Posted by MoonbutterI'll happily "ground" myself for the person I love, but if they then "conquer" me only to neglect me... I wouldn't ever come back. I also don't go backwards in relationships anyway... But that's just my opinion. We let everyone in (in some form or another) but the ones who really get in, and then fuck up, can never be in the "in" circle again. Or at least not with the same amount of privileges.
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...If a Gemini really loved/cared for you is it possible a Gemini will come back? what will make you guys come back and is there anything a person can do to get you to come back?
Posted by MissGemmiThis.
I wouldn't say time. If too much time has passed without any progress we'd like to see, then there's no chance we come back.
We give 'directions' only once (maybe twice, if we still care), if someone hasn't really picked up on these directions (things that hurt us, are important to us etcetera) and one is oblivious about it, we consider it a lost cause and move on. It's not hard for us to move on, sometimes it takes time, but we tend to slow down if we don't see progress. We will always stay polite and keep in touch, but you'll never know what goes on in our hearts and mind.
We also appreciate it if you can point out where it went wrong and how you want to see it improved. It shows that you take (us and) our relationship serious and you want to work on it. I for one, love that.
For a Gemini who has moved on, it's hard to get us back. We will have no hard feelings, because we understand it was not meant to be.... and so we are able to continue talking to you like an acquaintance.
Posted by NevermoreNo cheating involved...just he wanted to stay home all the time and I wanted a lil bit of adventure and that just created frustration and resentment for me after 4 years of butting heads. We had awesome chemistry, mental and physical compatibility so I'm hoping I'm not that replaceable... He sends me flirty texts but that's about it. How do I get him to wanna chat more/ see me? Thanks to everyone with your advice €Posted by gemguyaz34You made me curious if there's more list than only cheating if someone made you very bad. Is that alright?
Time. And it depends on the other placements. A gem with water or fire may eventually come back depending on the circumstances of the separation. But if what you did was really bad (ie..cheating) it might be a lost clause. Also if they have a lot of other air, this makes a huge difference.click to expand
Posted by MoonbutterHmm you wanted adventure and he wanted to stay home? Normally with Geminis its the other way around. Doesn't seem like you caged him in at all...I would say if he is still sending flirty texts, there's a good chance he's open to be "won over"....but seriously think about if you actually want to put the effort in or not. Maybe you would be better suited for someone a bet more active/adventurous like yourself?Posted by NevermoreNo cheating involved...just he wanted to stay home all the time and I wanted a lil bit of adventure and that just created frustration and resentment for me after 4 years of butting heads. We had awesome chemistry, mental and physical compatibility so I'm hoping I'm not that replaceable... He sends me flirty texts but that's about it. How do I get him to wanna chat more/ see me? Thanks to everyone with your advice €Posted by gemguyaz34You made me curious if there's more list than only cheating if someone made you very bad. Is that alright?
Time. And it depends on the other placements. A gem with water or fire may eventually come back depending on the circumstances of the separation. But if what you did was really bad (ie..cheating) it might be a lost clause. Also if they have a lot of other air, this makes a huge difference.click to expand
Posted by MoonbutterUm, if you wanna talk to him. Just do it.
Haha yes I called him " my defected Gemini" lol but strange thing is now I like to stay home Now and I don't go clubbing anymore... I'm more domesticated so maybe it's worth pursuing him? Do I just give him space or should I reply to his texts? Invite him somewhere?
Posted by HappyCappy79+1
From the posts I've read, there's a lot more to this than you're saying. I'm married to a Gemini, and when he leaves, it's because he it's hurt in some way. I focus on being honest, and not getting hung up in the back and forth. I'm honest about how I feel, minus the games. The more you try to control what happens, or how he feels...the more you're invested in the outcome and then you're playing games. Why do you want him back so badly?
Posted by LittleStarLol well I see I have a follower... I'm flattered ☺ï¸
Dude, why the fuck are you so obsessed with your ex? Can't go two days without posting a new topic.
smdh
And no, once the respect is gone, it's gone forever. Maybe some Gems out there might fuck around, but it would never be serious.
Posted by Pandala
You seem wishy-washy... Which is a huge turn-off for us. Or at least me.
How long has it been since the break up?
He wanted to stay in and you wanted to go out... How was he "caged"? How did you neglect him?
Posted by HappyCappy79Thank you happycappy, and yes you are right there is a lot more...we were together 4 years, talked about our future kids, marriage, picked a venue for our reception. I envisioned him in his wedding tux...this is the man I wanted to Marry. I just felt such a comfort with him, mixed with excitement. I am Mars Gemini so mental compatibility is huge for me as is for a Gemini. The only thing I can say that really bothered me was a lack of understanding/communication. I want him back because I never really wanted to let him go but I didn't see any other way as I felt he was in a rut dragging me in as well. Now so much has changed in my life I am not the same person with the same priorities and in fact I am more like how he is. Bottom line is I love him, I want to be there for him and even after 10 months I have been faithful to him.
From the posts I've read, there's a lot more to this than you're saying. I'm married to a Gemini, and when he leaves, it's because he it's hurt in some way. I focus on being honest, and not getting hung up in the back and forth. I'm honest about how I feel, minus the games. The more you try to control what happens, or how he feels...the more you're invested in the outcome and then you're playing games. Why do you want him back so badly?
Posted by gemguyaz34Thank you Gemguyaz34 for your advice, it is truly appreciated 🙂 I broke things off as I just felt we were frustrated going around in circle with the same stupid issue. He is mostly air except for his Scorpio Mars...does that have a lot of impact?
Time. And it depends on the other placements. A gem with water or fire may eventually come back depending on the circumstances of the separation. But if what you did was really bad (ie..cheating) it might be a lost clause. Also if they have a lot of other air, this makes a huge difference.
Posted by gemelioristBroke up 10 months ago...he was the one initiating at first and then tapered off a bit...He's 31.
...not sure where to start, but I hope you're able to resolve this and either move on or you guys get back together and get married. How long ago did you two break up and how consistent is the communication? Who initiates communication?
I hope he's not a young gem cause it takes a while to know for sure even though it feels right at first.
Posted by gemelioristTBH he was texting inconsistently and sexual flirting so I took that as he only wanted me for my body, which made me insecure and bitchy...just a horribly misscommunicated cycle :/ I usually I am more then willing to flirt and such with text but I just can't with him like this not knowing his intentions 😢
What was going on with either of you when the communication tapered off? Please be clear and honest with your answers and don't worry about being judged here. Gems are usually the least judgemental. live and let live.
Posted by MoonbutterFlirt right back with him. Take his mind for a ride.Posted by NevermoreNo cheating involved...just he wanted to stay home all the time and I wanted a lil bit of adventure and that just created frustration and resentment for me after 4 years of butting heads. We had awesome chemistry, mental and physical compatibility so I'm hoping I'm not that replaceable... He sends me flirty texts but that's about it. How do I get him to wanna chat more/ see me? Thanks to everyone with your advice €Posted by gemguyaz34You made me curious if there's more list than only cheating if someone made you very bad. Is that alright?
Time. And it depends on the other placements. A gem with water or fire may eventually come back depending on the circumstances of the separation. But if what you did was really bad (ie..cheating) it might be a lost clause. Also if they have a lot of other air, this makes a huge difference.click to expand
Posted by MissGemmiYeah but the main problem is those who don't want to talk about it.
I wouldn't say time. If too much time has passed without any progress we'd like to see, then there's no chance we come back.
We give 'directions' only once (maybe twice, if we still care), if someone hasn't really picked up on these directions (things that hurt us, are important to us etcetera) and one is oblivious about it, we consider it a lost cause and move on. It's not hard for us to move on, sometimes it takes time, but we tend to slow down if we don't see progress. We will always stay polite and keep in touch, but you'll never know what goes on in our hearts and mind.
We also appreciate it if you can point out where it went wrong and how you want to see it improved. It shows that you take (us and) our relationship serious and you want to work on it. I for one, love that.
For a Gemini who has moved on, it's hard to get us back. We will have no hard feelings, because we understand it was not meant to be.... and so we are able to continue talking to you like an acquaintance.
Posted by MissGemmiI agree with everything your saying MissGemini we are just like that
I wouldn't say time. If too much time has passed without any progress we'd like to see, then there's no chance we come back.
We give 'directions' only once (maybe twice, if we still care), if someone hasn't really picked up on these directions (things that hurt us, are important to us etcetera) and one is oblivious about it, we consider it a lost cause and move on. It's not hard for us to move on, sometimes it takes time, but we tend to slow down if we don't see progress. We will always stay polite and keep in touch, but you'll never know what goes on in our hearts and mind.
We also appreciate it if you can point out where it went wrong and how you want to see it improved. It shows that you take (us and) our relationship serious and you want to work on it. I for one, love that.
For a Gemini who has moved on, it's hard to get us back. We will have no hard feelings, because we understand it was not meant to be.... and so we are able to continue talking to you like an acquaintance.
Posted by NevermoreCheating is what I consider the holy grail, the end all be all if you will. There are other things such as (but these are things that annoy the fuck out of us, and we don't tolerate it too well:Posted by gemguyaz34You made me curious if there's more list than only cheating if someone made you very bad. Is that alright?
Time. And it depends on the other placements. A gem with water or fire may eventually come back depending on the circumstances of the separation. But if what you did was really bad (ie..cheating) it might be a lost clause. Also if they have a lot of other air, this makes a huge difference.click to expand
Posted by MissGemmiYes! and when someone plays manipulative games I want to grab their hand and smack it and say no as if you touched my stereo while it was playing my favorite tunes. Stop it stop it stop it!
@gemguy
This is so True! I really can't handle games. Im very upfront with my feelings. If I like you I will say it. If youve got expectations I can't give you I will be honest about it as well and then back off completely. So True about seeing our nasty side. If I think youre genuine I will give you the shirt ofmy back. If someone starts to act shaydy I will be hurt but Ill play along just to see how far someone can go. If I got it all together I will completely back off and let you wonder what happened. I will respond to messages and stay polite, but honestly I wouldn't care 2 cents. I noticed I do this. I can't stand it if Im ignored knowing youre manipulating me or if someones acts all nice because they want that shirt of my back.
If you like him. Say it! If he's flirting, flirt back. We like that. It's our way to test our waters if you are still interested 'that way'. I have a hard time understanding Cancers, eventhough Im a leo/cancer dominant. Eventhough others say differently, we are very passionate and are not proud to say the loving things we feel.
Posted by Moonbutterlol ... leave it to you to play head games
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...
Posted by P-AngelHaha P-Angel your irony cracks me upPosted by Moonbutterlol ... leave it to you to play head games
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...
click to expand
Posted by gemeliorist+1
Gems prefer to deal with their problems rather than draw people into their drama and trust me gems don't like to go around people that they don't like so it's not hard to disappear when one isn't feeling it. If he was still trying to remain in contact it might have been to keep you around because he wanted you around without involving you in his problems while he tries to sort them out.
We use flattery as a way to make people feel comfortable and feel that they are ok and are just as valuable as any other person.
Posted by AmaraPWell I'm not really "hanging around." And no, I'm not trying to make him change...how can I do that without even being in his life? But yes, I see what you are saying about the method to my intentions. I felt he needed to find himself and as he put it, "self-love". I did not want to be a "crutch" in his life that he wouldn't feel motivated to be the best man I know he is and he has said on multiple occasions that he wants to be. Now some of you may be shaking your head and thinking I abandoned him, or am wasting my time/heart on him but the ultimate expression of love is self-sacrifice. I had to let him go so he can focus on becoming the man he wants to be. My hope is that he can find acceptance within himself and happiness.
I dont understand why you would end it with someone and then hang around for 10 months trying to make them change and wait around for them to sort out their demons.
Just leave it? You could have found someone else by now.
I havent found gemini's to be non-judgmental. My gemini ex was the most uptight, conservative, judgmental person I had ever met.
Posted by MoonbutterSee I dont get that. Being a crutch for him....isnt that what you do in relationships? You ARE a crutch for each other to a certain extent, you support each other with your demons. If you cant do that why are you together? In a good relationship you motivate each other to be the best you can be. Give and take is life.Posted by AmaraPWell I'm not really "hanging around." And no, I'm not trying to make him change...how can I do that without even being in his life? But yes, I see what you are saying about the method to my intentions. I felt he needed to find himself and as he put it, "self-love". I did not want to be a "crutch" in his life that he wouldn't feel motivated to be the best man I know he is and he has said on multiple occasions that he wants to be. Now some of you may be shaking your head and thinking I abandoned him, or am wasting my time/heart on him but the ultimate expression of love is self-sacrifice. I had to let him go so he can focus on becoming the man he wants to be. My hope is that he can find acceptance within himself and happiness.
I dont understand why you would end it with someone and then hang around for 10 months trying to make them change and wait around for them to sort out their demons.
Just leave it? You could have found someone else by now.
I havent found gemini's to be non-judgmental. My gemini ex was the most uptight, conservative, judgmental person I had ever met.click to expand
Posted by AmaraPWell that is your perception and not everyone is the same, In order to grow, sometimes a person does need to be left alone and a "crutch" allows that person to be complacent and too comfortable to get up and change things in their life. I don't believe SO should be crutches for each other in the way I am talking, which is enabling destructive behavior and habits. If it's too late for either, then guess what? It wasn't meant to be but at least we will be better people for our future spouses.Posted by MoonbutterSee I dont get that. Being a crutch for him....isnt that what you do in relationships? You ARE a crutch for each other to a certain extent, you support each other with your demons. If you cant do that why are you together? In a good relationship you motivate each other to be the best you can be. Give and take is life.Posted by AmaraPWell I'm not really "hanging around." And no, I'm not trying to make him change...how can I do that without even being in his life? But yes, I see what you are saying about the method to my intentions. I felt he needed to find himself and as he put it, "self-love". I did not want to be a "crutch" in his life that he wouldn't feel motivated to be the best man I know he is and he has said on multiple occasions that he wants to be. Now some of you may be shaking your head and thinking I abandoned him, or am wasting my time/heart on him but the ultimate expression of love is self-sacrifice. I had to let him go so he can focus on becoming the man he wants to be. My hope is that he can find acceptance within himself and happiness.
I dont understand why you would end it with someone and then hang around for 10 months trying to make them change and wait around for them to sort out their demons.
Just leave it? You could have found someone else by now.
I havent found gemini's to be non-judgmental. My gemini ex was the most uptight, conservative, judgmental person I had ever met.
He has problems and needs help and you dump him to deal with it on his own as you didnt want to be his crutch and now you're still pussy footing around 10 months later, still not being clear with him.
Either you should have stayed in the relationship and helped him out or left him alone. But it is too late for either of those now.
It's a really weird situation. But after 10 months....did you dump him to provoke a reaction out of him hoping he would change quicker and come running back? Because it looks like it from your opening post. That backfires most of the time.click to expand
Posted by MoonbutterThen why did you ask this? Just leave him alone and move on. He has.
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...If a Gemini really loved/cared for you is it possible a Gemini will come back? what will make you guys come back and is there anything a person can do to get you to come back?
Posted by AmaraPBecause I wanted to, what is it to you? You are a negative nelly, aren't you? Been trolling here awhile just sprinkling your shit confetti everywhere? You think you know everything, well you are in for a rude awakening. What sign are you anyways, ASS?Posted by MoonbutterThen why did you ask this? Just leave him alone and move on. He has.
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...If a Gemini really loved/cared for you is it possible a Gemini will come back? what will make you guys come back and is there anything a person can do to get you to come back?click to expand
Posted by tizianiOk, I get what you are saying, but at the end of the day your experiences with past relationships helps you to find what you want/don't want in a SO. You do learn from your mistakes so that you don't (hopefully) carry that on to the next relationship. I'm not trying to be "cold" about it, but if I see no hope then I have to put a positive spin on it and hope for the best. Maybe it's just my philosophical Sag Moon talking here...Posted by MoonbutterThat's kind of a giant fallacy of reasoning to be honest. Really and truly it'd be more compassionate to recognise that no future spouse should be held in the light of comparison against past experiences, be they good or bad.
It wasn't meant to be but at least we will be better people for our future spouses.
When people attribute to much meaning and reasoning it blocks out their warmth and compassion. A good example is this post I'm writing. Does it seem warm to you? I doubt it. And yours seem like you're thinking too much so you come off as lacking basic warmth. That's going to push most men away because they are really looking to hold onto that kid side, especially a sign like Gemini.
I would never look at it in terms of winning someone back. It'd probably be easier to accept that you did what you did and you both stand where you stand today. It makes you seem more real to the person you're hoping to attract. A relationship is only over when two people don't want it anymore.click to expand
Posted by MoonbutterJesus you dumped him and are trying to get him back. He had all these problems you didnt want to deal with, you would not be his crutch.Posted by AmaraPBecause I wanted to, what is it to you? You are a negative nelly, aren't you? Been trolling here awhile just sprinkling your shit confetti everywhere? You think you know everything, well you are in for a rude awakening. What sign are you anyways, ASS?Posted by MoonbutterThen why did you ask this? Just leave him alone and move on. He has.
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...If a Gemini really loved/cared for you is it possible a Gemini will come back? what will make you guys come back and is there anything a person can do to get you to come back?click to expand
Posted by AmaraPYou do not know the situation. Sometimes people need to love themselves before they can love others, that is what he was lacking for one. He was too dependent on his family living at home for years while he has a good job(and complaining about it). And that is just some of it...I stuck through all that for years with him telling me he was not being his best self he could be. You think sticking with him and all his vices on top of those frustrations would result in a positive outcome? I did everything I could only to feel despair. The only thing left was to walk away hoping it would leave him to figure things out and make changes that he wants for himself. If you want to continue to rag on me and be negative then you really are just picking a fight :/Posted by MoonbutterJesus you dumped him and are trying to get him back. He had all these problems you didnt want to deal with, you would not be his crutch.Posted by AmaraPBecause I wanted to, what is it to you? You are a negative nelly, aren't you? Been trolling here awhile just sprinkling your shit confetti everywhere? You think you know everything, well you are in for a rude awakening. What sign are you anyways, ASS?Posted by MoonbutterThen why did you ask this? Just leave him alone and move on. He has.
What if you messed up and tried to "cage" your delicate butterfly? And then acted distant/aloof...If a Gemini really loved/cared for you is it possible a Gemini will come back? what will make you guys come back and is there anything a person can do to get you to come back?
Leave him alone.
Fucking bitch.click to expand
Posted by tizianiThanks for the optimistic and honest reply 🙂 Funny, my ex gem said basically that...wanting resolution and peace, clean slate...I guePosted by MoonbutterSome mistakes really aren't there to be learned from, it's just shit happens at those moments 😛Posted by tizianiOk, I get what you are saying, but at the end of the day your experiences with past relationships helps you to find what you want/don't want in a SO. You do learn from your mistakes so that you don't (hopefully) carry that on to the next relationship. I'm not trying to be "cold" about it, but if I see no hope then I have to put a positive spin on it and hope for the best. Maybe it's just my philosophical Sag Moon talking here...Posted by MoonbutterThat's kind of a giant fallacy of reasoning to be honest. Really and truly it'd be more compassionate to recognise that no future spouse should be held in the light of comparison against past experiences, be they good or bad.
It wasn't meant to be but at least we will be better people for our future spouses.
When people attribute to much meaning and reasoning it blocks out their warmth and compassion. A good example is this post I'm writing. Does it seem warm to you? I doubt it. And yours seem like you're thinking too much so you come off as lacking basic warmth. That's going to push most men away because they are really looking to hold onto that kid side, especially a sign like Gemini.
I would never look at it in terms of winning someone back. It'd probably be easier to accept that you did what you did and you both stand where you stand today. It makes you seem more real to the person you're hoping to attract. A relationship is only over when two people don't want it anymore.
"A relationship is only over when two people don't want it anymore." Are you saying if the Gem has moved on, I still have a chance? Please explain, I am intrigued 🙂
But I understand what you're getting at.
As for the other thing, I've just seen a lot of couples start with a clean slate. I don't believe the posts on here (in this forum and elsewhere) about "if too much time has passed, we're done" because that's not realistic. And more than that, that's the whole point of healthy relationships anyway. You are both meant to be done. Let the past slide. As long as both people are no longer upset and both have explained themselves when asked, explain once and never again. It's up to you both. No one here can say otherwise. Certainly not me anyway. Lord knows I've made mistakes.click to expand
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