isn't there someone who is Military around here

or am I just imagining?
anyone knows?
thank you - i need an unbiased opinion of someone who would have more experience with ptsd than average bear.

I'm not in the military, but my boyfriend is

shuddup

blah. how old is he? was he deployed? I need to ask something about my Sag, who has some things he's going through and need an unbiased but informed opinion as in:

my Sag is dealing with a mild anxiety and ptsd flare up, and is asking for space till he deals with it and gets better, and he says he can't commit till that is done, but on the other hand he tells me he loves me and wants us together and all that. i'm just semi lost even though I grew up with people who have post combat ptsd. I dont know where the man is pulling away because he's being a man, and where it's just that he is really asking for space, even though we talk every day. it's like we are in relationship but one that is not going anywhere and there is no light at the end of a tunnel. I can't function like that. I need that light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not that apocalyptic. I'm glass half full.

idk.

uhhmm... yeah... whatever. as I HAVE SAID I GREW UP with people who have post combat ptsd. I know the triggers, what it is, how it affects them, and I've seen people first hand deal with it every day. I don't need to read up on it to know what that is. and fortunately the country I come from it's not hidden from public's view and does not carry the stigma it does on this continent. The issue is that it is a different story when it's someone you are involved in and different when it's someone in your family or friends. Totally different.

the question is where is it one and where it's the other. only another Vet may know or someone with similar experience.

Posted by roamingfree
blah. how old is he? was he deployed? I need to ask something about my Sag, who has some things he's going through and need an unbiased but informed opinion as in:

my Sag is dealing with a mild anxiety and ptsd flare up, and is asking for space till he deals with it and gets better, and he says he can't commit till that is done, but on the other hand he tells me he loves me and wants us together and all that. i'm just semi lost even though I grew up with people who have post combat ptsd. I dont know where the man is pulling away because he's being a man, and where it's just that he is really asking for space, even though we talk every day. it's like we are in relationship but one that is not going anywhere and there is no light at the end of a tunnel. I can't function like that. I need that light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not that apocalyptic. I'm glass half full.

idk.

He's 24, and yes...

We went through literally the exact same thing.

We have been together since high school (I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing the story, but in case you didn't know, haha)
8 years this year! He joined right after high school and was deployed in 2008 I think? 2007 maybe and got back in 2008

But anyways, when he got back from deployment he just wasn't the same...& he'll probably never be the same again honestly.
He had a really hard time adjusting back to civilian life, he couldn't relax, he had a hard time sleeping, he was edgy as fuck......
& he really hasn't gotten much better....he's still pretty uptight and edgy most of the time, and still can't relax. As soon as we get somewhere he's asking "what's the deal, what are we doing, ready to go?" He can't do crowds, loud noises, etc.
He gets worked up over the littlest things, like total OCD. and the mood swings :/ jesus christttttt

(I'm a Sag, he's a Libra)
I was the one that decided he needed space...so it's kind of ironic that your Sag is actually asking you for space.
I had a really hard time making that decision because I didn't want him to feel abandoned...but I just knew I couldn't be his doormat, and that's what it was becoming. We never stopped communicating, we just cut out the physical contact and tried to keep the emotions off. I felt like he had personal things he needed to work out and I could not help. He needed to focus on himself, and if I was around he wouldn't do that

It didn't last that long honestly...he had some time to himself and then we slowly worked back into couple's mode
(I also had some personal/family issues come up and needed him, so that was part of it.)

All I can say is, it's not you...and you're just gonna have to let him focus on himself. He can't focus on you right now...or he's going to focus the negativity on you and trusttttt me, you don't want that.
Just keep in contact. Make sure he knows you're there and you care and love him and miss him.

He'll come around. 🙂




Not trying to end on a pessimistic note either, but it's best if you accept that he might not ever be the same again.
If you make the choice to stand by him and wait for him to come around...you are making the choice to accept him as he is... and that might not be the same man you fell in love with. You might have to fall in love with who he is now.

Posted by brianafay
It didn't last that long honestly...

Not trying to end on a pessimistic note either, but it's best if you accept that he might not ever be the same again.
If you make the choice to stand by him and wait for him to come around...you are making the choice to accept him as he is... and that might not be the same man you fell in love with. You might have to fall in love with who he is now.

well, he's been deployed 3 times. going again next year sometime. i'm used to the hypervigilance, the ocd, mood swings and all that. again, I lived with people with post combat ptsd.
i know all that junk. like the back of my hand.
thing is that it's also been a few months, almost a year since we started dating and usualy this is the time when things go south in normal relationships as well. i don't really know which it is.
he's in the field for the next 2 months only coming home on weekends, if that. so this will be a welcome break from talking in any ways. there will be no talking at all. i'm fine with that.
i just don't know what part of it is ptsd and what part the relationship going south.

and no, they are never the same. people change. most people on this continent have no clue what the rest of the world is like and how brutal it is.
i personally like him better with open eyes. i have no patience for men who never were in Military. just me.

(blah & gah & gawd - all at the same time)

Posted by thebiggcarlos
sorry i ran out of space, i exceeded the limit.....continue.
It's NOT easy. i just tried to move forward and don't look back. but when we go on break i just wanted to be alone to myself. it'll eventually go away. right now he's still suffering from ptsd because i can only assume something bad just happen. so just give it time, i think he'll eventually get over it. i hope i didn't go a little off topic here? only trying to help the best way i possibly know how.after all that's what i like to do, help a fellow gem out.

he's been deployed 3 times, going again next year. in the last year he went through divorce after 15 years marriage, his ex cheated on him while he was deployed with someone from his company - nice double back stabbing there. he moved 4 times. pcs'ed somewhere else, of his own choice, had to wait for his goods to be delivered for 3 weeks, while maintaining platoon for less than 90 days, got moved again, because the original brigade was being dismantled, moved back to squad leader to another company he didnt want to be at, since originally he asked for BCT. gawd! I tell you. he has had no breaks in the last year and last 4 months he is totally alone where he's at. he's making friends, but you know how it is. he really is alone first time probably in his whole life. he's personal support network is not there aside for work. I'm not enough. I'm not in the same place as him. He asked to give him time to get better. he's taking his own advice and is seeking therapy. he's been battling this beast for a while. he's not well. i think it takes a lot for him to open up to me. there was a couple times where he just broke down on skype or phone. but he is a good guy. he truly is. it's the good ones that get affected. war sucks your soul. he still wants us to be together, but not making any plans for any kind of future, after him putting out us being togehter, getting engaged, married, getting info from JAG and all that. It was not my idea or my push to that. It was all him. I think him also not making the list in March did a number on him as well, that and the news of next years deployment the most. he's not going to get out of it and is not the kind to even think it, but he's had enough. he's been in the Army for 18 years. he has a right to be tired.

idk. we talk. we ack like all is ok. but we both know it isn't. we do not talk about anything

BCT, or whatever it is for combat something or other, he asked to be moved from MP - he is not getting the change that he so desperately needs.

Mines MP too. 🙂



I think you're just panicking and feeling a bit insecure because you feel helpless in the situation.
I wouldn't worry so much. We all handle stress differently...and a Sagis first reaction is always to get away from people and to be by ourself.

I don't think you can make the determination of whether or not it's his stress or really your relationship going south, cause your relationship is not the main thing on his mind and can't be right now.
I know for or you, it is...and that's tough.

Just hang in there girly

yeah, idk. he seems to be coming out of the woods for a time. He's not one of these guys who ignore the big pink elephant, he takes his own advice and is working to get better. We talked about it the last couple of days extensively and our relationship. He's just asking for time to get better and that's ok. He's asking me to just bear with him for now. It's not unreasonable. What kind of relationship it would be if I just walk now. At this point we want to go forward and concentrate on the good things and trying to find balance for him, something he really needs. We talk every day at length. We had maybe 5 days all together where we didn't talk but that would be mostly related to work. We will have some time apart now as he's in the field. It's a good break to have from the last couple of months of emotional ordeal. We talked about many things yesterday. I keep hope. So does he. Time will pass this beast of ptsd will hide it's horns and hopefully all will be alright as much as it can be.

🙂 nothing but optimistic about you two!

😄
😛

never seen anything done with less of a peace/love/granola and a happy balloon tucked into someone's hand as they skip against odds 😉

or we can just say: screw it, we gonna do it anyways 😉