Is this a manipulation?

A month ago I told my mom (who is a Gemini) that if she travels to Moscow to some shitty conference she will lose money because there is no gain from this conference to her personally. She debated with me, showed herself superiour, and told me that I underestimate her principles, work ethics and vision etc. I told her that what I say has nothing to do with her principles, ethics and whatever she proposes because if you have no gain then you have no gain. She didn't listen to me and went to Moscow. In 5 days after her arrival she as usually had debate with other people in her trip (co-workers) that end with shit as usual and she lost 300 $ for nothing in this trip again. I was soo pissed.

I told her that I told her before she went to Moscow that she's gonna lose her money, but her "work ethics" seemingly overpowered everything. Not just that, she now complains that she needs to work more and earn more because she earns so few and she's working 24/7 and I need to feel sorry for her. LOL!

Now she wants me to help her with money.

Is she manipulating?

Branh

I understand that by telling that she's a woman and she can do such things you simply point out that women like to complain, which you like to express in your every post. I understand. But by being a parent, what makes her rightful to complain this way? I mean, if you are in some shit that made you lose some money and despite the fact that I told her not to do, what makes her rightful? Why should I get use to it?

Regardless if parent, child or gender, if you fall for continous pleads to rescue, you only enable bad decesions. Sounds like the parent child relationship is reversed and you need to stand your ground in order to really help her. Here's the hard part, can you do it lovingly? It would be more loving to allow her to deal with her bad decisions so that she has the opportunity to learn from it, as long as you can have the right attitude. Remain approachable and loving but state your opinion that she brought this on to helself by not looking at things rationally and do not bend.

Stardance and DB thank you for your replies. But I think you haven't got my source of frusturation. It's all already working the way you both said, I don't help her to clean her own shit.

But the main reason why I get pissed off is that she pleads for help, then I refuse to help, then she regains her money back and throws it to wind again. LOL! I mean, she repeats this cycle again and again like as if nothing wrong with it. She wants to know whats wrong and I tell her whats wrong and then she does the same mistake again. LOLx2!

If she's really want to find the solution then why she always try to make herself feel superiour over what I say to her and criticise her? Why? If I say something and it turns out to always to be true, then Why she does not listen to me? If she does not listen to me and then screw up, then why should now I LISTEN to her? Why she think that I should be kept accountable for it? LOL!

I think it's either manipulation to feel herself better for shit that she does (which probably is not shit for her, she jsut want to feel herself better by probably seeing herself superiour to me and she thinks that she can toss me around whenever she wants)

or

She lacks some brain cells.

And when I just see that there is no way to change her mind, I just leave it as it is and now I will be accountible for escapist behaviour?

This is how generally see Pisces. An escapist who thinks that they should ALWAYS try to clean some others shit and not leave them alone.

I think she really lacks some brain cells, really, because she also acts same in other problems as well.

Is she a typical Gemini?

I also think that she also likes to toss me around, because she knows that I'm a bit weak again drama. However, one thing that she does not know is that after 1-2 false dramas I get fed up and generally ignore literally EVERY attempt to listen to her for any reason. That generally the kind of behaviour that people find very WEIRD, yet it works % 100 all the time.

DB

And somehow those people manage to survive in the cold logic rules world. People actually see her as a very reasonable person. Yet, they perfectly know that she's trully unreasonable in most situations and still tolerate her. Now analyse that!

Got ya..sorry I missed it. My best friend is a gemini, and she is used to do the same type of thing. I think gemini's get lost in their emotions and truly don't see the reality before them, at first. I just kept loving her but not enableling the pattern I saw...I decided to try a different approach by pointing out the qualities she had and she seemed to really respond to that. I think it was defenitely an low self-esteem defense thing. She was so sensitive that if I pointed out the obvious she would play denial to my face but inside it ate at her esteem.

I agree with what Branh and DB said, don't get stuck on it, or you just end up in a power struggle to see who is right. Speak your mind and let it go, let her be who she is and that's the best you can do for her. We all have our own B**tter we struggle with, but having a child or friend rub it in might be humiliating and hurtful.

Whenever I debate with her on similair topics, I find the key phrase of the issue and ask it to her. And surprising guess what she does!

She changes the topic or asks a irrelevant question with a topic and when I ask for relation she has no answer. Then I say there is no point in this question and reask my formal key phrase and then she turns into psycho and complains about me being a bad person.

She just flips.

Is this another pattern of Geminis?

She does this pattern to others too and for that behaviour people start to think that she's powerful and a respected one.

Does anyone have an explaination for that too?

Haffo ..Geminis have ALOT of pride, i mean from the 10 i met , we seem to all have that in common, we dislike asking for help bc we feel weak from it (STUPID BUT TRUE) so when we do, we only ask those who we really trust who wont throw it back in our faces. Deep down inside she knows, but she maybe doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of admiting it. I dont really think she is manipulating you, but asking for your help is already showing you , you were right in a weird way. Just stand your ground in a loving way.....

Whenever I debate with her on similair topics, I find the key phrase of the issue and ask it to her. And surprising guess what she does!

She changes the topic or asks a irrelevant question with a topic and when I ask for relation she has no answer. Then I say there is no point in this question and reask my formal key phrase and then she turns into psycho and complains about me being a bad person.

She just flips.

Is this another pattern of Geminis?

& as far as that, i don't do that but a girlfriend of mine does ...So i mean i guess it depends on the person. Do what YOU FEEL is the right thing to do.

Thank you again DB and thank you for your comments JuiCy.

I do agree that Gemini's have alot of pride. It's obviously true because Gemini's stay before Libras which make them self centered people.

Under normal circumstances I do want to do my thing myself. It's a sign of independence. I do respect others who also wants to be independent.

It just pisses me off to see that someone who tries to stay independent by "using" others for their cause. I mean, she doesn't want to listen me, she makes a mistake and then asks for help, this is definetly using and abusing someone. This is not right for sure.

I do stand my ground, yes. And I do not allow her to take advantage of me. But when someone like my mom uses any way and anyone in their way to make them act in their advantage it's a general abuse against everyone and we should be staying at alert all the time.

This part "staying alert all the time" is a complicated part. You see, we all have our lives our worries and so on and I think no one have the right to forcibly and manipulatingly occupy someones times and life energy for their cause. I think such people should be shut off from the rest of the people so the others could live their freedom much easier and without worries. She surely limits others freedom for herself.

This is what I gonna do. I will shut her off maybe for couple of month and probably in the place that she will never reach me.

She apparently broke down and accepted her fault. I think at this point it is good to leave the stress at this level and not continue to further.

But guys, stubborness is real ISSUE with you and it clouds alot of your possibilities.

My little experience w/Pisces has been that it is easy for them to be arrogant and self-rightous, but very unwilling to see their own faults and allow people around them to be who they are.

If other people like your mom and look up to her, why are you so intent on tearing that down? Why do you care? Do you think they need you to tell them what to believe? Maybe they can see the good in her that you refuse to accept.

Good luck

Oh! Why do people consider us to be self righteous!

gooooooooooooooo pisces27! Lol

My apologies to all good pisces, that wasn't very nice of me, I have only a couple of pisces encounters that left me a very bad taste in my mouth, I came on this board to try to understand a young female pisces that needed my help. She is not a good person, but I believe she thinks she is wonderful and perfect. But this is not about me or her. Just being a naughty crab....

I think I'll go climb a rock. 🙂

How often does this happen? If she always ends up asking for cash you should be cautious. Family memebers can do some pretty horrible things to each other sometimes. The way parents use their children sometimes is disgusting.