finless fish, (pisces-scorpio brkup)

I would like some feedback on my current situation. I met my Scorpio man and we hit it off instantly. Despite the fact that he'd been divorced and seperated for a year after a decade long marriage that created two children, who he has custody of, I gave him a chance. I'd been praying for God to send me a good man. It appeared he was the answer gor a while.

He courted me and took me on dates. He introduced me to his fam and friends, even his children. Everything happened so fast. After a few months of dating little skeletons started to come out of the closet. The more time I spent with him, the more red flags I saw and ignored such as his excessive drinking, his hatred towards his ex wife, the depression, the disappearing acts. Fast foward 4 years later. He cheated various times, I found out by going thru his social media and phone. As much as this hurt, I loved him unconditionally. We couldnt stay apart for long. I moved in with him hoping things would get better.

I loved being a domestic woman. I did the laundry, cooked meals, kept the house clean, transported his children to their destinations..etc. It wasnt appreciated much which really sucked the joy out of doing these things. After making me believe he wanted to marry again and have one more child over the course of our relationship, he became more vocal abt how he will never marry again or have more children. This kills a large part of my dream and plans.

What hurt the most is when I found messages to his ex wife in his phone about giving their relationship another try and he asked her not to marry again or have more children!!! Wtf!!! The same woman he claimed hurt him so much is now his love interest??!! I spent years nursing him back to health, building him up, supporting and encouraging him all so he can go and flirt with his ex wife!!!

Not to mention his month long binges on hard drugs which led to mental and emotional abuse I cannot even fit onto this page!!! Still, I love him. I moved out recently after a year of unwedded co op living, everything just became too much.

Im having a hard time. I feel so foolish and so used and so worthless. Its been a month and he seems to have moved on so easily. He blocked me on social media and on his phone. He says I ran him away being possessive, controlling, and jealous. He seems so happy. I just feel stuck. I gave him 5 years of my love trust and youth all to be forgotten and discarded like an old shoe. Im angry at him. Im angry at myself. Im angry at the world. Im sad. Im lonely. Im damaged. I have no muse. Love was my muse and now its gone. I know time heals all wounds but thats easier said than done. Despite how horrid our relationship became, apart of me feels like he gave up on us. How do I cope. How do I smile again?

Unfortunately, relationships are an emotional gamble. At least one person usually loses in the end. Sort of along the lines of what reincarnation said, feel lucky that you weren't married to him or had children with him. This guy seems to have been in love with his ex wife from the beginning. Sure, it's 5 years down the drain, but you also gained some experience through that, right? Whether it be with handling kids, knowing how to manage your time with housework, how to better notice red flags, etc. Just take life one day at a time. Spend time with friends and vent to them, focus on yourself, keep yourself open to the idea of finding someone who puts you first if you're up for another relationship. You're not the worthless one, here - he is. What did you do wrong compared to what he did wrong? Don't bring yourself down or be so hard on yourself when all of this could have been avoided if he wasn't such a shit bag.

Cope by knowing you never stood a chance, he didn't give up. He had never actually moved on. You were a placeholder at best, despite all your efforts and forgiving, and forging ahead. It was all for nothing, and deep down you know this.

You aren't worthless and it is no reflection on you (that you weren't good enough to 'save' him). He wasn't looking to be saved. You were praying to god for a good man that you chose to ignore your good senses. Look back at what you wrote. Not one good thing in that unhealthy mess. Not one thing that should have kept you in that situation.

Afford yourself what you gave to this man. Forgiveness, second, third, fifteenth chances. Don't knock yourself down so much when you aren't willing to hold others to that same standard. Also, stop playing martyr, for your own good. I don't say that to be rude or insensitive, i just mean stop pulling out all the stops thinking at the end it will "buy" you the love you seek. That you will be owed at the end of your efforts. You clearly feel that you weren't paid back your dues which at the end of the day is your fault for paying those dues to someone who already demonstrated he was incapable of providing anything to the collective pot.

I do feel for you, and I am sorry that you are hurting. Take accountability for the devotion you provided to a screamingly unavailable man (despite his appearance of being unavailable by being unattached, and by saying you feel foolish and angry with yourself, again it is clear you onow this. You need to focus on learning that lesson. Otherwise the cycle will repeat and you will again be praying to god to provide a good man to you, when all you need to do is scrutinize more about where you lay your efforts, that is the true way to avoid the hurting. If you stop foolishly donating yourself to lost causes, you will be golden.

I wish you all the best in your healing, and even more so in not repeating these choices.

Wow. Thank you all very much for your response!! As a fish you know we are sensitive but still value honesty, no matter how abrasive it may seem. I appreciate it! Im going to work on forgiving myself today.

I understand feeling stuck. You mentioned praying in your opening. Maybe try more of that and get back into your own life. It's so hard for a Pisces woman not to give her all, particularly to a Scorpio man. Boy oh boy, I get it. You now have a lot of time on your hands. As far as him acting like he's happy, he's only doing that to try to save face. He knows that he lost out on a good woman and that he never deserved you in the first place. Just know that everything he's done is about his own inner demons and is not a reflection of your self worth. As much as you're missing him taking up so much of your life and time, try not to revert back to allowing him to drag you through his BS. Force yourself back into your passion and hobbies or find new ones. I can only imagine that your finances have been turned upside down by all of this and although you know that you'll be back on top one day, your hands are probably a bit tied as far as what extra expenses you can afford. I hope you have family and friends to help you through this time who you can spend quality time with. No need to feel embarrassed, because you did it for love. You had the experience and now you know the red flags that wave at you when someone isn't in your corner as much as when you're in there's. Anywho...chin up and I hope that the broken pieces of your life fall back into place sooner than later.