My patience wears thin...

Hi everyone, it's almost a year since I last wrote here. I think I may be blind after writing this message as I'm writing in pitch dark using my ipod touch! hahah

Just update you all my situation lately in this one year. My pisces crush/boy whom I had in the office...we have finally become friends. After much effort, we are able to overcome our shyness.
We both quit our job, so now we are no longer colleagues.

I've been asking him out for a number of times...it's not easy cos' I'm a taurean and I'm really passive.

1) I ask him out to a 1-1 meeting. He counter offer me and want to bring another colleague along on another day.
Ther was when we are still colleagues and we weren't that close as friends. I rejected his counter offer cos I wasn't free.

2) He wanted to buy a laptop. He just quit and I offer to go with him. He has something on so it was off again.

3) I finally succeed in asking him out! We picked a day and had lunch together plus I shop with him for his friends' gifts.
Though it is just a short 3 hrs, I'm really happy.

4) I ask him out again and got rejected cos he has a physical test.

5) I was rejected again cos' he has a busy schedule.

6) I'm going to ask him out again soon to celebrate his birthday.

Ok, I think this looks a bit weird cos' I'm like writing my diary and everything is in point form. Haha. Pardon me, I'll use a real computer next time.

But the issue is just that I felt jealous cos he asked his gay friend out during valentine. I know it's silly on my part. But I'm just feeling jealous, upset and a little pissed off.
Firstly, all these times I've been asking him out. He's always so passive. To know that he ask someone else out. I felt a little unbalanced. Then, when he's free, he didn't even offer
to ask me out like after so long.

Hey, I'm just a jealous tauruean here. I need some reassurance too. I think if i ask him out again and he says he's busy. That's it.
I'm not going to ask him out again until he made the contact. So tired of being the one always initiating.
I'm a persistent taurean. I can go on and on asking him out. But i don't want to feel upset or jealous cos i don't like.
It always happen when i like someone. I know it's my issue, i'm not blaming him. We are just friends.

But he does seems interested in me, apart all the passiveness. However, i felt he still hasn't been able to trust me enough. He hasn't add me on facebook.
I added him a long time ago but he hasn't accept i

He han't accept me. All his gay friends are on his facebook, maybe he doesn't want me to know he's gay.
Cos' maybe he doesn't know i'm gay yet.

Oh gosh...

I hope things will be better for us. I really do adore him. He's a really nice guy.
He has been opening up with me which is really nice. But i'm not 100% sure he likes me.
He was always so passive that i felt i need to protect myself sometimes. So that's it, if he rejects me one more time
... That will be 3 consecutive times, will it be enough to say he's not interested? Cos i'll move on, would prefer to be the passive me.

"But he does seems interested in me, apart all the passiveness. However, i felt he still hasn't been able to trust me enough. He hasn't add me on facebook."

Sorry but he isn't interested in you if he's constantly rejecting you for the exception of that one time, he's not interested in you if he hasn't accepted your add for a friend request on FB. His behavior says the opposite of interested, he is downright disinterested and how many more ways does he have to show you that before you catch on.

""All his gay friends are on his facebook, maybe he doesn't want me to know he's gay.
Cos' maybe he doesn't know i'm gay yet."

I'm not gay nor am I a man so I could easily be wrong about this but IMO I don't think he's interested, he may passively accept your chasing him because it's good for his passive ego thus he doesn't want to come out and say leave me alone but he's pretty much shown through his inaction that he's not interested in developing anything with you.

I don't much thing it matters if your gay or straight, attraction or the lack of attraction would be the primary reason why he's showing so much disinterest...the dick does the picking and if it's not picking you then why continue down this road with this guy.

think

"is it just a friend?"

I'm sure they are just friends. But in the future, I don't know. haha...

And maybe tiki33, you are right, he may be uninterested in me. The reason I felt that he may have slight interest in me is because he's always shy and nervous around me. He can't look at me when I'm talking to him. He just look straight...very straight when I just facing him the whole time. Lately, has been been better, during our lunch together, he starts to open up and talk and ask a little more. We are able to look at each other face to face. We have texted quite a bit, but it's always me who initiate it. There are some signs of interest that is not verbal which I find it difficult to write it down.

I'm not going to be delusioned and say he is interested in me. There is as many signs saying he's uninterested as he's interested. So I don't know. I'm can live with it if he's uninterested. I've grown to be a secure individual. I know I'm a beautiful individual, I can find someone great someday and be a good boyfriend/husband to that special someone. =)

I think I'm just having my own jealous moment as a taurean and I needed to pout somewhere...as long it doesn't affect my friendship with him. Like I've said, it's just silly...my jealousy. We're not even a couple...but seeing someone whom I like flirting or going out with someone...I just feel jealous. Typical taurean behaviour....which is kinda funny to me when I look back at it now. haha...

Well, I'll still contact him as friends. Not going to let my silly crush for him which is not reprociated get in the way of our friendship. I would still like to get to know him better. But probably I should get a life...find more things to do...be more busy so that I don't have time for wishfu thinking.

By the way, regarding the facebook add, he added me to friendster. But just don't know why he doesn't add me to facebook. He doesn't add colleagues to facebook except one who is really close to him. So perhaps we are not close enough and he doesn't trust me. He trust the other gays to add them though. haha...He didn't ignore my add though...cos' I'm still awaiting his reply.

"The reason I felt that he may have slight interest in me is because he's always shy and nervous around me. He can't look at me when I'm talking to him. He just look straight...very straight when I just facing him the whole time."

You may actually be misreading the signals he is sending... this may in-fact be that rather than shy and nervous he is uncomfortable. Not looking directly at you when talking to him suggests he is not really listening to you but is thinking about something/someone else (as a result of being disinterested).

Sorry, but I have to agree with Tiki, he is not showing any signs of being interested. You are making excuses (e.g., I was rejected again cos' he has a busy schedule) and trying to interpret certain behaviors (e.g., He can't look at me when I'm talking to him) as signs of interest when there is none.

IMHO, stop pursuing him, this may be enough to spark interest, otherwise let the cards fall where they may. Life is too short to continue on a road that's leading nowhere!!

Well, I agree with some of the things you all have said. Since all of you are so sure that he has no interest in me what so ever, I won't continue to pursue him further in a romantic way...actually I haven't. haha... What's wrong with asking someone out and getting to know someone better?

The only thing that is an issue is my jealousy. I'm able to control it better now. But still I do get jealous when others get too close to the people I like.
It's silly but it's so Taurus. Can't help it. haha... Another problem is I focus on him too much. I need to divert my attention from him, but still maintain contact with him like friends do.

However, I don't agree with some other things you all have said. As I've said, I won't be able to write everything down in words in this forum...so you won't be able to get the full picture. We exchanged message a number of times. He said he's keen to know more about my hobbies. He used the word "keen"...it's not my word. He said his schedule was tight for the week and would let me know if he can make it. I didn't make some excuses that he was busy.

"Not looking directly at you when talking to him suggests he is not really listening to you but is thinking about something/someone else (as a result of being disinterested)." I wasn't the person who initiate the conversation. He asked me a question first. And when I start talking to him and facing him, he don't look at me. Even when he's talking to me, he's not looking at me. haha...Just looking straight. And there was one time, I was sitting in front of him. He was looking at me and when I looked back at him, he turned away suddenly. He could have look through me or be indifferent. He then turned back and started talking with others from another table. Is my face...so replusive? haha... He can be uninterested but why such a huge reaction. But that's the past, he's more comfortable to me now. At least we can converse and face each other. haha...

I do admit I'm not that good at reading signs. But I have to tell you guys that my guts tell me he's interested. How interested I don't know? Maybe 20% - 40% interested. Interested in someone doesn't that we have to date the person, have a relationship or get married. I just felt we have potential to have a good relationship...be it romantic relationship or friendship. By I get what you all mean, he's not interested in me in that way.

"There's no way that this Pisces crush isn't aware of the vibes that you're giving off. He knows, nabully. Dude, you may as well just find yourself a Capricorn because this Pisces boy ain't feeling you."

Yup, I believe that he knows. I would wan to find some other signs too you know. But I ain't feeling the other signs. 😉 It's has always been pisces. Please some other signs walk down my path. haha...

But really who uses the word "keen" with a person they like and are attracted to, that's friendship talk, I know when I like someone I'm more than keen, I'm down right excited and I'm immersed in that persons life, hobbies and all, I almost eat and breathe a person if they let me in, this guy seems to keep you at a comfortable distance, no eye contact means disinterested, you may be cute but you may not be his type, pay attention to what is his type when a man shows up around him, look at how he behaves when he perks up around a person he likes, that's partially why your jealous, he's not doing that with you and you notice it and of course the natural effect of that is to feel jealous. You see the difference in how he behaves with men he genuinely likes and it makes you feel left out because you want him to like you like that and deep down you know he doesn't feel attracted to you in that way and it's annoying and frustrating.

Your gut tells you he's interested because your in deep denial, you feel your feelings for him and assume he has to feel the same way, I won't say your wrong but something about it all is misleading, I think this guy may be a bit passive aggressive and a bit of a tease whom enjoys the validation and attention you give but isn't willing to initiate nor reciprocate directly due to the fear of having you cling on to him, he doesn't want to paint himself into a corner so he acts coy and shy but he's just really teasing you and stringing you along....

"pay attention to what is his type when a man shows up around him, look at how he behaves when he perks up around a person he likes, that's partially why your jealous, he's not doing that with you and you notice it and of course the natural effect of that is to feel jealous. You see the difference in how he behaves with men he genuinely likes and it makes you feel left out because you want him to like you like that and deep down you know he doesn't feel attracted to you in that way and it's annoying and frustrating."

For the record, I have not seen how he acted with other men he's interested. I've only seen photo and comments from facebook on his gay friends' profiles. So I won't be able to compare how he acted towards the other men and with me. And you probably doesn't understand the scale of Taurus jealousy...we would get jealous at the slightest thing...I would be jealous if other guys/friends get close to him...even when he did nothing. There is like something us Taureans need to control. It's silly I know but it's a Taurean thing...we are possesive. And I'm trying very hard to keep it under control.

"I think this guy may be a bit passive aggressive and a bit of a tease whom enjoys the validation and attention you give but isn't willing to initiate nor reciprocate directly due to the fear of having you cling on to him, he doesn't want to paint himself into a corner so he acts coy and shy but he's just really teasing you and stringing you along...."

Sorry, but I disagree with this totally. I trust him. I have faith in him. He's my friend and I believe it's not in his character to do this. From the analysis which you all have given, I'm more certain he see me just as a friend. And I'm ok with it, but I don't see him having any bad intention. He genuinely is interested to be friends.

Also I would like to add, I'm not in denial/delusioned/blinded by love!!! From the first post, I've already said I'm unsure. The reason why I fee he may has interest in me because I compared how he acted towards his other friends and me...which is different...and that's why I thought he might be interested.

And also I did not mention that I live in Asia, the context is very different from the US and Europe. Movies with gay related theme are deemd "arty-farty" while in the US is "pop-culture". Drama, reality tv in US is common to see gays...talk about gays. And when it came here...it's censored quite a bit. There is "no gays" here. haha...There is no gays in

There is no gays in our drama shows....There's only guy pretending to be gays. haha...

All I'm trying to say...people living in my society are much conservative. Gays are mostly closeted. Although I'm all excited to talk to him, I am nervous as hell when I talk to him...I'm afraid if I'm too close to him, people in the office may know I'm attracted to him. He shows the same kind of nervous like me...so I just have a gut feeling that he may be interested that all. Plus, I have the advantage of knowing that he's a gay, he doesn't have that kind of information about me.

I'm not trying to find excuses or reasons that he may be interested in me. I know he's just friend. And I'm not upset by this. Yes, I have a crush on him and I like him...but it's not love. There's nothing wrong friends with someone you find attractive and like. The only thing is I have to focus more on myself instead of him and enjoy being friends with him. I can do that. We'll be great friends. =)

Hey, long time no see ... how's it going?


I'm so glad you finally said that out loud in here ... it's the first time, NaBully, that I heard, anyway. Before, last year, you always avoided letting people know that you're a male, crushing on another male. And it really moves me to finally hear you say it in here.

I know it's difficult in your culture ... but, you have to be you ... you have to, just have to.


You and him have a lot of history together ... patience, my friend 😄

Hi P-Angel, yes, it's about a year! I'm doing fine. I have become a more confident and secure individual.

Thanks for all the encouragement and comments now and previously. I felt I've grew a lot as a person over the one year. 🙂

Yup, this pisces boy and I have a lot of history. You're the only one who is intune with it. Haha...
I'm glad we're finally friends. Patience? Got it, I'll be patient. I have to... I like him. 🙂