Female Pisces.. hopeless?

I'm not having luck with relationships, they all have the same result. Start out with a bang then have a sudden end with no apparent reason. My last relationship was with another pisces (male). I thought this would be a good one since we share common backgrounds and interests. I just want a relationship that is good, makes me happy, someone I can make happy, and can last for more than a month or 2. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Maybe your expectations are too high? Try being yourself.

I know we don't always know as much about ourselves as others see. I do think I am being myself, but I will keep this in mind. Thank you!

Just pretend you are madonna. Then you'll get lots of guys. Good luck.

I'm also a female Pisces, recently separated and gettin back in the dating scene. My advice to you is stop searching and expecting, just let things happen and fall in place. If he is even close to Mr.Right you'll not just know it you'll feel it. Because as you know we have a way of feeling through to a persons soul as well as there hearts and emotions. So do your thang girl and good luck!!!!!!!!!

A person needs to be happy and love themselves first before they can even attempt to be in a relationship. (One won't find neither in a relationship if that's what they are looking for.) If they don't the relationships will fizzle out just as soon as they start.

cancer male here, your expectations are not to high they are just right, those relationships that started out with a bang and then ended, werent right if thats what happened. im going to be 29 in 13 days, damn thats almost 30, and ive almost given up hope that there is someone out there for me. i work hard, have got a nice house, nice cars, some material things that make life nice, but i would trade everything i have for love. because all those things are nice but not if you dont have someone to share it with. but you have to believe that what you are looking for is out there, maybe thinking the same thing you are. ive had a few relationships that when they went bad it almost ripped my heart out. not to go into a sob story but many years ago i caught my girlfriend and my boss having an affair. the feeling and emotions i had over it just about killed me, in one day i quit my job, left my girlfriend, and moved out of the place i got for us. but from that day forth i told myself the i never wanted to work for anybody ever again. so slowly i started to work for myself, (i do ceramic tile installation for those might be curious) things kept rolling and now my business is incorporated, ive traveled all over the country doing many big custom jobs, federal buildings, as well as making a name for myself at home as one of the top installers in my area. my point is at the time i thought my life was hopless, but the anger, pain, and sadness that i felt is also what drove me to achieve some of the goals in my life. maybe i should find and thank them? if i didnt have that happen to me, would i be where im at now? i have just ended a relationship with another cancer, and like you i thought it would be a good thing since we were alot alike and shared similiar interests, but it was a lot harder than i thought it would be. we were to much alike and didnt balance each other out. actually im very sad about it, like you and have feelings of hopelessness, that im never going to find that person for me so i can finally start my life, a family, some children(eventually), because thats what i was made to do. i have so much love to give to someone but i feel like its being wasted, and time is being wasted. we cant give up, or worse settle. hold out for that life changing event. anything less wont do. when you do find that someone it will make your life complete and all the pain from the past with wash away and be replaced with the most wonderful feeling you have ever experienced. i dont have any more answers than you do but i know youve got to believe. be hopeful not hopless.

damn guys sorry about that novel i just wrote, i guess i need a little free therapy myself.
paul

Hi Paul, it's hard to believe that a guy who speaks such beautiful words has not found THE right woman yet. It seems to me that the nice ones are always overlooked for some reason. I haven't given up hope neither. I know with all my heart that theres special people for special people just like us.

BTW a Pisces needs someone spunky to balance them out emotionally. Try one of the fire signs. A Cancer and Pisces is just to much emotional "water" and like you said to much alike. Find someone who's totally the opposite of you. It'll make for an interesting life! By the way you should feel really great over all that you've accomplished. KUDOS! Amazing what anger can do for a person huh?

Good look to you in the future "hunting"!

Paul,

Come on over! I'll cook you a meal, we'll have some fun and then....I might just break out some of my famous Barry White tunes for ya and we can.....yeah! What's wrong with you? I don't mean to be rude, but without seeing I find you absolutley gorgeous!!! I'm in lust with your person!

Librawoman 🙂

The problem with Paul could be that he's NOT A DRAMA KING. It seems the ones that are not drama kings and queens but are understanding, compassionate, loving and kind are the ones "still searching" for that someone. Makes one wonder about society as a whole and WHAT THEIR PROBLEM IS?

nope, no drama king here, actually im kind of quiet, reserved(cautious). dont get me wrong i like attention, but not because im jumping up and down saying look at me. in business im alot more aggresive because i know what im doing and have all the answers, and to question me is wrong, because ive already thought of it. in my personal life i perfer quality over quantity when it comes to connecting with people. i would rather have one really good conversation with one person over bullshitting with 10. i guess if i did have something wrong with me it would be a tendency to introvert, its really good for business but bad for your love life. oh yeah almost forgot, i am very self critical, but i do have moments of clarity when even i can admit to myself that i am pretty damn good looking. sometimes, if it wasnt for that i dont think i would ever be noticed. its kind of cool when you can put down your thoughts and have people read them, with out feeling like a kid standing up in front of the class.

so whats for dinner?

Paul thank you.. you do sound like a great guy and I know you will, at the right moment meet that special someone for you!!!

yeah im sure it will work out. sometimes we tend to look toward the future as if its going to be just an extension of the past, the same old crap. the thing is we never know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, and it could be really cool. like i said it'll work out.

PAUL, PAUL, PAUL- YOU KNOW YOU HAVE COME INTO A FISH MESSAGE BOARD. YOU KNOW SOUNDING LIKE THIS YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE GIRLS CREAM. STOP THAT.

You have to remember that just because a relationship is not destined to last forever doesn't mean that it is a failure. Each one adds to our experience of the opposite sex and teaches us about how to relate to another person on an intimate level. Or at least it teaches us what NOT to look for.

I have heard a lot of stories of people who 'just know' when they have met 'the one' so I still have faith. Often it seems to be after they have struggled for years with someone they loved but with whom it just wasn't working. They make a last-ditch effort - even get married, and then give up, break up, and boom - they both meet someone new who is just waiting in the wings. Some people are alone for a long time and then bump into a stranger on a train who turns out to be their soul-mate.

So try not to worry about it (that is a major turn-off anyway). And if being yourself doesn't work, try on a few new personas, we all have aspects of ourselves that are not actually that attractive. Did you see that episode of Sienfeld where George decided that every decision he made was wrong so he did the opposite of what he would normally do and all these amazing things started happening? Extreme I know but there is always an element of truth in good comedy.

btw, I am a Cappie female (Pisces moon) and also seem to struggle finding love despite having a whole lot to give (and am interesting and attractive too). In the meantime I give it to my friends and family - and to strangers on messageboards. xx

And to Paul - I know what that knife in the heart feels like when you are cheated on by someone you trust but whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

oops sorry, not necessarily the opposite sex of course if anyone was going to jump on that. Just telling it from my own pov.

hey, whats so bad about making the girls cream. im here to serve and aim to please.

WELL, YOU GO BOY!

sorry, thats just one part of life that is almost always enjoyable.

So, what happens when you feel you have met "the one", yet, it slips through your fingers and there really is nothing you can do about it. Do you dwell on your past hurts and keep holding on to the memories that will not allow you to forget... or do you let it go and allow yourself to move on the way life is intended and accept change? This is a tough thing to do, but is necessary for one to grow as an individual. I am speaking from experience as I did think I found the one... yet, it ended so badly that there is no contact. We tend to be blinded when we fall head over heels with someone without any concrete base for love. Lies become easy to believe in, and manipulation slowly tarnishes trust. I personally fell too easily, too quickly. What did I learn... well, it set me up for the hardest lesson I have gone through to this day. But it also taught me that I must learn to let it go and truly move on if I (or anyone) for that matter, can truly take the good out of a bad situation and learn to apply any mistakes to the future so they do not get repeated. Do we lose the love of the person, no.... carry it with you, if you truly love someone, love them even when they are gone, forgive any mistakes made by both parties (cause it does take two), and come to terms with it. All of a sudden, when you least expect it, you find love... but it is not love for someone else, it is love for yourself. Being critical of your actions, no matter what they may have been, is not going to help. We are human and it is in our nature to make mistakes. Learn to accept that... and all of a sudden life's little curveballs can be laughed at and grown from. It isn't easy, but hey... anything worthwhile never is. DO I love the girl I am speaking of, with all my heart. Did we make mistakes... HUGE ones. Has she forgiven me? Nope. Do I forgive her, yup. Will we ever see eachother again. Well, if I worried about that than I did not move on. Whatever happens in this world is part of a path, your path... accept it and find a serenity that makes everything OK.
WOW, i just got deep on your ass!
HAHA.
May everybody find the right match, until then... be happy to have such good company in yourself.

207

Thank you very, very much...I needed that, and it came at the right time. I never come to this board and I thought I would for a change and I found my message I was looking for and I wish I could let you know how much it touched my heart.

I wish you the best...and I hope your find that perfect life mate!

Susan

Susan,

you are very welcome...
and I hope the same for you.

Joe

Hey star, icthyo, thea... how have you all been?

207, sounds like you have been through exactly the same experience as me. I know that even though it felt so amazing and ended anyway, I will take what I have learned from it and continue down my path. I am looking forward to whatever life throws at me next and know that when I find the real 'one', it will have been only possible to recognise it because of my other experiences. One thing I have learned is that you can never be sure of anything! Its those curve balls that make life interesting overall though.

paul here, yep that also sounds like me to. that also is one of the reasons that i can be hopeful of the future because i know that a connection like that exists. maybe it was or wasnt meant to be but to settle for anything less than that, to me would be a great injustice to myself.

Hey Joe,

Star here...not sure where Ichthyo and Thea are. Ichthyo got weirded out on Jesus and God-type stuff and developed a 'hate-following' as a result...
I do miss them though...

Glad to hear of your 'growing through learning' process...it is quite the process though at times! Not to mention painful!

Paul, you sound like a great guy. Just as Joe is...
I wish you the best!

Star

Is that his name, Itchthyo??

I have seen this name on another board.

I usually stay with the current affairs debates, but occassionally I wander to the relationships board. I recall seeing his name on a few posts!

Good luck 216, and thank you again for your sound wisdom Joe.

Susan

and this might help...www.askmen.com

they say "the first thing to go, is the mind"!!!!

Susan

Paul,

There is a old saying and it goes " Sometimes you can't get what you want, but if you try you just might find, you get what you need."

Legendary Mick Jaggar

PS: Paul, I am an idealist too! I think like you do, in most circumstances! What happens when your needs aren't being met?? We are all human.

I have waited for five years without anybody even touching me...I don't want to live like that any longer!

"Everybody needs someone they can bleed on." you know what I mean!

Paul i think that you will definately find the person you are looking for. Just hold out!!! Never worry about turning 30, age should have no relevance. Id rather be alone than unhappy with some one whos not 'right'for me. If you have to wait until your 60 to find the right person, then so be it. At least the wait will be worth it!!! I'm a Leo and yes i'm self-absorbed. I want the best for me. And you know what I'm going to make sure that I get it. I've been single now for 3 years (yes its a very long time), but I've no shortage of friends to have a good time with, my social life never stops. And I get loads of offers from guys when Im out-thats the leo ego coming out,sorry!!!! Yes i love the attention!!! But they're not what i'm after. I'd rather have a night on the town with all my friends, partying till dawn. Than stuck with some jealous, possessive freak stamping on my need for creativity and independance. So, Im just replying to let you know there is some one for us all. These things just take time- All good things come to those who wait!! Good luck.

Paul i think that you will definately find the person you are looking for. Just hold out!!! Never worry about turning 30, age should have no relevance. Id rather be alone than unhappy with some one whos not 'right'for me. If you have to wait until your 60 to find the right person, then so be it. At least the wait will be worth it!!! I'm a Leo and yes i'm self-absorbed. I want the best for me. And you know what I'm going to make sure that I get it. I've been single now for 3 years (yes its a very long time), but I've no shortage of friends to have a good time with, my social life never stops. And I get loads of offers from guys when Im out-thats the leo ego coming out,sorry!!!! Yes i love the attention!!! But they're not what i'm after. I'd rather have a night on the town with all my friends, partying till dawn. Than stuck with some jealous, possessive freak stamping on my need for creativity and independance. So, Im just replying to let you know there is some one for us all. These things just take time- All good things come to those who wait!! Good luck.

Truer words than what you've written could never exist 195.92. And good things ARE worth waiting for. Always has been, always will be.

I was just stating how I felt, and sometimes it gets lonely waiting on that perfect match. I am glad for the people that can go out and party till dawn. That is not something I can do. I don't go out at all at night for my own reasons. I do miss having someone to hold and to talk to and just share space with. I like taking care of others and feel like life is slipping by. So, do you feel it is wrong to have cheap affairs or even one night stands? And if so why?

paul is not a total angel. its been five years since i have loved someone to the extent that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with that person, and she was the only one that i have ever felt that way for. i still love her and probably always will(scorpio chick). i am a romantic at heart but sometimes youve got to do what youve got to do. ive been in one short relationship since, and maybe 7 or so one or two night stands. i dont know if that seems like alot to everybody else but it doesnt to me. spending day after day with just your self gets kinda lonely. ive got friends too, but you dont get that intimate bond that physical contact brings to the situation. these arent women that i found at the bar or anything like that. mostly just really good women that maybe needed the same thing i did. ive thought about continuing a couple relationships past that point, but i can usually tell if someone is what i want or not. i dont like to lead people on or play with thier emotions,so i dont. i cant be with someone just because i am lonley. sometimes i wish i could but thats not me. like i said sometimes you got to do...

damn its late gotto go
p

Well, I wish I could operate and think like a man...but I could never let anyone near me that I wasn't 100% in love with. That sort of intimacy belongs to only the one I love. Looks like I'll wait for that hidden treasure. I turned it over to God, and whatever will be will be. Until then, I will have my dreams to remember!

i feel so cheap now

Ya Slut! hehehe (just kidding)

Susan

A slut to one erson, a pimp to another!
;O)

Shake it fast, but watch yourself!!!

Pauly,

Five years is along time! You're getting out in the world and you're seeing people and being invovled with many...but still have not found the right one? Do you know what it is you want or are you trying to fill the place of the last love? What happens if you never get what you are looking for?

Susan

He should have a fling with me, every one I have been involved with has gone on to marry someone else. They found 'the one'(or already had them and didn't realise it) and I just helped them get ready for it. Just call me Husband Maker.

When's it my turn, or should I accept my role gracefully and have fun with it. Its very emotionally draining though, and a bit demoralising being passed over for something 'better'.

Hi! 203,

I feel for you very, very much, and I too would feel the same way, at one time in my life! It may be just a bad run of luck....OR it may be you keep telling yourself that same message 'HUSBAND MAKER' and you're allowing yourself to attract those types for a reason. Maybe it is you that doesn't want marriage? In all the advice and healing that I have sought over my life, I got lucky one night and heard a simple message that I understood so clearly! All the AA and NA meetings never could help me. (frustrating). The message was by the wonderful therapist named Dr. Phil. He laid it out very simply, and I will try to relate it to you, and will screw it up, but I'll give it a shot anyway. He (Dr. Phil) believes that we only continue in relationships or behavior that is wrong for us, not because we are so unlucky or victims of circumstance, quite contrare, but because we get a 'payoff' for continuing in it--we get something out of it--like a theif who robs a bank gets money or a thrill. It could be that you are running into thes 'types' of men because you don't want commitment, it's easier, or 2. You find them and you get used and abused and then can play the vicitm role, negative attention? What ever it is you are doing, YOU ARE getting a 'payoff' somehow. Think really hard what it is that you are getting out of it and then try and change it. For me, my payoff was an excuse to use drugs because the world was so unfair to me! Are you still with me? I know this is rough, but it may hopefully make a little sense. You need to find out what your payoff is and change it.
Good Luck!

Susan

Wow, that's amazing, I had actually come to the same realisation myself. I was talking to a very good friend who has had an off/on relationship for five years with a guy who she says won't commit. She places the blame squarely on his shoulders. But then when he does start to come round she pulls back herself saying that it is too late, or gets an internet boyfriend, then the push-pull cycle starts again. While talking to her I found myself saying 'how convenient for you that its him that doesn't want to commit'. Then I realised that I too was doing the same thing. Only going for men that are emotionally incompatable or unavailable in some way or trying to hang onto ones that have run their course, and then when it doesn't work out I actually have a sense of relief that I escaped from the situation. I rationally say it is because they were wrong for me and blame them for being arseholes. I'm not sure what the pay-off is though, its definately not abuse, I wouldn't stand for that, but it could be that I am scared of commitment myself. But why am I scared of that when I crave a deep connection with another person. Or is it that I only connect with people who give me what I subconciously recognise as love because I didn't get the right kind as a child (large family, not much attention). Its all so deep but I so want to get to the bottom of it so I can have a happy and loving relationship.

So, any ideas on how to break the cycle. Its one thing knowing your pattern, its another thing breaking it. Or if it is the Right One, will the commitment be natural and inevitable and all I have to do is kiss a lot of frogs before I find the prince.

I am so heartsore when I read your posts because I often feel the same way...

It is so important for all of us to learn to Love ourselves... Not vanity but self-worth... I've never seen you but you should KNOW that you are a beautiful, talented, loving, intellegent being... ONE OF A KIND... (We all are) and you deserve someone who will love you for WHO you are... Someone who will have the patience to get to know and see the unique person that you are deep down.. The YOU who has so much to offer to a deserving soul.

We are too easily misled.. thinking exciting sex is the only thing we need... We need to see further than that and we can only do that when we learn to treasure ourselves and our values and beliefs... We all know this and yet we don't believe it...

I believe that you should look for a possible 'lesson' to be learned. At least for me when I find the 'key' to the 'learning lesson', I advance to another level....better things come to me...

It helps to use positive affirmations. Believe that you are lucky and that good things come to you. Be grateful for all that you have and for all that will come to you (this is very important!)

I wish you the best!

I thought my lesson was to learn to commit, but I think it is to learn to submit. I have always tried to control everything and have only taken on things that I can like dogs and horses (they were a big part of my life for a long time but I have given up now) and my career. People I just left to themselves. I am also a problem solver and try to work out a solution to emotional problems using my head, when sometimes you just have to sit back and let the feelings wash over you. And like you I do feel like each thing I go through brings me to a higher level. I keep thinking I will get rewarded with finding true love, when I should be counting what blessings I have already.

Im a Leo with Sagitarrius rising and the moon in Scorpio (what a combination hey!!). I love the thrill of the chase, the flirting, the playing hard to get, the wanting to be desired, the sexy glances across the crowded room, the intimacy and the secrecy...etc...etc...I could go on. Actually I think we all could!!! However, once in a relationship im a loyal, sorry, a 'together FOREVER babe/mate/pal/lover/friend'. If you like cheap affairs then thats fine. Everyone to their own. But someone ALWAYS gets hurt, or draws the short straw. In my opinion one night stands are different. Why?? Because you both know what you are getiing-Its in the title a ONE NIGHT STAND!!! Whats wrong with 2 single consenting adults feeding their human wants and needs. And you both get up and walk away afterwards, literally!!! The only thing thats disappointing is that their is no romance, love or understanding and trust thats with a 1 2 1 relationship with your soul mate. Sorry if Ive offended anyone. But this is simply my opinion.

The above is a reply to 205.188 Sat 29th June. I hope I've answered your question. Please remember Its just my opinion. The Leo