BrokenHearted
@BrokenHearted
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 5 · Topics: 3
I Need Advice!
Sounds like he's battling with Idealism vs. Reality.
His idealism with you crashed into reality (when he started to need some space and to slow down).
Then he returns to where the idealism can thrive again (with his ex).
His idealism never really subsided with her (because she left him, and left him with no explanation).
Give him space. Keep your self respect in tact.
Are you guys committed, or just "dating"? Either way, I think you are an "option" to him at this point. So he should remain at that level to you. Don't sign your heart over to a guy who is waffling every which way. It won't win him over. It will just make him secure that he can dilly dally, and diddle elsewhere, and then when he's ready to return to you - he can.
That's why not giving him space is a terrible idea. And you know that, based on what you wrote.
On another note... have you only known each other 5 months(ish)? I wouldn't put too much stock into the marriage and kids and jive talk. Words are easy to put out into the world. As evidenced by the fact that he would bring all of that up, and then waffle shortly after the fact about "too quick".
I sympathize with the "too quick" thing on his end (but he chose to make it go that way). I'd feel naked if things ever went too quickly (and act accordingly to not experience such feelings). Very vulnerable position. Maybe he's trying to get back to protecting his heart, but where I lose that theory is when you said that he still has feelings for her.
His idealism with you crashed into reality (when he started to need some space and to slow down).
Then he returns to where the idealism can thrive again (with his ex).
His idealism never really subsided with her (because she left him, and left him with no explanation).
Give him space. Keep your self respect in tact.
Are you guys committed, or just "dating"? Either way, I think you are an "option" to him at this point. So he should remain at that level to you. Don't sign your heart over to a guy who is waffling every which way. It won't win him over. It will just make him secure that he can dilly dally, and diddle elsewhere, and then when he's ready to return to you - he can.
That's why not giving him space is a terrible idea. And you know that, based on what you wrote.
On another note... have you only known each other 5 months(ish)? I wouldn't put too much stock into the marriage and kids and jive talk. Words are easy to put out into the world. As evidenced by the fact that he would bring all of that up, and then waffle shortly after the fact about "too quick".
I sympathize with the "too quick" thing on his end (but he chose to make it go that way). I'd feel naked if things ever went too quickly (and act accordingly to not experience such feelings). Very vulnerable position. Maybe he's trying to get back to protecting his heart, but where I lose that theory is when you said that he still has feelings for her.
If my heart's not in it (ie I still have unresolved feelings for another).. I make a really shitty girlfriend, for real. That's why I can't get involved with someone if I'm still hung up on another, I can't date with fresh heartbreak. So instead, I date MYSELF.. I give ME all the love and attention and affection I possibly can.. I treat myself gently and lovingly and help and allow myself to grieve and/or put things into perspective, so those feelings finally get filed under Resolved. THEN I can date again... plus, I look and feel fabulous from all that self-pampering! *wink*
Posted by BrokenHearted
He brought up looking at a place and brought up the topic of ..... and I went with it.
He also talked about marriage and kids with me .... Keep in mind, I NEVER brought up any of this. I just went with it.
Later he needs .... He told me he wasn't ready for .... and he wasn't ready for ...
... even though he brought it up. I don't understand.
He keeps acting like he wants to .... be with me (forever) and then he fights it.
Now his ex is in the picture ... turns out he still has feelings for her.
Now he wants space to decide where she fits in ... should I just give him some space to figure things out?
bark !!
Louder !!
bark while hopping on one foot !!
bark, hopping on one foot, while tapping the top of your head !!
bark, hopping on one foot, tapping the top of your head, while ... wait, where's BrokenHearted?
oh, she's in the corner crying, waiting for other orders from him, so she can comply without a voice of her own.]
Posted by koi
He sounds real confused, Brokenhearted.
Is it okay to ask you your sign? Maybe people here can then pinpoint their input on your situation even more?
I'm an Aquarius. Does it matter when you were born vs when you were suppose to be born? I've always felt I had characteristics of Aquarius and Pisces. I'm really only "outgoing and super social" after being alone for a few days. I tend to reach out to others and want to be in social environments after torturing myself... When Im alone with heartache, I just over think things and it tends to drive me crazy. Idk... I've always felt I'm a little bit of both.
Yeah, I decided a couple of days ago that I'm done. He's told me countless times that I am so amazing and that I'm everything he's ever wanted and blah blah blah. I'd like to ask him what has he done. I honestly cannot think of anything. Eff that. I deserve so much better than what he's given me. And it took me a while to realize what he was actually asking of me. I'm not going to stand back while he figures out whether or not he wants to be with her. I'm not a second choice.
A friend helped me realize that in his eyes, I'll always be around. I've literally been around through thick and thin and he really thought I'd just wait for him to figure things out with her. Not happening. We haven't talked in a couple of days. I know I deserve better. Thanks guys.
I know that this situation is hard on you, but in actuality he hasnt done anything to you. He could of just lied to you and quit answering your calls, but he chose to be honest with you. He has communicated his need for space at this time. Be thankful for that. You should want that all this happen now than later. And if you show him that you are angry and are trying to punish him, then he will just lie in the future. Just go on with your life for now and when he comes back (because he will and you know you aint going no where)then you can have a conversation about what happened. Or you can act like you didnt even know he was gone and he will end up spilling his guts anyways.....lol
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