Long term scorpio(f)/libra(m) relationship

Hmm where do I begin? First I am so new that I have not made a profile or anything yet. I've been on an intense web search for answers for the last few days. I've been with LibraM for 21 years and married for 16. Mostly it's fine but when it's bad it's awful! When it's fine it's even a bit lack luster. Our lovemaking is still awesome and we see to eye on political issues, religion for the most part, art and traveling. He's way more liberal than I am as far as what he considers good music, who he calls a friend, and a very casual(unconcerned dresser).

I knew years ago that he was quite a catch and I admit I was very interested even before I got to know him earlly on in college. By the time we were in a position to get to know each other I understood how to approach him without scaring him off. At the time I did not attribute this to his sign. I had my chart plotted a year or so earlier so I was becoming aware of my scorpionic tendencies. We to make a long story short, there are things I did, didn't do, said, didn't say, etc that are contrary to my nature that in retrospect made our strange union more palatable to him. Or at least that is what I'm becoming aware of. Now that I am in my early 40s I'm feeling like I've done myself and him a real diservice as I repressed some of who I am to begin and keep the relationship going.

Our disputes circle around misunderstanding, miscommunication, my negative feelings causing him grief, my issues, my apparent lack of support of him. He's all okay. Not a hardly a fault that anyone would ever know. His arguments are eloquent and leave me speechless. I still duck and hide and can't find the words to "defend" myself. Eventually he gets fed up and my rational mind kicks in and I'm making all sorts of sense out of the whole situation. Does he care?? No, he's to hurt to listen. My intention is so not to hurt. I am trying to sort out my feelings... yeah, I know he hates this. What am I to do? I want to be myself openly and happily and not worry about hurting him. I try to be considerate and kind and caring. I get pretty bad PMS sometimes. My theory is mind/body based, I get it bad because I"m repressed.

That's a lot of information. There's so much more but I don't know how to sort it all out.

PS I have scorpio in asscendant too. Does that make me more intense or even me out? I don't know what he has in his chart. I have Venus in Libra in the 11th house. I'm not sure exactly what tha

my xgf was scorpio. I still love her till date to be very frank but there was lots of issues btween us like u hv mentioned. miscommunication mainly. Scorpios emotional and stubborn nature... she was more like stuck to some wrong theories which she was carrying with her for long long time. and no way she was able to tackle it which annoyed me like anything... gutless nature of scorpio women to go do it than findin excuses to avoid doing something which I wanted her to do badly. say for eg she wants me to dress properly and so so every day where as my kinda job and work atmosphere just need a black roundneck and a jeans. i walk in my own speed and she can never catch that speed and i always had to slow down but then she blames me that i am walking without caring about her and so so... but back in bed, we sorted out everything... then slowly i didnt wanted to take this pain without solving it so i moved out...

try to do what a libran asks u to do even if u dont like it or afraid of the results. Normally he wont ask you to do something impossible or which might harm you. You jus need to let yourself do it than being your own enemy. There is a big catch in a scorpions brain which stops them from doing things accoring to others suggestion. try to release it off... body/mind will always depend on ur actions... theories are no good if you cannot learn to solve ur day to day problems in real life.

You both bring up good points and pose interesting questions. I don't know what the ellusive "support" it is he wants. He wants physical affection no matter how distant I am feeling. He doesn't care even if I'm going through the motions, emotionally unattached. As he has his needs I also have a need to go deep sometimes. I don't think I am going to deny this part of myself, I don't dwell there for long. I have spent a lot of energy compromising myself and doing the things he likes to do, it's not bad to do and I don't totally regret it because we often have fun. Relationships are about give and take. I think I've given a lot. He has too. I'm just in a phase of evaluating who I am, what I've done and how I got here. I feel not completely like myself. I think the part I've repressed is appropraite feelings at the right time. When he wanted to go on an overnight boat trip with his ex and her friend I let him even though I knew there were very strong feelings from her. I know that he did kiss her. On her next visit her told me, "there's no reason why you two couldn't get along. I was nice to her. Later in our marriage they exchange adulterous letters, (the final straw occured when he left one on the dresser), then emails, then a visit while she's at a conference in a nearby city, then lastly a couple of years ago she was hoping they could get away together for a vacation, to which he replied, casually, "I can't really do that, it's not a good time"!!! I have no idea where he has left their communications as far as an understanding that this is not okay. But, my real point is that I never once lost my cool really about this. I did not yell, scream, or even leave him. I stayed inspite of it with the signs early on. He says she is no threat to me. And actually I believe it mostly. I just wonder about myself. All of those things hurt, a lot. He swears there was nothing more than that one kiss, years ago.

Instead of engaging in fights, like I know that Libras hate, I just sit there and take it. Crying silently to myself. So when I sit up lately and ask, "Why have I acted like this?" and begin to question this approach, he says, congratulations now I've made him as unhappy and miserable as I am. He really thinks I am responsible for his emotions yet he won't fully acknowledge mine!!

Thanks for your responses. I am thinking about them believe me (not too hard mine you!).

Sure Kennyg, there is an avoidance dance going on. I am less comfortable being who I know I am in the relationship. There are issues I knowingly avoid and things that he avoids. In someways, it makes sense to avoid pushing other people's buttons but at what point does one compromises oneself. I would rather be as comfortable with him, as me, as I am when I am alone or with people I naturally feel comfortable with. Sometimes I wonder if he is comfortable as himself with me.

I'm sure he knows I will not be who he might want me to be, but his attitude is one of resignation instead of acceptance, "I guess you're never going to do so and so, (poor me)" I have told him all throughout the relationship that I would rather set him free than to feel like I'm making him in an unfullfilling relationship. We are pretty much committed to being together as we have two kids ages 12 (libra son) and 17 ( cancer daughter)! I am already feeling a bit of the fog lifting as I gain clarity on what I need to do and become aware of. I catch myself in thought patterns and saying things out of habit, defering to him, etc. I know he doesn't want me weak but has he ever experienced me as an empowered scorpio. That doesn't have to be bad does it?

I agree that we have a solid relationship. I am willling to work with this and express my own truth in the relationship. There's really no choice for me. I wonder if he will be able to stand me. I think I'm pretty okay as a person and don't think I rely on others too much for validity but to be accepted by my life partner for who I am flaws and all would be great.

Thanks for your insight.

Hey! Hi, why do you spell it LEEBRA?

My Libra likes to sleep rather than work things out in discussions. I'm thinking this difference may be more of a fully female aspect.

Oh, we just got rid of digital cable. I'm going to miss the food network and on demand! We got rid of it after the world cup was over! again!!!

Yeah, he's a gem. Definately worth the work and hardship as long as I can be at peace with myself and feel authentic. That is really important to me right now. I don't really have a career so to speak, a good job and great kids but I want to regain some dignity in this world. I don't mean neccessarily to do great things just be a decent honest person. I'm enjoying diving into learning more about astrology's finer points. It's very interesting. Nice to have a Leebra female ally!