question for nefer

first of all, let me say thanks..you posted the following and i tried it and it worked.

"TELL HIM what you need, he's not a mind-reader. "Honey... I love that we seem to always find our way through any issue, but I feel dismissed, hurt, abandoned (or whatever emotion you're actually feeling!) when you shut down and walk away from me like that. I don't want this to be the cause of bigger misunderstandings between us. I would feel so appreciative if you would TELL me when you need to walk away, so that I don't feel so worried and upset. A simple I'll be back would feel so wonderful and reassuring to me."

my next question is this. when a pisces male is in "solitude" mode..does one continue to send an email or txt as they normally would? or does one stay silent until pisces male is ready to interact again?

and of course, if someone else wants to give me some input besides nefer, it would be greatly appreciated.

:O

This is a first for me.. a thread with me in the title lol

First... KUDOS for seeing and recognizing (and trying!) such a tiny (yet vital) key step in expressing your (TRUE) feelings to a man w/o attacking or blaming him and making him defensive or angry. Remember it, use it again, tailoring it to your specific feelings and needs at the time. It's not magic, but LOOKS like it is, because he can HEAR you like this and RESPOND to you w/o shutting down or shutting you out! 😄

Okay, blonde... now, I'd like to know YOUR sun sign, helps me (and others) to hone in on what might be specific frictions between you two and/or tailor my "mode" so that I can stop speaking "marine" and try to speak a language closer to yours.

But let me paint a Pisces picture for you in the meantime...
My answer will be confusing and contradictory, because the issue for me is conflicting. I'm an "old-fashioned" girl.. feel the man should do 98% of the pursuing, and a woman appreciate and reciprocate (SO important!) and revel in her juicy feminine wells of feelings 100% of the time, and PLAYFULLY chase him back 2% of the time (cuz he likes that!) I constantly struggle with my Aries Venus which WANTS to chase, pursue, run him down, catch him, throw him in a cage (or on a spit over a toasty fire lol)... because I know that MOST men (mine especially) do not respond well to me acting like the man in the relationship. I'm the girl, and unashamed to be the girl. That's what he LIKES about me - my GIRLNESS.

HOWEVER. I'm a Pisces. And Pisces are rarely initiators, we're MUCH more often reciprocators! We don't want to "bother" you or feel clumsy, foolish, or stupid... we want to feel YOU want us, love us, care about us. And yes, we need our solitude... it's exhausting to absorb everything around us like we do.. sometimes we just need to recharge, get centered.

ALSO.. we mirror behavior back. If YOU pull away because you're feeling unsure.. WE will pick up on that and also pull back, feeling unsure. We take our cues from you.. in everything you say and do.. in your feelings, moods, words.. but your aura, your vibe, your psychic energy you don't even know you're putting out.

SO.. I would say.. stay the course. Do not change. If you usually send him funny little emails and texts, continue as if nothing too odd is happening (chances are, nothing is.. we don't find our need for solitude "odd"!) But IF you know you are actually CHASING him, PUSHING h

him, PRESSURING him... if you KNOW you're feeling (and therefore VIBING) NEEDY, CLINGY, WEAK.. then STOP IT, don't call/txt him over and over because he hasn't answered, it's gonna wreck everything, whether he's a Pisces or not! YES, you may have your "weak" MOMENTS with a Pisces (we will ride up on our White Horse to "fix" or "save" you!).. but if you're a Come-Save-Me-From-My-Own-Crazy-Emotions-Cuz-I-Can't-Do-It-Myself type ALL THE TIME.. that gets OLD, fast.

Dunno what type you are.. only YOU know.

While he's recharging and getting his Me Time.. get some yourself.. do stuff for YOU, stuff YOU like.. paint, draw, write.. walk, jog, work out.. shop, chat on the phone... play a sport or hobby.. read a book, watch a movie.. paint your toenails, get a new hairdo, soak in a long bubble bath... WHATEVER you reaaaallly like that makes you feel so good... THAT will help shift your Vibe from clingy and needy to happy, peaceful, centered.. and Invite him to come closer, to WANT to be near you, you're so attractive, so full of goodness and feel-good stuff..... not Repel him from trying and eventually pushing him away because he's picking up on yucky negative stuff from you. YOU are responsible for YOUR OWN emotions. If YOU can't make you happy.. how can he ever manage?! it's way too much to put on another person anyway.. they SHOULD be busy with their OWN.

Well... that darn Aries Venus.. maybe it's more like a 90/10 split for me usually... maybe as high as 75/25 or even 60/40 at specific times.. but ONLY playful, NEVER needy, clingy stuff.. it's what works for me.. and works for HIS Leo Venus too!

anywhoo, thanks for your advice. he recently came home from afgan and things were fine with us until he got on the airplane. once he got back in the states, he got funky acting. he lives 2 states away so we have to actually schedule time together. well i couldnt pick him up from airport or be there the weekend he got home and he was dissapointed. he had only spoken to me once since gettin home in a week. before, we were interacting daily.so then when i WAS able to go visit him, i thought it would be wrong to "interrupt" his solitude time to tell him so i just left him alone instead, meanwhile feeling "dismissed"....then i read your advice on how to deal with it.
so i sent him an email with words similar to what you suggested and to my surprise he responded with this..."I know I'm bad with the contact but don't think that I mean it... I honestly haven't talked to anyone since being home. It has taken me a over a week to get the courage to venture out amongst the english speakers. I'm in Fville right now and am staying the night. I'll be leaving Sunday and heading south. Going on a cruise, seeing some friends and won't be coming back until the end of the month. I'll try to keep you posted. Hope this suffices and will talk to you later."

Fville is within one hr of my home. Was he hinting to me trying to see him or was he just stating a fact? Is this never gonna work because i can't "feel" what he is feeling? (although he can read me like a book!)

i sent him an email back that said i hoped he enjoyed his cruise and friends immensely and that if i'd known he was having issues with "english speakers" i would have sent an email saying something like "dame tu chorizo" instead.

and one more thing nefer..i would never call, email, txt him over and over...i got too much pride for that. but however, my gf and i are not above trying to put spells and curses on him when he gets all silent!!! j/k

asleep and katica, thanks for your input. it doesnt fit into normal relationship boundaries, i know. we both date others and choose not to BE together right now because of decisions we have made career wise. our lives took different paths at a crucial time, but it doesnt mean that i stopped loving him tho. and i don't expect anything from him. i was only asking for advice on how to deal with him when he's in solitude mode is all.