help:-(

A cancerian girl this side in a relationship with a libra guy since 1 year 6 months. I love him and that's why it is so hard for me to decide what I should do now! Please people if u get time, do give your genuine opinion and advice.
he is extremely short tempered and whenever I feel something bad because of him and I cry(I m not weak but i just couldn't take it sometimes) he acts as if I m at fault and he never admits that he is wrong. He says harsh things..call me names..and he acts like a mad person when he is angry. And the problem is the issues on which he gets angry! like:
1. He was going through my chats in phone one day and he was reading messages in a group chat on WhatsApp..one of my male friends had said something abusive to our college department for not providing us a farewell being the students of the last year..he read it and at that time he didn't say anything. Suddenly he stopped talking and when I asked again and again he Said " when ur friends use abusive terms..u also must be using them so don't talk to me. I was shocked to hear that!! I couldn't stop my tears that I was thinking so deep what might have happened to him..have I done something wrong ..over the last few days and now he is giving me this reason..when I started crying and I even swear that I don't use it..he melted and started pampering me and I happily reciprocated.
2.like the above incidence..he used to stop talking or replying to my texts due to any random reason like above and when I used to ask being worried that please tell me..he used to say..u don't know your mistake your fault or "if u can't bear then don't I am like this only"
I gave him a chance and I understood..that may be he wil change if i wil help him so I continued..
Later..
3.once I went on a holiday with my family ..we all shared a single room In the hotel..one night I was not able to text him as my mom was sleeping just beside me and on the other side my dad. So it was not possible to use cell phone at night as it was not allowed at home. I skipped a night. And then he didn't even bothered to ask when I am returning..am i ok..or have I reached home safe..how was the flight..etc..no care at all
And when I said these things to him he said..you completely forgot me you got so busy with your family..and stuff like that.i explained him but he said "I need a break" n I said ok then take a break as I got frustrated. The very next day he again started messaging me as if nothing has happened!

And many such uncountable incidents happened.
He said ..i am a psycho and I am cheap and I am stupid, mindless..n I m self is..and I am becoming a cancer in his body and many more things to me..whenever he used to get angry over such issues. One day he says all this stuff and next day he says I m sorry I was angry and I will change for you..but 1.5 years!! Things have become worse!

All this while I knew his feelings are true for me but I get constantly hurt. He makes me cry and then he says " sit and cry..you love crying..you are an idiot and you want sympathy"
I cant live like this. It is so hard to let go of someone you love but these things which I have written are nothing as compared to what all i faced..now again after doing something really big he is apologising..one day he says you ruined my life..next day he says you are my life. He has ego issues ..anger issues.. And he never value my emotions. But my heart says that he loves me..nobody wants me to be with him as they know what I have gone through..always crying and tensed..now he is asking for forgiveness ..should I stick to my break up decision or give him another chance like before?

You have got to get a backbone Dear!! I know that sensitivity is a part of your makeup, but don't ever allow someone to speak to you like that~~ let alone treat you like crap. I wouldn't give a dayum what sign he is, you don't let someone talk down to you EVER. Give his azz a good cursing out and tell him to leap off a 20 story building and kiss his own azz while tumbling through the air! Besides, who in the heck goes through someone's else's cell— and a man that is jealous of your relationship with your family has real issues. The name calling...DEFINITELY A NO NO!!! Do you happen to know his other placements? He may have a lot of Aries in him as well. Selfish and short tempred?? IF all of what you are saying here is true, then this dude is an accident waiting to happen. You need to POOF, let him be gone. I am serious....I can't get any more honest about my response.

It pains 😢 I just want to know is this love? Totally one sided? Because when you say you love someone you prove it by your actions....aren't we a fool trusting them again and again? It is hard to accept but may be Dey don't love us the way we love them..or they are taking us for granted because we tolerate all such things! I m so confused! 😢

@LIb4Life: Thank you dear for your response. It is so hard for me but finally I took this step to convince my stupid heart that he is not worth it..that's why posted my situation here. Your comment and concern means a lot to me. Thank you!

@blackphase: I know how it feels 😢 ..thanks for sharing..

Posted by blackphase
Well I'm glad I am not alone.. I am with a Libra and going through the EXACT SAME thing. Short tempered and mean. I am extremely sensitive and he hurts my feelings a lot. And when he knows that he has hurt my feelings he turns it around on me to make it seem like everything is my fault. No apologies, can't own up to his wrong doings, but has no problem pointing out all that I am doing wrong to cause problems. It causes me a lot of nights full of tears but I still hold on because I love him. I feel your pain my dear..

@Blackphase, you have a lot of Scorpio in your chart, not to mention you're a Gemini, so that's extremely rare. WOW...what in the heck does these Libra men have on some women. I've heard nothing but horror stories on this website about Libra men...I've only been in friendships with Libra men, but I'm sure we would bump heads and probably be in a homicidal situation if we were coupled...LOL

To both Iris and Blackohase : you maybe holding on because of love but does he appreciate it? This is him being manipulative and teying to get his way! From all the above you have done nothing wrong for him to treat you in such a manner. You tried to explain and still doesnt get it! I understand if it is a pattern and your excuses make him feel unheard but i do not get that impression here.
Tell him that you do not understand the reason for his outburst and give him a chance to explain himself. If he is empathic then good enough. Else move on and wait for him to get back to you on your terms. You do not have to accept anything that is dished out to you in the name of love!!

Posted by iris
@LIb4Life: Thank you dear for your response. It is so hard for me but finally I took this step to convince my stupid heart that he is not worth it..that's why posted my situation here. Your comment and concern means a lot to me. Thank you!

Yes, I agree with Starry22. He's taking you for granted and it looks like the love is one sided. Get your cry on and move on. You deserve so much better.

Ladies, this is not love. The sooner you realize this, the better all your relationships will be going forward.

My first n only boyfriend was a leo. In the beginning, he was sweet then he became quite the monster. Thats not love. I thought it was tho.

Isis does your dad treat your mom like that? Does your dad treat you like that?

if the answer is no, tell your father so he cant beat the pulp out of that guy.

Posted by blackphase
Iris we are being foolish and taken for granted. Everyone from an outside perspective can see it and will tell us that it isn't worth the time. It doesn't seem to matter how many times or different ways we hear it, we continue to set our selves up for inevitable fail. LIb4Life is right, our hearts are just standing in the way of our heads. Every time I ignore intuition I am burned. And I only have myself to blame for allowing myself to get caught in a trap where I feel iI am loving more than I am being loved and appreciated. Separating our hearts from our minds and believing that we are worth more than that is the real issue here.

Yaa I know dear this feeling of constantly getting hurt and even after that not able to imagine life without them is unbearable! Just because we trust their sweet words n promises more than their harsh words and their actions. We both know the reality. Everyone knows. But to get rid of this pain and to move on is in itself a very tough thing..especially for people who are too sensitive. I know he loves me / loved me..that's why he is not letting me go..since past few days I am trying my best to finish it off but as soon as I message him that we're over..he becomes so sweet and starts uttering sorry..and when I tell him you hurt me and you were wrong at that point etc..he says yes I am a jerk and I have never made you feel happy which in turn makes me feel more bad..also..when I try to make him understand that this is the point and u did that and I did that etc.he says you are testing me..you are not helping me..he doesn't bother much when I am sad because its not a big thing for him and according to him he is right and I should not recall all his wrong doings and I should not remind him of his ill treatment towards him..once he broke his cell phone while shouting on me..and later apologised and Sai baby you don't understand I love you I can't live without you etc..there are no loyalty issues but this treatment is so not acceptable!! Still I gave him many chances and now its been 1.5 years and he is still the same..when I say you broke your promise of not hurting me again and you haven't changed..he tells that 1.5 years is too short and he will change gradually. But..things are becoming worse. I am trying my best to get out of this mess..it hurts..i do cry..i miss him but I am not doing justice with my family who wan

but I am not doing justice with my family who wants to see me happy..i know every piece of reality but BEING A CANCERIAN IS MY BAD LUCK. I overthink and I constantly feel confused because he is someone else at one point and someone else at another point. But I m trying to the ones who truly care for me. U too..try to do the same..maybe after years we will realize that how right our decision was! Or In other case ..we may regret of not taking this step before.
Just ask for strength from god 😢

Posted by blackphase
Yes LIb4Life, My placements are very difficult and my head is in a constant battle with my reality. It has caused me to hold on for longer than I should and put up with a lot of unnecessary behavior. Although I know that I myself am not the easiest person to be in a relationship with, I know my faults and can admit them. I am working on them, but it is difficult to make progress when your s/o is constantly making you feel worthless. However I know I am likely making him feel the same as I am not quiet about my hurt and emotions. Well I am actually very good at hiding a lot of my emotions, but I let out what I feel needs to be out in the open. And I do voice my hurt often.

But the good thing is you recognize it, so all you have to do is go about fixing it. I think with me being an Air sign and have always treated people with common courtesy and respect that if I don't get the same in return, it's nothing for me to turn my heels and flip the script. I treat people accordingly because I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and I expect to be treated the same way I treat you. If that doesn't happen, then all the niceness in me goes away. You don't have to like me, you don't have to speak to me, and I can be non existence in your eyes, but what you won't do is disrespect me or mistreat me because I wouldn't do it to you. I do understand that the people will love and care for can be a challenge, but at the end of the day, that rule still applies because people will only treat you how you allow, so think about yourself...It's called Self Preservation because if you're not happy with you, you can't be happy with anyone else and when you love and respect yourself, you won't allow anyone to mistreat you. My Dad drilled that in me at a very early age. My motto in life is to TREAT PEOPLE ACCORDINGLY.

"Is this love?"

Are you fucking shitting me?

What the HELL is wrong with some women?

Posted by DMV
Ladies, this is not love. The sooner you realize this, the better all your relationships will be going forward.

My first n only boyfriend was a leo. In the beginning, he was sweet then he became quite the monster. That's not love. I thought it was tho.

Isis does your dad treat your mom like that? Does your dad treat you like that?

if the answer is no, tell your father so he cant beat the pulp out of that guy.

BOL..I agree with you DMV....That is a great way too look at it....get dad to beat the brakes off of him!!

Posted by LIb4Life

Posted by blackphase
Yes LIb4Life, My placements are very difficult and my head is in a constant battle with my reality. It has caused me to hold on for longer than I should and put up with a lot of unnecessary behavior. Although I know that I myself am not the easiest person to be in a relationship with, I know my faults and can admit them. I am working on them, but it is difficult to make progress when your s/o is constantly making you feel worthless. However I know I am likely making him feel the same as I am not quiet about my hurt and emotions. Well I am actually very good at hiding a lot of my emotions, but I let out what I feel needs to be out in the open. And I do voice my hurt often.

But the good thing is you recognize it, so all you have to do is go about fixing it. I think with me being an Air sign and have always treated people with common courtesy and respect that if I don't get the same in return, it's nothing for me to turn my heels and flip the script. I treat people accordingly because I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and I expect to be treated the same way I treat you. If that doesn't happen, then all the niceness in me goes away. You don't have to like me, you don't have to speak to me, and I can be non existence in your eyes, but what you won't do is disrespect me or mistreat me because I wouldn't do it to you. I do understand that the people will love and care for can be a challenge, but at the end of the day, that rule still applies because people will only treat you how you allow, so think about yourself...It's called Self Preservation because if you're not happy with you, you can't be happy with anyone else and when you love and respect yourself, you won't allow anyone to mistreat you. My Dad drilled that in me at a very early age. My motto in life is to TREAT PEOPLE ACCORDINGLY.

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*Applause*

thank you all for your valuable and genuine advice..
I know what you all are saying I absolutely correct and it seems as if everything is so clear and still I am finding it difficult to let go of him..that is because all this while his feelings for me were true and he can't imagine his life without me..there were no loyalty issues..no trust issues..nothing at all..but its just his behaviour which is so unacceptable and hurtful sometimes. And that's why I always end up giving him several chances to improve his nature..everytime after yelling at me in anger and behaving horribly bad, he says "I am sorry I am mad ..i don't know what happens to me when i get angry....you just don't understand my point..and start proving me wrong..then u start crying which makes me more mad..i am sorry for whatever I said but I was angry and please forgive me..i will not repeat it..I am so lucky to have you in my life..god is being so nice with me..he gave me you..you are precious and I cant live without you"
I know he loves me as I have spent a good amount of time with him and I never felt like he is not serious. He wants to marry me and all his family members know about me. He plans future with me..and many more things..so I just can't accept it that his bad behaviour means that he doesn't love me. But my confused heart!! If I analyze the other side of the coin..i see unhappiness..no emotional connection..my emotional needs (being a cancerian) are ignored! And when I try to explain him how I feel..things go worse as he thinks that I am trying to prove him wrong!
for instance..

~~One day..I texted him to inform about an exam for a good job in a famous bank..as I was filling up the application form..he saw the message and didn't reply..i waited..he came online ..again didn't reply..finally I asked that if u saw it at least reply so that I do not overthink..(coz its my problem whenever such things happen..my mind starts overthinking which troubles me..) he said "hmm".. I got frustrated as this not replying issue is his old habit..i said at least respect the other person by replying if u saw the message..he said "I was busy"
I said you would have write that then..he said I was in hurry..i just said ok..coz my head was about to blast..in d evening..he called and my mood was off..he sensed it..but he was acting like nothing has happened and he was so damn normal!! (this happens everytime..instead of talking about it and finishing it off he starts behaving normally which irritates n hurt me even more..may be its my fault but being a cancerian I just can't help it..and when I do something stupid..that too unintentionally..and I try to talk normally..he just bursts out! That "first you do this / that and then you expect that I do not show you my ego"..!

he again started and out of nowhere..called me names ..said go to hell..you are selfish..you are sick..you have learned this only..should I insult you more or this much insult is enough for you! Etc..all this while I was crying and explaining that you are taking me wrong..but no use! I cried alot..he called after few hours and said..i broke my phone I am sorry..got angry..stop crying..sleep now..i am sorry I am mad..i said okay..next day he said I wil not repeat it forgive me..i have anger issues etc..and whatever happens he blames his anger for that..i tried to understand this and gave him many many chances but no improvement..always such trivial issues become so big!

I wonder when you claim to love the other person so much..how can you see them crying ..that too for hours..how can you not stop being angry even after seeing how hurt your partner is!! I can't see him crying ..that too coz of me!! It will be shameful for me if it happens! IS IT REALLY HIS ANGER PROBLEM OR HE REALLY DOESN'T LOVE ME? he thinks he love me..may be he doesn't know that it is not love..he says..you are perfect..i am lucky to have you..i can't leave you..you have everything a guy wants in his partner..I don't deserve you..but I must have done something really good in past that god is so happy with me!
He knows I love him so much and I never want to leave him..may be that's why he took me for granted?? Is this the case!! God I m so damn confused and screwed! It pains ..he is asking for forgiveness again and how much I am controlling my self only I know 😢 I just want to give him a chance again but I am sure that he is not going to change ..he didn't since 1.5 years and he will not in future also..plus ..if i give him a chance again ..everybody would think I m stupid coz everyone knows its not right..even I know..its my heart which is so stubborn and not ready to move on!
Yesterday he said ..give me a last chance..i said..last time also you asked for a last chance..he got angry as since many hours he was messaging and trying to convince me..so he ."then kill me and started abusing himself..he Said..make me your pet dog..you know I can't leave you and I will return saying sorry again like a dog" I just said bye!!!
Also..when i try to make him understand or realize ..he thinks I am proving myself right and when I say .."you did this/ that ..and if I did the same thing..now you are so angry"..he says..DON'T COMPETE WITH ME..when I remind him of his promises..that he wont hurt me again..and all those things which he did and which were wrong..he says..THIS IS A TORTURE..YOU ALWAYS TEST ME..YOU ARE REMINDING ME OF MY MISTAKES AND YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME REALIZE..THIS WAY I WILL NEVER REALIZE..YOU ARE TORTURING ME..
I can't even express how I feel when he talk like that..
I have done everything to make him happy ..i supported him everytime..and when I needed his support he was busy showing ego ..getting angry..i confess that I am not practical and over emotional..i made him My priority..and kept aside everything else..i am preparing for a very big and difficult exam and with all these things going in my mind always..i never did justice with my

i never did justice with my studies since 1 year..i am always either tensed or crying most of the times..now I feel lost!! He is settled he got a very good job..and I am so happy for him..I always want him to be happy..very happy..but today when I see myself..i regret about many things..that precious time which I wasted crying in hope of a better future with him!! 😢
Even after all this..when everyone knows ..i know..he is not good for me..why do i still think that may be i should have given him a chance again..and is it like I did not try ?? All my friends who know about him says..nobody can tolerate such things and if they would have been at my place they would have done a break up way before..STILL I FEEL DISSATISFIED ..that may be i should have helped him to become a better person..then another voice in my heads says..i have done enough..now i should think about myself ..and this way i end up getting nowhere!! Always irritated and confused and hurt and so on!

Iris, contact me by E-mail , please. I wish tell you more and help you pass this situation. If you like, of course .

Posted by NoMore
Iris, contact me by E-mail , please. I wish tell you more and help you pass this situation. If you like, of course .

Dear, thank you so much for your advice..did you get my personal message? Anyways my E-mail id is:
Irisbella@rediffmail.com

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by iris
i never did justice with my studies since 1 year..i am always either tensed or crying most of the times..now I feel lost!! He is settled he got a very good job..and I am so happy for him..I always want him to be happy..very happy..but today when I see myself..i regret about many things..that precious time which I wasted crying in hope of a better future with him!! 😢
Even after all this..when everyone knows ..i know..he is not good for me..why do i still think that may be i should have given him a chance again..and is it like I did not try ?? All my friends who know about him says..nobody can tolerate such things and if they would have been at my place they would have done a break up way before..STILL I FEEL DISSATISFIED ..that may be i should have helped him to become a better person..then another voice in my heads says..i have done enough..now i should think about myself ..and this way i end up getting nowhere!! Always irritated and confused and hurt and so on!

You need to seek professional help... For yourself!!! You are obviously addicted to toxic / sick relationships. PLEASE GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!

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thank you for going through my post..and giving your genuine opinion..it means a lot..and..yes it may sound I need help and I am addicted to such things..but.. Trust me..I m not weak..talking to you people gives me strength and motivation that's why I write everything what I feel..thank you so much dear.take care :-)