someone help me.

my boyfriend of almost four years ended our relationship about five hours ago. and i was not expecting it to feel this bad. we both sensed the end coming, and in the back of my mind i knew it wasn't going to last much longer. but i have so many mixed feelings about it now. i feel like someone has just died or that i am dying. it really feels like that. i just can't believe it, even though i knew it. we both were equally upset and it was really hard and lasted for hours. and i cannot stop crying. i am so upset ive made myself sick, really sick. i feel like this could never end. he was all ive really had for four years. i cant figure out what to do, i just want to curl up and die. this is the worst pain. i can't stand it. i dont have any idea what im supposed to do now.

Sweetie, the grieving process is something you have to go through. I won't write mere platitudes like 'time heals all wounds' b/c we all know that it doesn't entirely. All I can suggest at the moment is to talk to your friends, keep busy, and don't stop telling yourself that there is someone else out there for you. This is an ending...but remember, with every ending comes new beginnings, and there is a whole world out there just waiting for you. The grieving process will take time, but don't let it eat you up. Recognise (as it sounds you both have) that your relationship wasn't going to work long term, and try and find comfort in that (that there is no use flogging a dead horse). Don't forget we are all here for you. And there will come a time, in the not too distant future, that those butterfly's in your stomach when meeting someone new will happen. Try to focus on the positives of your relationship, as difficult as it may sound at the moment.

Geeze! HE broke up with YOU after all that crap that you put up with— He's a dirt bag and your better off with out him. Seriously, you deserve so much better, it's probably better in the long run that it's over, so when you meet who you were really ment for, he won't get in the way.

My scorp friend sort of went through a similar experience. His girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him and he had the WORST time. He went through the whole gamet of emotions from anger to sorrow and even worried himself sick to the stomach, like you had mentioned.
No amount of talking on our part (his close friends) would ease the pain or make it go away any faster. He just dealt with it in his own time, going back to finding himself and learning exactly who he was without her. My particular scorp is very religious and so he coped, I think, by finding his way back to God and strengthing his spiritual identity. I mean, he still gets a little heated when he sees her out with another guy, but that's just him. In the long run, I believe it all made him that much stronger and ready for a new, stronger, more loving relationship with someone else.
I don't know if this helps you in any way, but I just thought I'd share. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

don't do anything stupid now. be optimistic, and wake up from your tears and realize its a new beginning.

thanks everyone. what's on my mind mostly right now is WHAT A treetrunkING BASTARD HE IS AND HOW HE'S GOING TO ROT IN HELL FOREVER. I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM.

and i'm thinking of a lot of things that aren't "gel-ing" about his north carolina shenanigans. i remember he mentioned the name of this girl briefly, almost too briefly, as if he didn't want me to remember her name--he said she was a friend of one of his north carolina friends and that she was one of the people in the group he was hanging out with. funny enough, there was a girl BY THE SAME NAME who, when we first started dating, was emailing him all the time and it was a big problem until i told him he'd better knock it off or we were over. ISN'T IT A STRANGE "COINCIDENCE" THAT ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO IS SUPPOSEDLY A FRIEND OF HIS, HAS THE ***EXACT*** SAME NAME AS THAT GIRL, AND ***JUST HAPPENsprinkle TO LIVE IN NORTH CAROLINA? If I didn't think of him as such a worthless son of a b***h PRICK right now, I would have no problem hopping a flight to nc to have a little chat with this girl.

Then again, maybe I'm being psychotically paranoid right now because of my extremely fragile mental/emotional state.

HE'S STILL THE BIGGEST PRICK ON THE PLANET.

God how I hate him.

And I don't know where the "sprinkle" came from, must have been from my three astericks'...

(sorry about the freak-out)

the more u let out, the less u hold in. go ahead. 🙂

Phoenix, he is not worth the heartache, but I do know how you feel. It really does hurt. There is no sugar coating to it. He will regret it later or maybe this is life's way of making you stronger. Evidently, he's not the perfect one for you . The right one will come along. So, enjoy being single for now. You will learn a lot. Take this as a good thing. I wish you much happiness!

good to know you still live...

get over it PR... you are better of without him.
don't take it too personal, you really sound pertrubed and going insane. take it easy.

where's the pr that everybody knows... the sweet, caring, thoughtfull, funny and lovin gurl everyone luvs. we want her back.

ROFL! Glad to see you're at the angry stage - that will always make you feel better! Some handy tips when you feel like this is to preface his name with 'loser' ie. he should now be known as 'loser david' (or whatever his name is) or maybe give him a new name - one of my ex's is now perpetually referred to as 'fat slob of a cnut'... ah brings a smile to my face just saying those words in my head.

Seriously though - nothing psychotic about the way you're feeling (unless of course i'm psychotic too (HA!)). It's a lot more healthy than crying over old photos of the two of you together longing for the good old days (but actually i think i've done that before too!). Essentially, feel free to react or be pathetic and sentimental or angry or over-emotional because there is no real right or wrong behavior in these situations (unless of course you're thinking of murder!).

everything will turn out fine 🤢gt;

Luv it will get better. It will take time but the hurt will stop. One day you will wake up and know you have moved on. Its like I always say another day closer to death. Life sucks then you die. Hang in there luv

Ahhh...to be James!

My heart is with you, Girl!

You will rise above it!

i agree 100% with cortica's post. keep your head up phoenix!

and oh james...that quote "life sucks then you die" is so old..and yet..so true lol hahaha

you guys are so awesome. thank you so much for all your support and kind words, you don't realize how much it makes a difference. It's very helpful. This is just the roughest thing. Some observations I've made about myself in the last few days: 1) I am both much stronger and much weaker than I thought I was. 2) I depend on other people for my happiness, and this is wrong. 3) Even though I invested so much time into this relationship, nothing I did was ever going to work. We were too different to ever be compatible enough. 4) I cannot tolerate or even appear to tolerate immaturity in a man. It is fundamentally incompatible with the personality type that I need. 5) I deserve more than I've allowed myself to have. I am more loyal, giving, and trusting than I thought I was, and I deserve a little bit more than what this ass hole gave me from anyone who is going to have a relationship with me. 6) I might, MIGHT be able to make it on my own. I am not ready yet, and I hate the idea. But if I have to, I might have the strength deep within me to do it. 7) My idea of a relationship needs to change from being a "necessity" to an "added bonus".

And by the way. The son of a b**** was cheating on me, according to some hearsay that made its way into my place of work tonight. Yeah. This information came to me from the mouths of two close friends of mine. I don't know whether it can be believed though, because the girl who told them this is known for being a druggie and a very loose girl shall we say. She told my friends that he's been calling her and pursuing her so much in the last few months that she is "freaked out" by him, which I very much enjoyed including in the very harsh voicemail message I left on his cell phone. I basically, in a nutshell, said this:

This is Heather. Just wanted to let you know that several people have come into my place of work to inform me that you have been pursuing ******* and that you have treetrunked around on me. She also is telling people that you freak her out because of it. It may be true, it may not be. But if it is, I want to tell you that you are the lowest son of a b**** on the planet. And I need my stuff back, so we need to set up a place to meet to make the exchange, and BE DONE WITH IT. Because you are NOT welcome in this house.

(click, actually more like SLAM)

I had to do it. Just so he knew that I wasn't being a fool any longer. That now I knew, and regarded him in the same if not worse light than all my other ex boyfriends. I should have thrown in there that his taste sucks, seeing as how this girl is large and very unattractive, and very bar-fly like. But I thought that might make me look immature, so I refrained. What do you want to bet me he doesn't call me back.

I just can't believe any of this butter.

read your email

wow, what a f!cker. Why dont you try and get him back justin timberlake(Cry me a river) style haha er no. Anyway, you dont deserve that. You've been faithful to this guy and all he does is take that for granted(which he will regret someday when hes old and his balls are sagging!!) But know this, for you to be faithful is a glorious thang phoenix, that just shows that you have something special because with faithfulness comes with real love, and thats rare you know? So dont let this guy bring you down because thats something he lacked, so how else will he EVER handle anything when he doesnt even know the basic foundatin to the few steps on relationships. He shouldnt have led you on. What an ASSS HOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. But dont worry, theres plenty of guys out there who will treat you with respect and not just a front either, i mean really treat you with respect and love. 🙂

phoenix , your observations show what a very special
person you are and deserving of someone better than a
cheating selfish immature guy. Its difficult right now
but it does get better and I read somewhere --What
doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Barflys and
ugly girls get alot of men because stupid insecure men
know they can use them and these girls will always be there
waiting. It makes these men feel sooooo superior to them.
You will meet a better guy,they are out there,luz is right🙂

Phoenix,

I am so proud of you for your wisdom in your introspection! That is a really hard thing to do...to really analyze your 'relationship self'...and to own up to what you find out! What a growth process you are going through!

My 'relationship self' is needier and weaker than any other of my 'selves'!! I am better than I used to be...but, I can still detect it in me...(I am still working on that part of me...)

I am so glad to hear that you are wanting to break yourself free of the 'relationship cycle'! (#7) It is not good to be 'male-dependent', 'female-dependent' or 'relationship-dependent', in my opinion. It tends to cause one to compromise and take what comes their way instead of holding out for the quality they deserve. And you deserve quality!!

There are still good men out there...Luz is right 🙂 It took me years, but, I found the ideal man for me just when I had given up hope of any such thing and was contemplating settling for what I could get...
Yes! I contemplated it. I was tired of being alone. But, I found that I couldn't 'settle' after all...and, boy, am I glad!
Had I given in and 'settled', I never would have been with the great guy I am with!

You are Woman, Hear you Roar!
Love yaz!
Star

Sabrina for the male reader were can we find the barflys and ugly girls remember ugly girls need love to.

Thank you, Sabrina and Star. I'm pulling through, believe it or not. I'm truly shocked I even get out of bed anymore, but somehow I'm just going through the motions of life. It's hard to work, but I almost like the challenge of getting through the day because at least then I feel like I accomplished something other than being sad all day, you know what I mean? I really want to thank you guys for your support.

James, ugly girls might need love, but not from my f******* boyfriend, you know? He should be castrated, the bastard.

And Luz, thanks to you too--I needed your words as much as everyone else's.

I'm making it a point in relationship to:
a)be the dominant one
and
b)be the one who brakes it off

James,with your accent
and I'm guessing boyish good looks and charm
you must get plenty of action and rarely leave the
pub without some beauty following you out the
door. 🙂

Alas Sabrina everyone talks like me here. I am a one woman man the only ass I leave the pub with is Den.

James,
A one woman man--you are a rare gem.
Den is a very lucky woman.

what man in his right mind would want the aggravation of more than one woman?

lol That IS funny. (wipes eyes)wooo.

Espernaut a two month old laugh not bad, last post on 11 04 03. But just think about it,you say to yourself( good looking bird) ass, aggravation for getting ass, Is it worth it NOT.

That's just it.. Humor is timeless, and I so understand what you meant @ two women. Re: late posts, I know.. not alot are online at the moment, I'm sifting for gems.