The Libra B*stard

The poor, confused b*stard. It's not his fault. Life in the modern world is getting more and more complex and there are so many decisions to make. He now has to decide between a half-flush and a full-flush every time he goes to the toilet. The stress is unbelievable.

So you can just imagine the pressure he's under when he has to decide whether or not to ask you out. What if he does discover he really likes you ands wants to see you again? What if he sees you again and likes you even more? Then he??d have to keep on seeing you. Which would probably lead to a major commitment like marriage and kids. And he's not quite sure where to take the family on their annual holiday or where the boys should go to school.

What if you aren't the love of his life, but he marries you anyway? Then what would he do when the real love of his life comes along? What if he doesn't ask you out, and you turn out to be the woman of his dreams? Then he would spend his whole life knowing he let you go. So maybe he should ask you out, just in case.
But, then again, maybe it's better not to see the woman of his dreams on a daily basis because that would make it all so mundane and not a bit romantic. And there's another thing to consider: what if he asks you out and you say —no—
It's a wonder Libra ever ends up in a relationship at all. But the truth is, he's always sort of involved or looking to be sort-of-involved. He wanders aimlessly from relationship to relationship, getting himself into situations which don't stand a chance, trying to find understanding with a 16-year-old schoolgirl; having a baby with someone he only sees once every six months; living with someone who lives in another country; and so on. (Seven out of ten dead-end relationships involve a Libra b*stard. The other three concern mainly Pisces b*stards.)

All the while Libra is hoping the right girl will come along and make a decision for him. And even if she never comes along, he's sort-of-sure there's someone better than you just around the corner. Because in the relationship (which you??ve semi-convinced him he??d like to keep) there are other things to occupy his overworked little mind. Things that have to do with you; like whether or not you??re keeping yourself attractive enough for him, whether or not you??ve put on weight; whether or not he finds your voice grating. Of course, at the start of a relationship he??ll never voice any of these worries. Somehow you??ll j

On a lighter note, at least you??ll never have to worry about him questioning your integrity or the beliefs you hold dear. Let's just say that if Libra was a swimming pool there wouldn't be a deep end. His concerns about you only ever have to do with the way you look, sound, dress or act. But whilst your innermost feelings are safely beyond the Libra??s comprehension, your numerous surface flaws will receive more and more of his attention. And when he thinks he's put up with the latter for long enough, he??ll change them by hinting and harping and whining until you??re forced to give in without even the satisfaction of a good old-fashioned fist-fight.

If you do put on what he considers to be an excessive display of emotion, he??ll just strategically withdraw, making you look like a screaming shrew whilst he looks oh-so-bloody-reasonable. Then, when you??ve stopped screaming and sobbing and smashing crockery, he??ll be back once more to hint and harp and whine again. And again. And again. You??ll learn to give in at the start because it saves so much time.

Face facts here: the Libra b*stard always gets his own way. Before you know it, the two of you will be doing things only he wants to do, seeing people only he wants to see, and going to places only he wants to go to. So if there's anything in your life that's actually important to you — like your career, for instance — try getting less attached to it. In no time you??ll be wondering where the smooth Libran charmer you started dating went.
In fact, he didn't go anywhere — that would require making a decision. He was just an optical illusion. The intolerant exacting creep you now know and love is frighteningly real. He will judge your behaviour against outrageous standards that he wouldn't dream of using on himself. You??ll be expected to take out the swimsuit and evening gown sections of the Miss World pageant as well as walking away with the Miss Congeniality title. And you??ll also be required to combine these skills with those of a gourmet chef and interior designer. Once you??ve achieved all of this, he will happily take you for granted. Well, for a while, at least. Until he notices all the new flaws you??ve developed as a result of your new skills.
On the up-side, you??ll that the two of you will spend a lot of time in the bathroom together — though you??ll have to stand in line for the hand-drier and the mirror. And in the bathroom his clothes will probabl

HOW TO SPOT ONE
He's the charmingly boyish, well-dressed one standing in the corner — near the mirror, trying to make his mind up as to whether should approach you. You can absolutely sure he is a Libra b*stard if his decision takes more than a day.

WHERE TO FIND ONE
At forks in the road, in modern, dual-flushing toilets or on the judging panel of the Ms World contest. In fact, anywhere there are trivial decisions to be made.

HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
Appear to know who you are and where you are going. Appear to be Cindy Crawford fresh from a Revlon shoot. Appear to be carefree and unused to heavy thoughts. Appear to be his mother. Then wait with the patience of an angel for him to make a move.

THE FIRST DATE
The first date with Libra is usually quite wonderful. He??ll take you to a popular place where the wine (you chose it), wit (yours, that is) and conversation (yours again) will flow. He??ll even pick up the bill with a generous flourish (he's seen other men do it). So why did you have to go and spoil it all by asking if he's going to call you again?

WHEN TO DO THE DEED
Hold out as long as possible — it's not like you??ll be missing anything. Stretch it out for a year or two whilst he's busy deciding whether or not to date you. In any case, it??ll end up being your decision and therefore your fault.

WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
When you want the relationship to end.

IF HE DROPS YOU
This means he has met somebody else, as he's incapable of ending a relationship without help from a grown-up. If you try and get him back, it??ll just confuse him. Whether or not he goes or stays, he??ll claim you forced him into the decision. Best to leave well enough alone.

IF YOU DROP HIM
Libra will be settled, happily or not, with a new partner before the ink is dry on the Dear (insert-appropriate-Standard-Boy??s-Name-here) letter you send him.
Then again you??ll find it impossible to continue to take him that seriously.

ROFL!! I love you for this!! I have had nothing but libras come into my life for the past year...both friendship and otherwise. Holy crap, I've never met a more fickle bunch of people! My libra girl friend will obsess over a guy that she's interested in, date him and cling to him for dear life, until he tells her he wants to have a relationship with her, which activates her OFF switch, and before he can even say "What happened?!" she's left him behind in a cloud of dust! The last guy she dated was a quivering, crying mess after she blue-balled him to death for a week and then bounced after he told her he thinks he loves her. I kinda admire her LOL

Re: the pisces and dead relationships comment.... unfortunately accurate! LOL