girlfriend, introduced me to all his friends, his co workers, female friends etc etc.

Doesnt matter whether or not he likes them or not. ITS THE FACT HE IS REACHING OUT TO OTHER GIRLS.

yet i keep saying to myself...well: it could be the "gemini harmless oblivious flirting...as long as their consistent"

if i didnt see that new mail resembling the message he sent his ex....i would literally think we are two peas in a pod and nothing is wrong.

NOW i just want to see new ideas...hopefully the responses would assist me to make breakthroughs to not only protect myself but as well gain new love and happiness.

any experiences or insight would be greatly appreciated~

p.s. i cannot just confront him and communicate it to him. Im in a position where it would be like "why you looking through my stuff"

help!;/

Hahaha! This is off topic but I couldn't help but comment on my observation. I noticed that the male responses thus far have concluded that the thread-spinner is pretty and therefore should not worry about losing her guy. God help the uglies!

HAHA...yes...um i need something besides "im pretty comments"

i've thought of every possiblity. His co workers are shocked he even has a girlfriend....he tells me that to have a girlfriend for him is seriously impossible. But with me it just special. He did clarify his intentions with his ex. So in that sense yes...he was honest. VERY honest i had a hard time to read it. BUT im not gonna put 3 pages worth into a forum lol...

anyways, the matter on hand is this....he is reaching out to other girls. when they respond he stops.

he puts all his time on me. Besides working 80 hours he visits me as much as he can. He tells me everything, literally, hence...im shocked to see that message. Not one gave me insightful responses. I've already thought of those lol (not to sound harsh)...im going between his goods and his bad. if this is the case..im gonna just drop him...

im just so confused. THere are more good than bad...and im sitting here just...well he is here...helping him with a movie set design....arg...you gemini men! so goodyet sooo bad 😉

gematur. I did state i took him as an individual. in the sense im accepting the truth. Rather a twisted version. lol I have no intentions on changing him,...live and let live..or let die..haha i just...the things that go in my head....are..seriously...deeeeeeeppppp.

I just feel that its more good than bad. The girls he messages invite him to events and he asks me to attend it with him. I guess i'll have to tell ya guys every thing egggggggg ZOMG too much...just erase the fact im in a relationship and answer from that stance 😄 puuurrrrrty plleeeease

other girls meaning=2 and his ex is out..she sends him messages "i will revenge you and your girl" etc...

the recent message makes me feel anxious...i just dont know how to take it.

well...hmmm..😛

he knew i was okay just dating openly...but then why be exclusive?

Well the problem here is that the WAY in which he's reaching out to other girls, whether it's for simple attention, an ego-boost or whatever, is disrespectful to you & the relationship. There is NO getting around that.

Most of us still hold a special place in our hearts for our ex's & the people dating us know that & know they can't change that, BUT they don't wanna SEE it! In other words, it may not be disrespectful that your man may still think of his ex BUT the minute he reaches out to her & crosses the line, that is when things go from innocent flirting to downright disrespect. Sometimes it doesn't matter why someone is doing/saying what they're doing/saying. Sometimes the simple fact that they ARE doing/saying something AND justifing it w/o seeing how it affects their partner & relationship negatively, is bad enough.

It doesn't matter if his real reasons for reaching out to past lovers is to get attention. You don't want a man whose only means of feeling "wanted" or getting attention to deprive from him disrespecting you as a means to get an ego-boost. Hell, we ALL want attention, BUT there's no reason why he can't stay within the boundaries/rules in the relationship to get those things.

The fact that he keeps reaching out to them even though he saw the look on your face the FIRST time shows that he doesn't necessarily see anything wrong with what he's doing. If this is starting to be a pattern, you're def. right that if you confront him about this, he'll just flip the script on you & pull the "privacy" line. Problem is, what difference would it make?! If you've seen evidence that he is unknowingly or knowingly disrespecting you and/or hurting you in some way, that issue needs to be addressed. If there's ANY possibility that he'll change, it'll be ONCE he knows how down it's getting you. You may spare an argument by not confronting him, BUT you won't be doing yourself any favors b/c it'll just continue to eat you alive. And it's no secret that once a woman's suspicions are activated, there's NO turning back until something is said/addressed or done about it

Yes yes everybody has a past & some people even have dark ones, BUT who we invite into our PRESENT & FUTURE is what really matters & shows you what someone is made of. Point is, this guy should've finished/tied-up any loose ends with any of the women from his past BEFORE he decided to commit to you.

Him bragging that you're somehow "lucky" he committed to you isn't a compliment if behind your back, he's acting like he's single. He didn't do you a favor by committing to you. Committment is about MORE than just the title. It takes work & actual effort. And a big part of commitment is being ready to & knowing how to let go of things from the past. Doesn't mean that you can't still MENTALLY think of the past (we can NEVER forget) BUT the only reason a person would allow someone into their present is b/c they aren't done with that person yet. And that, my dear is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

You need to address this issue to him. You don't have to be downright nasty nor do you even have to mention HOW you found out the things he has been saying to his ex. After all, should it really matter how you found out vs. WHAT you actually found out?

If you & him are going to last, you 2 are going to HAVE to learn the value of communication in good AND tough times. W/o the ability to go to the other person when you feel down, disrespected or the need to be heard, 1 OR both people will eventually start to feel powerless & resent themselves and/or the relationship. And once that happens, the relationship was over a long time ago.

Trust me, if the tables were turned, he WOULD say something to you about it. It's only his energy, time & heart at stake here! I mean come on, even though men hate for their privacy to be invaded, they hate even MORE when the woman they are with DON'T have a backbone. TRUST ME ON THAT!

If you want this to stop (if it even will), take a stand. Practice ways to get these things off your chest instead of spending more time trying to find ways to supress it all for his feelings. YOUR feelings wereN'T taken into consideration when he was giggling it up with his ex so remember that now that it's possibly time to put yourself in his shoes. Do what you've gotta do.

Tell him that what he's doing is NOT ok & give him the chance to make the CHOICE as to whether or not he can stop. And if he loves you, he'll acknowledge things & put the shoe on the other foot just like you did

GOOD ADVICE!

i didnt get to write everything but krysnee7 that is definitely good to think about as well.

as a update:

i took all the advice in here. i took a chance . i figured what do i have to lose? the relationship itself is already tainted in the sense he lost his trust with me and i would lose his trust with him by snooping around. However, 🙂 it actually was a great relief to find out he didnt react "why you going through my stuff"

we worked it all out. we talked about each others wants and needs. reasons.inner battles and just dealt with the situation very very well. Of course both of us feel a bit out of tune this past week however, the fact of the matter exists! we passed with flying colors 😄 😄 😄