Abandonment

Just a question - are there any other libras here that are absolutely afraid of being abandoned? I can't quite figure out if it's just something that all of us share or it's something that I have myself. Even the little abandonments bug me! I.e. if someone makes plans with you but ditches you without letting you know, and has no good explanation?

If so, I wonder how this can be remedied, because it's getting to be a major insecurity point for me when I think of people disappearing.

I'm watching this post since my first ex-Libra but with libra/virgo cusp was the same way. The other just recent libra ex (yeah, I know, I like libras but can't seem to find the right one or have the patience to wait for them) I felt had the same issues since he would call me at the last minute to see me. part of me felt that someone ditched him or canceled plans with him. First libra ex hated it when his sister or my family changed plans last minute and or when I had to travel for work which was one to two weeks a month. he just hated it even though it was for work not pleasure.

i dont really care if it happens or not cuz im a loner so if any abandoment is being done, its by me.

See the URLs in the first post was an interesting read: https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/to-libras-1946782/
Especially the first link's 'evolutionary journey' from immature to mature libras. I find that as a libran, we take a lot of stuff onto our own plates just for the sake of others being happy, but when they abandon us for greener pastures, we immediately look for fault in ourselves to explain why it happened. It becomes a rather dangerous habit. We forget to live for ourselves and try to please everyone to maintain balance and harmony. Also something said there about being co-dependant...

But I find that I am extremely frightened by the concept of people disappearing on me. I just don't understand it, and it's a paralyzing fear. Saw a therapist about it once upon a time and still didn't figure it out, so I wonder if anyone else here can share their experiences.

I just prefer my own company from time to time cuz ppl become overwhelming in my eyes, and if you hang around ppl enough they see "faults" in you(a general phrase of it)and try to help change you which im 100% against

People just overwhelm me most of the time i hate big crowds, and reltionships seem binding sometimes, so for me its no biggie lone time is good cuz you can see for yourself what changes you need to make and figure out your own issues

Posted by wtf?
nedley..
I think your love for people is genuine..
you'd think their love for you is also sincere..

in my opinion, people are too calculative..
soon as they don't need you, you'll be out of their lives..
I -myself- don't mind using people sometimes, tbh..

it's cold out there..

me neither, i will use someone if need be

Posted by Mr Nice
Its normal to have these kinds of fears but, maybe its a bit more skin deep than your letting on, is mom and dad still together if not then thats one of my theorys for your fear. So remember its quite normal everyone has these fears every once in a while you just have to learn to deal with. If someone breaks of with there plans, there could be a vaild reason and its not a bad one. This can piss people but, just think about what your saying be a bit more rational with your thinking for every negative thought change it to a positive one or write down on paper whats bugging this is a good way for you to see what your negative stuff you need to get out of your system. The same should apply if your anrgy thoughts to, write it down get then get it out of your system. Like I've side already unless you have other issues theres really nothing more anyone can do you need to build that wall of strength up. Peace

Oh no, totally. My parents do not have the best of marriages, and yes, I watched them fight as I grew up. However, for some reason, they always stuck together, and there's a weird strength in that that I recognize now. They go on dates together now... it's kind of cute! 🙂

I can see where you're coming from, however, at least for myself, I am more likely to blame myself for something that makes me (or someone else) upset before I say it's them. Mainly because it'd easier be for me to try to fix it if I knew it was something completely internal. But when people ditch, I mean cases like the following:

-Friend has a breakup, I offer to take them out for drinks and maybe a spontaneous adventure to some places they've not been to in the surrounding cities. I get no notice, nor call the night of, I can't reach them, and eventually I find out they went out with another group of friends.

-Best friend of 1.5 decades invites me over to Christmas Eve dinner with family every year, but six months into dating a new guy she says she 'somewhat likes', I am replaced.

-Close family invites me on a trip to visit her family back home. Invites boyfriend and other friends as well. My gut tells me that they might want a romantic trip together as it's just the three of us on the itinerary. I ask about this, she keeps reassuring me it's ok. Boyfriend finds out I'm going and gets a little upset, but is reasonable because he goes 'well she's my friend too

...so lets all have fun together.' Girl freaks out, says I can't go - AFTER I've purchased the airfare. Girl makes an attempt to reconnect after (no apologies, just says hello via text), I let her know it's ok to talk to me and reply immediately with a nice message. She says she'll call the next day. I never hear from her again.

I guess anything that relates to ditching I can remember really well. I have a great friend who will play devil's advocate (infuriating, but works), so I make sure I try and look at all angles, detatching myself emotionally prior before making the heartbreaking decision to prune them off. Weighing how they can add to my life, and how I can add to theirs. If the entire balance is overall negative, I've learned to just stop putting work into that friendship.

Because I can't quite pinpoint specific reasons why it frightens me to the point of having a phobia, I wonder if it's an common fear among librans?

Posted by wtf?
nedley..
I think your love for people is genuine..
you'd think their love for you is also sincere..

in my opinion, people are too calculative..
soon as they don't need you, you'll be out of their lives..
I -myself- don't mind using people sometimes, tbh..

it's cold out there..

I won't use people if I can help it. If I do, I probably did it accidentally because I would hate to be used.
But I agree, a lot of people are very calculative, manipulative, and generally, just very selfish. The second a new shiny toy comes along, you're gone. God knows how many times I've been on the short end of the stick. I've just chosen to not trust people right away and for those that I have a strong feeling will be crap for me - I won't even touch them with a ten foot clown pole.

Posted by wtf?

Posted by Pride of 0ctober
i dont really care if it happens or not cuz im a loner so if any abandoment is being done, its by me.

I can relate..

I feel like modern society is toxic for libras..
I wouldn't be surprised if more of us became loners..
to protect ourselves, maybe..

click to expand

I agree. There is not a lot of real honor or dignity out there and I constantly fight to not give in and play the games I don't have any respect for to begin with.

I don't know if it is me getting older or our society is just getting worse faster. It has gotten to the point where I have lost interest in being open minded to certain things or certain types of people...like I am beyond dealing with certain types of things with anyone.

For example I was talking to a guy who is highly regarded by many people within the community of his profession. He was just so full of shit and operated on a level that I can't appreciate. The version of me from a couple of years ago would bring up "the other side" and debate him between the lines playing a game of taking in what he had to offer and then returning everything I didn't have the patience to suffer through the self righteous bullshit so I just interrupted him on the matter explained how things "are" and let him sit and chew on it caring not if he agreed or saw my side.

I try not to come across as better than others, but so much of our society does it for you if you are a halfway decent genuine person. A lot of what is out there doesn't deserve the good qualities Libra has to offer.

I use to have huge abandonment issues. Luckily, when I was a young lass, I dated an Aries man who gave me really good advice. He told me I was the only constant in my life and to make peace with that and myself.

When you realize you are all you ever have and all you can ever count on, coming to appreciate yourself, will ease your worries about abandonment. You are abandoned every day, every time someone walks out of the room. Come to terms with yourself allows you to self-support and eases these anxieties.

Hope thiis helps. 🙂

Posted by little_sparrow
I use to have huge abandonment issues. Luckily, when I was a young lass, I dated an Aries man who gave me really good advice. He told me I was the only constant in my life and to make peace with that and myself.

When you realize you are all you ever have and all you can ever count on, coming to appreciate yourself, will ease your worries about abandonment. You are abandoned every day, every time someone walks out of the room. Come to terms with yourself allows you to self-support and eases these anxieties.

Hope thiis helps. 🙂

Thanks actually.... REALLY SMART. It's funny, I'm capable of taking care of myself as I've lived with roommates before, but the second I moved out alone, boom! Instant phobia. I couldn't sleep at night. 😢

Posted by little_sparrow
I use to have huge abandonment issues. Luckily, when I was a young lass, I dated an Aries man who gave me really good advice. He told me I was the only constant in my life and to make peace with that and myself.

When you realize you are all you ever have and all you can ever count on, coming to appreciate yourself, will ease your worries about abandonment. You are abandoned every day, every time someone walks out of the room. Come to terms with yourself allows you to self-support and eases these anxieties.

Hope thiis helps. 🙂

My mom instilled me with the same wisdom as a child. I am the weird Libra that thrives in the company of others but has no issues with solitude as well. I have always been a self entertainer. You could lock me in an empty room and I will easily find ways to stimulate my mind and keep myself occupied. I have never felt the need so much to be around others, I just prefer too.

I think that the my own security in this area has actually made people around me throughout life insecure about abandonment more than I am. I understand that I am responsible for my own happiness and I am In the lives of others because I want to be, not because I need to be (except my children, that is different) and the same should be true in reverse.