Getting someone to understand

I just have a simple question to what could be a complicated problem.

But is there a way to get someone to understand something they are doing coinsistently hurts you and they are in denial of doing it?

Do you think they are truly in denial becuase they are clueless or becuase they don't want to change?

I guess what I'm trying to say is people in this aforementioned category (although i don't think its truly a sun sign thing) but they constantly do things that make it seem like they don't give a shit and then they go up and do something nice.

For example, I have a libra sister that lives with me, becuase she can't afford to live on her own...she'll probably always need a roomate or a rich husband lol. But she has the nerve to be bossy about and naggy about everything. Sure she pays equal rent but I'm not the one that needs to have a roomate...I was just doing her a favor.

Also, we have another sibling (a sister) who is married with kids and lives locally but anything on instagram revolving her she'll say stuff like "I miss you guys!!!" and post sweet things about it but I see that and it kinda hurts my feelings.

We get into arguments all the time about things but you'd think for someone who should be grateful doesn't treat me as well as the other siblings. I've already communicated this to her so many times but either she's in denial that there's anything wrong about what she's doing becuase she can't fathom ever being a screw up or she doesn't care.

How can you get someone to understand when something they do hurts you without being dramatic, emotional, angry and have them truly understand and sympathize and change.

Or is that impossible?

No. You cannot make someone understand. Even if they understand, that still doesn't mean they'll change.

You cannot control another person. Not their thoughts, actions, behavior, or attitude.

You can explain if there is a problem. It's up to the two of you to talk through to a resolution. That won't always happen though.

If a person doesn't understand, explaining differently might help. If they simply don't care, you gotta decide how much you care.

I agree. I've said my peace during all the arguments the past few years and every single time she will be in denial and talk shit about things I do. Turning it into a who can put down the other person the most when all I wanted to do was share a concern.

I.e. the most recent thing was on my bday, my parents are older and don't drive and she has never in the course of us getting our licenses pick them up and take them to our place in the past 3-4 years, she always had some reason i.e. she decided to do all the cleaning, was sick, car doesn't have enough room (although it does cuase its a 5 seater), and i got tired of it becuase I was the only one driving them home at 1am after the celebration. Not that picking up our parents is a bad thing and it wasn't about that, i was just tired of her trying to get out of any obligation and she seems to do that alot.

The argument went like this:

Me: (just got out of the shower)
Her: hey are you picking them up?
Me: Uh no...wasn't planning on it. Considering its my bday.
Her: I'm not picking them up. I've been cleaning all day!
Me: So what?
Her: YOU DIDNT EVEN HELP ME! YOU NEVER HELP ME!
Me: And? So what your saying is I have to organize my whole celebration, pick up people...although, this whole celebration was your guys' idea?
Her: (ranting some more)
Me: [Walked into my room to change and shut my door]


That wasn't a bad argument but she is always like that and when I see her posting things on social media to our other sister about how our other sister is missed, its like what? you don't miss me? I'm not exactly "home" all the time.

Posted by LibraSid
No. You cannot make someone understand. Even if they understand, that still doesn't mean they'll change.

You cannot control another person. Not their thoughts, actions, behavior, or attitude.

You can explain if there is a problem. It's up to the two of you to talk through to a resolution. That won't always happen though.

If a person doesn't understand, explaining differently might help. If they simply don't care, you gotta decide how much you care.

I agree with what LibraSid said, if talking in an adult manner wont do. Decide how much you care, sooner or later her actions will drain you. You don't need stress in your life. There is a fine line between helping out and being abused

Posted by chococream

Posted by LibraSid
No. You cannot make someone understand. Even if they understand, that still doesn't mean they'll change.

You cannot control another person. Not their thoughts, actions, behavior, or attitude.

You can explain if there is a problem. It's up to the two of you to talk through to a resolution. That won't always happen though.

If a person doesn't understand, explaining differently might help. If they simply don't care, you gotta decide how much you care.

I agree with what LibraSid said, if talking in an adult manner wont do. Decide how much you care, sooner or later her actions will drain you. You don't need stress in your life. There is a fine line between helping out and being abused

click to expand

Can you really walk away from family though?

I don't know why but my waters tell me you like playing the role of the victim - a lot.

Posted by jeane
I don't know why but my waters tell me you like playing the role of the victim - a lot.

How am I playing the victim? I don't call out her indiscretions when she seems to want call out mine daily?

Life would be happier if she kept her opinions to herself but I guess she can't go an hour without doing so.

...so call out her indiscretions?

Posted by IAmMystified

Posted by jeane
I don't know why but my waters tell me you like playing the role of the victim - a lot.

How am I playing the victim?

click to expand

I guess I just don't understand why you would post this here other to get sympathy.

And sympathy from strangers is pretty cheap isn't it?

Quite possibly your family are sick to the back teeth of hearing this from you and now with them no longer willing to be a captive audience to your moaning you've come here to round up a new bunch of suckers to tell you how terribly you're being treated.

I'm agreed with LibraSid
We can not make someone understand if they don't @.@ it happened to me so many times,at work,or in relationships .Just be yourself and honest with it and learn how to ignore if someone misunderstanding than try to make them understand or force them to...(well at least try once to explain if they want to listen to you,after that if its not work,just ignore it)
You can not always make everyone understand you,right,it's hard because each people have their own opinion and view of point.so what.just ignore

Posted by Linhnguyen
I'm agreed with LibraSid
We can not make someone understand if they don't @.@ it happened to me so many times,at work,or in relationships .Just be yourself and honest with it and learn how to ignore if someone misunderstanding than try to make them understand or force them to...(well at least try once to explain if they want to listen to you,after that if its not work,just ignore it)
You can not always make everyone understand you,right,it's hard because each people have their own opinion and view of point.so what.just ignore

Yup that's what a friend said to me on friday when i had lunch with her. She's having the same issue with one of her siblings. Same type of arguments, close to the same age, but yet for some reason they just argue so much about the most trivial things.

In the end my friend decided they were just too different and just is civil with her sister but stopped caring. Which was what I sorta have done. Which is why I'm glad I'll be relocating out when the lease is up. I think if I take a step away from her and her dependency...she will learn to be a little more grateful for people allowing her to be dependent on them.

ANd maybe I will be that much happier and will be able to not let her bad choices drag me down.