The break up letter

Never do it by letter. But I had no choice. Analyze? haha

At this point I'm unsure of where things are going. I do understand that our recent conversations have lead us to decide to take things 'slow' between you and I. Unfortunately after what happened that night a few weeks ago, it seems like it only made matters worse. Prior to all of this, we were in a difficult part of our relationship. But the trust and "love" was still there, that was what made it worth it to keep on going. The incident that night broke down the trust, thus making it incredibly hard for me to just 'trust' that those sort of things wouldn't happen again. Soon after, your love changed as well.

After all of dust had began to settle I found myself missing us. I looked back and figured that although things weren't perfect, I never wanted it to be like this. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends. It feels like there are all these rules and guards up between us now, and we've forgotten how much the other person means to us.

In fact - so many gaurds are up, that it's driven us apart. To think about our relationship in the first three months, to now, almost in our sixth month; it's like speaking of two different people. Before all of this, you and I couldn't get enough of eachother. We were incredibly happy, so much that our families and friends were sick of hearing about the other person. We spent tons of time just existing together. I opened my home to you and your friends. I enjoyed being a part of your life. We chilled out and relaxed together all the time, we became a part of each other. We talked for hours, never even able to finish or get into a movie, all because we were so amused by each other.

That was the relationship that I bought into. I thought that was why we were still here. It is the reason why I stuck around. I loved being around you. Do you understand why I asked you to head back over to your house for a while? It was because I was falling in love with you, all the while you were becoming less and less attentive and active in our relationship. I saw that you stopped treating me that way, and it hurt too much to have my hopes up that you would eventually come around; to only have you continue to let me down. I thought that by asking you to step back a bit, it would renew us. But it back fired in my face, because the opposite has now ocurred.

cont'd

Now we aren't 'together' anymore with no plan forseen. I understand that we needed to take a break and re-group. So we've done that. It's been over 3 weeks, and we are farther apart now than before. Instead of getting better, it's declining. We haven't gone out together in over a month, instead you've gone out each weekend with your friends and chased other females. This would have been ok, if you were taking care of me as your girlfriend. How am I supposed to ever trust you - if you are out every weekend in her city spending all of your money so that after - we can't do anything, and you're just fitting me in after or around?

If I am going to give a man all of my attention, dedication, and affection; it's not going to be like this. There are too many men out there that are willing to take me out, send me flowers, and make me a priority. You may think that this is demanding, spoiled, etc. But before making that assumption you may want to stop and think for a moment..

There is a reason why I expect such treatment; and it isn't because I am spoiled. The reason why I expect absolute admiration is because that is what I give. I take care of my man's needs, support his ideas 100% , and stay in his corner unconditionally. I have a lot of love and dedication to give to the right person. But I can't give that unless I am getting the same effort back.

At this time I think that we are off balance. It's obvious that after all of this, instead of you giving it your full effort, I have become less of a priority to you. The Sam that I was falling in love with used to call me and talk to me on the phone for hours (yes, even since I've moved to Hayward); he stayed the night with me, we took Sunday naps like it was religion, he told me that he thought I was beautiful all the time. The Sam that I started to fall in love with would have never called an ex-crush/love to come over for the night and tell her that he loved her. I was, and still am, so embarassed about that. You've made a fool of me enough at this point. I'm not going to continue to be put on blast for everyone else to see.

Even if we are taking things slow, there is no romance. No butterflies, no excitement from you, and it's obvious. There is no trust, no sex, and the time spent together is now always around wherever you can fit me in. Although these things may be ok with some people, it's not what I want.

I just wanted XXXX back. I didn't want to pretend like everything i

when it wasn't. I sure don't want to continue like this. I had planned that Vegas was going to be my last effort to stay in this relationship. I felt that if we did not re-connect there, I'd have to let it all go because I am emotionally drained at this point. I can't trust you, you don't make any efforts to show me that you are able to be trusted either. Honestly, all I have is less time spent together, no words of affection are shared between us, (you ignore me when I tell you that I miss you, unless you are drunk) you are almost non-existent in my home, and every Saturday since that incident happened (and the Saturday before) you've gone out to her area to party.

We are supposed to care for each other. At a time when I needed your re-assurance and attention the most, I turned around and you weren't there. At the time when our relationship hit a rough patch, you didn't stick to the plan; instead you sought comfort elsewhere; while I was hurting. Why do you think it's so awkward between us at times? Don't you think I've noticed that you treat me differently? We aren't friends more than lovers, we never have been. We shouldn't have moved so fast - but we did. At some point you have to understand that you can't erase those feelings completely. It's going to leave a mark because, although high, the stakes were somewhat already set. So to pretend that NOTHING has happened, is not realistic.

I feel that right now, I am the only one that cares about this relationship enough to put a real effort in to making it work. You seem as though you are trying to pacify me instead of actually making me a priority in your life. I don't understand why - but whatever. You are most likely afraid to tell me the truth, so you're sticking around until I do exactly this. Sadly, if you aren't; then I don't know what to tell you. I adored you, and was willing to look past all of this but apparently that wasn't the right decision.

Since you can't give me a straight answer as to whether or not we are still working on being together, dating exclusively/openly, or not at all. I've decided that I'm not going to wait Sam. I am not interested in being added to your vast collection of lover/friends that you can't seem to commit to. You broke my heart, destroyed my trust, and have done little to repair it. Considering how much I've cared for you, been there for you, and did my best to make you happy; I deserve better than that. It's obvious where your heart is. I was

Sorry chick, I know this makes you feel better by writing all of your emotions into a letter, great you get things off your mind... BUT DONT SEND IT!!

If he has made up his mind & it looks as though he has, he is only around because there's part of him that doesn't want to completely crush you, little does he realize that his actions are doing just that. The letter wont be read or read to understand what you are trying to say. It's a NAG letter and will be taken in as one. My ex use to write me letters and I couldn't stomach reading about his feelings because it was over and nothing he could say would change my mind, in the end I would just throw them away because I didnt want to take on anymore guilt for my decision.

I read your letter and I felt NAGGED...sorry

I read your complete letter and tho it sounds fairly rational, I think you should re-read it.

He has moved on plain and simple. Why would you want to torture yourself, when you clearly state the fact that he is with others.

The sad part is the first 3 months were everything that the first 3 months should start off as..... Then comes the perspective of looking at this person through a clearer vision of the world. Then we tend to look at overselves and say this isn't the right time... the right person...etc.

If you haven't had contact in 3 weeks it is pretty certain he has moved on. And you are hurt I am sure, but you can't change things with a letter.

Have you tried talking in person?

Please do not send this 2 him. There r obvious reasons that this relationship did not work out. It seems u were more invested n this than he was. U have put urself out there 4 him one 2many times and one more will damage ur self esteem and pride more than it has already been damaged. Walk away from this and cut off any and all contact from him. Let him start worrying and wondering where u r, what ur doing, and y u have go away. He has made this mess and it is up 2 him and only him 2 clean it up. I know u r deeply hurt by his behavior but it really his problem. People cheat cuz they r insecure with something inside themselves. U did nothing wrong by trying 2 fix things. But it didnt work . When u break someones trust, respect, and heart.....there is nothing left 2 fix.

I forgot to say that this was sent a long time ago! LOL That's is how I broke it off..

He did bug me a bit afterwards; but I ignored him. I totally understand the NAGGING that Sweet was talking about. Man I had to let him go. He was a MESS. His ex came back around during a hard time we were having, and he tried run to her I guess to fill the 'void; from us. I tried to leave him 4 times, by the 5th time, it was that letter that did it. After that it was a few 'accidental' cell phone calls with nothing but background noise. But I never paid attention.

I think that over all - as corny as it sounds - this little forum has helped me a bit in this whole process. I feel much better knowing that he was just confused, immature, and emotionally unstable. The hardest thing for me to let go of was how intense we were in the beginning.

But once I sent him home - he flipped! I wasn't ready to live together (after only 3 months) It's alright tho; I wasn't interested in being a den mother. haha


I was just curious to see what other Libra's thought. Thanks for your input!

You must not be an air sign. Because it doesn't sound "airy", its great you sent it to him. I believe letters shouldn't be tailored to get a certain response.

Yea I'm a Cancer. I actually knew beforehand that we would most likely not work out - but you can't let astrology rule 100% .

This letter - I was at my wits end. I noticed there are a lot of other women on this forum that struggle with these unique characters all the time. I look back on this letter 2 months later, and think 'no man is worth going thru that'. I know that Cancers can be emotional, and that letter is the perfect example.

Whether I was right or wrong in my reaction; it came directly from my heart. I can't help but be true to myself, so I did what I had to do to end a once healthy, now unhealthy and quickly deteriorating; relationship.

I like your letter, its true to yourself. And libra will not fulfill the obligations written there, much less what they're "supposed to". And "we/us" is something used by them, usually if it comes from someone else its not really couplehood, its imposition. You do better with a fellow water, except maybe, pisces. But he'll probably appreciate your letter because its from your point of view.