BadGalVirgo
@BadGalVirgo
13 YearsVirgo
Comments: 0 · Posts: 205 · Topics: 25
Pisces Man Troubles
I feel like now is when I need him most. We need each other... But he has just gone so far away emotionally... It almost hurts to even hear his voice, that's why I couldn't speak to him Monday... I just don't know what's going on... I can still feel him even though we are away... I can still feel him... As crazy as that sounds.
Posted by tiziani
Losing a child does funny things to people. It punches a hole in your life. It's not about you at this point and there's nothing you can do other than let time go by.
I can't believe I just read this.
It isn't about her?! She physically lost the baby. Why should she step back and worry about the effect it has on him. He should support her.
OP - I'm not great at being 'delicate' in my responses... so please know this isn't to be judgemental. Be careful of transferring the loss of your child onto this man. You had your answers about him pre-pregnancy. You walked away from him, because he wasn't able to give you what you were seeking.
I wouldn't focus on a) healing him, or b) working things out with him. I would, however, seek counselling for the type of event that you have endured. There is a mess of emotions tied into all of this, and not dealt with appropriately will only further complicate them. Turn to family and friends, not to the man you already didn't choose.... don't second guess your decisions from when you had a clearer and lighter mind is what I'm saying.
All the best to you.
I wouldn't focus on a) healing him, or b) working things out with him. I would, however, seek counselling for the type of event that you have endured. There is a mess of emotions tied into all of this, and not dealt with appropriately will only further complicate them. Turn to family and friends, not to the man you already didn't choose.... don't second guess your decisions from when you had a clearer and lighter mind is what I'm saying.
All the best to you.
Posted by deezie
OP - I'm not great at being 'delicate' in my responses... so please know this isn't to be judgemental. Be careful of transferring the loss of your child onto this man. You had your answers about him pre-pregnancy. You walked away from him, because he wasn't able to give you what you were seeking.
I wouldn't focus on a) healing him, or b) working things out with him. I would, however, seek counselling for the type of event that you have endured. There is a mess of emotions tied into all of this, and not dealt with appropriately will only further complicate them. Turn to family and friends, not to the man you already didn't choose.... don't second guess your decisions from when you had a clearer and lighter mind is what I'm saying.
All the best to you.
I agree that he should be the least of your worries right now; since he didn't even care to reach out when you told him you lost the baby. Sorry for your loss
I understand why he was your main focus before you discovered you were pregnant. After all, your life was going great & he was your distraction
BUT I'm concerned for you now b/c you are focusing more on how he's healing than you are about yourself. Yes, I'm sure he was devastated & is very disappointed in the pregnancy ending prematurely. BUT the worst thing you can do is to suppress your feelings, thus limiting your ability to fully heal YOURSELF, all in the name of focus on someone else' healing
If you & this guy don't end up working out in the end, all of your pain, depression & devastating effects of that miscarriage WILL come out. And if you're heart broken now over the loss of 2 people you loved (him & your baby), imagine how the heartbreak will double if you spent all this time waiting on him & yet he never come back. It's already bad enough what you're going through now. Add "betrayal" onto that & you'll be feeling 10 X's worse later on if you don't try dealing with these issues NOW
Everybody grieves differently. Some people need to separate & go off into their own corners isolated from everybody else in order to deal with their problems & cope. Others may see this as selfish & that they are neglecting their friends/loved ones who need them too. BUT the person who needs that alone time won't ever see it that way, nor was it their intention for others to take their disappearance so badly, b/c they are too consumed with their own emotions/grief.
It's not until the storm within them starts to calm down that they start coming around again. And depending on perspective, that can be a good thing. What good is he in terms of support to you if he's an emotional wreck?! 2 shoulders can't lean on each other! 2 devastated people coming together will only cause more devastation b/c their devastation will feed off of each other. There has to be a balance of 1 person whose got it together while the other person is still in pieces. People know this. That's why some may not feel they're doing you a favor in consoling you if they themselves aren't strong enough to face the issues at hand.
If he ever had any plans on changing or holding out hopes that you 2 may be together, it was because of the possibility of you 2 having children. But now that you've miscarried, he's now remembering that you don't trust him, kept trying to push him away & weren't confident in him, so he's probably decided to throw in the towel altogether b/c he might figure that a
BUT I'm concerned for you now b/c you are focusing more on how he's healing than you are about yourself. Yes, I'm sure he was devastated & is very disappointed in the pregnancy ending prematurely. BUT the worst thing you can do is to suppress your feelings, thus limiting your ability to fully heal YOURSELF, all in the name of focus on someone else' healing
If you & this guy don't end up working out in the end, all of your pain, depression & devastating effects of that miscarriage WILL come out. And if you're heart broken now over the loss of 2 people you loved (him & your baby), imagine how the heartbreak will double if you spent all this time waiting on him & yet he never come back. It's already bad enough what you're going through now. Add "betrayal" onto that & you'll be feeling 10 X's worse later on if you don't try dealing with these issues NOW
Everybody grieves differently. Some people need to separate & go off into their own corners isolated from everybody else in order to deal with their problems & cope. Others may see this as selfish & that they are neglecting their friends/loved ones who need them too. BUT the person who needs that alone time won't ever see it that way, nor was it their intention for others to take their disappearance so badly, b/c they are too consumed with their own emotions/grief.
It's not until the storm within them starts to calm down that they start coming around again. And depending on perspective, that can be a good thing. What good is he in terms of support to you if he's an emotional wreck?! 2 shoulders can't lean on each other! 2 devastated people coming together will only cause more devastation b/c their devastation will feed off of each other. There has to be a balance of 1 person whose got it together while the other person is still in pieces. People know this. That's why some may not feel they're doing you a favor in consoling you if they themselves aren't strong enough to face the issues at hand.
If he ever had any plans on changing or holding out hopes that you 2 may be together, it was because of the possibility of you 2 having children. But now that you've miscarried, he's now remembering that you don't trust him, kept trying to push him away & weren't confident in him, so he's probably decided to throw in the towel altogether b/c he might figure that a
....If he ever had any plans on changing or holding out hopes that you 2 may be together, it was because of the possibility of you 2 having children. But now that you've miscarried, he's now remembering that you don't trust him, kept trying to push him away & weren't confident in him, so he's probably decided to throw in the towel altogether b/c he might figure that adding a miscarriage onto all the other problems b/w you 2 would just for SURE deaden your chances of ever having a functional happy relationship.
Focus on yourself! Lean on others that you love as well so that you can maintain some sense of sanity. Don't underestimate the devastating effects a miscarriage can have on a woman. It can be a lonnnng road to recovery emotionally & physically & the worst thing you can do is prolong that process. The more hurt you deal with now, the less hurt & issues you'll have to feel & sort out later.
I wish you the best!
Focus on yourself! Lean on others that you love as well so that you can maintain some sense of sanity. Don't underestimate the devastating effects a miscarriage can have on a woman. It can be a lonnnng road to recovery emotionally & physically & the worst thing you can do is prolong that process. The more hurt you deal with now, the less hurt & issues you'll have to feel & sort out later.
I wish you the best!
Posted by deezie
OP - I'm not great at being 'delicate' in my responses... so please know this isn't to be judgemental. Be careful of transferring the loss of your child onto this man. You had your answers about him pre-pregnancy. You walked away from him, because he wasn't able to give you what you were seeking.
This makes sense in the logical mind. But him being an Ahole before the pregnancy doesn't somehow make her pain any less or his actions less relevant all b/c she's now lost the baby. If anything, the fact that he treated her like crap before all of this happened, just makes her feelings of betrayal, disappointment & loss worse & that much harder to deal with
The worse the circumstances were leading up the pregnancy, the more it's gonna hurt if the pregnancy prematurely ends.
So although I agree that she should focus primarily on herself & her own healing, I wouldn't dare try to make her feel bad for still needing him or holding out hope for him, while she's in her most vulnerable emotional state. Logical theories go in 1 ear & out of the other when a person is not in the mood or right mind to be anything but an emotional wreck.
When she finally starts to heal & cope with what has happened, THEN it will be appropriate to say, "Well what did you expect?!" The "I told you so" stuff is too much for her right now. Not now...too soon
Oh fuck off. I wasn't trying to make her feel bad. Holy shit. Did I not say that in my first sentence or two?
Seriously, you need to come down off your soap box sometimes.
Seriously, you need to come down off your soap box sometimes.
Posted by BadGalVirgo
I feel like now is when I need him most. We need each other... But he has just gone so far away emotionally... It almost hurts to even hear his voice, that's why I couldn't speak to him Monday... I just don't know what's going on... I can still feel him even though we are away... I can still feel him... As crazy as that sounds.
Me and my ex wife lost a child too and I felt a mental connection too during and just after the loss. Don't know if it's related to the dying baby or sthg, or if it's just imagination.
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