Leo Guy Help (I am in misery)

My Leo and I have been friends for 20 years. At his 40th birthday party we looked at each other differently for the firs time and felt an attraction. A week later we went to dinner and he kept saying he wasn't sure if he wanted more. It was like he was fighting internally with himself. We decided to go back to being just friends. We kept in touch through texting. I was ok with things. One night as we were texting. I told him I still had more than friends feelings for him. He said he did too. Next thing you know we are seeing each other every weekend, I am being introduced as his girlfriend. I thought it was quick but maybe he needed time to think. He told me he didn't want to think about me with anyone else. We were happy. We live in two seperate cities. I flew every weekend for 5 months to see him. Treated him great, cooked for him. I know they said Leo men treat like queens. I didn't really see any of that. First time I met his parents he took me to Thanksgiving to meet them. I started to fall in love with him and his family. About Christmas-time. I noticed him being distant, I wasn't sure what to think. I asked him and he said that he felt strange, he couldnt concentrate, that he thought he should have more feelings for me than he has, he felt a void. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I asked if he wanted to end it. He said he thought it was too premature. So I stayed with him. I started thinking he was depressed. But still not sure. For a few weeks he was distant, then after New Years (which we did not spend together) he started texting me more. I came to town to see him, it was like nothing had happen. He said he was sorry. Then a few weeks later, he started to become distant again. I asked him, and he just couldn't even put into words. We still kept in contact. He was still calling me everynight. But everything felt weird. Then I texted him saying I miss how thing used to be. He calls me 20 mins later. He was trying to explain how he had been feeling. I told him I really thought he was depressed or something was going on. Maybe he should see a doctor. I was crying on the phone, he was crying too. He doesn't want to believe anything is wrong with him. I really don't know if it is, but I thought he should go to rule it out. He said if it is depression, and I am wrong you will be the first call I make and if you don't want me back you can tell me to go to hell. Who says that in a break up call. And he kept saying I am not sure if I am making a mistake o

Whew.. dont know what to say about this one....I remember you from before though.. I think he is in a depressed state.. Maybe something more.. I like how you've been there for him... most people see it as an opportunity to attack a leo when he is down like that. Just keep in mind that this is an internal conflict that only he in the end will be able to pull himself out of.

Thanks for the response. I am trying to make sense of it all. Do you think he "really" wants it to be over?
My gut feels like we still have some more time together.
I asked him in the last phone call if he wanted me to date other guys. And in mid tears he said NO.
We haven't talked or had any communication for 7 weeks. Until Tuesday when it was weighing heavy on my heart to reach out to him.
What should I do next?

Wood he's not depressed at least not from what you've described from your thoughts about your situation.


His being distant is typical when a man know he should feel more but does not. I think this one should remain friends but because you've fallen in love and he loves you like a friend and most likely has some very deep affection for you as a girlfriend he's confused.

He INITIALLY rejected you and instead of you taking a long break from him to get your feelings and thoughts straight you went right back into chasing the lion by behaving like a friend and then revealing your true feelings and it temporarily worked but now he's right back to where he was before, back at square one.

He didn't treat you like a queen because there is a bit of desperation behind your actions/behavior. You never allowed him to meet you halfway as in fly back and forth to you, cook for you, rub your back, take care of you so all his feelings just faded away b/c what you did has the opposite effect on a man, a man will run.

Many women do what you did, lots and lots of women do what you did and are in the same predicament as well.

I'm not a Leo, but i'm dealing with one. I agree with what Tiki said, but it also seems like a case of "you can't win. If you had decided to distance yourself, there was the risk of appearing unsupportive and you chose to stick around..potentially coming across and needy/desperate (but i dont think you've come across that way). Since there's nothing you can do except deal with yourself, let it go 😢

To add clarity by the term desperate. I personally do not feel most women are desperate but the giving and the doing can translate over to a man that there are some needy/desperate qualities that instinctively turn him off. He will not be able to always explain his feelings as in what is causing the sudden change ie becoming distant.

What make women feel good could be the very thing pushing a man away. You may have felt an internal urge to fly to him and to put in a big portion of the relationship work but this very behavior will eventually translate over to men as being desperate even when our intentions is to be supportive and especially if he's not equally/fairly reciprocating his time and energy back to you.

Wood you did too much, you gave too much and although I feel you were being a supportive girlfriend I didn't really hear you speak about him supporting you as in flying to you, cooking for you, thinking about you, doing wonderful kind things for you and that's were the relationship turns from connected to distant.

A man must participate in his relationship in order to FEEL connected to his partner and because you did the brunt of the relationship work he does not feel connected thus he's grown distant.

Being supportive does not mean you give and give and do things for him and forget about yourself and forget about your needs to support him because doing that creates distance because we women unknowingly encourage our men to be absent and this can inevitably end relationships. It's unfortunate but your situation is not unusual.

Tiki

+1

First thing I wondered was why

OP was doing all the traveling.

And it does sound like he values

you quite a bit... so the struggle

on his part is not surprising.

Why not back off and remain friends--

if he wants more, let him pursue you.


🙂

Thanks so much for the insight. When he finally decided he really wanted a relationship he made things move really quick. At first I just went along for the ride and got caught up in the quickness.
And (Tiki 33) you are correct. I did too much without him really reciprocating back to me.
I know you said you weren't sure he has depression, but in the past a doctor did put him on some anti-depression meds. He didn't like how he felt on them and stopped. So I do think by some of things he described he has something going on inside him.
What is so sad is that I wanted to try to stay friends and when I texted him last week (and haven't been in conctact since the breakup 7 Weeks), I didn't get a warm a squishy feeling back from him.
So I am not sure how to stay friends with him. ANd he did say he wanted that on the phone almost 2 months ago.
So even in a just friend status.. Should I still contact him or leave him be all together?
Sorry i sound so confused. I am just needing some support in figuring this out.

You don't want to be friends if you're honest with yourself. You want him, you want to be his lover, you want to love him, be in love with him, be his friend and confidante, and more and here is were things get all muddled up.

Depressed or not depressed he is not choosing you and that's more important than anything else. It's important that he chooses you before any progress can be made. It can take up to 90 days before he realize he need you in his life.

If he's not attempting to be your friend then I would suggest you move on with your life and start thinking about how to accept what's going on today instead of staying stuck on if he's going to still be my friend.

Today he's not calling. Today he's not initiating any kind of contact and that is not what real friends do, they don't just drop a person and forget about them.

You may not be ready to accept the reality of your situation because being rejected just does not feel good. It sucks.

But he's gone, it's over for him (for now) and if he decides at some point he wants to resume a friendship/relationship with you he'll contact you first and then you can decide if you want to pick back up with him again.

Don't chase him. I repeat do not chase him because it will backfire and you'll feel even more rejected. Let it play itself out organically. If he loves you he will not let you go so easily.

Tiki33 -
I guess you are correct. I thought I broke the ice last week when I texted him and we went back and forth a bit. I was hoping I would have heard something from him. I know in life we shouldn't have expectations, but we really became close and I think that is what makes me so sad.
You are right, he is NOT trying to be my friend. Even when he said he would be in contact. He and I have done a similar dance before but he was only not in contact for 3 weeks. This is a whole lot more intense.
He couldn't let me go before, said he didn't want to think of me with another man. So he might be back. I am trying to heal best I can.
I looked up his natal chart.

Moon-Leo
Mercury-Cancer
Venus-Virgo
Mars-Aries.

I know there are two different Leo's extroverted and introverted. Mine is into. Kinda of a loner. But your right if he wants to reach out he will.
One time my brother and I were on the outs and my Leo was telling me how to text him (my bro) to break the ice. So I know he is more than capable of doing that.
It is just hard staying away from him.
Thank you for the help.