scorpio & Gem blame game

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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Okay. I've posted on here about troubles between me and my scorpio. Now I'd like to know if it's difficult for Scorpios to admit any wrong doing? Do they tend to shift blame for ALL relationship issues to their partner? Do they EVER accept any responsibility?

My Scorpio blames me for everything. Even her own actions. Her reasoning is that for every action there is a reaction and I make her be that way.

I was previously told to leave her alone to figure out her issues and work on healing. What really upsets me is that she actually believed that I am the main issue in our relationship and has said as much.

Any thoughts?
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by Impulsv
Is it ur fault no it's not a blame thing it's just that u triger her fears? U could do everything right n if she was unhealed deep wounds, ull triger them.
If I'm correct didnt u say her exchanged on her?



yes her husband of over 20 years cheated on her for over 2 years before she found out and even after she found out he still kept a relationship with the other woman, while she tried her best to save her marriage.

She literally blames me for everything and says I am self absorbed. She asked me to help her overcome any fears and be strong for us. I try my best, but every week she is griping about some sort of perceived problem. She is always saying she knows I will hurt her. It is all driving me crazy.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by TokerX
Yeah, that's Scorp & Gem alright. :p Don't let it get you down. Hang in there, be strong for yourself and her. And get that bond going again, Scorp & Gem are at best when they work as a team, it's then when they can achieve more than anyone else. But if they start to oppose each other, be prepared for world war 3.



I believe world war 3 is here because she has sent me the most evil text of our entire relationship. Accusing me of being evil, mean and having an evil spirit! I tried to be strong for us, but nothing has changed. She is still pulling the break up thing on me every week. Only to turn around and make it. It is always after we make love and are in a Euphoric state.
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slonce5
@slonce5
15 Years

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She literally blames me for everything and says I am self absorbed. She asked me to help her overcome any fears and be strong for us. I try my best, but every week she is griping about some sort of perceived problem. She is always saying she knows I will hurt her. It is all driving me crazy.



What does she blame you for besides being self absorbed? All Geminis I know love to talk about themselves a lot, so maybe you are giving her the impression that it is all about you. Do you ask her a lot how she feels , what she needs, what she wants etc.? Do you try to make her happy, fulfill her needs? Do you express your feelings in a Scorpio's language? ( read intense.)
Are you sensitive to her feelings?
Do you brag a lot?
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Stihl46
@Stihl46
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Posted by slonce5

She literally blames me for everything and says I am self absorbed. She asked me to help her overcome any fears and be strong for us. I try my best, but every week she is griping about some sort of perceived problem. She is always saying she knows I will hurt her. It is all driving me crazy.



What does she blame you for besides being self absorbed? All Geminis I know love to talk about themselves a lot, so maybe you are giving her the impression that it is all about you. Do you ask her a lot how she feels , what she needs, what she wants etc.? Do you try to make her happy, fulfill her needs? Do you express your feelings in a Scorpio's language? ( read intense.)
Are you sensitive to her feelings?
Do you brag a lot?



This is very much true, hell even being a Cancer man I understand my Scorpio friend but there are times I can't read her and she gets angry. As I said in my previous post when things start to turn sour in her life watch out you will get blamed for it. You will have ww3 on your hands she will just get even more angry it is when they start turning vindictive and they want to see you pay for it.
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gemini64
@gemini64
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Posted by indiajones33
Okay. I've posted on here about troubles between me and my scorpio. Now I'd like to know if it's difficult for Scorpios to admit any wrong doing? Do they tend to shift blame for ALL relationship issues to their partner? Do they EVER accept any responsibility?

My Scorpio blames me for everything. Even her own actions. Her reasoning is that for every action there is a reaction and I make her be that way.

I was previously told to leave her alone to figure out her issues and work on healing. What really upsets me is that she actually believed that I am the main issue in our relationship and has said as much.

Any thoughts?



I've been married to a Scorpio Man for 17 years. As with all couples, we have our spats. And he knows how to push my buttons; most of the time it's out of affection to get a rise out of me so we end up laughing about the stupidest stuff.

One thing that amazes me about my husband is that even if we've had a knock down, drag out verbal conflict, once he's calmed down and thought things through; he always apologizes and is genuine.

I have NEVER in my life be around ANY man who had that emotional capacity and humility to tell me he was sorry.

Last Spring I was deeply hurt by a man who was a life long friend but for whatever reason, stabbed me in the back. He will never apologize because he simply does't have the fortitude and qualities of my husband to do that. He will carry his guilt and anger or whatever his issues are to his grave. And to me, that's sad. Life isn't about living it in pain and holding onto grudges or misconceptions. It's about loving those you care about and peace of mind.

If I were you, I'd see if your Scorpio lady would consider doing some couple's counseling together? It sounds as if she's either dealing with some underlying emotional issues from her past that are triggered when you bring up something, even if you don't know that she's touchy about certain things.

She may also simply lack the emotional capacity to see things from another person's perspective and instead, always stick with her own reality. It's often hard to put yourself in other people's shoes if you've never been forced to do it prior. It's also about compassion. Some people are so invested in their own emotional pain, they can't even be compassionate to those they are suppose to love.
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Scenic
@Scenic
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Do you ever feel that the way she treats or speaks to you is abusive? It sounds kind of like abuser tactics to me to bring another person down and to blame them for their own actions, essentially making the other sound and feel like a terrible person. Idk, that was one of the first things I thought of, but if you don't agree, then that's a good thing.

If you want to keep trying with her, you should get her into counseling. Or better yet, you go with her to couples counseling so she doesn't tell a one-sided story about her struggles and problems. It appears common that those coerced into therapy or counseling with simply say that nothing is wrong which leads to nothing being solved.

Maybe your actions do make her react negatively...not that you mean to, but certain people do work better with those who have certain qualities. For instance, I work best with people who are calm and can take my honesty. If I'm not with that type, I feel like I'm constantly angry even if I may care for them deeply. Although I think her issues run a lot deeper than this (and that it's not your fault regardless), perhaps this plays a small role here.

Tbh, I don't know how you can see all these issues with her and feel so unhappy with it and still stay with her. It's not your job to fix her. She needs to learn to stop relying on others (mainly to make them feel like shit so she doesn't have to) and focus on fixing herself. In fact, I don't think you could help her even if you wanted to. You posting here about it even after being in a relationship with her for however long is proof of that, imo. But, really, just do what makes YOU happy. If staying with her does that, then so be it
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Scenic
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I suppose also, I could include that I was in a relationship with a scorpio once. I loved him more than anything but he had lots of emotional issues and I wasn't happy, so I left although it was hard. He threatened to kill himself if we ever broke up, and he in fact did try. I didn't realize this while I was in the relationship, but that's a tactic used by abusers to make sure you stay with them. I also found out after the relationship that the stories he told about his relationships were different than what he told me. So, there was a lot I didn't realize about him I guess and I'm happy that I left. It gave me the opportunity to meet other wonderful people who are a lot mentally healthier. I'm less frustrated, angry, stressed, etc, now.

There's a point when trying to stick with a relationship isn't healthy and is just not worth it. I was stupid for giving my scorpio as many tries as I did and spending that much time in an unhealthy relationship. I wanted it to work out so bad, but I knew he wasn't going to change. I'd either have to accept him how he was as well as my unhappiness or leave. I made the right choice. Funny enough, he's with a gemini now so I wonder if that's working any better for him. Anyway, maybe you can get something out of this post. If not, oh well.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by Impulsv
Is it ur fault no it's not a blame thing it's just that u triger her fears? U could do everything right n if she was unhealed deep wounds, ull triger them.
If I'm correct didnt u say her exchanged on her?



Yes her ex cheated on her and totally rejected her for his mistress. I honestly don't feel like I was ever given a chance to earn her trust. To me for any relationship to work there has to be some level of trust. I feel like she has this misconception of me and she looks for actions that fit into her notion of me. It is tiring.
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indiajones33
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11 Years

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Posted by Hotbeefy

She literally blames me for everything and says I am self absorbed. She asked me to help her overcome any fears and be strong for us. I try my best, but every week she is griping about some sort of perceived problem. She is always saying she knows I will hurt her. It is all driving me crazy.



NO! First of, you are not her savior.
Second of all, she's using you as a punching bag emotions.
Third of all she's very unstable (& very insecure) that she should be herself figuring out, if she can't she should go find some help that has more professional job to do rather than others.

She's belittling you from her insecurity (& struggle what her emotions has come).


Run as fast as you can to stay away of that girl (she's not a woman).
click to expand





I feel like she is using me for her emotional punching bag, but she does not see it that way. She feels justified in every action she does and words she say. I doubt she will seek professional help if I suggest it because she does not feel anything is wrong with her. To her, I am the problem in the relationship.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by slonce5

She literally blames me for everything and says I am self absorbed. She asked me to help her overcome any fears and be strong for us. I try my best, but every week she is griping about some sort of perceived problem. She is always saying she knows I will hurt her. It is all driving me crazy.



What does she blame you for besides being self absorbed? All Geminis I know love to talk about themselves a lot, so maybe you are giving her the impression that it is all about you. Do you ask her a lot how she feels , what she needs, what she wants etc.? Do you try to make her happy, fulfill her needs? Do you express your feelings in a Scorpio's language? ( read intense.)
Are you sensitive to her feelings?
Do you brag a lot?




Not only does she accuse me of being self absorbed but she says I am miserable and make our relationship miserable. Whenever she ignores me or breaks up with me the reason is always my fault. So if I say, " baby It makes me feel disrespected and unimportant when you ignore me and break up with me when we have a disagreement", her normal response is, "well stop doing what you are doing". or, "you made me act that way".

I definitely express my feelings to her, but sometimes it is difficult since it seems every week we are beefing over any and everything.

I am sensitive to her feelings. I know she is easily hurt, but I don't like feeling as if I'm on constant eggshells. I don't brag at all. I always ask about her questions and engage her.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by gemini64
Posted by indiajones33
Okay. I've posted on here about troubles between me and my scorpio. Now I'd like to know if it's difficult for Scorpios to admit any wrong doing? Do they tend to shift blame for ALL relationship issues to their partner? Do they EVER accept any responsibility?

My Scorpio blames me for everything. Even her own actions. Her reasoning is that for every action there is a reaction and I make her be that way.

I was previously told to leave her alone to figure out her issues and work on healing. What really upsets me is that she actually believed that I am the main issue in our relationship and has said as much.

Any thoughts?
click to expand




I've been married to a Scorpio Man for 17 years. As with all couples, we have our spats. And he knows how to push my buttons; most of the time it's out of affection to get a rise out of me so we end up laughing about the stupidest stuff.

One thing that amazes me about my husband is that even if we've had a knock down, drag out verbal conflict, once he's calmed down and thought things through; he always apologizes and is genuine.

I have NEVER in my life be around ANY man who had that emotional capacity and humility to tell me he was sorry.

Last Spring I was deeply hurt by a man who was a life long friend but for whatever reason, stabbed me in the back. He will never apologize because he simply does't have the fortitude and qualities of my husband to do that. He will carry his guilt and anger or whatever his issues are to his grave. And to me, that's sad. Life isn't about living it in pain and holding onto grudges or misconceptions. It's about loving those you care about and peace of mind.

If I were you, I'd see if your Scorpio lady would consider doing some couple's counseling together? It sounds as if she's either dealing with some underlying emotional issues from her past that are triggered when you bring up something, even if you don't know that she's touchy about certain things.

She may also simply lack the emotional capacity to see things from another person's perspective and instead, always stick with her own reality. It's often hard to put yourself in other people's shoes if you've never been forced to do it prior. It's also about compassion. Some people are so invested in their own emotio
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by Scenic
Do you ever feel that the way she treats or speaks to you is abusive? It sounds kind of like abuser tactics to me to bring another person down and to blame them for their own actions, essentially making the other sound and feel like a terrible person. Idk, that was one of the first things I thought of, but if you don't agree, then that's a good thing.

If you want to keep trying with her, you should get her into counseling. Or better yet, you go with her to couples counseling so she doesn't tell a one-sided story about her struggles and problems. It appears common that those coerced into therapy or counseling with simply say that nothing is wrong which leads to nothing being solved.

Maybe your actions do make her react negatively...not that you mean to, but certain people do work better with those who have certain qualities. For instance, I work best with people who are calm and can take my honesty. If I'm not with that type, I feel like I'm constantly angry even if I may care for them deeply. Although I think her issues run a lot deeper than this (and that it's not your fault regardless), perhaps this plays a small role here.

Tbh, I don't know how you can see all these issues with her and feel so unhappy with it and still stay with her. It's not your job to fix her. She needs to learn to stop relying on others (mainly to make them feel like shit so she doesn't have to) and focus on fixing herself. In fact, I don't think you could help her even if you wanted to. You posting here about it even after being in a relationship with her for however long is proof of that, imo. But, really, just do what makes YOU happy. If staying with her does that, then so be it




I do sometimes feel like the way she treats and speaks to me is abusive. I feel like she punishes me when I don't live up to her "expectations". It boggles my mind because she is very honest, genuinely caring of other, and will help me out with anything that I need and be there for me. However, if I do or say something that she find offensive, she totally shuts down on me. It can be the most insignificant thing, or she will somehow relate something that has nothing to do with me, with me, and make it all my fault.

I am not happy, but I don't like to give up on people that I love so I try and work through any issues. That could be my mars in Taurus idk. What I do know is that I can
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gemeliorist
@gemeliorist
13 Years500+ Posts

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OP, this is from personal experience. You're just spinning your wheels. I've seen a few gem males scorp female relationships and it is always worse for the gem as they will suck the life out of you and you deserve much better. Scorps are very selfish and have a hard time controlling that, so in the end they will destroy every ounce of love, kindness and decency that you have for them.

Leave them alone as they will never appreciate what it truly means to have someone love and accept them and not want to harm them. They live for control and drama is the means. A rational person knows that one cannot control everything only ones behaviour and if they ever get that it would take eternity.

They will steer you down a path that is very destructive and in the end blame you. Don't try to please them by being considerate of their feelings it will backfire as they view that as weakness rather than care and concern. Domination is the only thing they understand so since they live in the basement, leave them there and get out and bolt the door behind you. One big headache with little to no joy in dealing with them long term.

They are just bad.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Gemliorist - everything you said is so on point and I guess I'm running myself in a circle because it's difficult to understand how someone so emotionally aware can lack self-awareness. There is just no reasoning with her. Facts don't matter only her feelings which are wrong 9xs out of ten because she is operating from a place of distrust. This has by far been the most fulfilling yet draining relationship.
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gemeliorist
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@IJ33 you shouldn't have to pay for the behaviour of another. You deserve better and if you continue trying to make up for what her ex did then you deserve what you get, honestly. Because that is what you are asking for when you try to fix her issues at the expense of yourself. One cannot fix another, only themselves. Simple.

They are takers and will keep taking if you let them. Everyone thought my ex scorpio was just the greatest and how lucky I was. Never used to respond and eventually started telling them that they can have him. He was just wonderful in public and hell in private a lot of the time. He had some great qualities but some really bad ones. Needy, temperamental and selfish, only in private though. I eventually learned to only be friends with them and nothing else. Extreme creatures they are.

To know someone and to live with them is not the same. Twelve years later, he's just starting to show signs of understanding how his behaviour contributes to his situation. Still destructive and I just stopped trying to be there for him. They may never get to the place where they are considerate of the other persons efforts, people like that just drain you. Stop letting it be your problem. Thank god I left him. They will still want to be with you and will try to convince you that it will get better, but it won't. They are manipulators, so do't believe they are all about truth and trust.

That nasty attitude that they have just saturates the environment and makes it even more difficult for anyone in it to function properly. Remember they are takers even when they are sometimes giving.

They seem to be very proud of this motto "if I'm not happy, no one else is". I've only ever heard that from them.

Believe it.
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Geminems
@Geminems
13 Years

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the types I am drawn to are generally terrible for me in the end, as seems to be the case for many other fellow gems. I like the quick and passionate start, middle and end that these emotional signs give. I hate waiting for the occasionally perfect Sagittarius that swings my way to get serious.

My point is that scorpios are a stress sign for us. If you are willing to be the calming force they need your entire life, then the passion Is worth it. But if you want to live in the moment and bE your true self, carry on and drop the dreadful scorpio.
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Scenic
@Scenic
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Posted by Gemi9
Posted by Scenic
I suppose also, I could include that I was in a relationship with a scorpio once. I loved him more than anything but he had lots of emotional issues and I wasn't happy, so I left although it was hard. He threatened to kill himself if we ever broke up, and he in fact did try. I didn't realize this while I was in the relationship, but that's a tactic used by abusers to make sure you stay with them. I also found out after the relationship that the stories he told about his relationships were different than what he told me. So, there was a lot I didn't realize about him I guess and I'm happy that I left. It gave me the opportunity to meet other wonderful people who are a lot mentally healthier. I'm less frustrated, angry, stressed, etc, now.

There's a point when trying to stick with a relationship isn't healthy and is just not worth it. I was stupid for giving my scorpio as many tries as I did and spending that much time in an unhealthy relationship. I wanted it to work out so bad, but I knew he wasn't going to change. I'd either have to accept him how he was as well as my unhappiness or leave. I made the right choice. Funny enough, he's with a gemini now so I wonder if that's working any better for him. Anyway, maybe you can get something out of this post. If not, oh well.



May I ask you what was so great about him that made you to be so attached?
I am in love with a Scorpio and I think I am going mental.
But if someone threatened me with killing themselves - there would he go.
But I am a Gemini, so it maybe different for me.
I just want to know if it was sex or personality that you were taken by?
I just can not imagine person who acts like this to have any good qualities in him.
What were those?
click to expand



Late reply, but if you still care for the answer -
There was an instant connection when we met and I felt like I had known him my whole life. He made me realize many different things about myself and the world and he cared for me deeply. I also admired him, which is important to keep my attention (he was a musician, football player, and very charismatic which was appealing to my younger self). The sex was terrible, though. I still don't think he's a bad person, but he unfortunately will never overcome his issues. I have no doubt of that.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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@Gemeliorist you are absolutely right with everything you have said! Are you a life coach or counselor? just asking.

I have heard her say numerous times "if I'm not happy, no one else is". I know it is all on me and I must make the decision to walk away and not look back. It is difficult when you love someone, but it is draining constantly attempting to reassure someone and asking forgiveness for "perceived" slights. We will be good for a week or two tops and then all hell breaks loose.

The one thing that was keeping me holding on is I saw she was changing her behavior. She stopped ignoring me when upset, she was communicating, apologizing for her wrong doings etc. However, it is like she always reverts back after a while.
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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Posted by Geminems
the types I am drawn to are generally terrible for me in the end, as seems to be the case for many other fellow gems. I like the quick and passionate start, middle and end that these emotional signs give. I hate waiting for the occasionally perfect Sagittarius that swings my way to get serious.

My point is that scorpios are a stress sign for us. If you are willing to be the calming force they need your entire life, then the passion Is worth it. But if you want to live in the moment and bE your true self, carry on and drop the dreadful scorpio.




yes, Scorpios and Gems seem to be opposite sides of the same poll... it is so crazy and sort of tragic at the same time. I think we are both at our wits end. I finally realize what relationship stress truly is. Normally in the past I just walk away, but for some reason It is not as easy to leave her.
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Gemineyevixen
@Gemineyevixen
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Posted by indiajones33
Okay. I've posted on here about troubles between me and my scorpio. Now I'd like to know if it's difficult for Scorpios to admit any wrong doing? Do they tend to shift blame for ALL relationship issues to their partner? Do they EVER accept any responsibility?

My Scorpio blames me for everything. Even her own actions. Her reasoning is that for every action there is a reaction and I make her be that way.

I was previously told to leave her alone to figure out her issues and work on healing. What really upsets me is that she actually believed that I am the main issue in our relationship and has said as much.

Any thoughts?




Why are you even dating a water sign? Scorpio's I dislike.. Waaay to sensitive for my Gemini ass.. I have to much Gemini in my chart, and Earth placements.. I can comprehend the Earth signs but water signs for a Gemini to me is a big nono.. Unless your watered down then I can understand why you would go for a Scorpio.. Get use to it. Either put up or leave it. You should know Scorpios are extremely sensitive and moody and intense. It's part of the nature. Good luck 😛
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indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

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@gemineyevixen I have my sun, merc, venus in Gemini and my moon in pisces. She has her sun, mer, venus in Scorpio and moon in Taurus. She is stubborn as hell and drives me up a wall. I guess intense translates to super jealous and insecure with a need of constant reassurance. I am really drawn to her. She gets me in a emotional way and I can be emotionally open and not worry about coming across as "extra". When things are good they are good but when bad all hell breaks loose!
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Gemineyevixen
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Posted by indiajones33
@gemineyevixen I have my sun, merc, venus in Gemini and my moon in pisces. She has her sun, mer, venus in Scorpio and moon in Taurus. She is stubborn as hell and drives me up a wall. I guess intense translates to super jealous and insecure with a need of constant reassurance. I am really drawn to her. She gets me in a emotional way and I can be emotionally open and not worry about coming across as "extra". When things are good they are good but when bad all hell breaks loose!




I hear ya.. Wow.. I thought me and pssymonster were the only ones with a lot of Gemini in our charts!

My Sun, Mercury, Venus and Jupiter are ALL in GEMINI.. Crazy huh? I know I'm F'd up because of it 😛 But my Moon is in Aquarius, so I am not down with the pity emotions.