Any Insight?

Hi there

Despite being the one who filed for divorced, I still can't get over my ex husband We argued an awful lot and it was not a very nice break up. We hated each other when it ended and horrible things were said from both sides.

After a long period of no contact I got in touch with him last week to say hello and his responses have been very hostile and cold. I was wondering if there is anything in either of our charts that may help you lovely people throw some light on this for me.

Is he being cold because he genuinely no longer cares or is it a defence mechanism and he is keeping his walls up?

My chart

Sun Leo 11.23 Ascendant Pisces 18.16
Moon Aries 7.32 II Taurus 10.39
Mercury Virgo 8.15 III Gemini 6.48
Venus Cancer 1.14 IV Gemini 25.31
Mars Gemini 11.49 V Cancer 13.22
Jupiter Gemini 26.57 VI Leo 5.53
Saturn Leo 19.12 VII Virgo 18.16
Uranus Scorpio 7.50 VIII Scorpio 10.39
Neptune Sagittarius 13.30 R IX Sagittarius 6.48
Pluto Libra 11.56 Midheaven Sagittarius 25.31
Lilith Gemini 11.27 XI Capricorn 13.22
Asc node Libra 17.23 XII Aquarius 5.53


His chart

Sun Capricorn 15.51 Ascendant Taurus 7.35
Moon Taurus 29.31 II Gemini 8.49
Mercury Aquarius 1.16 III Gemini 27.06
Venus Aquarius 8.14 R IV Cancer 13.13
Mars Libra 9.15 V Leo 2.02
Jupiter Scorpio 6.51 VI Virgo 2.04
Saturn Libra 21.43 VII Scorpio 7.35
Uranus Sagittarius 2.59 VIII Sagittarius 8.49
Neptune Sagittarius 25.22 IX Sagittarius 27.06
Pluto Libra 26.47 Midheaven Capricorn 13.13
Lilith Sagittarius 11.33 XI Aquarius 2.02
Asc node Cancer 22.31 XII Pisces 2.04

Please stop hurting yourself by continuing to contact your ex...... obviously, he does NOT deserve you!

May God bless you!

I have stopped contacting him now, doesn't stop it from hurting though 😢

I understand...and I am going to do the same thing as you just did...

Just think it should be better of after you get rid of someone who had hurt you deeply...

Pleas be strong!!!!!!!!!!!! It takes time to heal...but you must stop thinking or contacting him, otherwise, you may be not able to overcome.

Remember that he does NOT deserve you!!! You are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Probably too much water under the bridge.

Yeah I can understand how he would feel like that. But why the hostility?

if he's hostile and cold, it's because he hasn't moved on entirely himself.

I just wish we could clear the air, but he's not having any of it.

I don't want to walk away from him if he still cares, in case I give him the impression that I am not bothered. At the same time I know if I push the issue he will distance himself further.

Jesus Cap men are confusing, I was married to him and I still can't understand him

No of course they won't simply "go away".

I am not asking him for a 2nd try, I have told him I just want to be friends. He just cuts me off completely and I am just looking to understand why he is doing that. I am not being emotional with him, not dragging up the past or being rude to him, so I don't understand the harshness coming from him.

Yeah he is/was a total pain in the arse! However, I can be a bit much too sometimes, but I genuinely loved my ex husband and can't bear not to at least be friends. It's like he is cutting his nose off to spite his face, I thought I could be stubborn but he is in a league of his own! 🙂

I divorced him because he is a soldier and was very difficult to be married to (he had one night stands behind my back, explosive temper etc).He actually left me so I felt there was no point in being married to him any longer.

We did reconcile for 8 months shortly after the divorce but I found him too controlling and ended it. He was furious that I did that and said that I had changed. I believe what angered him was that he did not like it that I started to stand up to him and had walked away. I didn't want to but he wouldn't allow me any room to breathe.

That was 6 months ago.I have always steadfastly loved him and have put up with a lot of his crap, yet he hates me. I don't mind someone disliking me if they can at leastbe truthful and speak their mind calmly, dirfectling hostility at me but refusing to calmly state their point is confusing to me.

Posted by ellessque
just give him time. that aqua needs silence right now and the taurus will fight for it.

he doesn't want to see you, hear your voice, be close to you in any way. he's healing. he'll come around.....eventually.

the venus will want the friendship at some point but it will be a really long road.

you have the ability to be friends with your ex and find it ridiculous for someone to be so petty. he sees it in a different way. he feels betrayed. moreso because you filed. caps in general....hold on to that for a very long time.

my ex scorp husband with the taurus moon and i divorced 2-1/2 years ago, seperated longer than that. he wouldn't even allow me to come to his father's funeral last year......and he didn't even have the grace to call me himself to tell me.

time heals everything but each wound is different and requires different types of care.

Yeah that Aqua Venus is awful, but I suspected that the best course of action is to stop all further attempts to contact.

Do you think he still cares or is this behaviour an ego/pride thing with him?

Together for 7 years, married for 5.

And despite everything telling me not to, I would still take him back if that was what he wanted.

Speaking for myself, when I'm done, I'm done. I'll move on. I do not want to be friends with my ex husband. My advice, is Let it go and go find someone you can be happy with.

Posted by truecap
Speaking for myself, when I'm done, I'm done. I'll move on. I do not want to be friends with my ex husband. My advice, is Let it go and go find someone you can be happy with.

Smart!!! Don't give any person another chance to hurt you twice!

Leave your own "maze", you will see everything clearly.

Good luck 🙂

Posted by ellessque

Posted by sadlioness
Yeah I can understand how he would feel like that. But why the hostility?

taurus moon, aqua venus on a cap.

how the HELL you ended up married to him, is beyond me 😛

you have a very happy chart. sure, you can be a bit trying with your moon and your merc could potentially be annoying....but for the most part, you are sweet, kind, understanding.....a well rounded person.

I'm sure there is a match out there for him somewhere but holy hell, he's gonna have a really hard time finding it. he's LUCKY you put up with him.

(disclaimer, i'm not trying to offend anyone on this board that has these placements but if they know enough about themselves, they know how difficult they are to live with 😄)

click to expand

was just about to point out those Taurus/Aqua placements myself.

He's done and will quite probably be cold to you forever, stop trying to be his friend, stop wanting it - move on - its over now.

Posted by 25thDecan
Abusive relationship. You love that person..even in their "disorder"....and it f&*ing HURTS. You'd do most anything to be part of a balance to their life in the positive. Just to hold on to them hurts and gives you some sense of self worth and belonging. And at times the pain inside reminds you of ending it with them and you love them but you don't want to love them. You want your life back but you want to feel them somehow.

Moving on is NOT easy. Things actually do NOT always go right, optimistically or according to plan. This part of your life's story has now changed. And it is time for you to heal AND move on. Do it on your own so that you regain what was lost and battered when you were married. If you do not, it is very possible that relationships and even financial stresses will accumulate unhealthily until you do.

it takes two to make an abusive relationship and just staying in it perpetuates the abusive cycle. but it is hard to move on from even when you are the one receiving the abuse because there is something going on with you that keeps you in that relationship. i'm speaking from experience and not preaching btw. i stayed in a controlling, abusive relationship because i married someone like my father which is something that often happens. i ended it for that exact reason in fact as i have a daughter who i didn't want to meet the same fate.

sometimes abusive or toxic relationships are even harder to let go of and move on from...mainly because people don't address whatever issues they have that keep them in the cycle.

i am only just beginning to deal with my particular issues 4 years after the split and like 25th decan says, relationship difficulties and financial stresses have been a predominant theme for the last 4 years, as a result.

moving on is hard but clinging to the past is harder in the long run.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

Posted by 25thDecan
Abusive relationship. You love that person..even in their "disorder"....and it f&*ing HURTS. You'd do most anything to be part of a balance to their life in the positive. Just to hold on to them hurts and gives you some sense of self worth and belonging. And at times the pain inside reminds you of ending it with them and you love them but you don't want to love them. You want your life back but you want to feel them somehow.

Moving on is NOT easy. Things actually do NOT always go right, optimistically or according to plan. This part of your life's story has now changed. And it is time for you to heal AND move on. Do it on your own so that you regain what was lost and battered when you were married. If you do not, it is very possible that relationships and even financial stresses will accumulate unhealthily until you do.

it takes two to make an abusive relationship and just staying in it perpetuates the abusive cycle. but it is hard to move on from even when you are the one receiving the abuse because there is something going on with you that keeps you in that relationship. i'm speaking from experience and not preaching btw. i stayed in a controlling, abusive relationship because i married someone like my father which is something that often happens. i ended it for that exact reason in fact as i have a daughter who i didn't want to meet the same fate.

sometimes abusive or toxic relationships are even harder to let go of and move on from...mainly because people don't address whatever issues they have that keep them in the cycle.

i am only just beginning to deal with my particular issues 4 years after the split and like 25th decan says, relationship difficulties and financial stresses have been a predominant theme for the last 4 years, as a result.

moving on is hard but clinging to the past is harder in the long run.

click to expand

I have never been in an abusive relationship until my marriage, so its hard to know how to move on or address why I still feel this way because it's something I have never experienced before. They say Leo's are lead by their hearts, but usually I am completely lead by my head, until this man and this relationship. It's insane, or as we say in England "an utter headfcuk!"

life throws us a bunch of curve balls on occasion. it's for a reason. you have to find out what that reason was for you..there's something in you that attracted the relationship and kept it abusive...usually it's because the partner has worn down your self esteem with his behaviour and you believe it's easier to stay and wait for them to change than it is to leave and stop it dead....or you have an insane love connection with him that helped you pass through bad shit because you knew the good shit would outweigh it somehow...it's different for everyone.

ultimately, you know it was a bad marriage just as i knew mine was. you also know that people rarely change, particularly if they've been given carte blanche to continue cheating and lying, etc. you have to force yourself to turn your back on it completely. ignore what your heart tells you...it has been influenced too much by emotional events in your life with your ex. your head is all you can rely on to do what you MUST do.

in time, you will know you did the right thing. i promise you.

Hello again,

I thought I'd update you with my tale of woe. He rang me at the weekend (4 times) to say sorry for his hostility, he said he felt bad for being so nasty to me. We spoke for a while on the phone just about what we had been doing lately, how life was going etc. He rang back a while later from his mobile number "so I had it" and said he misses me, I am the love of his life and would I meet him for a drink at the weekend.

Rightly or wrongly, I agreed and told him I would text during the week to arrange. I haven't heard from him since then. i text him this morning to say "do you still want to meet for that drink as I will need to let the au pair know which evening it will be?". Heard nothing.

What the hell is going on in his head? Is he taking the piss?

How am I pushing, exactly?

it's not pushing exactly but what seraph i think means is that perhaps you shouldn't have bothered texting to check the arrangement to meet him. you've just told him you're completely available to him and that it doesn't matter if he was rude and hostile, cos you forgive him. right now, he thinks all he needs to do is tell you a bunch of platitudes about you being the love of his life and that you will come running. you are providing him with confirmation of that being the case which is why he's now not responding again.

he is playing with you. if the man truly loves you as he says, he will stop his bullshit and either leave you alone or be man enough to commit himself to trying again.

and yes.....he is taking the piss!