Screwed up :*(

So me and Libra got into a huge fight where he works (a bar) and I said something about his manager that somehow got back to him. Now Libra is saying he doesn't know how things are going to work if I can't be where he works when he's there 5 times a week and it's gonna look bad if he's with me? I sent a message to his manager apologizing, which he read but didn't respond and now I don't know what to do about Libra, he's hardly answering me and said we should probably end things, and than said give him till Wednesday and than also said we should take a break, and went back to saying we should end things. We hardly even got to discuss what happened and it's eating me up alive inside. What can I do to make things right?

I am sorry to say this but I think your libra has made the final decision. As for what can you do to make it right, I think you already apologized so there isn't really much you can do at this point.

Nope, that was it. We been fighting a lot lately over stupid stuff maybe once a week but other than this nothing stands out in my mind. He said if I'm not allowed to be there when he's working and he works 5 days a week and it looks bad if he keeps seeing me he doesn't see a way around it. Before we hung up yesterday he promised to call before work and nothing. I texted him a few times he said he was busy he'll call me tomorrow. Texted him before saying can we please talk? No answer. Called, no answer. Sent another text saying how sorry I was and was willing to do whatever to fix things and if he could please answer me and let me know if we can because I'm completely torn up and heartbroken over this. He was never one to answer immediately anyways but still. I don't see what any of this has to do with his personal life if he decides to keep seeing me, it isn't anybodies business yet he swears it still effects his work life.

This happened Thursday night and he told me all of this yesterday.

Scorpio.

9 Months. Its very hard to let go. Especially since I don't know what's going to happen. Are we taking a break? Is this it? Am I gonna hear from him? Why say your going to call, why not just not answer? How could this really be the end? There has to be something more to it that I don't know. And than is he gonna come back because it sounded like he was indecisive to begin with...and libras have the tendency to come back. I'm driving myself insane.

I will, but what kills me is will he even have the decency to give me some kind of closure? I don't know. Why promise to call me before work and than not? And than when I texted him a few times he said, Sorry was busy setting up shit for work. I will call you tomorrow. And than not call. Todays the first day he hasn't answered me and he said he'd call. I don't get it. He's still good friends with his one ex, and the other ex I was told he would go back to her because he wanted to see if he could still have her. The first ex had said he has a problem letting go...which I can see why he has all these ex's floating. I was talking to one of his friends earlier and he said he thinks hell come around just give him time. I'm the most impatient person and I drive myself insane. Nothing distracts me, I keep replaying it in my head...its terrible. Nothing like this has ever happened before and when I tried breaking away from him last week because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore at the time he begged me to stay. So if its been a long time coming thing, why not let me go than? Agh!

His one ex had told me he use to keep the other around just to see if he could still have her.

Even if it was a huge deal, the reasons he gave wasn't that it was bothering him. It was how is he gonna see me if they're going to enforce the significant other not being allowed at the bar rule and if its frowned upon and makes him look bad if he still sees me. Since when is your personal life your jobs business?

He hasn't really dropped any hints along the way. He just me my grandmother last week by choice?!

And today is the first day he hasn't answered me or called me.

I wish I could offer you advice but I'm just here to let you know that I'm pretty much in your same situation with my libra... I've made it clear to him that I made a mistake and miss him etc. hes not answering my calls or texts either and I've been told to give up on him but I just CAN'T. I'm just going to give my guy the space that he wants and see if he'll come back.

But just letting you know you're def not alone in this! good luck I hope you can work things out eventually with your guy.

"I drive myself insane. Nothing distracts me, I keep replaying it in my head...its terrible. Nothing like this has ever happened before"

Well its good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this.

I said his boss is a disgrace to mexicans that nobody even likes, meanwhile this guys said so much crap about me and I say one little thing. I also didn't say it to his face someone had heard and went back and told him.

His job is his life. He takes bartending way too seriously and its actually kind of sad. It consumes him completely. And he wouldn't stand up because he doesn't wanna get fired and he wants to be accepted by everybody.

I actually wasn't controlling with him. Didn't need to be, he didn't really do much outside of work and he spent a majority of that time with me. I never asked him for much aside don't break my heart or let me catch you with another girl.

I don't really understand what diff it makes if I can't go to the bar. Even my mom said that's a general rule when it comes to bartending I mean his ex's weren't there and he still had relationships with them. Its also nobodies business what he does outside of work unless he makes it their business. So fricken frustrating. I mean I'd put my job infront of anybody too except maybe my husband and children but it shouldn't matter what he decides to do outside of the workplace.

I just can't comprehend how you can spend 9 months with someone and instead of working through this you just call quits!?

Dreamingpisces: what happened with your guy?

Posted by nOvbaby

His job is his life. He takes bartending way too seriously and its actually kind of sad. It consumes him completely. And he wouldn't stand up because he doesn't wanna get fired and he wants to be accepted by everybody.

have you talked to him about this? about his job consuming him completely? while jobs are indeed very important it is also important for him to balance it out and not let it ruin his relationships.

and about the part about wanting to be accepted by everybody I believe thats a typical libra trait... at least it is with the libras that I know. it might be one of those things you'll just have to accept about him.

Posted by nOvbaby


Dreamingpisces: what happened with your guy?

long story short my guy hasn't been giving me the attention that I need from him (not returning calls, or texts, always out with friends... I rarely saw him) and I confronted him about it and everything went downhill from there... :/

I have said this a thousand times to him and he said he has bills to pay and he's always put his job first and how he wants to retire by the time he's 42 (he's 30). He never calls in sick even when he has a 103 fever, or when he couldn't move his whole arm.

I am going to leave him alone but I really do wonder if he's gonna try and get in contact with me or if its the end. Is the I'll talk to you after Wednesday we should take a break what he wants or is it the we should end things?

Even if it was a joke it wouldn't have mattered. This ass has hated me from the beginning. Another co worker had a relationship he got his nose in the middle of as well from what I've heard. Misery must love company.

And I'm not saying to not take your job seriously, but your a bartender...your not the president or a lawyer or brain surgeon. He takes it way too far with his flirting with girls and adding them on fb for "business" but to the extreme where as the other bartends don't do some of the things he does. He always acted like he was better than me in the sense of how much money he made.

Who....lets back up because I think that I can see what actually going on under the stuff that is getting played out on the surface.

His stating more than once several times that he thinks the two of you should take a break or "end it" indicates to me that when this comes up it becomes a back and forth where neither of you feels like the other is underastanind where the other comes from and this is his way of letting you know "shut up and listen to me, this is serious."

It sounds to me like the bottom line is that there is a disagreement on principle. It sounds like you think/feel that you have the right to put yourself in the place that allowed this situation to happen in the first place. He doesn't think you do and the difference between you and him in this situation is you are able to impede on something that he really cares about "his job" in your expression where as he is stuck on the defensive. He has to worry about how you are going to affect his job, then he has to go home and worry about how that is going to affect your relationship. This is where I am getting this:

"I said his boss is a disgrace to mexicans that nobody even likes, meanwhile this guys said so much crap about me and I say one little thing. I also didn't say it to his face someone had heard and went back and told him."

Why the fuck is your opionion of his boss so important that it is worth jeopardizing his work enviroment over?

If I whre your boyfriend this is what I would be thinking based off of the information of the situation so far....Bartending is what I do and it is what I love to do. You don't have to like it but you better respect it. If you put yourself in a position that makes me have to take or defend one side or the other between you and my job, I will pick my job if YOU are the one forcing that ultimatum.

What you have here underneath the surface is an ultimatum going. The ultimatum has been established by your feeling of entitlement to be able to go to his work and affect his work enviroment without regard to how it affects him. If he has to choose between you and having a peaceful work enviroment I would bet the farm that he is going to go with the peaceful work enviroment.

While your thinking that your personal feelings about his work/boss/him are more important than respecting the boundry that should be there. He is thinking what the hell? You are lucky enough to have a boyfriend whos job actually allows you the ability to interract with him more than most other peoples and instead of showing your appreciation you are taking advantage of it at his expense.

Seeing as how your posts have only really served to attempt to justify your actions in this I think that his position is basically, you won't listen and respect where I am coming from on your own, so I guess I will have to force you.

It sounds like you are trying to get too involved in something that is not your place to get involved.


As far as the ex girlfriend business....all you have is third hand information on that. I would say you need to talk to him about that yourself but I don'y really think you are in a position at this point to get into that.

My advice, based on the information you made available is to completely change your position on this situation, apologize, admit that you were wrong and he is right and ask him if he can trust that you have learned your lesson.

If you can't do that with genuine conviction then he is probably going to break up with you. The way you have been acting is as a huge pain in the ass. Are you worth it?

No its not the first time. There have also been reoccuring situations where he jeopardize a few things in my life and a few things he kept doing to disrespect me. There's a certain line you don't cross and he did in order for me to react like that, on instinct. I'm not saying its right but everyone makes mistakes.

Nico- I left him a voicemail and texted him again apologizing profusely. I told him I wouldn't contact him anymore and that I hope to hear from him 😢 I really am sorry and told him I won't go to the bar anymore. It doesn't really make a difference to me as long as we can work things out.

Posted by nOvbaby
Nico- I left him a voicemail and texted him again apologizing profusely. I told him I wouldn't contact him anymore and that I hope to hear from him 😢 I really am sorry and told him I won't go to the bar anymore. It doesn't really make a difference to me as long as we can work things out.

I think you made the right move. Good luck, let us know how it works out for you.

I'm not holding my breath, but thank you.

FWIW going to the bar isn't the problem. It is how you have acted while at the bar.

Since you have told him that you wouldn't contact him anymore I would wait a couple of days. If you still hadn't heard from him, contact him and let him know that you have been thinking about all of it and that you wanted to let him know that you realize "not going to the bar" isn't the solution. The solution is to listen to how he wants you to act regarding his work and that you understand that you haven't respected the facts that he has been trying to communicate.

This is the best way to go IMO. What Librans hate most about confrontation/arguments is how they tend to jump from one thing to the other without actually fixing the root of the problem. Going to the bar isn't the issue....it would be fine if he was confident that you would represent yourself and him well while you are there....see what I am getting at?

Maybe he's f***ing with her. Letting her grovel and feel small for a little before he feels the balance has been evened out again....


I know I would do something like that, IF I wasn't entirely into her to begin with.

Oh FFS.

Look thru novababy's prior posts dating back to 12/2009

Other issues such as this were discussed in here before regarding her behavior in his place of employment.

I don't even know if I should contact him. I said what I had to say and meant it, and honestly he didn't wanna answer any of it. He went from I'm going to call you before work, I was busy sorry I'll call you tomorrow to not doing either and than completely ignoring everything I had to say. At least tell me if it's really officially over, if you just want time to yourself, if we're on a break...which is it?! Because he said different things while he was on the phone. Just not knowing is killing me. And I don't know if he is trying to make me gravel and feel small to teach me a lesson but we've never got into a fight like this where he's acted in this way before. I'm just hoping I hear from him for at least closure if anything at all.

Given your prior behavior....

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/what-the-heck-is-going-1870258/#1870259<BR>

I would say it's over. Go on about finding your closure.

Posted by nOvbaby
I don't even know if I should contact him. I said what I had to say and meant it, and honestly he didn't wanna answer any of it. He went from I'm going to call you before work, I was busy sorry I'll call you tomorrow to not doing either and than completely ignoring everything I had to say. At least tell me if it's really officially over, if you just want time to yourself, if we're on a break...which is it?! Because he said different things while he was on the phone. Just not knowing is killing me. And I don't know if he is trying to make me gravel and feel small to teach me a lesson but we've never got into a fight like this where he's acted in this way before. I'm just hoping I hear from him for at least closure if anything at all.

SAME HERE. Everything. From him always calling me and telling me what was going on and actually calling me back when he would say he would, to no longer calling me at all.. and ignoring my calls. I don't even know if we're together... if we're not... or WTF is going on!

I feel your pain and confusion, girl. Hang in there. Maybe they will come around with some space

That was from when we weren't even together and I found out he was still seeing his ex here and there and what not. He's made his fair share of worse mistakes where I have forgiven him. However, he never thinks anything is ever his fault.

I'm hoping some space will change things but I at least deserve to know what's going on. You don't spend that much time with someone and than just do this. There has to be some level of decency to let me know...

I agree with you completely... theres gotta be a certain level of communication going on. and it seems we're not getting it.

and I know what you mean, mine has done some things I've found myself forgiving him for and he doesn't think anythings ever his fault. hes thinks hes always right. but I've just accepted that about him that hes going to think hes right no matter what so whatever. that doesn't bother me so much as some other things he does. idk I can let certain things go. but this whole playing games with my heart thing isn't going so well...

No at 30 years old you should be able to communicate and be a man and say it's over or give me space. Don't play childish games. Don't say one thing, than another and than do something else! At least have the decency and respect to give me some kind of answer, or closure. And if not and you wanna end things over this when he's done so much worse and I've forgiven him...than you never really gave a shit about me in the first place 😢

Posted by nOvbaby
No at 30 years old you should be able to communicate and be a man and say it's over or give me space. Don't play childish games. Don't say one thing, than another and than do something else! At least have the decency and respect to give me some kind of answer, or closure. And if not and you wanna end things over this when he's done so much worse and I've forgiven him...than you never really gave a shit about me in the first place 😢

You would hope that people grow up and are able to communicate but you cannot force someone else to conform to your expected behavior... no matter how reasonable your expectations may be. You simply have to take what you are given and make your decisions based on that. I didn't read the other posts because the situation doesn't matter. The only person you can control is yourself.

(everyone should stop trying to date bartenders and showing up at their workplace. A) Bartenders -they aren't really known for their stability and faithfulness. They are being paid to be nice to you. B) Workplace - it is someone's workplace. Don't fuck in your place of business. They probably feel the same. Having personal drama at work is not happy for anyone. I fear if people actually listened and took my advice, however, noone would ever post on this board again.)

* Since when is your personal life your jobs business?

When your date is there all the time especially in bars where there is liquor. Most workplaces discourage office affairs because it is distracting to the business at hand.

He told you, you guys should end things. That was him ending things.

It sucks but you'll be okay. Eventually, you will have a chance to be with someone who you don't have these problems with and you'll be much happier.

(Also, I wish water signs would stop trying to date us but then again, think how silent our board would be.)

I'm a water sign (Pisces) who has a terrific relationship with a Libra man.

But I don't blow his damn phone up when he's upset and needs some space - the more you apologize over and over to a Libra, the more they realize that what you did was a VERY big deal. Esp YOU nOvababy... since your "apologies" seem to have this flavor of, "I'm sorry, BUT.. I'm totally justified! Your boss is a jerk! He has no right! Your job is stupid anyway! I should be more important! You should choose ME over your job because we dated for nine months!".... but then again, I certainly wouldn't embarrass my Libra at his place of employment or in front of his friends, and I certainly don't care how many girls he adds to his FB page -- cuz I'm allergic to drama, bullshit, and insecurity. I also don't think of MY Libra's job as "no big deal"... cuz he's "a bartender...your not the president or a lawyer or brain surgeon" How disrespectful can you get, nOvbaby? Apparently, very. My Libra isn't a president, lawyer, or brain surgeon... but he's sure as hell a hard-working and responsible man who does his JOB to the best of his ability and is very proud of that. In fact, he was a bartender for years and years. Libras are very charming and social - bartending is rather ideal for them. In fact, his being a bartender would have soothed his "social" needs five days a week, instead of him taking a good chunk of his free time with YOU for socializing instead. You actually benefited more than you realize through his profession. But you didn't think about that, did you? You're too hung up on the drama you keep creating.

Also, closure is overrated. It's an excuse for obsessed women to continue contacting and obsessing about a guy who doesn't seem to want to be with them anymore. Cuz really.. what answer could he POSSIBLY give you that would give you the "closure" you need? There IS NO ANSWER. There IS NO CLOSURE, it's a MYTH. Needing "closure" is a convenient excuse to keep insisting you need to see/talk to someone who doesn't want to see/talk to you. Your obsessive, clingy desperation scares and disturbs even me, so I can only imagine how much HE hates it when you're directing it at him.

You really screwed the pooch this time, nOvbaby... you showed him he was a fool to let it go when you humiliated him before, because you didn't change. Do you really think he'll make that same mistake yet again? I don't.

Well just like I've given him a billion and one chances on the times he's humiliated me (and not only where he works because he's done his fair share of stirring the pot there himself) he should at least have the decency to give me one. There have been so many wrong doings on his behalf and I always forgave him but I guess that's my fault. The more I think about it the more it seems like he really didn't care enough to even be serious about it so I'm sure this situation was just an excuse for him to bail. It's alright I guess, I looked past all of his flaws and loved him anyway even thought my instinct and everybody was telling me not to.

* he more you apologize over and over to a Libra, the more they realize that what you did was a VERY big deal.

Ha ha! Too true! I always have to think about whether I should be upset.

Nefer, you pass the test. You are allowed to test air signs.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
Yea there has to be more to this story.

A Libra just doesnt make a snap decision like that... he would have been thinking about leaving for a while...

The incident with the manager was the straw that broke the camels back...

Unfortunately, it sounds like he is done though...

100% agree. We don't make decisions just like that🙂

Posted by little_sparrow
* he more you apologize over and over to a Libra, the more they realize that what you did was a VERY big deal.

Ha ha! Too true! I always have to think about whether I should be upset.

Nefer, you pass the test. You are allowed to test air signs.

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/still-going-around-in-circles-1891952/
My "Libra Man mentality" answers to nOvbaby 6 months ago when they were dating, but not committed, and having troubles. I *do* know Libras a lil bit 😉

I can't tell if that's sarcasm or sincere but either way, I don't want revenge. I'm not denying I messed up but he has in the past just as much if not more. I just wanna be over it and stop thinking/having anxiety. That's all that matters at this point. I would never ignore someone I cared about and spent so much time with unless they really truly did something ridiculously unforgivable but that goes to show along with every other tell tale sign that I was basically the only person who cared.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
Ooooooooo buuuuuuuurn!!!

Hahahaha

I love your posts Nefer 😄

All you do is STIR....DAMN HOW OLD ARE YOU— 3?!!

Posted by sdgaf
You should seek revenge.

Your scorpion reputation is at risk.

LOL is this WTF?? If yes you always have your way with scorpio women.lol

Played games with my mind and heart. Had his ex and her friends stay over on St. Pats day after making me wait all night for him to get off work and than saying no its gonna be too awkward? Ummm why is she sleeping over in the first place? Idc if she's friends w'your room mate and if its OVER which it was to my knowledge but I was probably wrong...what's it matter if I'm sleeping in your room, with you? On another occasion tried desperately to get me to leave the bar late night when I did nothing bc I believe he was tryna take another girl home who claimed she was staying. (He thought I was gonna go to the Hamptons that night but I ended up staying). Ummm my friend catching him leaving the bar holding some other girls hand three weeks ago and getting in a cab. (He lives 8 blocks away from work). The fact he never stood up for me when his coworkers called me his stalker meanwhile they didn't know he was the one telling me to come down to the bar all the time. Taking forever or not even answering my calls or texts? The fact I went to him almost everytime in our relationship instead of him coming to me. He slept over TWICE. Me texting/calling on Thanksgiving/Christmas and not even getting a response. I guess I'm the asshole because he was just using me and commiting to me and calling me his girl was enough to satisfy me because he broke me down well enough over the past 9 months by pretending to give a shit with spending 5/6 nights a week with me, taking me out to eat, the movies, snowboarding, buying me stuff here and there...to make me actually think hmm maybe he just has a tough time showing it. He use to complain when I wanted to snuggle or cuddle and say I was too needy and he needed "me" time. Which is every moment of the day since we wake up till he had work. That's another thing I always had to go to him for affection, only recently did he start cuddling up to me, kissing me on the forehead, holding my hand in public, holding me when we fell asleep. We would fight and two weeks ago was the first time he kept calling me till I picked up and made me go back to his house and sucked up the entire time there. I guess I'm just the asshole.

If he is such a douchebag dump him. You will get the closure you so deerly need too!

It sounds to me like what you really want is for him to realize how bad a person he is and contrarily how fucking amazing you are and start acting like it.

I started beer tubing (bartending beers) at one of the bars associated with his and god it is hard work. I sent him a msg; I underestimated what you do and had no right to judge you. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and have been busting my ass the past 3 days. Now I understand what you go through and I'm sorry for just adding more stress to the fire. I still miss you and itd be nice to hear from you. Hope all is well beb. Sorry for bothering you. AND he actually responded with "Not a bother. Now do it five days in a row on no sleep and then talk to me. Hehe. Just got my forth furniture delivery. I hate Bobs. Call me later. I'll answer"

Only problem is, I'm working till probably six...he probably goes in at six. Should I call on my break or wait till tomorrow?

Posted by nOvbaby


Only problem is, I'm working till probably six...he probably goes in at six. Should I call on my break or wait till tomorrow?

I'd say wait.. call when you both don't have to be rushed, etc. ya know? let us know how it goes!

We spoke and made plans to hang out Monday night. Instead we hung out Sunday and watched tv and whatever. Slept over and went to the Central Park Monday and hung out reading and listening to music. He wanted me to come to his job that night and hang out which I did. This girl was throwing herself at him the entire time but I bit my tongue and ignored it. She decided to start chatting me up once she realized we were together. He did last call and didn't kick her out. She instead came with us (me him and my boy) to another bar. He ignored me the entire time and talked to her so I just sang karaoke with my friend. She than turned around at the end of the night to my boy and told him that he turned around and said to her that he can't hang out with her this week but he'll fuck her next week. I asked him and his response was "No she's crazy". She kept telling me I want him and all he wants is you and you don't even care, he loves you, he wants you, he loves you, he wants you. I told her not to speak to me and it was probably best if she left. She refused. She kept arguing with me about him and than chased after him and followed him into the bathroom. Heard him saying to her "She's not going to leave I'm with her tonight" So I went in after them and said if you want her, go for it and left. He said he was leaving and for noone to follow him, of course we both did and she was grabbing him and everything outside while I smoked a cigarette and he just walked back into the bar. She started arguing with me again how she wants him and she's not leaving and tried breaking back into the bar. He finally comes out and says I'm going home noones coming and I said I want my stuff so I went with him. We than get into an argument how we're not back together and he doesn't wanna be. I leave and than call like a idiot and say is that what you really want? And he said nobody can know about this. Your boss can't, my boss can't. How is this suppose to work? And I say do you want me there yes or no and hes like after this I don't know. I say Do you want me laying next to you right now or not and he says yes to come back. I go back and he starts cuddling with me and I say do you know how hard it is laying next to you knowing I can't have you? We start talking and I say there are a million ways around this situation, can't we at least try. He doesn't wanna talk about it, like usual...talk to me tomorrow.

I keep at it because I can't go to bed with issues unresolved, haven't we been through enough in the past week as it is? And you just pulled some shit with some random stranger, instead of throwing your arm around me and being affectionate towards me you sit there and chat up this dirty little skank. It should have been NO LAST CALL GO HOME from the beginning or at least saying NO I'm with her. Some girl is throwing herself at you and you should be standing by MY side, bringing me back into the bar and telling her to go home. We're not at your work place anymore and I didn't do anything irrational. But anyways we keep talking and he says we'll try. Acts distant from me all day today, says hes going out with the boys later on and than it changes to going on a booze cruise with upper management. He turns and looks at me and asks me what's the look for...I reply there's many things I wanna say to you but I can't, I don't want to. I type it out on my phone like a child and show him it. I said "Can you please give this a fair chance? It seems like you dont even want me around or like me anymore. I have to beg for your attention and unless I ask for it, I don't get it. I really don't understand. I want you, I really want you to try and make a little effort, show me affection, come and see me, not do things like last night, chase me if I walk away from you...give it a real chance for once. Please? Try and let me in finally? That's all I'm asking." He reads it and hands it back, than takes it back and writes okay. And I say really? Do you still like me and he says yes and starts to hold me and I ask if he can come see me tomorrow and he says yes. Great everythings fine. Until I go on his computer, now this is totally my fault for snooping but I had to know. I checked his history to see if he even looked at my page once the whole week we didn't talk. He didn't. But he looked at Sarahs, Nicoles, Jennies, Sams, Shanaynays etc. He also looked up a bunchhhhhhhhhh of personals on craigslist. Oh and googled "How to keep a conversation flowing." Called him out on the personals saying I typed in craigslist and in the address bar all of them popped up because it was recent history. He lies and says his room mate was looking at them etc etc. This isn't the first time I've seen this either. We start arguing about it and am I the only girl he's with and has been with and will be with and are we really gonna try or is he just stringing me along cause it doesn't even seem like