cancer/libra reunion

My 1st love is the cancer in question. I was 13 and he was 14...25 years later we were bought together by the death of a mutual friend. Even though I was married for 20 years with 3 kids(an unhappy marriage in the last 6 years) and he was on the verge of moving out of town to live with a girlfriend of 6 months, he contacted me via email.

He moved in with his gf and we chatted through emails daily for the 1st year in which I had left my husband, Yes he helped me make up my own mind that I wasn't going to live that way anymore...miserable.

Our contact started with texting and emailing while he worked and we were together all day long. We talked about everything except his situation with gf. Firstly of course re-living our childhood and memories and then all our dreams, insecurities and fantasies! He started opening up and said that he was really comfortable with me. So comfortable that hecould talk about anything...well almost because I daren't touch on his current relationship. From a distance he is fairly happy living in her home and with his job transfer, neither have children, 2 cats each in fact! And he loves the city in which they live in. They didn't seem to do much together or have much in common. I was getting texts from the moment he woke up til the time he went to sleep... No an hour before he retired, and sometimes he even slept int he spare room which I found real odd.
I wondered how she couldn't see it? I'm talking 50 a day!!! Weekends could easily top 100 as the texting is free!

He said things to me that totally blew me away because it is rare that you cancerians really let go of your feelings like...I should've been the mother to his kids, he does regret that he didn't have any but feels he's too old and selfish now. That I got married when he was in a coma! hehe. He'd love to get to know my kids and that he's head over heels for me...no love didn't enter that phrase at that time although he often signed off love you or L me.

After almost 2 years of talking, texting and emailing we came to a point where we had to meet up. YEAH for the obvious!!! 3 fantastic nights, my dreams and fantasies coming true...

I had written a letter knowing how I ws going to feel about him flying home to her and that told him that now after consumating our relationship that it now puts me, in m y mind, as his lover/concubine/No2 and I couldn't handle the feelings of jealousy that I would now be feeling.

At this point he closes up and my stubborness abd morals get int he way too.

He had tried to talk over the phone once, he missed me and wanted to hear my voice, and he texted a couple of times. In turns we texted but only resulting in one each time. I'd rather talk about it but wanted him to go there and he ignored the situation, just saying he missed me.

DELIMMA:

Should I hang in there—

I totally understand how this would be a huge and scary step and how much your homes and comforts mean to cancerians. I on the other hand am materially comfortable so it's not a bill payer I'm after!

Should I lower my moral standards—

Living with someone outside of marriage while I teach my children the opposite!
I'd consider a compromise...for sure!

Or should I let go of my dream to be with the man that I've always loved and known it all along—

It's been 3 painful moths and it's not getting any easier. My friends don't know my secret so I can't talk to them!

Sorry I've nearly writtes a flippen book but any help would be appreciated.

Sincerely yours

i am not sure what you be "hanging in there" for. It doesnt sound like he has given any indication that he intends to leave this woman. He is probably in a convenient situation that he doesnt want to leave. It also seems like he is needy and just wants extra attention or an ego boost.

Yeah I guess the romantic in me as in alot of girls just can't let go of their 1st true love....he was the one that made me a women and the women I am today in more ways than one. Letting go of that dream is not an easy thing, I always thought that one day we would be together again forever. BUT obviously that was a dream that only I held and now I have to learn to let it go.

Thanks

Hi Sweet,

I have some questions.

How much do you actually know about his relationship with his GF? Not what you think you know, but what you actually know with a high degree of certainty.

Firstly, what comes to mind is the fact that he has not married her yet. I wonder why? I wonder who's the one who hasn't pushed the notion.

The second thing that comes to mind (on a postive note) is if he has strong feelings for you and has not left her, there must be a good reason.

I know Cancers. I can say that they will not leave people in need even if it's at the expense of something they want.

Maybe, maybe, there's a reason that he can't leave her just yet. Could be an illness relating to her or someone in her family. She could perhapse need him financially, they could have made a major purchase together, etc.

Look, it's not easy to cut things off with people.

If your post is true, then it seems as if he cares for you the same way you care ofr him. He's just not in a position right now to make a major change and I'm willing to bet it's because of reasons that you don't know about and not so much related to the fact that he's so much in love with his current GF.

If he was, (again, judging by what I have seen) he would not have "Cheated" with you. Cancers are loyal. This was probably out of character for him. He's probably living with some serious guilt right now.

They like family life. So it surprises me that they are not married. This brings up more questions.

OK look, if I was in your shoes, I would send him an email with a picture of you and your kids doing something. Easter egg hunting, whatever. Some kind of image that portrays family life.

In addition, if the two of you DO finally decide to be together, I would not live with him. Even at the cost of the relationship, I would not settle for living together. That's just me. But the main reason would be because you have children and yes, you are a role model. The kids are the priority. Make sure he knows this from the get-go; that you will not settle. He will respect your decision because it is valid. Whether he agrees to it or not is a different story and you will have to prepare yourself for the possibility of him not being keen on it.

Ahhhh the waiting game....Don't push it. Sit back and live your life. But give yourself a time frame. If this continues for another x amount of months, you will drop it entirely and move on.

During this time, you need to occupy your mind and stay in a good mood. Don't act depressed infront of the kids or take out any feelings of frustration on them. Been there, done that, everyone looses.

Bottom line, break-ups are not easy. From what I've sen, Cancers don't like to hurt people and are self-sacrificing to a certain degree. He may feel that you're "OK" but she still need something from him and he needs time to sort things out. He could feel that you two have been apart for this long, so a few more months will not be of consequence.

I like to look at the positive side of things. So if this post sounds too rosy to some people reading it, too bad.

Thank you soooo much Librat. I'm not stupid, ugly, fat or desparate and I know what I feel and I know him well enough to know that I wasn't a booty call. You've looked into this deeply and taken note of what I've said in as short as I could make it and yes my moral standing was indeed an issue. He has only thought of marrying or even sugested it once before and even though it was kind of in a light moment it was to me. I've told him I won't live with someone outside of marriage(and he is commitment phobic and feels that living with someone is a commitment) but if he were to come back up here to live he would have to find somewhere else, either back with his mother or rent.

I'm in a very good financial position and he really has nothing so the fact that his gf is willing to share her home without real commitment is easy and I do believe that he cares deeply for her. In fact he has said that he was very happy to grow old with her until I came back into the picture and put a question mark there.

I on the other hand have decided that he needs too make up his mind now by himself and so therefore in the last 3 months since we spent that time together I have limited contact or stood my ground on what I expect. It's only been my own inner self that feels desperate because I really want to slap him around the ears and make him realise what he stands to loose!!

I think that most men have to sit on their rock and ponder over their situation, this is for life and I believe as you have said. If in fact he really did love her as much as he should then why would he have bothered with me for 2 years. They have only now been together for the 2 1/2 so I have been there for most of that relationship. I refused to see him before that time because I would not commit adultery!

But don't worry cos because of the help that I have had through you and other comments, I have become stronger again and will continue to live my life...I think I will always have a little hope that he may see sense cos I know he does love me and we have a lot in common, and I feel if I ever get married again it'll be only to him. Other than that I'm comfortable with spending my life alone with my many friends as all us Librians have and with a date and male hangon here and there.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Your bottom line is how I feel things could be and I won't give an ultimatum. If I loose because of my moral standings then that is a bitter pill I will swallow.

Your bottom line is how I feel things could be and I won't give an ultimatum. If I loose because of my moral standings then that is a bitter pill I will swallow.

Oh and my kids are 17, 14 and 11. Yes they still need my care and attention but they aren't babies.