Leo man sentenced to anger management by job

How do you stay supportive?

Finally his private tantrums and anger were displayed on his job. In order for him to keep his job he had to enter residential anger management. I have remained supportive for the past 9 months. We have not seen much improvement. How do I remain supportive. I won't take him back until he finished the program with some obvious changes. Like having worked on controlling his anger and temper. Any suggestions Leos?

Yes.

Move on.

Is the only answer to a man trying to address his negative behavior is to move on? What happened to support, understanding, loyalty, for better or worse?

montgomery's pisces moon is coming into play. The minute the water sees the fire's rage, its high tail it out of there. Of course you should attempt to help him or show some support. Now if he should rejects it, then yes, keep your distance and let him come to his senses.

You never mentioned any verbal abuse from to you so i dont see why you would "run". Now if he was abusive towards you and disrespectful then yes, you should take some sort of action. but until then, you shouldnt just give up on him and leave him alone.

Thats the problem with people these days, they just want to let people feel alone. Selfish mofos in my mind.


All in all, be patient with him, change doesnt happen overnight like a lot of people in relationships think.

Posted by Lady831
Is the only answer to a man trying to address his negative behavior is to move on? What happened to support, understanding, loyalty, for better or worse?

Is he not "addressing his behavior" against his will?

Because he has no choice?


I've known two Leo men who had to go through it, as well... obviously,

I found out the hard way, because they did not lead with this info.


Maybe you have special and unique abilities that the rest of us don't possess, but

anger management issues that don't respond to therapy don't usually end well.

And

Maybe you need counseling/therapy, yourself, for your issues with your father's abusive behavior

that you're attempting to posthumously treat and support.


I read your previous posts-- this is all you post about.

js


:/

Posted by AL4813
montgomery's pisces moon is coming into play.

The minute the water sees the fire's rage, its high tail it out of there.

On the contrary, this is Montgomery's experience-- and Pisces moons can weather a lot.

We can see the reality and the potential... but only one is set in stone.

At some point, self-preservation (literally) dictates that one needs to gtfo.

Esp with an issue like anger-management.

OP said this:


"Finally his private tantrums and anger were displayed on his job."


Can you imagine the magnitude of someone's 'tantrums' in private, if he was placed in

residential treatment for the issues he finally displayed in public?


OP has probably already endured 'in private' FAR more than she should... and these issues

often involve psychological abuse that begins to tear the victim down from the inside, long

before it becomes physical.


And it's familiar territory for her... she already knows how to navigate it, which isn't necessarily

working in her favor.

Staying in a toxic relationship isn't right for either party (co-dependency/enabling).



"The person who believes that he has the right to vent anger on others never quite grows up emotionally. He

is stuck in a child-like reaction when he feels frustrated and responds with a temper tantrum. Tantrums

increase the anger by revving the body up to a heightened arousal state....


It may give a temporary relief but makes it worse overall....

Any habitual verbal thought pattern such as yelling creates a well-worn pathway in the brain making it

easier for the pattern to happen again."


** link.


js 🙂

All, I appreciate your responses. Montgomery and seraph your comments were insightful and thought provoking. Yes, I did grow up with an abusive Leo father and remember his words on his death bed (no body taught him better). This man is not an experiential project. He is a human being in trouble in the depth of his soul and while his display at work did result in the treatment program he could have walked away at any time and abandoned everything. He, aside from his bravado, knows he needs help and as is the general conscientious change does not happen over night. Yes, the fatigue has set in for me thus my question. How do I remain supportive?

Posted by Lady831
All, I appreciate your responses. Montgomery and seraph your comments were insightful and thought provoking. Yes, I did grow up with an abusive Leo father and remember his words on his death bed (no body taught him better). This man is not an experiential project. He is a human being in trouble in the depth of his soul and while his display at work did result in the treatment program he could have walked away at any time and abandoned everything. He, aside from his bravado, knows he needs help and as is the general conscientious change does not happen over night. Yes, the fatigue has set in for me thus my question. How do I remain supportive?

+1

nobody is perfect, we are humans.

Thank you AL4813? Yes, we are and I believe we should practice more forgiveness in our hearts for our own and others missteps in life.

Posted by Lady831
All, I appreciate your responses. Montgomery and seraph your comments were insightful and thought provoking. Yes, I did grow up with an abusive Leo father and remember his words on his death bed (no body taught him better). This man is not an experiential project. He is a human being in trouble in the depth of his soul and while his display at work did result in the treatment program he could have walked away at any time and abandoned everything. He, aside from his bravado, knows he needs help and as is the general conscientious change does not happen over night. Yes, the fatigue has set in for me thus my question. How do I remain supportive?

I think Montgomery and Seraph did a fabulous job. And I can tell you care deeply for this man. In all honesty, you are not his savior. You can not change him or have him see the light. In doing so, you stated it yourself: "the fatigue has set in". In reality, you are killing yourself to save another person. You are dying on the inside. Who is going to save you? Who is going to support you? Are you going to continue to harm yourself for another person? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself.

TheLioness79 I have begun the process of letting him go. I didn't take the role of his savior, but the role of a supportive spouse. I have kept myself busy with my life and business while I attempted to be present for him. There are many postings that state about the horror of a Leo's temper and anger, but I have found none that offer how to assist in helping the individual to work on the change. My question was to see if there was any information out there that could assist. Thank you for your comments

Helping the individual to work on the change...

You can't.

You can only be present and not make his life more difficult.

You may want to look into your local CODA chapter, or specifically

support groups for spouses and family of those with anger issues.

Thank you

All, I took weeks to search for support for myself in my area. It is non existent. I have re-read your post and must thank you all. The message that was clearly delivered was save yourself. I have started a support group in my area and am truly amazed at the number of people who have signed up. In order to assist people who are not in my area, I have launched a blog, surivingtheangryspouse.com (Surviving the Angry Spouse) again my sincere thanks for your comments.

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