Sexually exclusive, but not committed?

So tonight my Libra proposed that we are involved, that we're sexually exclusive, but that we're free to date other people just not have sex with them. And if that changes, he'll let me know but from where he stands he wants to be having sex with only me. He said that this isn't to mean I should feel pressured into having sex with him, but when it happens just know that i'm the only one it's happening with.

He said he didn't want to impose anything on me, and that I could live as I wish but he was letting me know where he stood.

From my perspective, I like this idea because I love my freedom, and I hate feeling caged and tied down and I get that he loves his freedom as well. He has his venus in saggitarius. But I am also worried that he'll have his cake and eat it too? Does it seem like if I go along with this arrangement I'm unconsciously saying to him that I'm not the type he wants to be committed to, but I'm good for the sex?

There are a few points I want considered.

1. I kept doing the push and pull thing, and he said that he thinks I could walk out at any given moment. So he's being cautious.

2. That he doesn't want to impose anything on me i.e. He knows I like my space and my freedom at the moment based on what i've said and how I've behaved.


3. I was the one who kept oscillating and trying to break it off with him and he stuck around until I told him that I would date him casually and that we were both free to see other people provided we let each other know.


4. We've had sex already.

5. Also, what's the point of being sexually exclusive if I'm just a friend with benefits? If not serious, wouldn't he want freedom to shag anyone he wants? Instead he says that he is sexually faithful to me. AND that if there is an eventuality that he would like to date someone else, then he'll let me know. (So that I can either choose to continue with him or break it off)


6. Also, he wants us to have unprotected sex and before this he asked me my view if I got pregnant, what would we do and went on to say if it happened he would support me in whatever I decided to do. In the same breath stating that when a man has sex he must be prepared for the possibility of pregnancy. He also said that he doesn't have unprotected sex with just anybody and not even all of his past gfs.

7. He also said that I am amazing and that he's very into me.

So is it possible that in his mind he already wants to be exclusive but is now being cautious because I've appeared to not want to be tied down?

He is trying to get some kind of commitment from you. He is really into you which is why he came on so strong before when you told him to see other people. Like I said before, you caught him off guard with that and he had to step back. He is still very interested or else he would have just walked then. He still doesn't want you seeing other people which is why he put a "no sex" clause on it. You wouldn't make an "exclusive relationship" commitment so he's wanting to lead you into it.

It's a bad idea whatever you want to happen between you two. If you want a serious relationship you should tell him that now. The ball is still in your court from the previous thread. Now would be the time to take your shot. If you don't want any thing more than maybe a friendship you should stay away from someone who wants more. This is essentially a FWB suggestion and those can only work if that's all both people are looking for. He wants more.

"Take it as you like, but it sounds like HE may be the one getting into something he doesn't want. Be wary of potential drama."

Amethyst, I may be very slow on the uptake here, but please explain what you mean about him getting into something he doesn't want?


I may be stating all these things badly. But I was trying to pinpoint the major things that were said.

The unprotected sex came up because we were messing around before we had sex and he put it in for a second. At the time he asked if i would consider going on the pill if we were going to be doing that. Having sex came after (protected) But then my period almost didnt come this month and I'm very regular. That caused a bit of flurry, and it hasn't been "normal". He enquired about that and that spun off into asking me about the pill, which spun off into asking me if I still could be pregnant because my period really hasnt been MY period. To which I said no because I did test but he enquired (since we're getting to know each other) what we would do if I did get pregnant. To which I told him I didnt believe in abortion and asked him his view to which he said he would support me no matter what decision etc and that a man knows the consequences. SO I asked what he was really saying, if he wanted us to have unprotected sex or not and he said he did, if I'm ok with it. So i said if I decided to go that route, I'd want to be the only one he's having sex with. He said he didn't know it was cool to be sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me. I said it wasn't but I didn't want him to feel he couldn't (since he hasn't brought up commitment with me) He said given the choice to be intimate with me or with others, he chooses me. That we're sexually exclusive. So I asked if he was proposing that we have unprotected sex, AND be able to date other people but just not have sex with them? He said he doesn't want to impose anything on me, and I should live as I wish, but that was where he stood. Having sex with me and only me.

*Darn! I should have asked if that meant he was going to actively pursue people to date.*

Ahh but yes, the gist of the conversation.

Posted by IsabellaGem
He said he didn't know it was cool to be sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me. I said it wasn't but I didn't want him to feel he couldn't (since he hasn't brought up commitment with me) He said given the choice to be intimate with me or with others, he chooses me. That we're sexually exclusive. So I asked if he was proposing that we have unprotected sex, AND be able to date other people but just not have sex with them? He said he doesn't want to impose anything on me, and I should live as I wish, but that was where he stood. Having sex with me and only me.

read what i said before. Call it whatever your want, he wants to date you. Boyfriend / girlfriend. Exclusive.

He wants more than FWB but you aren't on board so he is backing off. We are not aggressive people but damn he's soft.

He said he didn't know it was cool to be sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me.
TRANSLATION:
"I though we were going steady?!"

He said given the choice to be intimate with me or with others, he chooses me.
TRANSLATION:
...
does this one really need a translation?

He said he doesn't want to impose anything on me, and I should live as I wish, but that was where he stood. Having sex with me and only me.
TRANSLATION:
The ball is still in your court! He is asking you for a commitment. He said that's what he wants and asked what you want (won't impose means it is your choice).

Posted by IsabellaGem

Amethyst, I may be very slow on the uptake here, but please explain what you mean about him getting into something he doesn't want?

click to expand

The conversation may have lead to the suggestion of fuck buddies but that's not all he wants. If you go down that path he will get more emotionally attached than he is and if you just want fwb it'll get weird.

*Lol yes very blond moment there*


I've well and truly settled down now. I am serious about giving this a real go, it just takes a while for me to decide to be serious about a relationship and he was coming on way to fast so I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was RUN! Now, he's proven that he has staying power. I just don't want to fall into a situation where it becomes all about sex even though it was a committed "relationship" (been there done that). That relationship had no real basis, and when you've been with someone who brought no real substance, no friendship just a show of a relationship and some sex and called that "committed". It's no wonder I want to go slow here. I just don't want him to begin to think of me as no longer being "committed" material.

Then make a commitment, and then take it slow. "A commitment" doesn't mean run away and get married, start with just being exclusive/going steady/wtf ever it's called after your teens. Stop suggesting he see other people if you want him to be serious about you. I'd have taken the hint already, if you keep suggesting it he will too.

* that we're sexually exclusive, but that we're free to date other people just not have sex with them.

Dump him. He is just using you for sex.

Sorry hon.

OK so I just want to say, I spent most of the night with my Libra and he was the sweetest most dearest man ever! I finally actually felt like we were meshing. It feels like we are coming together. We had the intention of having sex to which I stopped thinking about his motives and went along with what I wanted which was just to be with him and omg yes I wanted him. I figured if the bottom is gonna fall out then it will. Over analyzing will do nothing. Well first off the sex was such a sensual experience and when he finally entered me, he couldn't take his eyes from mine. And so the dance went, his body slowly thrusting into mine, both of us getting lost into each other's eyes and the intensity of our sweet coupling rising at every moment. In my mind I was like wtf am I really feeling so divine? Am i really falling here? But I just enjoyed it trying not to think too much, but being open to picking up little signals too. And he couldn't stop smiling and looking into my eyes and when he came, oh glorious! when he came he kept placing little kisses on my face, shoulders, neck and he lay there for a good few minutes because he was just so at ease. After, we lay looking at each other and laughing and talking until we fell asleep. Then woke up a little while ago to let him know I was ready to go home. He just felt so in tune to me, and although we said nothing much to each other, it was a bit of a comfortable silence. He held my hand the whwhole ride home. Sweet little tingles 🙂 We're meeting up today and he's coming over to do jigsaw puzzles and play chess ^_^ And meet the fam- yikes! Update you all soon. I feel so much more relaxed and content with Mr. Libra.


Smooches.

isabellagem, did this work out for you? I'm curious because I'm in a very similar situation...