Parenting

My son is going to have to repeat the 7th grade. He just gave up trying; says he doesn't want to do the work. He's not a bad kid; goes to church, does work around the house, but doesn't have much in the way of confidence. He wants to get involved in something but I balk because of his grades. I feel I have to sit on this before I can let him do anything else. The grades have to come first.

Any suggestions?
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Why do the grades have to come first Ladyd?
I know you want the best for your son, we all do and are so concerned with their school-work.....but isn't he perfect the way he is for this moment in time??
He's lots of lovely human qualities you have mentioend above.........
Let him get passionate and involved first in something that his heart loves, see his confidence grow in every area, including his grades I bet.
Grades and stuff can be worrying, I know.......but who ever hugged a grade??:-) so give that son of yours a big hug, let him do what he really wants to and of course, gently remind him that you expect him to do his bestest in school from now on.

Good luck worried mumsy:-)

A x

Have you tried to look into his emotional and mental status of why he is like this, ther is alot of things that effect kids that age with school that is often kept hidden and parents dont realize it could be something other than school work and not wanting to do it. I dont blame you for wanting to help him stay in school. I remember when I was his age, I was a good kid, I went to church as well. I was a A student, then with in time,,I did fail the 7th grade, My mom lectured, me, ket at me about it. actually all the good she felt she was doing got her nowhere, not that she didnt all she could. I was wanting to stop going to school as well. and my problem arised as noteducational, but I was dealing with depression, and I learned alot of teens have as well. I hated my self, I didnt care about anything, I was slwoly diggin a hole and not wanting to come out of it. I didnt feel like I fit in. I had friends, I was good in school, just had no interest in doing my work. Then as I went on, I also had problems with keeping good grades after that point. wasnt just depression,,the work ,,bored me to death, I hated doing it. and my parents didnt recognize this at first. so I failed 7th,,verge of failing 8th, had to goto summer school. Im saying this is whats going on with your son. but sometimes take time to check whats going on -on the inside and not whats hes not doing in schoolwork,,you say your son wants to get involved in things,,why not take that chance and see how it goes. he may pick up his attitude- fitting in with his friends and lifting his spirits. I dont think he has the same problem as I did, but I thought to share my story, look at other areas and I like what alana said. I agree with that as well. ALso LadyDane, I think its wonderful that you care about your son and his grades theres many parents out in the world that can careless and the kids end up being drop outs. Your son will look back and see how much you cared one day. I wish you luck with your son and hopefully you can figure out whats going on.

AK

I figure my divorce from 2 years ago probably has something to do with it. I have asked his dad if he would please talk to him about his grades and he says since he never cared about his education, he thinks he doesn't have the right to tell his son anything about it.

What in the hell do you do with that?

Thanks for the advice...I may take ya'll up on finding him something he can sink his teeth into.
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aww ladyDane, I sure hope the best for you. I didnt know about the divorce. IF I had known, maybe I couldve offerd different advice. I surely think it may be something u havent put ur finger on. Divorce can change a childs attitude towards alot of things, many kids do suffer in grades. Im sorry to hear the dad isnt wanting to be involved. I totally understand that. My kids dad is not involved either. my boys father is not ever involved, all I get is ok,,I hear you,,and he never ever has been to a sports event, I got them on wrestling, they had tournaments. you would think a proud father would be there, nope I was the only mom there alone with out the dad, but I became accustom to it, being he hasnt been in the family for 5-6 years. that includes the part of being a dad too,,hasnt been that either. unlike your ex, my ex hasnt actually admitted in words to not caring, he is smart to not verbalize it around me or anyone, I will use it in court against him and he tries to show face to his family and make then think he is trying, uh yeah right. that family can kiss my you know what. they dont even get involved, no birthday cards, a phone call to see if my childs ok, even when in hospital, nothing from them-but they care. ANYWAYS,,,let me get off that subject, for I will keep going and going,,lmao...another post for that I think,,lol..Turtle let us know what you have chosen an how it has worked out.

🙂
AK

oh crap,,sorry turtles in the other post,,ok,,guess I didnt have enough coffee this morning,,IM SO SORRY...again Ladydane,,was meaning you dear, not turtle..lol ok shhh we can just pretend I didnt do that. 🙂

AK

Ladydane..

Son need father's figure to give him a direction (on daily basis), contacting with his father is not enough..

I had to quit several jobs and moving around the country (as my damn ex dose) to just get near to my kids close enough "in walking distances", that if they wanted to get to me by themselves when ever they wished?!

Good luck with him Lady, obligations, and daily routines is not the way to make someone responsible enough to feel the spirits of life and the reason to respond the facts.

This poor excuse for a father has them one night every two weeks, has a skank for a girlfriend....maybe he should keep his mouth shut around my boy.

I made a bad choice, but I'll be danmed if I'm going to let him drown because of it.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

I feel like my boyfriend would make a great father-figure, but I have not done any pushing in that direction, nor do I intend to.

Ladydane,

(snip)I have asked his dad if he would please talk to him about his grades and he says since he never cared about his education, he thinks he doesn't have the right to tell his son anything about it.

What in the hell do you do with that? (end snip)

What I do, because I have the same kind of situation, is wear the pants. I have FIVE kids...(11, 7, 6, 2, and 1) and have to be both mother AND father... I would say to my son something along the lines of "Your dad didn't care about his education... etc. but since I'm your mother, and I do, and you live with me, etc. education is going to be a priority in this house" -In other words, letting him know that you have a different set of values than his father does, etc. You want the best for him, etc.

BUT I would ALSO go ahead and encourage him in any area he showed an interest in... Man, seventh and eigth grade were such hard times for me... I all but lost my mind and that too :-) AND, did NOT have support of either parent, in anything that interested me, so I became the rebel... doing ALL the "bad" things they didn't want me to do... and I got pregnant- Don't mean to scare you... but the teen years are so difficult... I was a really "good" kid... but could not see my "dreams" as possible... the things I wanted to partake in, my parents deemed impractical, etc.

I've read a lot of your posts, and I think you are a wise, loving mother :-) Grades are important but allow him to find his hidden talents and interests as well...

By the way, it took me a long while to stop "beating the dead horse" in regards to "expectations" I had in regards to the childrens father. All it did was drain me emotionally, and I realized, this man is just not going to give... Try to do this, and NOT hold in bitterness or resentment about it, because it only hurts you, and your son, in the long run. YOU can be the "rock" for your son... and YOU need all the energy you have. Good luck to you!

Not a parent but a divorcee child myself.The emotional stuff trying to avoid insulting the father and vice versa may be a problem,I hated that part because I loved them both of course and felt like I had to make a choice between them.As well as making sure he knows the divorce isn't his fault is another,but don't say it out loud,pysically show it,he might clam up and think the opposite if its said(very hormonal age if you remember).He could also be getting picked on by his peers,of course you won't be told about that either,is another possibility.The other nonemotional possibility is he may need a tutor but doesn't want you to know he's having problems(your good grade preferance)and thinks you will think he's stupid.Hooking him up with tutor that does know about all of the learning"disabilitys"is good,most cases they're not disabilitys but just needs something really basic that the kid is overlooking to be pointed out.

Lots of good advice, thanks so much.

I had to spank him the other day.

He had acted up on the bus and was suspended for three days from the bus (not school) but I had no other way to get him to school and me to work so he stayed home. When I got my satellite bill there were 3 charges on the Playboy Channel. I asked him, he lied. I emailed the company to get the charges removed, and then printed out the explanation as to why no one could have accidently rented a Playboy movie. He fessed up and I spanked him because he lied, not to mention adding $ 25 to my bill. I did not spank him for his feelings, and he knew it.

Believe me when I way his dad would laugh about this one.

Excuse me, I meant 'when I say'.