Cute take on our signs! Funny

Why You'd Never
Want To Date A...
by Kim Rogers-Gallagher
Someone asked me why all "New Age" astrology is so damned positive. Isn't there anybody out there, they asked, who will focus on the negative qualities of the signs? Now, the individual asking that rather bitter question had just escaped from a short-lived but potent relationship with a Scorpio who did every single "Bad Scorpio Thing" ever catalogued. So I'm sure the leftover sting had something to do with the reason for the question. They had a point, though. Unless you want to flip back to one of them old fatalistic texts -- the kind where every paragraph begins with, "The native..." -- when was the last time you saw something written up about the awful side of this or that sign? What a concept, huh?

I mean, it's downright impossible nowadays to find anything bad written about any of the signs. It's not even Politically Astrologically Correct to use the words bad or good anymore. Everything is easy or harmonious, challenging or tending to be difficult. We've sugar-coated all the snap out of our descriptions of the signs rather than -- Goddess forbid! -- appear to stereotype anybody.

Still, stereotypes aren't stereotypes for nothing. If they didn't work, we wouldn't recognize them. Each of the signs certainly does have a distinctly negative expression, which we've all seen demonstrated -- in spades -- at one time or another. In fact, it seems we've all seen these traits exhibited by someone we've dated, but never, of course, until "The Ordeal" was over.

Well, once I got to thinking about it, I couldn't resist. I grabbed my 9th-house Mars in Scorpio and went to work. Take a look and see if you don't recognize at least one ex-someone in the descriptions below. Keep in mind that the more recent the end of "The Ordeal", the more recognizable these qualities will be. Clip them and stick them on your refrigerator for next time, or send the one that applies to the ex of your choice. Just have a good giggle and remember these aren't bad sign delineations. They're just descriptions of how challenging certain signs can be.

Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo
Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces

Aries:
Looking for a lover who's mature, gentle, thoughtful, considerate, and entirely unselfish? Well, then, don't even consider dating an Aries. They'll amaze you at their ability to stuff six "I's" into every sentence -- in between slamming doors, driving like a maniac, and screaming like an infant until they get what they want. Do they really throw temper tantrums? No, no, no!!! Are they hideously impatient? Oh, no, of course not. They're willing to wait at least 4-1/2 seconds for a seat in the restaurant right smack in the middle of the dinner hour, another 5 seconds after they're seated for the waitress to sprint to the table with the meal she's magically intuited they were about to order, another 7 seconds after their plate hits the table for the check, and they'll see you in the car when you're done! Oh, you're only on the salad? Are these Mars-ruled folks really as totally unaware of Others as they seem to be? Well, no, of course not. They know perfectly well there are Others in the world -- they refer to us as The Opponents.

Taurus:
Don't date a Taurus if you're not Looking For A Relationship, because once you ask them out they'll consider themselves engaged and want to shop for rings. If you are looking for an over-possessive materialist, get yourself a Taurus. Do date a Taurus if you enjoy eating huge, fattening meals in front of the television set every night, and you don't mind carrying a pager so they can reach you at any moment to ask you to stop at the grocery store on the way home. Are they really as stubborn and slow-moving as legend has it? Well, let's just say that if you're waiting for them to change their mind, you should definitely bring along somethi

Please ignore the rubbish after that.

Funny! Thanks Twinkee! I am not quite as bizarre as it makes me out to be...but, I am close!! LOL!

Well, mine is dead on for my rising sign of leo. The gemini is pretty close.

You can see why I have a continual inner conflict going!! I am Capricorn rising and Sun Aquarius! The ultra responsible and the free spirit! No wonder I am sooo confused!! LOL!
At least my Sun can relate to my Moon, which is in Gemini!

OK first of all... the only aquarius I know as an aquarius does not fit that description... just the opposite atually (although the aquaius occasionally peeks through)...

the cancer really doesn't sound that bad to me... the aries reminds me of my brother... the leo reminds me of morgan when she's moody...

Pisces: "No matter where you take them, they'll have no idea where they are or how they got there"

You know what... the only directions I know is how to get to school, morgan's house, the pizza shop, the movies, adn the mall. After that I'm absolutely lost.

Holy Crap, has someone got a video survellience camera in my house———?? ~~~and by the way....I just fell "up" the stairs going to get coffee.......LMAO!!!!!

THEYRE ALL ME!!! LOL! *ahem* no....

LOL, I found this to be quite funny.

My trusty binoculars never fail me. Haha, I'm kidding.

Thanks for sharing this twinkee!

I'm not that much of a workaholic... 18 hour days are normal... aren't they?

Hey, what's wrong with being high maintenance?

Yeah, and...what's wrong with black tights?

lol 😛

they make me sound like that chick from american pie, "and then

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* i finally have time to correct that mistake it was suppose to be "and then at band camp", fwah :/