Happy Singlehood

The secrets to happy single-hood
By Anna Harris

We?re not breaking ground here?you?ve probably heard this adage from smug marrieds enough times to make your blood boil. But guess what?it?s true. ?Being single gives you time to explore what makes you happy, which ultimately makes you a stronger, more well-rounded person?and a person new people want to be around,? says Sasha Cagan, author of cult phenomenon quirkyalone: a manifesto for uncompromising romantics. Here?s how to make it happen.

Step 1: Quiet the little voices.

Let?s face it, society constantly reminds people that you need to be paired up to be happy?to be a real grown-up. Just walk by any newsstand: No less than three out of five cover lines of women?s and men?s magazines promote sex or relationships, notes Rachna D. Jain, Psy.D., a life and relationship coach. ?They can often make it seem that everyone?s involved in a really hot love affair except you,? she says.

So how can you tune out the static? Check your friends?are you hanging out with enough like-minded singletons? ?Being with couples can often make it worse,? Jain says. ?You may find yourself constantly comparing yourself to them.? And when Mom (or anyone else) asks for the millionth time why haven?t you settled down, be frank. Say, ?I really appreciate that you want me to be happy. but your constant focus on how I?m not in a couple is not making me happy.? Enough said.

Step 2: Dig up the past.

To be truly happy as a single, you need to redefine yourself as single by choice, at least for now?someone who doesn?t just settle for anyone. Along your journey as a single person, you?ve probably had your fair share of groan-worthy relationships. Use that knowledge to your advantage and (re)discover all the ways it?s better to be single and happy than stuck in a rut with a dud. Need a memory refresh? Review your relationship history on paper. For each partner, list how long you two were together, what you liked and disliked about this person, and why it ended. If you only recall the good times (it happens), enlist some truth-seekers (a.k.a. your friends). Ask them to remind you of an unworthy boyfriend or girlfriend from your past. Soon enough, you?ll start to realize that it?s better to be free than, say, dating a freeloader.

Step 3: Work on a relationship?with yourself.

Being single is a great opportunity to grow as a person?to appreciate yourself and your idiosyncrasies. ?Just like all the other relationships in your life?with your family, your friends?it takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship with yourself,? explains Judy Ford, author of Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent. ?The more you know about yourself, the more you know the type of person you want to be with.?

But self-realization doesn?t always come easy. You can get started with a few simple writing exercises. ?Journals help you delve deeper into your feelings,? Jain says. ?Start writing about a hot-button topic, like the get-married pressure you?re getting from Mom. By taking the time to describe why something angers you, you?ll start to understand yourself and your motivations better.? Positive, focused writing can have the same effect: Try listing your life goals and when you want them to happen, regardless of whether you?re single or married. Finally, realize that happiness can come from places outside relationships: Creative projects, travel, your career. Need a kick-start? Jot down at least five things that make you happy every day.

Step 4: Celebrate your single-hood.

With new episodes of Sex and the City long gone, it seems that there?s an empty hole to fill?the one that glamorizes the single life. ?Now all that?s left are shows like The Bachelor,? sighs Cagan. So create your own ways to celebrate single-hood and live it up! And remember, everything has a good side; you just have to learn how to spot it

Here's encouragement for the singles:

Look at the unhappy couples. Now, Cheers to you!

Thanks Looney!!! This is great..

thank you Looney... I needed that!!

Yeah? PERSONAL life is by CHOICE?.!...THIS ARTICLE SMELL DETACHMENTS, ARROGANCE, SELF DECIVEMENTS, AND (pretended) ISOLATIONISM ?!

GOOD LUCK TO WHOM that believe in it.. stay with your life style ? its dictated any way ..!! "newage MUNKS and NUNS??. LMAO?.

I'll be around as witness?!!....LOL

Hey Qbone, that's not exactly what I took from the article.

As I am approaching 30, many friends and family members are beginning to ask the same questions.. "when are you going to settle down with someone?" I'm sure they're asking because, ultimately, they're concerned about my happiness, however- why is it that because I am single, they're assuming I'm unhappy?

The social stigma is, and has been for awhile, that "you're nobody unless you have somebody". Many times I've jumped into relationships thinking I needed that relationship in order to feel whole. My experiences.. my mistakes..

After some time, I just realized that there is comfort in dating, being in a serious-committed relationship, AND just being flat out--- single..

What I took from this article is a new attitude towards being single. I don't think that the author is advocating that people should be single forever- but rather we should understand and enjoy the virtures of single when we are.

Settle down with someone means "sharing the life with someone" not the "following the life with someone"?!

Can you IMAGINE this..?? World of differences?!

LIFE IS ABOUT TO SHARE?NOT TO SPEND IT with SELF DELUSIONS OF SELF IMPORTANCE..!!! AS?ME? ME.. ME? ME.. AND ME?.etc..!

The article talks about an arrogant and self deluded being that think can push everything under the rug and pretending that they are not there?.!

If you OPEN your eyes and heart.. You'll see what I mean?!, I am not criticizing the CHOICE " as it is every human beings right to be in control of their LIFE style , but neglecting the inevitable and fight against it.. Is stupid??.. There is always somewhere? somehow..!!.. Why would you trust this "article" and acknowledge it..??


It is not about you "only", but whoever acknowledged it..!!

Qbone-

we agree on the point that relationship is about sharing life with another.... and that any fight against the idea of sharing life another is stupid. I also realize you are not criticizing the choice.. nor are you singling me out for acknowledging the message of the post....

.. but was it the intention of the author to describe a self-indulgent, self-deluded individual? Again, not my take on it...

Of course, everyone will read this article- and take from it what they will- as you have, but where we disagree is... I think the actual spirit of the posting is to show that person can be happy while they're single. They should even celebrate, rather than mourn... and use the time to know themselves and experience personal growth.

Is it about "me me me me...?" Well, when you're single (and with no children)-- YUP... This article says, "Do you! It's the only time you get the chance to."

so.. I'm not saying you're wrong- but I do wanna offer my spin on the topic..

As I've said billion times before and still counting StD?.CHANGE YOUR MIND, BUT MIND YOUR CHANGE?.!

If you stay too long in this kind of thoughts? you'll get USE to it and, probabely never enjoy the life as "it was suppose to be".. everything will be programmed and predicted "as you wished"?!

Like you are standing in the beach side? your thoughts says, the water is clod, the shore is full of stones, there are creature's in the water that may eat me, I could catch a cold, I could get drowned?etc? lets see? it is safest to stay here?.. to hell with all of this..!!

You'll never know what will happen in reality if you jump in and have FUN for once..!!

As you've said I don?t have anything against this or anyone who following it?. This is only my opinion which is not promoting this kind of thoughts.. that's all?!!

"Newage's MUNKS and NUNS thoughts"? good luck to anyone which following those advices.. it's your life anyway!!

so um.. does this mean you're free this weekend? I can rent a movie 🙂

SURE.... beers on me...🙂 make it HOROR and SF movie....and i might buy pizza too..!
😉

beer.. pizza... AND a Horror/SF Flick—? BE STILL MY HEART!!

We'll talk about "heart stuff" when the moon rise?🙂

Beside.. what do you expecting of "45 years old heart"? romantic stuff—.LOL? it'll be? like... woman?.. move your feeling stuff away..!! I need my "heart pills"?

😉

... the moon, only?

LMAO!! charm with humor, .. and age with experience can still make the youth dance on their toes.

Lets talk about that horrible creatures on that movie?. Its more exciting than heart stuff lol?
Anyway.. the most perfect SF movie I have ever seen are:

13th floor.
Contact.
12 monkeys
Pi.
Brazil.
They live.
Dark city.

I've seen millions of those.. but those are my fave?

I never saw 13th Floor... or The Live-- wanted to see Pi. I enjoyed 12 Monkeys.

Did you like:
the 6th Sense
Unbreakable
Big Fish

Yeah I did enjoyed very much those movies.. especially "6th sense"it was great? was it under SF category.. or thriller..??
and i simply love (have it on dvd) BIG FISH..!
🙂

Back to the topic.... 🙂

SINGLES ARE GOOD; COUPLES ARE BAD, THE ANIMAL FARMS REVOLOUTION...!

EVOLUTIONS..??

We'll have to do some verbal sparring on another topic- although our opinions of the article differ- our views on relationships are essentially the SAME...

ROCK ON SINGLES!

I guess neither of the 3 movies I mentioned would be considered "Sci Fi"... but more of thriller/ fantasy. They were the films that jumped off the top of my head, to be honest.

Other than the ones you mentioned, all I could think of were the "Star Trek" films. I watched them all, but I can't say they'd be my favorite of all times. Ironically.. I could think of a whole slew of 'B' movies that we're GREAT, persay- but fun in their own cult classic ranks.

to be continue at movie forum..🙂

My point is?

To be "SINGLE"? Means to be "solitude" or to be "lonely"..??.. The post does not pin point the situation..! and say only.. To be SINGLE? what is to be like a single??(as article suggesting.. DO WHAT EVER YOU WISH TO WITHOUT SOMEONE NAGGING AT YOUR BEHIND) am I correct or not..??

As Alison ever lasting wisdom's says?.

"For me, the difference is solitude is something you WANT and feel comfortable with, a peaceful, relaxing and inspirational space, and loneliness is an UNWANTED experience of being on your own."



I believe one of the greatest fears we have is the fear of "loneliness", especially the loneliness that we feel when we are without a lover.

Honestly.. can you be a "SINGLE" and still have a "lover"..??

This fear traps many of us into "unfulfilling" or "destructive" relationships, or leads us into pursuing the wrong person just to AVOID being on our own.!!

So? to pin point this one more time?! SINGLE (ATOR) OR SOLITUDE (ATOR)..??

To be "SINGLE" is understandable however it depends on the "age" and the community status/culture/life style s etc.

To be "Solitude" is different however?!

Now? some one please explains it to me? "Solitude or Single"..??

PS

All my life I was and still am as a "solitude" person??.. But what is like to be a single..??...

Anyone..??

In my out most humble opinion? to be "SINGLE" is NOT by choice but to (avoiding) the inevitable and the natural "ORDER" ? kind of self "punishment" to build a secure walls around to protect the "sensitive feelings"?!

Of course it is self "delusion/deceiving".

As I've said.. what do you going to do when the bell rings..?? Put your head under the pillows, and pretend "you've never heard it"..??

AGAIN?.!!

To be "solitude" means you are using your time on your inner reflections and qualities to "Grow up spiritually", "with or without engagements with others" at the same time, you are not avoiding the events and are "open",or perhaps accept the incoming? actually?!

To be single ?.. well? you can read that article and find out for yourself again?and again?.and ?.again?? believe me, it is a trap.. a "CLOSE CIRCUIT SYSTEM" and it'll never ENDS, because you are not SOLVING the problem.. You just AVOIDING it by PRETENDING.

Question is..:

Do you believe you can transform your loneliness into solitude?.. or you want to be "Single" as a happy go lucky clown..??

Hm. I see your point.. but..

Can one unwillingly become single- but in time ulitmately enjoy solitude? I think so.