Re: I need help deciphering a Libra

Hi all,

I'm a Pisces girl trying to deal with some trouble with a Libra man myself and I actually googled these forum discussions today for some insight. In response to the recent post by LilMermaid and the strong opinions expressed by a lot of you, I just thought that I'd share my 2 cents as a very confused Pisces.

I've been OBESSED with a Libra boy for the past 4 years. There is a lot of chemistry between us, and in the beginning, I was practically swept off my feet by his charms and his rational approach to my pessimistic outlooks. But he made it clear to me that he wasn't the bf type, then committed to a Gemini girl soon after. Being Type A person myself, that was enough to put me on the chase. Little did I know that I would never get out of this hell hole...
In these past years, all my short-lived relationships started from my attempt to get over my obsession with him and I??ve cheated on 2 bf with this Libra. Him and his Gemini gf are on and off all the time but his flirtacious behavior towards me persisted. I have gone as long as 6 months without responding to his periodic contacts and when I thought I was finally over him, I somehow find myself in this mess again.... *sigh*
Like lilmermaid, I myself am frustrated at that fact that I can't figure out his intentions. My better judgment tells me that he's just an attention seeker and although I try to be indifferent, he knows he's got me. But the hopeless romantic in me still thinks that all our personal discussions over these 4 years can't be just part of the game.

[Pardon my incoherent ramble- I blamed my emotionally troubled Pisces nature for it 😛]

But although I know you can't always find excuses for yourself, either for cheating on a bf or considering breaking up 2 families in LilMermaid??s case, there is still a huge part of us that is still in denial and holding on to the possibility of the what-ifs. You are all right in that Pisces and Libras are very incompatible; it just takes time to accept the facts.

WTF! Obssessed..

Libra's are so dayum flaky and then to couple that up with the face of the off and on again twins, not a good match and why would anyone take a Libra so seriously is unbeknownst to me...flaky flaky flaky (immature libra's) not all, i must make that clear.

How can someone be obsessed? I had no problem kicking my libra friend to the curb and he was just a platonic friend. You have to be young because there is no way in hell I would be obsessed over a Libra, not because the sign has bad qualities, they are just flaky and indecisive as all get out.

Wow, bad Libra experiences huh tiki? Anyway, LRP I can't really relate to your exact situation, being a Libra male. I can tell you however that Libra and Pisces are very incompatible. Pisces, for some strange reason, are magnetized to me. There must be something very magnetic in one of the qualities of a Libra that attracts a quality of the Pisces. I know many people of all signs that are flaky and indecisive, so don't find yourself being influenced by these ridiculous accusations. If I may speak honestly, I would say that the Libra guy is comfortable with the type of relationship you guys have and is content with it.Unless you stop it, it's probably going to be that way. Those 4 years discussions are part of the game. I don't know the guy, so these are just my deductions.

Just my 56 cents.

"Pisces, for some strange reason, are magnetized to me. There must be something very magnetic in one of the qualities of a Libra that attracts a quality of the Pisces."

Two things, one you might have pisces as your descendant sign, it has a lot of influence on who is attracted to you.

Secondly, they are drawn to us. I think it has to do with the fact that our free spiritedness is acted upon regularly, they have the same desires but we tend to move on them a lot more frequently than others. And if we have our heart set on an ideal, we move on it, and for all of the astrological stuff that says we focus too much on what other people think, when motivated by something that has our mind or heart, we don't give a s and we do what we want....pisces really, really likes this.

Not to mention we take charge when we need to/want to, and pisces typically want a strong dominant, yet empathetic partner and we can be both of those....so I think that is where the attraction lies. The incompatability for once lies in the details with this sign.

TIKI: Yes I am only in my 20s and I do admit that I have a lot of maturing to do. Libra or no libra, I guess I have to learn that what I can't have isn't always worth the chase.

LP: Thanks for your honesty. I've never been involved with a libra male prior to this dysfunctional "relationship" and what I find most appealing is Libra's charming, romantic personality. *SIGH* I'm a sap by nature and no one else I've known can get a smirk out of me with such subtlety. I'm sure you can tell by now why I'm in this mess in the first place. The truth is that with anyone else, it just isn't the same intensity of the highs and the lows.... But I certainly have decided to let go (for probably the millionth). :S

Thanks for the insight nic. It makes sense now.

open a new account anyone?

yeah my feelings exactly

LPR, first, be clear that this is and was never a "relationshp" - Libra men have a way of making you feel like the most important person in their world when you are with them, so it is easy to feel like there is more between the two of you when there actually isn't. When a libra FINALLY makes up his mind he wants you there is no question. They will let you know just that, it might be subtle, but it is loud and clear!!! No mistaken!!! --- Trust me I know 😉

So, dear, your libra wants and likes whatever you have been doing, nothing more, so if you want more you must cut him off or it will never change like LP said....

This is all nice to read but when I have made up my mind that we're going to be together then that's the plan. And there is no deviating from it unless YOU break away. Still I will hold on to see if things can be salvaged.

We react a lot. If you don't SEEM to like me I will not waste my time in liking you back (sounds like a five year old I know) UNLESS there is good reason to hold on to it e.g. really worth the effort and wait. We don't play THOSE kind of games.

I beg to differ, libras play games, they just don't make it so apparent and obvious as other signs.

Are you a Libra yourself?

* it just isn't the same intensity of the highs and the lows

You are hooked on the drama. Random Reinforcement. The excitement is conditioned and NOT healthy.

Libras don't really play games. We usually tell the person we aren't interested and they don't believe us and refuse to give up. Case in point: "But he made it clear to me that he wasn't the bf type, then committed to a Gemini girl soon after."

We tell people but they don't believe us. They really don't. It is VERY annoying. We just assume, or at least I do, if I have voiced how I feel that the other person understands this and accepts this. I am happy to be friends, etc. I am learning that other people cannot handle that.

If I know someone is way too into me, I end the friendship. Which ofcourse makes me a bitch. There really is no way to win.

🙂

I really appreciate all your responses. I just recently got interested in Astrology, and was still somewhat skeptical about it. But I am SO amazed at the insight I'm getting from all this.

And it had always puzzled me how he makes me feel like the most important person one minute and then seem so nonchalant the next. ??Sitting on the fence?? wow, bang on!

??If you want more you must cut him off or it will never change like LP said....??
I did walk away for the past half a year- it was boring, but I least I wasn't so reactive all the time. He still contacted me about every 2 weeks and I??ve always cut the small talk to no more than 2 minutes. When we got involved again 2 months ago, I was much more detached and things did seem like it has changed. We are more open and honest with each other and I thought I can be more realistic about him and about this ??thing?? we have. But NO! got my emotions all wrapped it once again?_.

Just 2 days ago, I heard from a questionable source that he may be seeing his Gemini ex-gf at the same time and that killed me. Old wound I guess. I feel like I'm right back to square one and that he will never see me in the same light that he sees her.

I'm just lost right now. I don't know if things have actually changed between us, or is it still just the same old circular game. I know he still hasn't made up his mind, but do I wait? Break away again? Should I even act like I care about where this is going or just pretend to be nonchalant too?

?_.all this meanwhile he's just scratching his b@lls... Really p*sses me off!!

??hooked on the drama?? indeed 😐

Libras do PLAY GAMES, case in point he said to her READ IT: "But he made it clear to me that he wasn't the bf type, then committed to a Gemini girl soon after."

Sorry but that's G.A.M.E...if he wasn't playing games he would have clearly stated that he didn't see the relationship going beyond friendship, this clearly would have swayed her to gaurd her heart and not be so available but no, he said I'm not b/f material and ran into another womans arms to be her BOYFRIEND.

I' m not blaming him, he used what he had and she took him seriously, she only knows why but I personally thinks it's cruel to show up on his white horse, whip out all the stops and pull back and say hey i'm not b/f material and then run into someone elses arms.

He clearly was bs'n her but if you turn it around, she is playing herself b/c she's running behind a guy that has made it clear she's not good enough to be #1, can't blame him for that, she already knew it but decided to pursue it further and even now she succumbs to this guy only to walk away with nothing.

I'm not judging honey, do what you need to do to get thru it but he's playing games with you and taking advantage of your vulneralabilities towards him, if he truly cared he would stay away, but he likes you feeding his ego, you feed it and you give him the balls and strength to go pursue the woman he really wants...

He told her he didn't want to commit to her. That should have been enough. MOST people know that the other person is trying to spare their feelings with the whole "it's not you, it is me" thing, which is equivalent to this. MOST people would have seen him committing to another woman as a sign that he really meant that he wasn't going to commit to her and backed off. I imagine most would even be hurt and pissed off. She took it as a challenge.

At some point, you have to accept responsibility for yourself. She knows that this is just going to go on and on and on. Because she keeps accepting him on these terms, how is he suppose to believe that she wants anything different?

It is up to her to walk away and shut him out because how he is treating her is not acceptable to her. HE is perfectly fine with the way things are. Therefore, he is not motivated to change.

* he likes you feeding his ego, you feed it and you give him the balls and strength to go pursue the woman he really wants...

agreed!

You have no control over him. You can only control yourself and your actions. Accept that you aren't really addicted to him but the mistreatment. Gather the courage to want more. Love does not feel like this.

At a certain point, confused boys become a HUGE turn off. I hope you get to this point.

🙂

For the record, I usually say I don't think we are compatible long term ... which is generally what the problem is.

He told her didn't want to commit to her by saying he wasn't b/f material all the while hit'n it every chance he could (more than likely)

To me thats game, thats what I mean about some libra's they have what I call passive game with words, he could have easily said you know I like you but this is never going to be anything but friendship and I'm sure she would have thought about not putting herself out there, now if he had said to her I only want to be your friend and she ran behind him then of course it would all be on her.

Some young women don't mentally get it when a man says i'm not b/f material, they think they can convert the guy or something, she saw this as a challenge, which alot of women do or we wouldn't have books like he's just not that into you.

He loved her loving him and if he didn't like playing games he would have never allowed her in his space in the first place and even if he did slip up and fall for it, he would have backed off at some point and said this isn't good for you or myself and gave her time to heal.

He actually was calling her, pursuing her and then running back to his Gem g/f, thats game, he's employing on her emotions yet knowing he will never be with her because he KN0WS that she is obsessed and crush'n on him and he's using that to his advantage.

I think we both agree that alot of it is her fault also but to say he wasn't running game is ludicrous.

I totally agree with pretty much you have said, especially this statement:

"You have no control over him. You can only control yourself and your actions. Accept that you aren't really addicted to him but the mistreatment. Gather the courage to want more. Love does not feel like this.

At a certain point, confused boys become a HUGE turn off. I hope you get to this point."

At this point its all game on both parts, she knows she's fixated and obsessed and he knows it and uses it to get what he wants and use her as a stand by until he finds another g/f or gets back with his ex. He sounds like he doesn't want any down time to go without his carnal needs being met.

she's being used as a dumping ground, he shows up, dumps all his bad energy in her lap and he's re-energized to go do his thing with someone else alot of young women don't understand that these guys do this and just keep going around in circles.

Tikki,

I think you are on to something about the game playing. With the being the perfect guy then pulling away. I can see how it comes off as a game, I really can but in our mind and hearts it isn't.

If we do really like or are really attracted to someone we come in on the "white horse" so to speak, as it seems......but it is because were not going to go into something half-assed. We may be a little unsure of our intentions, who isn't at the start? So when we make our effort to find out we are the best person we can be. It is the best way to do things, be transparent in our attraction and affection, put the best foot foreward so you know if things don't work out, it wasn't for a lack of showing your full potential.

Secondly, he might not know how much she actually likes him. I am usually the last person to realize someone likes me. I take everything in the form of attraction as friendly affection until it is made clear by the other person that they really like me. And by made clear, I don't mean in indirect words or even actions, I want them to spell it out for me. I am a master of subtlety but don't like to assume anything when it comes to matters of the heart. I might be able to "feel" it as a water sign would say but I want to hear it plain and simple.

Just to clear things up, you seem a little bent on Libras, in the same way I used to be bent on Scorp women after a bad ending to a long term relationship. I finally woke the f up...don't let your bad experiences be the motive for advice, yours arent hers.

LRP, I am sure you are a great person, spend your time with someone who thinks you are worthwhile. Not someone who doesn't care either way.

He is not the last man/Libra -there are some good Libra guys out there... I am sure 🙂

mmmmmmmm.....

Again, thanks for your responses

He is certainly not the best guy that has shown interest in me and I know that I can do better. I agree that ??the excitement is a conditioned reaction?? and pretty much the result of cognitive dissonance- where you make yourself believe that the catch must be worth it if you?_ve made so much sacrifice.

And I do agree that he probably does not realize how much he actually affects me. Perhaps it?_s my ascending sign in libra, but people have always perceived me as someone who is confident and outgoing. I don?_t lack male attention and I definitely hide my weak side around him. Games? Certainly. The years in his games have rubbed off a thing or two. And I agree that I am at fault here too.

He told me that he wasn?_t bf material 4 years ago when we first met and after his short commitment to the Gemini girl, he did not commit to anyone but was constantly around great women. Although we have been romantically involved for 4 years, we have not even had a kiss in more than a year now. We still talk for hours online or on the phone (always initiated by him). What I?_m trying to get across is that I am not someone who is desperate for attention and is pushing myself onto him. Sadly, I just thought that he actually cared and we might have something?K?_

All of you have given me great advice and I?_m going to print these pages and read them when he?_s calling me again!!! Yeah, it is definitely time to grow up!

after 4 years you would know that he isn't going to committ to you.

when a dog pisses on a tree, he never forgets that tree, he marked his territory and that dog can leave for a year and come back and think that tree is still his to piss on, they never forget something or someone they have marked with their scent.

Men tend to be the same way, he's familiar with you, doesn't mean he somehow has changed his mind and will suddenly SEE THE LIGHT. Why should he change up on something that obviously works.

Do what your heart tells you to do, if you want to continue seeing him than do so but know your slighting yourself and causing yourself unnecessary heartache if your not getting what your heart desires.