Papers are signed and he is gone........

What a crazy week.

He signed the papers. I have the kids. I will have the divorce in a couple of months.

He is gone. He left back out of the country Thursday. At first, this thought of leaving the kids and going out of the country was insane. But with the new thing that came to light a little over a week ago whether it is true or not, it really was the best thing for him to do.

I have been in a quite state since he left. 1. I am not stressed anymore from him and my body needs the quite to decompress. 2. I need to really listen to my inner self. I am still fighting guilt, remorse, sadness and pain. Being quite with me has allowed me to recognize those feelings as they creep in and address it. Once I have laid out why the ending of this marriage is necessary and why it is best he left this country, logically I am able to say it is normal to feel that but it is not valid to feel that way. I am in a stronger place and a more emotionally stable place. I know this will come and it will go, but I am more equipped to handle the going with more grace and strength.

I really hope he is able to make the changes he needs to for himself. I am afraid he will not, but I can not be concerned with his choices. I have to worry about me and the kids. He still fought for us, even as he walked into the airport. LoL, I was even going to make a post about when do Leo men actually give up? Yeah, his sun sign may play a part in it, but really it boils down to his addictive personality and the need for someone to tell him what he needs to do not that he is a Leo too.

Yeah, it hurts. Yes, it is hard. But it will be OK. I am not freaking out like I was over the "possibility" of us working it out and what it will bring to me and my life. I am more at peace and sure of my life and my children's future now. No, I don't regret our marriage and wish I never meet him. I do love this man and always will. We are just not right or healthy for each other. He needs help to help himself for himself.

What a strong woman you are, Ms. 79. 🙂


I admire you. A regal Lioness!!

@CC I do try to take me time and at least get a pedi every couple of weeks. Due for one now. Not a bad at all about the divorce party. I may need to look into that. After all, friends are your greatest resources during these time in life.

@ Leolize, Dimplez, BGP & Kalin, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

Posted by CluelessCancer
It must be tough. Stay strong and help yourself to an all day massage/pedicure/manicure. Maybe you and your friends can host a divorce party (not tacky, but kind of subtle), where you can all hang out and get services done..

i'm sure you are mourning your marriage, but time heals everything, and maybe eventually you guys will be good friends.

This-- definitely. Great idea.

It will be cathartic because everyone has a story, and it will give a better perspective-- you aren't alone.

When I got my divorce finalized, my best friend had a card waiting for me on my desk that said CONGRATULATIONS!

So cool.

Leoliza, it is such a personal matter. I think each person has their own experience and I have known some who were happy that part of their life was done and some who may be glad they are moving on, but it doesn't mean it is a time of celebration. I don't know what Montgomery's experience was, but it sounds like her best friend knew her well enough to do for her what she needed. In my experience I have learned to just ask how that person feels about it. I have gotten comments about being happy and relieved, for me it burns to hear those things. Yes, I am relieved and more happier in my life but it is still a death of a marriage. Death of dreams that were once there. And it is my experience I have to go through, just being there for me if I need you is the best thing you can do for me.

Get out , do you ! 🙂

Yes, I have my babies. 🙂 The best thing, they are safe and with me.

wow...this is deep. stay strong, sister!

Gather your friends and family around, you will need them. This is one of the hardest things to deal with in life apart from death. You need to learn to accept the failure of your marriage and own your part in it. This is not an easy task but only after that, can you really move on and be happy. Also pay particular attention to the children...they will certainly feel the effects of it even if they don't shoe it at first. When they start to go off the rails as they grow...it comes back to this. Try and keep your communication lines open and NEVER diss their father around them or to them. Stay strong.

Thank you MsX and Ever.

Posted by sweethearts
Gather your friends and family around, you will need them. This is one of the hardest things to deal with in life apart from death. You need to learn to accept the failure of your marriage and own your part in it. This is not an easy task but only after that, can you really move on and be happy. Also pay particular attention to the children...they will certainly feel the effects of it even if they don't shoe it at first. When they start to go off the rails as they grow...it comes back to this. Try and keep your communication lines open and NEVER diss their father around them or to them. Stay strong.

Thank you Sweethearts. I agree with everything you stated here. It is a death though, a death of a marriage, dreams and goals. A loss of someone who has been by your side for many years. This is why I am giving me time to grieve it and grieve it properly. And the children are my number one focus. There is a phenomenon called the "sleeper effect" and it effects girls from divorced homes. They seem to pull it together well when the divorce happens and when they reach their early 20s, they devolve and make poor and reckless decisions. They find themselves in poor relationships. I don't want this to happen for my girls so hopefully I can keep them in the right direction. And there will be NO bad talking about their farther. I will never do that. What ever issues I have are with him. The kids will make their own judgement, I will not be part of that. It is very detrimental to the child to do that.

Seraph, I agree 100% . Not only is it wrong and perfect medicine for straight dysfunction but what are you are also telling your child? They are half of that person, so you are telling them something about themselves. He would bad talk about me to them when and before all of this began. And he did it to be revengeful, out of spite and anger. When I found out, I ripped his ass a new one. Selfish. I will not do that. If they ask questions, I listen and tell them the truth that is appropriate for a child and assure them their farther does love them very much.

Posted by leoliza

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by CluelessCancer
It must be tough. Stay strong and help yourself to an all day massage/pedicure/manicure. Maybe you and your friends can host a divorce party (not tacky, but kind of subtle), where you can all hang out and get services done..

i'm sure you are mourning your marriage, but time heals everything, and maybe eventually you guys will be good friends.

This-- definitely. Great idea.

It will be cathartic because everyone has a story, and it will give a better perspective-- you aren't alone.

When I got my divorce finalized, my best friend had a card waiting for me on my desk that said CONGRATULATIONS!

So cool.

If a friend of mine did that I'd be offended. It would be a private time of mourning, but then again...then is my imagination, bc truly I cannot relate. I guess you felt supported which is what matters in the end.

click to expand

Nah, the whole thing was a mistake-- he made me believe he was something that he was not.

And I found out the truth-- fast.

It was a relief to have it finalized; but everyone's situation is unique.

The Lioness has kids and a great deal of time invested, I'm sure.

But I still believe that having your friends around you, and being good to yourself is an important part of the healing process.

🙂

Why do leo men run after a break up? Ive seen that tendency a lot! Like if they run from reality... Wishing you the best in this tough times!