Very Funny Stuff!

Im from here, so I can say this!!!

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

******

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

*****

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.
When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"

"Jes' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"

"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!"
"OK. Ummmmm...five?"

******
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next
door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

******
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? >
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

******
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells
Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm
gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions
as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to
Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the
Bahamas, and Betty Sue got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti
and darned if Betty Sue didn't get pregnant again."
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Betty Sue WITH me."

******
Ida Mae pdonkeyed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

******

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

******

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? Documentaries.

******
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

******
Did you hear about the $ 3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $ 3 a year for a million years.

*******

A new law was recently pdonkeyed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

******

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

Subj: y'allbonics
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 2002 12:10:19 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Ksfortner1
To: BAGWELLKEN, webagwell@mindspring.com, rayballew@yahoo.com, rajack@bmts.com,KIHM3, clland64@arczip.com, Leonard231, sircoy@bellsouth.net,genelloyd@juno.com, RFLE3069, MSlubecky, PELICAN941
> ANY GOOD SOUTH'NER WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN PEACHES
> WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY
> SINGLE WORD BELOW!
>
> The Association of Southern Schools has decided to
> pursue some of the
> seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through
> Washington
> designating Southern slang, or Y'allbonics, as a
> language to be taught
> in all Southern schools.
>
> The following are excerpts from the
> Y'allbonics/English dictionary.
>
> 1.) HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
>
> 2.) HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of
> greeting. Usage:
> "Heidi, Hire yew?"
>
> 3.) BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to
> borrow."
> Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
>
> 4.) JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida.
> Capitol is Lanner.
> Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck
> and took it to
> Lanner."
>
> 5.) BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh.
> Capitol is Berminhayam.
> Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
> $ 20,000,00 in
> improvements."
>
> 6.) MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
> Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck,
> and I ain't herd
> from him in munts."
>
> 7.) THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
> Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
>
> 8.) BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of
> barley, hops, and
> yeast.
> Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
>
> 9.) IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas
> native. "
> Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
>
> 10.) RANCH - (noun)- tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
> Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that
> pickup truck my
> brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
>
> 11.) ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
> Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all
> in my pickup truck."
>
>
>
> 12.) FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
> Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the
> all in my pickup
> truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
>
> 13.) TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
> Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh
> don't git a flat
> tar in my pickup truck."
>
> 14.) TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
> Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I
> sure do hope to see
> that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
>
> 15.) RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
> Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
>
> 16.) FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to
> engage in battle or
> combat.
> Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup
> y'uh."
>
> 17.) RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
> Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are
> rats."
>
> 18.) CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
> Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer".
>
> 19.) FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
> Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must
> be from some farn
> country."
>
> 20.) DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
> Usage: "He's did, Jim Bob."
>
> 21.) ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas
> containing oxygen.
> Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"
>
> 22.) BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
> Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
>
> 23.) JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
> Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a
> job with that bob war