Libra Female + Leo Male - will this work?

So we met about 6 months ago on an online dating website, we spoke for about a month first, constantly messaging each other, we had lots in common, found we wanted the same things in life and in a relationship. Our first date was magical. We were instantly all over each other, laughing, kissing, chatting. We went to a concert together, i think we were both quite proud to hang off each others arms. Random people approached us saying that we looked cool and that we looked perfect together. We even got that compliment on the street. We spent two days together, but didn't sleep together. He lives a 3 hour train away from me, but initially told me he'd be moving to my city when we met, so i didn't see it as a problem. We had a second date where he traveled to see me again and he took me for dinner. Also lovely. Then we continued speaking a lot but without seeing each other because he's an entrepreneur with fingers in many pies that keep him very busy. The intention was always that he would move to my city, then we would see each other more. But then he made a huge business deal in his city, he couldn't exactly turn it down, i admit it's amazing, and he called me to say he didn't think it would be right to continue along the "long distance" route and he said "i want to do things the right way with you" and he told me he was very upset because he really liked me. i was also very upset. We came to the comforting conclusion that we both want to be with each other at some point and it will happen one day. We continued talking, but slightly less, to ease the pain. i went on a couple of dates with someone else and so did he. But neither worked out. We began talking more and more. Texts, facebook, whatsapp, phone calls. He never ignores a message from me. He even scrolls through my blog every day to see what i've been writing about. Couple of weeks on, I told him i had a spare ticket to a cool music event, he jumped at the chance to come with me. He came to my city, took me for a romantic candle lit dinner before the concert, held my hand, looked into my eyes and said "i promise my next business project will be here, so i can be with you"... we said we'd stay friends to stop ourselves from getting hurt in a long distance relationship, but later that evening we were passionately kissing and staring into each others eyes intensely. He stayed at mine for the weekend, where we laid in bed talking, kissing and holding each other, but still no sex, although, we definitely bo

we definitely both wanted to, i told him i was too scared of being hurt and he was very gentlemanly about it. After the weekend he left to go back to his city and i was so upset. I told him i wasn't sure i could do this at all, because it's too painful. He became panicked about it and very concerned that i would stop talking to him. He is so good with words and reassured me to stay in this "it's complicated" status with him. We continued to talk every single day. 4 weeks on he came to stay with me again, we had another romantic evening of dinner, drinks and dancing, lots of staring into each others eyes and kissing. He held my face with both hands and told me he thinks i'm beautiful. We are so important to each other and perfect for each other. I like him so much and i can feel myself falling for him a little more each time i see him, but when he leaves, it's painful, to the point where i think I CAN'T DO THIS and i have a crisis and tell him i'm really upset, and then he calms me down. I worry my upset about being apart and our status will start to become an issue that screws over any chance of us being together properly in the future.
I know Leo's don't like long distance relationships, and he's said he doesn't want a long distance relationship, but it's turning into a long distance relationship but without any labels or exclusivity, which i've not made a big deal out of, but i think the further it goes on, the more i'm going to hurt. I feel like i could start driving him away with my upset about his absence and i dont want to do that. I've started to worry that he could meet another girl in his city (not that he's given me any reason to think that, he's just a wonderful man that any woman would kill to date!) but he's not obligated to be loyal to me, because we aren't in a relationship!
I'm not sure what i can do in this situation. In an ideal world, i would like a long distance relationship with him. Do you think maybe over time he would come round to it? Or will i just have to take it on the chin, deal with the pain and continue seeing him, or just stop talking to him/seeing him to preserve any chance of us being together in the future (which could be in 6-12 months time)...
Neither of us want to stop whats going on between us because we love our conversations and seeing each other whenever possible, but i'm worried we'll drive ourselves into the ground before we can be happily in love together.
Please help!

You're in a very difficult situation and I feel for you.

With this situation it really comes down to, IMO, to compromise... meaning someone is going to have to give up something they want. It's either he will have to give up his career or you will have to try to let go of your pain of when he leaves... because you are right it wil inevitably put a strain in your relationship. He can't give up his career.

From what I've read I get a sense that you have some deep seeded insecurities that you need to work on.

So, regardless of any decisions or choices you guys make that insecurity will always come between the two of you. I promise. I have a Libra friend went through something very similar. I told her the very same thing. She tried her best but the insecurities were too much and overwhelming that it did a number on their relationship, because no matter the status of their relationship she was always finding something she was unhappy with. And it wasn't that she was unhappy with him, she was unhappy with herself. She is still with him but he no longer is as romantic as he use to be and he takes her for granted because she took him for granted.

IMO, I think you should take it as a good reason you guys are apart. Distance makes the heart grow fonder... and trust me he will not take you for granted. Just take this time to work and strengthen yourself first. It's not about finding the perfect lover (because you guys seem perfect together) but it's about creating the perfect love and you won't be able to do that so long as you remain insecure and do not love yourself.

I say stay as you are in your relationship and really, reallly try your best you strengthen yourself first before you guys make any big decisions. You should definitely still see each other and visit but you'll have to prepare yourself ahead of time before he leaves so you don't breakdown. Or if you do have to breakdown make sure you make him realize it's not because of him but it's something you are working through for yourself.

Thinking of it as being selfless for your love and working for your love, by working on yourself first and loving yourself first. SO that you can provide the man you love with true unconditional love.

There is honestly too much to say and do to this to sufficiently be clear in one paragraph but I hope that helps. If you do decide to follow my advice it won't be easy, but honestly it won't be easy no matter how you look at it.

It's not changing yoursel

It's not changing yourself for him. It's changing yourself for you.

Just remember you are more than worthy of his love, but in order to accept it you have to love yourself first or else you WILL end up pushing that love that he hands you away with both hands because you do not think you are worthy. Good luck I really do wish the best for you.

Can't you move to his city then?

... to preserve any chance of us being together in the future (which could be in 6-12 months time)...

Why is 6 months a crisis?

Or even 12?

If it's worth it, it is worth hanging in there-- people do it all the time.

And fyi-- you're already in an LDR.

You said you would feel better if that was established, right?

Or did I misunderstand?


Also (and I hate to sound negative)-- have you met any of his people, like friends or family?

thank you so much for this xtina... i was feeling really clouded but you've made it all a bit clearer.

I think you're right in the sense that i do have some insecurities... but it's hard not to feel insecure about having strong feelings for a man that isn't your boyfriend and won't be any time soon...

i do have some things i need to work on. i am the one with the problems. it's not him creating the problems. i feel terrible after reading that. i've never blamed him for anything but he's been so good to me, and so kind, and patient, i should have realised this, and looked at all of the positive points, instead of being upset and anxious. i'm the one who would be driving us into the ground with my issues. i have been taking him for granted. i feel like such an idiot.

he always says to me, "please don't cry when i go, smile because i was here" and i should have done that. i should be like that.

i suppose instead of being upset in the spaces in between seeing each other, i can just work on myself and work on my insecurities, so i'm a better person when i next see him and we'll both be happier.

Please don't be upset at yourself! It's only natural with where you are at emotionally and mentally. So don't be so hard on yourself! Its why you are where you are now. You are not an idiot! You are only an idiot for believing you are one 😉.

Lol, I swear it's like talking to my Libra bff, she said the exact same thing as you did! About him not being your boyfriend. I will tell you exactly what I told her.

You can not force him to be in a relationship if he doesn't want to. If you do (ie. making him feel bad or manipulating him into it) he will end up resenting you. Plus, you want a man to give what he gives when he wants to give, not because you want him to do it and this includes getting into a relationship.

Finally, him being in a relationship does not guarantee anything (in terms of love or feelings) if it did people who got married would not experience cheating or divorce.

Nothing is guaranteed. That being said you should just try to enjoy the relationship and let the chips fall where they may and stop trying to force this into a relationship. Because trust me same thing happened to my friend (Libra) and even when she was in the relationship she was still jealous and unsatisfied. You think it will make you feel more secure but it won't.

aesmadaeva: we spoke about that and he said "i dont want you to move to a city that i dont even want to be in" which is true, it would make more sense to just wait.

montgomery: i don't actually see waiting for 6-12 months as a crisis, i don't actually mind the "waiting to be together" part, it's just the uncertainty of not having the exclusivity, there's no commitment set in stone. i dont want to invest 6 months of feelings into someone who could just turn around and date someone else. i'm not saying he would do that, i don't know, he could if he wanted to though! and no, i haven't met any of his friends/family yet, i dont think we're at that stage yet, we've only been wanting to spend time alone together, i haven't introduced him to anyone i know yet either.

xtina: i love talking to you, you are so RIGHT!

no i am an idiot, i just can't believe how obvious all of this is, and i've been feeling so upset about it for no reason.

even if we were in a relationship, it doesn't mean anything, he could still go off with other people if he felt like it. what matters is that he IS talking to me and he IS seeing me. and i should enjoy that.

i haven't really spoken about "relationships" or made any sort of hints of wanting him to commit. i did ask him if he was seeing anyone else in a moment of weakness and he said there was no one else. i would never pester him to commit to me or even ask him to. i realise that he has to do it when he wants to, otherwise it's just fake. i don't really think there is a fear of pushing him away in that sense. relationships and commitment are just something i think about to myself.

Posted by londonlibralady


no i am an idiot, i just can't believe how obvious all of this is, and i've been feeling so upset about it for no reason.

It's easier to see from an objective point of view. Trust me lol. So don't call yourself an idiot it's counterproductive!

Just set your boundaries now and try your best to stick to them. And if you don't stick to them don't beat yourself over it. But you know what you want. You want to be in a commmited relationship. So ask yourself how long are you willing to wait for him? And once you've made a decision stick to it!

You got this. This is the great thing about Libra, yeah you guys are always weighing the pros and cons but that can lead you to a realistic perspective about your situation and yourself. So, use that to your advantage. Find out more about yourself. Really get to know and love yourself and know what you want in your life and it will get easier.

I understand your concerns. I'm a leeb too that has been in your situation but I was dealing with a lengthier distance and longer time frame. This year, we're getting married, in 2 months actually. I'll leave you with these words.

If you really want it, why not eh? At least die trying! Some scientist, inventors, pick any field, some never succeeded and they devoted their whole life to whatever it is they wanted to achieve but they never gave up. At least their life had meaning. They gave it meaning. If there's anything worth fighting and dying for, it's love.

You have legit concerns but ultimately, what made me decide is I don't want to live in regret. I don't want to live wondering "What if I pursued it? What if I actually told him how I felt? What if I laid it out to him and told him my expectations?" and all other 'what ifs' in the world.

IMO all experiences are windows of opportunity to learn. It might not end up good or what you expected but it still offers a grain of wisdom if you care to look. Don't be afraid. Don't live in fear or superficial concerns of the ego. Live your truth!

If he cant move to your city - whats stopping you from moving into his city??

You agree that he is working on with some amazing projects and so he cannot move in to your city. If you feel, he is an amazing person, settled with a good job and will take care of you in the future - you should move in to his city.

Leo man never cheat and I am sure he wants long term relations with you - have u discussed possibility of marriage?

Wish you the best
Rgds
Leo

i feel you when you say that you get upset when he leaves....shiiit... my leo basically lives with me and whenever he goes out or leaves just to do something i get upset lol..... it's clingy! we need to stop that.... he always says to me... you know i'll be back no matter what... so why worry and get angry? you're just bringing yourself and us down... be confident that i always come home.

That must suck. Um. I would stop hurting yourself (seeing him then realizing its not official) and move on. He isnt the only man you'll have a connection with. Libras and Leos are just compatible like that.