SRS Topic is SRS: Spanking

So I know this topic has been discussed here before, but I wanted thoughts on this since it has now become a topic in my personal life.

I was having a long talk with my sister in law tonight about how she plans to raise her son, my nephew. The first thing she said was, "I am not laying a hand on him, and your brother won't either." We were obviously discussing spanking, and she laid it out to my brother before marriage even happened that spanking would not happen. Note that my sister in law is German and spanking is not taken lightly in Germany. Here's the kicker, both my brother and I were raised being spanked by our mother, both by hand and belt.

In the beginning, apparently, my brother was planning ro raise his children like that too... by spanking. His justification was that he was spanked and that he turned out just fine. And he did. However, my sister in law showed her side, how she was not hit and also came out fine. Once my brother had a child, he realized he didn't have it in him to actually hit his son if.he had the chance too, even though he kept justifying his own punishment.

The thing is, I also had the same justification for a very long time. I also turned out fine, albiet both my brother ended up being pretty docile and non confrontational. I figured in the future that I would spank my kids too, but after being a full time nanny this past summer, I also realized I couldn't see myself spanking a child ( I couldn't do it anyway).

I found myself agreeing with my sister in law, but I also struggled with trying to view spanking as bad even though I knew I couldn't do it. I immediately told her that in the future, when my nephew is 4 or 5, that she would have to confront my mother. I already knew that as the biological grandmother, that my mom would feel it's okay to spank her grandchild. We have family in the deep south, and it has become somewhat ingrained in my mother's side of the family that spanking is okay and that anyone who shared your blood and was an elder could spank you.

My sister in law said if my mother laid her hands on her son even once, that would be it. The thing was, I knew she was right in thinking that. It was hard for me to process, but this was her son and she had the final say. I even volunteered to tell my mother this, because I knew her better than anyone else. This is a touchy subject tjough, and I wanted to see how others felt about this situation.

i see a problem here and its not spanking

but on the subject of spanking- you have to do whatever it takes to get a point across. this is known as parenting. the problem i saw, was that you, and your brother said, that you absolutely could not see yourself spanking a child. my concern is where do you draw the line in refusing to get a point across, because this is where you fail at parenting, thus over time, handing a pathetic child to society, thus eventually changing the course of the present, future, and past.

and for the people out there just waiting to snap, im not saying you need to spank, or use any severe (physical or mental) punishment for that matter. just that you need to do what you see fit to teach a lesson.

just realized this is in the misc forum. therefore i will take my leave before all hell breaks loose

I didn't get the belt or hand.

I got beaten with bamboo and plain wooden sticks. I don't think it was the physical pain that was so damaging. Its just I felt so much anger and resentment coming from him.

I can't rightly say I turned out alright. Outwardly I'm fine. But it gets difficult living under the constant fear of disappointing people. I can deal with failing fine. But I hate it when people aren't happy with me.

..... I have thoughts on the OP. I think that spanking works with the correct intent and purpose. My mother spanked me, but she always properly told me why I was being spanked and let me know that it was not something she enjoyed but it needed to be done. I think a good mixture of fear and respect is good. Fear of the being disciplined and loss of freedom and rebuilding trust to gain acess to do more. And respect of the physical pain,emotional awareness that come into play. Just straight spanking a kid with no lesson to be taught is counter productive.


I think spanking until you're 11/12 then after that no.

My assclown cousin(sorry he sucks tho...) anyways was dating this girl with kids. The little boy (7/8) was very forceful and very rude. He was in my grandmother's house and threw trash on the floor. I say "Hey don't throw trash on the floor, could you go put that where it belongs please?" He then proceeds to walk past me ignoring me. So I side step in front of him and tell him to go pick it up as he was being rude. He looks at me and starts yelling, when that didn't work he sarted crying.. I'm like really it's chip bag. So he then stomps over and grabs the trash then throews it at me. I deepen my voice and say "pick it up now" "Seriously" this kid falls out on the floor crying and rolling around. After a few minutes of that he's mother's like WTF!!!!— I tell her the sits... She tells him to put the bag in the trash. He yells at her and then grabs the bag, runs to the trash, puts it in. His mother walks off then the little kid follows me outside and he spits on me! I snatched his little ass up so fast... I put him over my knee and spanked him with my bare hand. His mom was like how dare you blah blah blah...




Afterwards I told him I did that to teach him that that's very rude and every adult doesn't like children and if you do that to the wrong one you could put yourself in danger and worry your mom if this type of behavior continues. He was mad @ me for like a day or two but he was more polite and respectful after that. He was more receptive too. Maybe he saw that I didn't do it to be mean, shit maybe he just wanted a guy figure to show that they cared idk..


that's my view on it.

^^^^^^^
😕 you're a mom! Man non of my friends moms looked like you... I'm jelly.... lol

Good points tho...

I feared the tongue more than the lash of mama bull.......

Toc every experience is different you know. I wouldn't generalize it. I think kids today or to sensitive.. You make a mistake OWN it take your punishment and move on..



@ Elle For some reason I feel the need to say yes Mam around you now.. *naughty thoughts a brewing* blushes..
And yeah I never cross the line, it's someone's kid not mine. But I did have a rush of anger... but afterwards I thought it best to talk to the kid...

I babysit a 4/5 month all gem baby girl.. A few months back. She was slightly spoiled when it came to nap/feeding which I simply don't do. To combat this I would walk around rocking her for about 10/15 minutes till she feel asleep. I put her down she wakes and starts screaming... I check her, try and feed her, she wasn't teeth too bad. So I repeat the process and the same thing happens. So this kid wants me to hold her the entire time she sleeps yeah right. I hold her and sit her up. I look in her eyes and speak her name softly as she screams in my ear,headbutts me, sprawling out and her face starts get red from yelling. I continue to say her name and keep eye contact. She tires her self out and I put her down, she stay sleep. I did that like 2/3 times before. Now I can rock her and put her down no prob. Same on the feeding, I called her name as she focused on the bottle then feed her. Before she would scream bloody murder when I was making formula or the bottle fell out of her mouth. I think she understands that yelling when she knows SHE will be feed in like 2 mins is no good with me.


on the comedic side that's prob why your so darn rambunctious Toc lol....

I was really good a kid. As a teen I was always sneaky out to go to girls house @ nite. So I would be grounded, at first it was kewl.. clock radio>time and music nintendo> games T.V.> cartoons/shows/news.. Well mama bull caught on to this😢
so I only had a bunch random books> trashy romance novels/crime stories/ political books.. blah I could only go to the bathroom @ 5pm/9pm and dinner was brought to my room..😢 I lived in my mind and read the books.. I adapted even beyond being grounded... then they my a hole cancer step dad saw this and was like go outside and play! lol...

You're going to miss that little man like fire. 😢

To answer original query I have had the pleasure of spankings growing up. Hand, belt, switch, bound up electrical cord. Do I feel I was abused? No. My father was, his father before him. He did his damned level best to break the cycle.
Myself as a parent tried to avoid swats and full on spankings like the plague. My modus operandi was more 'Fear o' Gawd', removal of prized possessions until behavior was corrected and full on no nonsense. i.e. If we were at a restaurant for dinner I plainly stated if you misbehave we will leave, or go to the bathroom for a 'chat'. If they cut up, we left. Simple as that. Say what you mean, make good on what you say. Children are always pushing and seeking boundaries. Give them that so they learn common decency, respect and all the sorts of things to do your level best to ensure you release decent human beings into the world.

^^^^^^^^^^
AWWW

Posted by TasteOfChaosss
I do already 😢

Almost got emotional at the airport yesterday... ALMOST!

I'm gonna miss my cuddles!!

No one would have blamed you a bit for crying. I would have. Full on pudding time.

Posted by Lobo
^^^^^^^^^^
AWWW

🙂

Posted by MzSagittarius
I received a few spankings growing up. Not a lot. My brother and sister (older than me) they got A LOT! My mom said that I was different from them. In order to get her message across, she had to spank them. With me, she could simply talk it out. (God bless my Moon conjunct Mercury)

I think that all children are different. Just because ONE child 'needs to get they ass beat', another may need the evil look, or threats, or simple discussion.

I don't wanna raise my kids on spanking, but if the shoe fits...

+1

🙂

I don't do emotions in public... If I can manage to fight tears off, I will.

I'll have to remember that ToC😉 tough girl eh......

Honestly, I think I just find myself worried with the situation at hand.

I will be honest, when my mother spanked me, I was terrified. I honestly can't remember what I did to recieve the spankings, but I know I wasn't that horrible of a kid. But when she kust yelled at me, I wwould sort of close up. Whether I knew the.spanking was coming or not, that's all I worried about. She never really eplained what the spanking would do, but after, I found myself walking on eggshells. And maybe I still of sorts. I didn't want to talk back, but I didn't want to speak my mind either.

I know my mother. I know her attitude and how she will discipline. She does it without empathy. Which is where the rift comes.

Hmm I feel ya on that Candeh... when mama bull yelled it was worse than anything. But I could read it was fear of me being a danger to myself. The only time I rally got it was when I snuck out. She raised me to speak my mind tho...🙂 came back to bite her in the end😉 haha. But the eggshell thing I really really can relate to kid. My arse hole cancer step dad yelled and was really passive aggressive when my mother wasn't around.(bad times😢) It affected me until I was about 26/27. so yeah...

This whole ordeal really isn't about is spanking good or bad. I can't even answer that. I Know I can't do it. When I did nanny, I knew how to keep the children in check. I couldn't spank.them anyway, but I wouldn't if I could. I already know that I will raise my own children without it. It's like a plan Z. And honestly I never want to have to relive those moments myself.

My mother spanked because that was how she learned to do it, not rwally because it was right or wrong for her. But how do you explain that she can't do that to her grandchild? That by doing so, it means she may lose all contact with him. My brother and I both know we have to nip it in the bud,.especially before his family moves to the states for a little.

And I still walk on eggshells around my mom. There is no risk of spanking of course, but a false step and her whole.attitude changes.

Yikes..... That's a prob. Well it's all about respect. SHE will have to respect the way your bro and his lady raise their child or vise versea ... 1. Point it is their kid. 2. it is Her house. 3.Common ground will be needed if either party wants to settle. But I think your mum is going to have to step down and make room for reason and respect, and brush away pride and "her" tradition ya know. Reminds me of the mother from the movie jumping the broom. "Loretta Devine" coincidentally my mother act like Angela Basset's character😢 Just a frown or a look and I'm in the shit......

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15
And I still walk on eggshells around my mom. There is no risk of spanking of course, but a false step and her whole.attitude changes.

Is she a Scorpio or an Aries? Sounds pretty intimidating.

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yea I wonder...

and the youngest😄 ..... hahahaha.

My mom asked me did I want a lil bro or sis!!?? I was like NO!! I'm not sharing my stuff!😄

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15
And I still walk on eggshells around my mom. There is no risk of spanking of course, but a false step and her whole.attitude changes.

Is she a Scorpio or an Aries? Sounds pretty intimidating.

click to expand

My mother is an aquarius. A good woman but I often think she has trouble relating to people, well me more though lol.

I agree with VB. Set boundaries, enforce consequences, and most of all, be consistent.

See? This is why reason made the vid........

shooting people in the head... that kinda talk mos def scared him...

Posted by DazedScorp
OMG! really?!

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

seriously? ..........

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by MsPisces.
Set boundaries, enforce consequences, and most of all, be consistent.

I do believe I can only shoot them in the head once?

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That should only be a last resort! How dare you!

Posted by aquaj
Children Who Are Spanked Have Lower IQs: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090924231749.htm<BR>

Hence the cycle continuing so often😄

Huh?

Dazed she's toooo much for you😛

Posted by aquaj
Children Who Are Spanked Have Lower IQs: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090924231749.htm<BR>

Hence the cycle continuing so often😄

I wont even go into how incomplete that 'study' was, considering all the variables it left out, but lets say what they're suggesting is true, and it very well may be; to some degree.


Assuming parents who don't spank generally = little to no discipline (as this very well could be the case for atleast half)....what does that say about those children? Is a higher IQ, assuming that is even the case, necessarily better if the child lacks in other arenas?

sounds like your using your exp to support and make a blanket statement..

Of course theres a correlation, as I'm speaking of the other end of the spectrum. Are you suggesting that parents who don't spank are automatic excellent disciplinarians? No, they're not. My question is, what are the effects on children who aren't spanked, yet also lack proper discipline?

Are parents who spank,any worse than parents who don't spank, yet barely discipline at all?

I know a lot of people who consider it child abuse, including my sistrr in law to a degree. I mean, where she.is from, spanking can be punishable by law.

Posted by aquaj
Is it really so much to ask that the world be filled with air signs who are capable of making a statement without extracting its inherent truth to their personal situation and taking it personally? Jebus. bahahahaha

As if you being beaten abusively, clearly not just to discipline, hasn't affected your POV.

If you resent your parents as an adult for beatings you've gotten as a child, its safe to say you were border line, if not fully abused.


Those of us who weren't abused, yet physically disciplined, don't resent our parents.

Those studies are bullshit, bc they don't seperate discpline and abuse. There is a fine line, but a line nonetheless.

I thnk the vast research supports what the other parent you mentioned did, tbh.

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15
And I still walk on eggshells around my mom. There is no risk of spanking of course, but a false step and her whole.attitude changes.

Is she a Scorpio or an Aries? Sounds pretty intimidating.

My mother is an aquarius. A good woman but I often think she has trouble relating to people, well me more though lol.

Ahhh... I cannot stress how odd of a duo that is... Virgo-Aquarius...

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My father who isn't around much is also a virgo. I don't really know much about thier union actually, but it didn't last. They never even married.

My mother and I have more trouble.communicating than anything. I actually try to communicate my emotions but she always kind.of.trivialized them.

All I am saying is there a difference btw discipline and abuse, and YES, the study you've shown undoubtedly refers to those who were abused. Whether or not a parent recognizes their behavior as abuse or discipline, the effects will tell the truth.

Posted by MzSagittarius
Hey, I'm all for people expressing their pov. However, when you start making generalized, broad ass statements, calling people's parents idiotic because YOUR childhood was fucked up, that's when I have a problem.

+1


I'm not going to change my stance. But I'm not going to name call either..
really come on your cooler than that I would think.. But when people get passionate I guess... eh..

simply an opinion.

Posted by aquaj

Posted by MzSagittarius
All objectivity went out of the window when you stated that parents who believe in spanking are idiotic.

I will assert myself! Parents who were spanked but choose not to spank their children are deviations from the norm (as abuse as a form of discipline is cyclical). If I had to guess what the driving factor is in them not choosing the same parenting method as their own parents, I would hedge my bets on higher IQs than their parents had.

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I could see in some cases some validity in your statement.

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by Candeh15
And I still walk on eggshells around my mom. There is no risk of spanking of course, but a false step and her whole.attitude changes.

Is she a Scorpio or an Aries? Sounds pretty intimidating.

My mother is an aquarius. A good woman but I often think she has trouble relating to people, well me more though lol.

Ahhh... I cannot stress how odd of a duo that is... Virgo-Aquarius...

My father who isn't around much is also a virgo. I don't really know much about thier union actually, but it didn't last. They never even married.

My mother and I have more trouble.communicating than anything. I actually try to communicate my emotions but she always kind.of.trivialized them.

That's interesting. This pair is either a complete HIT or a complete miss, no in-betweens.

I hate to resort to stereotyping, but it almost doesn't surprise me your relationship with her isn't so great. You've got a Scorpio Moon, right? That's said to be an interesting mother...

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The irony is is that I believe mother has a scorp moon too. Our relationship didn't get better until I left for college. She can either be my best friend or a thorn at my side. .

like 4 out of 10.

but the factors of how they spank and how many times, and the age too..

Posted by aquaj

Posted by MzSagittarius

Posted by aquaj

Posted by MzSagittarius
All objectivity went out of the window when you stated that parents who believe in spanking are idiotic.

I will assert myself! Parents who were spanked but choose not to spank their children are deviations from the norm (as abuse as a form of discipline is cyclical). If I had to guess what the driving factor is in them not choosing the same parenting method as their own parents, I would hedge my bets on higher IQs than their parents had.

No, you said be objective. Until you show me facts stating that parents that spank their children are more idiotic and have lower IQ's than parents who don't, you have no room to use science to justify your bias.

Socioeconomically "poor" parents are more likely to spank, and there is of course a well-documented correlation between social class and IQ.

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shifted to social class now did ye.... lol it's not worth it... as you say my lady🙂

vent vent vent. that's a damm wide net to cast..

just saying..

Posted by aquaj

Posted by MzSagittarius
All objectivity went out of the window when you stated that parents who believe in spanking are idiotic.

I will assert myself! Parents who were spanked but choose not to spank their children are deviations from the norm (as abuse as a form of discipline is cyclical). If I had to guess what the driving factor is in them not choosing the same parenting method as their own parents, I would hedge my bets on higher IQs than their parents had.

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I am not agreeing or disagreeing with aquaj.

My situation is.obviously a special case, but she made a point that resonated with me. First take out the word abuse.
Anyway, my brother and I were raised on spanking as I said. My sister in law wasn't, probably due to her culture not condoning it. My brother and I turned out fine, albiet with some... difderences. Still, my brother and I were fully prepared to use spanking as discipline. My sister in law had to explain to my brother that she turned out fine without spanking for him to realize that spanking is not always the method. When.he finally had his son, his whole attitude changed. As for me, I was the same until I nannied.

We did not like spanking, but we only decided to do it because our mother did, our grandmother did, our great aunts, uncles, grandfather. It's alo we really knew. So what made us change our mind... I'm not really sure.

Posted by exoskeleton
smh.

those studies are studies. correlation. not —fact??, not proven.

i was spanked. i took an iq test 5 years ago and got 130. i'm not a criminal, troubled, or impulsive, lol.

and even though i personally won't spank my kids, i understand the difference between spanking to discipline and child abuse. it's all a matter of how it's done.

+1 EXO said it best.....

However, I do not like to place labels on spanking. It depends on the parent and how it is used. And how the child turns out.

As someone said, we have to respect boundaries unless there is obvious abuse.

My situation and question still stands: how do you explaib to someone who has used spanking as discipline that she no longer can? or else risk ruininv her relationship with her children and gandchildren.