What would you do

If you found out your current love interest had an on/off relationship with someone for nearly ten years?

Posted by 037
If you found out your current love interest had an on/off relationship with someone for nearly ten years?

BUT-- if you can't break that cycle, who can?

If you want it, that is... then, I think it *may* be possible (2nd House sunwoman).

But do you really want it?

🙂


What do you think?

I'm not sure, Monty

I asked about her and he says she's old news - apparently, they broke up three years ago (the longest they have been apart, ever).

But, I backed away. The fact that he didn't tell me and I found out from his mom is a big no-no for me.

What? You're mad because he didn't bring up his ex? Psh I'd be mad if he did. 10 years is a long time to be off and on BUT it's obvious they weren't right for eachother. Why are you mad? Don't be. It's you he's with now. He doesn't wanna bring it up because what's the point? The past is the past. He has obviously let it go already.

Leave.

Posted by 037
I'm not sure, Monty

I asked about her and he says she's old news - apparently, they broke up three years ago (the longest they have been apart, ever).

But, I backed away. The fact that he didn't tell me and I found out from his mom is a big no-no for me.

Yeah, old news... maybe.

But his mother thought it was relevant (which puts more weight on it, than maybe it should?).


Bleh.

OP asks what we would do in a situation like that.


I DON'T KNOW.

Srsly, it would come down to the gut feeling. :/

Is he also Cancer moon?

I can't remember.

I've been Fwb with this Capricorn man for over 7 years in a similar situation. He don't tell me he has someone but I can tell he is very involved. The man your talking about will always cheat with the other woman, especially if she available for him. If she pulls away he will always remain friends and still try to see her. If the man pulls away she knows exactly how to get him to see her that's why it's been 10 years. Some men just alway have a thing for a side chick and she is like a drug addiction that he can't kick. As long as he can control her so she won't get in the way of his current relationship he will always have sex with her. Even he if marry the main chick!!! I know form experience, my friend is not married but if he was and I wanted him I could still have him sexually.

Posted by MoonshineLeo
What? You're mad because he didn't bring up his ex? Psh I'd be mad if he did. 10 years is a long time to be off and on BUT it's obvious they weren't right for eachother. Why are you mad? Don't be. It's you he's with now. He doesn't wanna bring it up because what's the point? The past is the past. He has obviously let it go already.

Thankfully, I'm not confined to a limited span of emotion.

I'm not mad, or at anybody,.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by 037
I'm not sure, Monty

I asked about her and he says she's old news - apparently, they broke up three years ago (the longest they have been apart, ever).

But, I backed away. The fact that he didn't tell me and I found out from his mom is a big no-no for me.

Yeah, old news... maybe.

But his mother thought it was relevant (which puts more weight on it, than maybe it should?).


Bleh.

OP asks what we would do in a situation like that.


I DON'T KNOW.

Srsly, it would come down to the gut feeling. :/

Is he also Cancer moon?

I can't remember.

click to expand

He's a Cancer sun.

His mom said it fleetingly, saying she didn't think her son had ten years to play like that.

Posted by seraph
He doesn't owe you any explanation about exes. It's nobody's business.

Of course not.

But, starting a relationship on such distrust is well like starting a fire on wet wood.

If you get my drift...

Posted by Impulsv
Don't let a past ruin what could be a good thing. It's been over for three years
No one ever posses anyone really so he choosing to be with you now.

Is he, really?

Or, am I just interim distraction?

I think it would have been a concern if their last relationship was recent, but 3 years seems like a safe bet that it's been cut off. As for why he didn't bring it up, have either of you known each other long enough to comfortably bring up past relationships? I mean it's okay to expect someone to share that with you since being in an on/off relationship for 10 years probably had a major impact on who he is as a person. If he doesn't eventually open up to you about her, he might be repressing some thoughts about her or something. Yes, you should definitely focus on the moment... but you have every right to know if he has any serious baggage before diving in.

Posted by Velocity
I think it would have been a concern if their last relationship was recent, but 3 years seems like a safe bet that it's been cut off. As for why he didn't bring it up, have either of you known each other long enough to comfortably bring up past relationships? I mean it's okay to expect someone to share that with you since being in an on/off relationship for 10 years probably had a major impact on who he is as a person. If he doesn't eventually open up to you about her, he might be repressing some thoughts about her or something. Yes, you should definitely focus on the moment... but you have every right to know if he has any serious baggage before diving in.

Indeed. I need him to tell me himself that he's ready for me. Otherwise, I think staying just leaves me vulnerable.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by 037

Posted by Impulsv
Don't let a past ruin what could be a good thing. It's been over for three years
No one ever posses anyone really so he choosing to be with you now.

Is he, really?

Or, am I just interim distraction?

after a vertices time to do onto tell
Give it time see what develops
Six month ill telling ur a distraction or turned to more

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Hmm...

We'll see.

I'm particularly touched by the story of your dad Seraph.

The part about you holding his little finger brought tears to my eyes.

Posted by seraph

Posted by 037

Posted by seraph
He doesn't owe you any explanation about exes. It's nobody's business.

Of course not.

But, starting a relationship on such distrust is well like starting a fire on wet wood.

If you get my drift...

Jynj, I do understand that you're equating a level of security and sense of belonging with this information from his past being brought into the open.

But it just isn't a reasonable expectation. His past is his business insofar as his exes go, or even an on-again-off-again relationship. While I understand that knowing (incidentally) about such a thing from his past might make you feel a bit skittish, it's how he makes you feel now that matters, regardless of who he was with in his past.

You have no basis for distrust unless he contaminates the present with his past. And as far as you've indicated, that hasn't happened. All you can do is take the risk that everyone else takes with their heart – because that's life – and do the best you can.

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You're right, Seraph.

And, last night, I came to the decision to let bygones be bygones. If he decides he wants his ex back after me, he's a loser and its his loss.

Posted by BlackMamba
3 years is a long time...for a crab...she's just a fuk buddy seems like, if they couldn't get off the ground. Crab men are desirable, if he had wanted her he would have cemented the deal.

what's his moon? is it fire?

Sag moon.

Leo asc
Leo merc
Leo Venus

And I found out the woman is an Aries.

I had a relationship like that. We are still friends. I am dating someone else now and have NO DESIRE to be with him romantically now. I know way too much and have gone through way too much with him.

It didn't work out for many reasons and the off and on again just proves it wouldn't ever.

Okay!

Posted by seraph

Posted by 037
If he decides he wants his ex back after me, he's a loser and its his loss.

Yep. There's only so much you can control.

As for the rest.. you ended up with the right Sun for it. 😉

Posted by seraph

Posted by 037
If he decides he wants his ex back after me, he's a loser and its his loss.

Yep. There's only so much you can control.

As for the rest.. you ended up with the right Sun for it. 😉

click to expand

Haha!

Every once in a while, it does peek out. lol

You should see our composite.

Leo asc
Leo sun
Libra moon
Leo Merc
Leo Venus
Leo mars
Libra Jupiter

Might as well just accept the Leo now.


lol

Idk. I had a leo man on and off for a long time. Everytime we split, he jumped into a new relationship and when it failed he would always come back saying he can't get over me. I have another friend who is a leo man. Same thing with his ex wife. They always drift away and come back together.

I'm not sure if this is really a sign thing. It sounds more like attachment. It's hard to let go entirely to anyone you keep going back to over a long period of time. When two people get into that "cycle", and break-it's almost like they just know one will be back because you are so used to it. It's very hard to break that cycle. I'm dealing with that now.

Posted by seraph

Posted by SpiceNSugar
I'm particularly touched by the story of your dad Seraph.

The part about you holding his little finger brought tears to my eyes.

That's sweet of you, Spice. And thank you.

I needed a moment after I posted that, but that happens from time to time. I've accepted his passing with as much aplomb as anyone would at this point – or at least best as I can manage. But from time to time... you know what I mean.

But the greatest consolation – if there is any to be had – is that he passed away surrounded by love. He was in my arms when it happened. It was purely by chance that I felt the need to go and be with him at that hour (and not the time I had planned to that day – my mother had already returned from being with him, and I planned to go back several hours later and stay through the night.) But something just told me that I'd better go see him earlier.

That was above all the most important thing to me: for him to not be alone when the moment arrived.

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I'm glad that fate (God) allowed you to be there at that moment and that your dad was surrounded by love.

Posted by lioness1288
Idk. I had a leo man on and off for a long time. Everytime we split, he jumped into a new relationship and when it failed he would always come back saying he can't get over me. I have another friend who is a leo man. Same thing with his ex wife. They always drift away and come back together.

I'm not sure if this is really a sign thing. It sounds more like attachment. It's hard to let go entirely to anyone you keep going back to over a long period of time. When two people get into that "cycle", and break-it's almost like they just know one will be back because you are so used to it. It's very hard to break that cycle. I'm dealing with that now.

But you and your friend are both LEOs, so...

Maybe if you were Aries, we'd have something to ponder.

Posted by 037
If you found out your current love interest had an on/off relationship with someone for nearly ten years?

I would stab him in his sleep and serve his testicles to the homeless